Malevolent Creation

Interview with Phil Fasciana conducted by Bill Zebub for Issue #16 of the Grimoire of Exalted Deeds magazine.

Before you read this interview, you must understand that this was conducted during a time when metal people were metal.  The fagginess of the younger metalheads who were brainwashed in school has completely stripped them of anything even remotely resembling the metal attitude, so these gaylords are triggered by words, reacting in fear and faggy outrage.  

Intelligent and well-socialized people focus on the real context of the conversation.  

In case you are a fake metalhead, be warned that the following interview was made in the real metal attitude.  It’s a conversation between two metal personalities who were having a lot of fun.  please don’t let your brainwashing misinterpret this conversation.  And if you’re faggy, please don’t ever listen to metal.  Don’t bastardize this last bastion of truth.  

 

I hope thy sense of humor is with thee today.

You know Tim from Revenant?

 

Aye.

He lives down here now… and he told me to say, “What’s up?” to ya.’ He’s in my other band called Hateplow. You gotta wait til you hear this shit, dude. Pavement just signed us too.

 

Ask him to show thee my movie. He is in it. He told me about how much friendlier the women are in Florida, toward long-hairs anyway.

He’s having a good time.

 

The girls here call him “Tiny rim.’ But we shall not delve further.

(laughs)

 

When thy former vocalist was expelled was it done in a cruel way? I heard that thou art friends again.

Oh yeah. We’re friends and shit. At first it was a little fuckin’ screwy. But, I mean, we had to do it then. The kid was a fuckin’ mess. He wasn’t into it. His voice was fuckin’ shot. It woulda sucked ’cause I didn’t want to put out another album that sounded like Stillborn. Man! Was his voice shot! He had his mind on other things, and it wasn’t music.

 

In regard to the techno re-mixes, did anyone ever ask thee, “What kind of fag art thou?’

No. Not really, man. All I’ve been hearing is good things about it. People usually just hate my band anyway. They’re like, “Well, that I can handle. But the vocals on the other shit is just too much! I can’t take it!’ There’s a couple of my friends that laughed at first. That kind of music is popular. I had nothing to do with it. The guy that re-mixed them just did it on his own. We had no say in anything. We just said, “Sure man. Re-mix it. Then let us hear. If it sounds gay, then fuck it.” We thought it was pretty cool, man. If people don’t like it, fuck ’em!

 

Dost thou listen to Stryper?

Yeah, right! Do you?

 

I do not. But Dan Swano is convinced that everyone In death metal should just be brave and admit to listening t Stryper.

I can be honest with you. I don’t have any of their albums. (laughs) Wait… Do you want to hear the truth?

 

Yes.

I’ll be honest. I did see them live once. I swear to God, dude. When I was fuckin very young, man, and I still lived in Buffalo, man, I ended up going. They were playing with Loudness or something. And I went with my two friends, and dude, to make matters worse, I’m sitting by the back bar just drinking a fuckin’ Coke, man, and fuckin’ they’re whippin’ Bibles out into the audience, and sure as shit, I stick my hand up and caught one!

 

No!

I swear, dude! It was one of those little Bibles, you know, the size of your hand. My one friend, he’s all into them and shit, I gave It to him. He’s like, ‘It’s a sign!’ (laughs) I was like, “It’s all right, dude. I gonna go to hell anyway.

 

I cannot believe that Dan Swano was correct.

(laughs) He was right! None of my friends were really into them or anything. I did see ‘em live. I can’t even believe it. Now that you said that, I remembered it.

 

Dost thou have a story to tell about Jay and a fat girl?

Jay and a fat girl?

 

I heard that thou art fond of talking about lay’s fat girl stories.

The thing is, I can’t say anything like that because. . . there’s been a lot of fat girls. But I just don’t want this to get back to… he’s pretty serious with some girl right now.

 

Is she tremendous?

Tremendous? Well, it’s his girlfriend, and I don’t think I should be saying anything about anything right now like that. Believe me, me and you in person. . . we can talk. I can tell you some shit, man, that you will never believe. I can even show you pictures of things. I just can’t be doin’ that right now.

 

Dost thou consider fat girls to be one of the plagues of being a musician?

No, man. A fat girl is just more of woman to love. But I don’t really prefer fat girls.

 

Hast thou ever told any of the member of the band, “This is my new Girlfriend. She’s a little big. ‘

Of course, man. It depends on how much we’ve been partying. There’s always been lot of fat chicks known to be on the bus, or wherever we’re at.

 

Dost thou consider thy nose structure to contribute to unusual booger sizes?

Yeah. Probably. . . those little ether boogers. You can ask Tim about that.

 

Let us address thy love of golf.

Oh yeah! I just fuckin’ went yesterday and I went this mornin.’ But, yeah man. I’m a golf freak, dude.

 

I have heard that many business deals are made on the golf course. Is that where thou negotiated thy contract with Pavement Records?

I wish. No. Not those kinda deals. I have some other wheeling and dealing going on on the golf course. But not record contracts.

 

Dost thou elicit strange looks? Thou art hardly the sort of golfer I would see on the cover of Golf Digest.

I don’t know, man. I got a lot of shady-lookin’ friends that go with me. So, I probably look kinda a little more respectable than them. I mean, ya’ gotta wear the golf shirt – the collared shirt. It covers up a lotta my tattoos. I’m just so used to golfin’ all the time that I don’t think anything like that. I mean, I hope I do freak people out. I like when people get a fuckin’ shocker.

 

How didst thou become a golfer?

I used to live almost on a golf course when I lived in New York. I really don’t even know how it all happened.

 

Dost thou hire a caddy?

No. No. No. No. Nope. No caddy. I go golfln.’ It’s just me and my buddies. Smoke some joints, get into the cart. There’s a million courses here, dude. Everybody golfs, man.

 

Art thou part of a country club?

Yeah. I am.

 

Dost thou have a friend named “Muffy?’

No, no Muffy.

 

I would expect that a man in a band has plenty of muffies at his disposal.

laughs)

 

Were any of thy peers struck by lightning?

Nope. I hit a fuckin’ dude in the head, though, with a ball. I hit a few people, actually. I’m deadly, especially after a few beers. I took out a whole guy once. I thought I killed him.

 

Didst thou laugh when it happened?

Oh dude, I was dyin’ laughing.

 

How old was he?

Oh he was old, dude. He was half-dead anyways when I hit him, and I nailed him, He was driving in a cart and I still hit him. We heard it go peh-ping!

 

Didst thou ever suffer the cruelty of a golfball?

I got pegged right in the chest, man. It didn’t feel too good. It was a lady that did it too. She was teeing off, and she fuckin’ shanked it!

 

Did any band ever really piss thee off

I’ve read some interviews where bands are talkin’ shit about us. Everybody will talk shit. But they’ll never say it to your face. They live on the other side of the world. Gorefest was talking shit about us. This was when their first album was out. They were braggin’ about how brutal they were, and they’re sayin’ that we’re a thrash band and this and that… there’s no brutality about us and this and that. Listen to them now. They’re fuckin rock ‘n roll!

 

Hast thou ever pissed a band off?

I might’ve. I don’t know.

 

Thou art not aware of any current hostility?

Why? Are you?

 

Dost thou remember having a band invite thee into Utah, where thou hast blown them off after having arrived?

Yeah.

 

This is thy life. . . for the grand prize, what is the name of the band?

I can’t remember the name of the band. I know what it was. They wanted us to play at some fuckin’ party, or I think it was. I just seen the equipment and I was like, “I ain’t playin’ through that! No fuckin’ way!”

 

Didst thou ever have a rock star attitude?

No. The only thing that I can think of is that it – might have been a bad day or something like that for our whole band, because usually everybody in my whole fuckin’ band is really fuckin’ cool. If they weren’t, they wouldn’t be in the band. All the guys in my band always hang out and party with everybody. I don’t know. Sometimes shit don’t go right. Once you’re in a bad mood, you’re in a bad mood. There’s nothing you can do about it. I’m sorry. Not every day is a good day.

 

Maybe I shall arrange for the two of thee to have dinner at the expense of the Grimoire.

Alright. Cool! That part of the States, Utah, is fuckin’ desolate! I could never live there, man!

 

Thou art not a nature-lover?

I’m into nature. But I’m into lookin’ at good nature. I didn’t see anything I liked there.

 

Canst thou not delve into thy inner mysteries on those mountaintops?

Nope. All they’re good for is stashing fuckin’ bodies.

 

Mortal, that is the only controversy, beside the fellow with the unusual penis size who is a member of thy other band.

Wait ’til you hear that fuckin’ tape, man! You’ll freak, dude! It is as brutal as fuckin’ shit! It is heavy. I think it’s a release for September.

 

No other controversy, bad boy?

We got problems, it’s even bad down here, man… people fuckin’ carvin’ into our warehouse walls, “Die Nazi!’ You’ve heard that song, ‘They Breed,’ right?

 

Perhaps.

The last line of the song says, “Always wanting, always taking what was never yours. Someday you will feet the hate, you fuckin’ niggers!”

 

(laughter) It surprises me that thou are labelled a Nazi.

A lot of people panicked. They sent discs back to Pavement with a swastika in the circle slashed. There’s an ad on the Internet that says we’re Nazis. It’s a fuckin’ joke. I mean, I don’t think we can be Nazis. I’ve got a Polak, a Jew… we’re pretty multi- racial. But just to clear that up, we’re not racist.

 

So, why the word “Nigger?’

Well, the song is about scumbags. I call everybody nigger. You know what I mean? When my friends call me, they’re like, “Hey nigger!’ The word’s funny.

 

So when thy mommy wakes thee up in the morning, dost thou say, “Hello nigger?-“

No. I don’t live with my mom.

 

That is not what I heard, nigger.

It’s just a fuckin’ word. I don’t get offended when people call me “cracker.” Niggers call each other niggers. I’ve had black people come up to me on tour and say that’s the best fuckin’ song on the album! The word “nigger,’ when you look in the dictionary, it doesn’t say “a black person.”

 

Dost thou not feel that it could be upsetting for a Caucasian to use that word?

Not really. It’s only a fuckin’ word. Ya’ gotta be able to get over something like that. It’s not that fuckin’ bad. I could sit there and call my guitar player ‘fuckin’ Jew’ all day long. He’ll fuckin’ laugh at me and start calling me names. It doesn’t affect me. I know black people that I hang out with… I call them “nigger.” They know I’m only being sarcastic. Some people freak out on it. Other people couldn’t give a rat’s ass about it.

 

I will bet that it is the white race that has freaked about it.

That’s mostly who’s been freakin’ out!

 

Why? How can someone be offended for another race? Is not false righteousness the highest evil?

Maybe they wanna be black. I don’t know. It’s weird for people to fuckin’ say that. We did this album in a pretty black part of town. When we did it, man, we could look out the window and see crack dealers. We’re like, “‘Open the door for a minute.’ We opened the door and ‘just cranked it up! It Was fuckin nuts!

 

Phil Faciana
Phil Faciana

The Corona LAntern – Consuming the Tmepest

This album dwells in the mid-paced tempo or slightly below.  The vocals are more on the raspy side, carrying much of the weight of the songs because the riffs serve more as accompaniments, or it could be that there is an illusion that there is no sense of movement,  The band might intentionally have created a sense oi being mired in place, awaiting the end while giving voice to dying thoughts.    There is occasional dissonance, so I favor this explanation.  

There are occasional departures from this flavor, but in the entire dull spectrum I find it hard to sink into any of the songs.  Perhaps the album should be heard in a certain mood – there have been songs that did nothing to me in one frame of mind but the secrets were revealed when I heard the music at the right time.  I have yet to find this moment of resonance with this album, but you might fare better than I.

 

CONTACT: thecoronalantern@gmail.com

The Corona Lantern
The Corona Lantern

Immortal Suffering – Asylum (Ossuary Industries)

This brutal album features chugging riffs that I love because they give a feeling of hellish progress, the perfect music for marching into battle.  There are other styles here too, but I cite this because IMMORTAL SUFFERING are masters of this style.  

“Asylum” bears a production value that is true to the style of death metal.  It’s especially favorable after there us a rest in percussion and a drum hit cracks in like a sudden bolt of lightning.   It’s absolutely sinister.  

This album should be an important part of your death metal diet.  The band has been around since the early days, carving their place.  Give this album a try if you have not discovered the band yet.  

immortalsuffering
immortalsuffering

The Cover of Grimoire #9 is now a T-shirt

When The Grimoire of Exalted Deeds #9 was published, the front cover received so much admiration that teh art was re-printed in many more issues, eventually getting full-glossy pages to capture every stroke.

This design is finally available in a full color t-shirt (the shirt itself is black),  Click HERE to order.  (URL is https://bill-zebub-shirts.myshopify.com/products/jesus-the-easter-bunny-shirt)

The artist is Jim Walls,  IN the history of the Grimorie of Exalted Deeds, Bill Zebub described his ideas to Jim Walls, and Jim Walls got to work.  All previous art was done in pencil, but this design was in colored pencil.  This is also the final design that Jim Walls drew for the magazine.

Wear the shirt with pride.  Get it while supplies last.  Sizes from SMALL to 4XL.

Jesus the Easter Bunny
This is the cover to THE GRIMOIRE OF EXALTED DEEDS Issue #9

Cannibal Corpse

Interview with George Fisher conducted by Bill Zebub for issue #25

 

It’s a pleasure to see you, George.

Likewise.

 

Which shampoo do you use?

Which shampoo… shit! I don’t the exact make of it because my wife bought it. It’s some fuckin’ salon kind of bullshit. She does fuckin’ nails and facials and all that stuff, and she works in a salon where they do hair and shit. But it ain’t that Biolage. It’s pretty good. It smells good.

 

A lot of people want to emulate you, and I think a good start is a hair product.

I used to use some stuff that Alex uses, but I don’t remember what it was called. I used to use Biolage. How’s that? Use Biolage, and be brutal.

 

Do you blow-dry, or do you let it dry naturally?

Just let it dry.

 

Is that important?

No, because I ain’t sitting under a fuckin’ hair dryer for 20 minutes. I just rather blow-dry my ass hairs.

 

Have you ever cheated on your wife?

No. Honestly, no.

 

Are you sure?

Yes, 100%

 

You are the stud muffin of death metal.

I am? But I don’t get any.

 

Has your wife ever cheated on you?

Not to my knowledge? She better not, or I’ll fuck her with a knife! (this was spoken jokingly).

 

What would be better, if the guy she cheated on you was a friend, or a stranger?

Maybe a friend, because then I’d know at least probably what he has or what he doesn’t have.

 

Would that make you violent?

It depends. I don’t know what it depends on, but it would depend. I don’t know what to tell ya. If come home and see her shlorking down some big black dick, you know what I mean, I’m going to be pretty pissed off. But I don’t have any guns, so I’ll just have to hack someone with a big sword.

 

Do you have a sword?

Six of them.

 

Really?

Yes, I am true evil.

 

Does that compensate for something else?

No. (laughs) Actually I have seven swords.   If you wanna know then. A short sword and six long swords.  (pause) Average male American giant nine-incher.

 

Do women force themselves on you even though they know that you are married?

I wish! No, no they don’t force themselves on me. Come one! Look at me! I’m buff!

 

That must be why they call you “Buff George”.

Unless it was some fuckin’ big Bertha going (in a deep voice), “Come on! I want some now, Grinder!” I would be in trouble if that was the case.

 

Are you embarrassed to be on tour with such soft bands as The Haunted and Dimmu Borgir?

They’re not soft. That’s fuckin’ mean.

 

You’re so diplomatic! Come on!

No! I’m not!

 

You like the swirling keyboards, then?

Yeah, I listen to Emperor a lot. They got keyboards. There’s nothing wrong with that.

 

You knew I was coming!

No! You don’t like The Haunted? In all honesty, I just heard the new Dimmu Borgir last night. Jack bought it.

 

Was it in a gay bar?

Look, let me just give you one word of advice. Don’t fuck with the oyster. That would be fucking with the oyster if you would even insinuate that the oyster visited a gay bar. That could be grounds for instant death. If Jack, indeed, is the Oyster, or the Oyster is jack, he has powers beyond Satan, beyond god, beyond fuckin’ Bill Zebub too.

 

Speaking of god, have you ever heard that Jesus was black?

I’m sure I have. But who cares?

 

Was that why you were mad, thinking that a black man could be humping your wife when you’re on tour?

No, I was just saying that. It has nothing to do with fuckin’ black, white… if she’s shlorking down a dick, I’m pissed off, unless it’s mine, of course.

 

Have you noticed that black people usually distort a language? They just totally bastardize it, no matter what language it is, like French and Creole.

Oh, like death metal ebonics?

 

Ebonics in English, yes, that’s an example. Without sounding negative about it, let’s call it Black English. Can we agree on that?

Um. I don’t know. What was the question?

 

Where I’m going with this is, I think I can prove that Jesus was black, based on black behavior toward language.

You can?

 

Jesus was asked how to pray. Do you remember what he said? He said, get down with me brother… he said, “Our father who are in heaven.” That’s very improper English, and only a black person would talk like that.

Wasn’t it art?

 

Well, art is Olde English for” are”.

I don’t know Olde English. I barely know English English.

 

But wouldn’t you say that’s good evidence for Jesus being black?

I guess, that’s ok, if you’re doing an investigation. If I was a juror, I would take that into consideration.

 

Now that you are relaxed, do you think that it’s possible for you to sing “Mary had A Little Lamb”?

No. Why did I know that this was gonna come up? This is going to become this continuing saga. You’re always like, please! And I’m just not gonna do it.

 

I’m not going to argue with you about it. I’m just going to ask.

Maybe after.

 

The reason I ask is, you’re like that cartoon frog… he only sings to his owner.

(singing) Hello my baby, hello my darlin’.

 

The first time you sang, my tape ran out. The second time, my battery died, and you sang it afterwards all night. But you’re determined not to do it on tape.

You just have to give me the top hat and throw me on the street.

 

I know that as soon as I leave the bus, you’re going to be singing.

I just saw the cartoon before we went on tour. I was like, I’d fucking kill this fuckin’ frog! Just kill it! You ain’t gonna make no fuckin’ money off of it! It’s a little punk!

 

Do you ever get asked to play requests when you perform?

People yell out songs.

 

Do people ever yell out, “Mary Had A Little Lamb?”

No, not yet. But I’ve talked to a few people around this area. They asked me about it. What’s with this Mary Had A Little Lamb?

 

Will you sing it tonight, when you perform?

No, most definitely not. The other guys don’t know it.

 

Well, just say it’s time for a vocal solo. Have you ever met up with Warrel Dane after he read all the bad stuff you said about him?

I didn’t say that much… I didn’t say… what did I say bad about him?

 

That you don’t want to sing like him.

Well that’s not bad. I can’t sing like him.

 

Alright, you’re backing down now.

No I’m not! No! You tell me exactly what I said.

 

I don’t remember what you said. I don’t want to get in the middle of your war with Nevermore.

I’m not in a war with Nevermore! I didn’t say anything bad about Warrel Dane!

 

Then why did you steal his guitar player?

He was already fuckin’ out of Nevermore! He had already done tours with Monstrosity, so there! (pause) We can take whoever we want.

 

Last time we talked, we were cut off as we discussed your parents escaping the concentration camp.

I’m not German. I’m fuckin’ Filipino. (pause) They were trying to escape, but, you know… it happens.

 

Do you work out?

(laughs) Can’t you tell? I work out 12-ounce curls every night.

 

After you got married, you let your body go?

I had already been letting it go anyway. Getting married didn’t change anything. Actually, just before I came on tour, I’ve been kicking in an exercise bike. No lie!

 

Do you wear spandex when you do that?

No… naked! And I put on King Diamond’s Them and just fuckin’ (makes guitar sounds)

 

Monstrosity doesn’t seem to be doing too well after you left. Do you pay them any sort of alimony?

No. I just saw them yesterday. They pulled up. Before they even got there, some kids were askin’ me that there was a big rumor that I was singin’ a song with ’em. And Lee was like, “Yeah, we’re gonna ask you to sing a song!” I didn’t even know they were playin’ and I was on the bus, and I come out and they’re playin’ Angel of Death, so I missed ’em. No, I’m not paying them alimony, and last night I missed them, and that sucked.

 

Have you ever asked Dimmu Borgir or The Haunted for any vocal tips. You try to vary your vocals, and I was wondering if you ever decided to incorporate unmanly high-pitched screaming, maybe they could give you some tips.

(George attempts to sing gay, and succeeds)

 

Is your latest album your best-selling one?

No.

 

Is that going to make Metal Blade kick you off?

I hope not. No way! It’s doin’ alright, I guess. It’s just not the best-selling one. Maybe we wimped out or something.

 

Did someone tap you on the shoulder to tell you that that option maybe isn’t looking so good?

Maybe I need to be doing more (makes a high pitched gay sound). I think The Bleeding sold the most. Obviously the Ace Ventura movie had a lot to do with that.

 

Black metal bands have admitted to me that black metal is dead in Europe. Was there ever a danger that Cannibal Corpse would incorporate gay black metal elements?

No. We’re a death metal band. You know? I like a lot of black metal bands. I like Marduk, Dark Funeral… stuff like that. But we’re not gonna do anything like that. We’re death metal. Pat listens to a little bit. Maybe jack. But nobody else listens to it really that much. I’m the black metal guy in the band.

 

Do you remember the first Cannibal Corpse record you sang on? Did you get your hands on the underground tape of songs that Chris Barnes sang on?

I had heard it. There’s a tape that has more songs on it than what’s going around. Some people haven’t heard Defiled By Vermin, and that’s actually on one of the tapes.

 

Would anybody sue me if I put that out on CD?

I don’t care. You know the reason it came out? You know who let it get out?

 

Chris Barnes.

Thank you. This isn’t a rip on him. But that’s how it got out. If you put it on CD, I wouldn’t care. I know people in Europe have already seen copies of it pressed on CD.

 

The reason I asked is because, the guy who used to run the Canadian magazine, The Sepulchral Voice, uh, someone gave him a tape to make into a CD before the album came out, but unfortunately his house burned down, and he never shared that tape with me, and I hate him.

Oh, you want to hear it?

 

Can I play it on my radio show?

We don’t care. We know there’s copies of it out already.

 

So why don’t you hook me up with an immaculate copy?

I don’t have one.

 

I think you know some people in the band who might have one.

You know them too.

 

Yeah, but they don’t like me the way you do. You’ve got that way of talking people into things. I don’t have that. I don’t have what you have. So just look into that. Let it simmer. You’ve got my address and everything.

Just give me a little on the side. Oh man, Metal Bade is kicking us off tomorrow, or whenever this comes out.

 

That’s ok. You need to be on a metal label anyway.

Hey! Come on! Metal Blade is total metal.

 

How gay is that guy, EJ?

EJ’s alright.

 

Faggy?

No!

 

Do you talk about his love of Motley Crue?

He loves Motley Crue? My wife loves Motley Crue.

 

Yeah, but your wife is a woman.

Thank you. (pause) He looks like Buddy Holly. You find that funny? It’s nothing bad.

 

So he looks the way he talks.

He looks sort of like Buddy Holly. Look, I don’t want to sit here and rip on him.

 

You can’t shut up about him. I just asked a question.

No! You’re just trying to distort everything.

 

Don’t be paranoid.

I’m not paranoid! What’s he gonna do? Beat me up?

 

Why are you so defensive? Are you saying he’s a gay wimp?

Listen, when I said that, I had assumed that you had met him. He’s going to be pissed at me when he reads this.

 

Who cares? What’s he going to do, have a hissy fit?

I know, I know.

 

You made him break a nail.

I thought that you had met him before.

 

No, I don’t hang out in gay bars.

Oh man!

 

Where does he hang out? Obviously not metal shows because he’d get queerbashed.

I don’t know. I’ve only met him a few times.

 

So he doesn’t go where rough men hang out?

(laughs)

 

What is he, a scout leader? Is that how he gets action?

Oh man!

 

Do you act catty when you’re in the same room with an attractive man?

What do you mean? Gay? No.

 

No. Catty.

I don’t know these kind of words. You’re too technical for me, man. Just tell me piss, shit, and fart.

 

Do you get jealous and all of a sudden have to flex your arms, as if to say that you are more handsome?

No, because I am.

 

You’re confident?

Yeah. I’m goddamn confident.

 

Have you ever come close to cheating on your wife?

Never. There have been girls, where I’m like, she’s fuckin’ hot! But nothing like when I was attempting to kiss or holding hands or sticking cock in, or anything like that. Not even close.

 

Did you ever tell your wife, “I wasn’t kissing her, she was kissing me!”

No.

 

Did she ever say that to you?

What, that she wasn’t kissing her? I wish! But not him!

 

What are three things that will never appear on a Cannibal Corpse album.

Bill Zebub, poofy hair, and stick twirls. Of course, you couldn’t tell if that was on there. Picture-wise, poofy hair. Thanks-list-wise, Bill Zebub. That fuckin’ super lame cheap beat. Ever hear that?

 

What is that called? Thrash?

Just a cheap beat. (bass/snare) At practice, you should see Paul do it. He does it super animated. You won’t ever hear the lame dorky cheap beat.

 

For legal reasons, you could not advertise at the Limelight because you are playing at the Birch Hill tonight. I heard that after you play the rest of the shows on this tour, you’re coming back to the area to play the Limelight, on a Monday night. Have you ever played there? It used to be a church, and they converted it to a club.

I’m almost certain we had.

 

That means that you brought death metal back to New York.

What’s the big deal of that?

 

It used to be shut down. From what I heard, the attitude towards drugs was that they could not be stopped, so in order to prevent it, certain dealers were there who acted like caring bartenders.. like, if you had enough, they wouldn’t sell you any more. And they sold you good stuff, not adulterated stuff that could hurt you. (note-  this is what I heard from a former employee. It is not presented here as fact). Supposedly they wore special necklaces that indicated they should not be busted, but other dealers were fair game for the police. There was really open drug use, and for some strange reason, the place was shut down.

Is that true, that they couldn’t advertise?

 

I was told that the Limelight show couldn’t be advertised because people wouldn’t go to the Birch Hill… they would wait for you to come back to the legendary Limelight.

Really? Well as far as I know, it’s on our web site.

 

I’m just glad. You’re the first death metal band to go through those doors since the big shutdown. And who better to open the doors of the Limelight? It was shut down by a Nazi, and your parents escaped the Nazi’s. I think it’s just beautiful the way you will overthrow the fourth reich of New York. What are some of your hobbies?

Playing video games, and fishing.

 

So you know about Metal Dave? He has a fishing column in the Grimoire.

You know who else is a big-time fishing person? Chris Bailey from Infernal Majesty.

 

Get out of town!

Yeah man! (starts reading the column) “I love my goldfish named “Leaky” It will have a birthday soon. If I sing Happy Birthday to it, will it hear me?” What’s that got to do with fishing?

 

So you’re a fisherman. You don’t keep fish. You’re not an aquarist.

Hey, I eat them motherfuckers.

 

So if you keep them in a tank, it’s only until they die in your frying pan.

I do have one of those fuckin’ beta fish. It’s fuckin’ cruel. Look, they have these little… it’s like a vase… and they got all this rocky shit… and then a plant would be in it. The roots grow, and then the fish will eat off the roots. They call them fighting fish. If you put two males together, they’ll go at it. You can get bigger cases for ’em. I got a small one. It was given to my wife. I was thinkin’, this is fuckin’ cruel. I haven’t got him a new tank yet, obviously, because I’m on tour. But that’s a different story besides fishing. When I’m fishing, I catch fish, and I eat them motherfuckers.

 

Isn’t it a little strange to keep fish in a vase? You can’t see them.

(Exasperated) OK. All right. Hardy har.

 

I’m trying to teach you to become a little more aware of what you’re communicating when you speak.

Yeah, because I’m talking like an idiot.

 

I’m trying to clear all the rumors for you, George. This is how rumors get started… saying things like, keeping fish in a vase, with plants. Here’s some roses and a goldfish. Here’s a flower, honey. Oh, I’ll put it in a vase with the fighting fish. We have a couple of questions from a girl who lives in Rhode island. Her name is Tammy. Has a man you never met before suddenly given you flowers? Oh no… that was my question. But go ‘head.

What?

 

Has a man you never met before suddenly given you flowers?

No, or I’d fuckin’ put him in a stunner.

 

Have you been hit on by a man?

Um… no, I don’t think so.

 

Tammy would like to know how long is your thingy?

Um, rolled up or…

 

I’m just asking the questions. I’m not interpreting them.

About as big as a baseball bat.

 

How many times a day do you jerk off?

Depends on how far into the tour we are. Two to three, let’s say.

 

Is a tour bus sort of like prison, as far as jerking off is concerned? Like, when you first go into prison, you don’t know if you should, and then, depending on what your cell mate is doing, his jerk off behavior… like, do you wait for other people in the band to start rolling first? Is this a bus of denial, where you just keep doing it and nobody seems to react to everyone else doing it?

I don’t know. I just bought a Hustler, so…

 

So what do you do? Do you say, “Hey guys! It’s a nice day! Why don’t you go for a walk?”

I think, pretty much, everybody just keeps that to their bunk. Stay in your bunk and wack, if you want.

 

What if you’re used to moaning in private. You can’t do that on the tour bus.

You just got to do the old… (clamps hand over mouth)

 

Is there anything you’d like to clear up from past interviews?

Don’t jerk off in public. Wait! Anything I want to clear up from past interviews?

 

ADDENDUM

(I met up with Cannibal Corpse again after I had done the Nevermore interview, and I told Pat about what Warrel said, and he responded thusly)

(Pat) I got kicked out of Nevermore because I wasn’t queer.

George Corpsegrinder Fisher
George Corpsegrinder Fisher

The Dickshark Mug

You can show your support for Bill Zebub’s movie, or you can just buy the mug to drool over the sexy Lydia Lael who rides the shark – and yes, the movie prop really was that big!

 


Enjoy!

Mayhem

Interview with Hellhammer conducted by Metal Monster for Issue #22

(Metal Monster): How do you like our beautiful city?
(Hellhammer): Oh well, it’s nicer than Brooklyn. I’ve been there before.

( Looking at Bill Zebub slouched against the alley wall) I think Bill Zebub is a little drunk.
(Looks Over at Bill) Oh yeah, he looks like it

Bill Zebub wanted me to interview you because apparently the two of you didn’t hit it off the last time he interviewed you. Do you remember that?
I remember that!

Bill wanted to do a more serious interview with you, and because I am such a big Mayhem fan, he asked me to do it. (pause) Have you ever tasted your own semen?
Uh. Nope.

Do you prefer to be called Hellhammer or Jan?
It’s the same

Hey, didn’t you release a solo album?
Uh. Nope.

You didn’t put out a solo album under the name Jan Hammer?
an Hammer?

Yes, Jan Hammer?
Oh, Jan Hammer! No.  (laughs)

Right,  You know Jan Hammer right?
Yeah, I know Jan Hammer. Miami Vice. Among other things, He’s also a drummer and yeyboard player.

What happened with the new Mayhem album? A lot of Mayhem fans are very disappointed with it..
Yeah?

I heard that there were plans to change the name of the band because the new music was so different. I heard you were going to change the name of the band to “Gayhem”. Is that true?
Gayhem? Um, not likely, but in some parts we are labeled Gayhem.

Wasn’t the name of the new album going to be “Chainsawbuttsfuck?”
Chainsawbuttsfuck? Well that’s kind of for (Hellhammer says something undecipherable) and all that for Norway, so that’s all right.
Did you ever have sex with a kleptomaniac chink slut named Kim?
(Bill Zebubis brought back to reality by my question and laughs in his booming trademark Viking laugh)
(laughs) Not as far as I can remember no.

That girl has sticky fingers, if you know what I mean?
Sticky fingers, yeah.

Do oriental girls have yellow vaginas?
Mmm, Yes they have.

They do. I understand you are Jewish..
(Laughs) No, that’s not true!

Well, Seth Putnam from the band Anal Cunt told me that you were a Jew.
That I’m Jewish?

That’s right, Jewboy.
No! That’s not true.

You made a very controversial statement that black metal was only for white people and that in Norway people didn’t like negroes. Do you still stand behind that statement?
Yeah, but they don’t!

I know it’s true. I agree with you..
Yeah, it’s true.

A few blocks from where we are now, there is a place called Harlem. I have a fun idea. Let’s go to Harlem and yell as loud as you can that you hate negroes. Just for fun. We could go down there and say “Hey blacks we don’t like you. You are not welcome in Norway!
Yeah okay. You go first.

Speaking of negroes and black metal, here is some trivia for you; Can you name the only negro that was in a classic Black Metal band from Canada?
Yes, it was in fact, Um. (Racks his brain for answer)

Your guitarist has a very similar name
Um

Come on… Blas-ph
Blasphemy!

The up side to being a negro in black metal is that they would probably save money on corpse paint because they would only need to buy the white paint.
Yeah, they can if they want. Absolutely!

What is your opinion of Fenriz?
Fenriz? A good friend of mine. An alcoholic of course, and a good drummer actually.

I understand he has some kind of strange smurf fetish?
 Smurf?

You know what a smurf is?
Yeah, those little blue naughty bastards. I think he likes to put them up his ass.

Fenriz is a huge star over here in America. He is on the covers of all the teen magazines like Tiger Beat and Big Bopper. I think there was some talk of Fenriz replacing Pierce Bronsnan for the next James Bond Movie, but he turned down the role.
That’s because I got the role!

All right, enough with the chitchat. Are you a better drummer than Fenriz?
(Yes, I definitely am.

Are you a better drummer than Akhenaten from Judas Iscariot?
Yeah.

Is it true that he beat you in arm wrestling?
(Yes it is.

He did beat you?
Yes. Actually I don’t remember because I was so fucking drunk.

I heard that you also tried to hit on his girlfriend, is that true?
Probably.

Yes, I’ve heard you are something of a womanizer..
No. (laughs).

You have a boyfriend?
Yes.

You do?
Yes

You do have a boyfriend?
Oh no! A girlfriend!

You should pay attention.
I’m fucking tired.

Yeah, do you usually get homosexual when you are tired?
No.

(Metal Monster): Am I keeping you awake?
(Hellhammer): No.

I can see that. Why can’t black children play in sandboxes?
Cat’s use the sandboxes to shit in

Close, because the cats keep covering them up! You like that?
I’ve heard it before

Really, then why didn’t you answer correctly?
No, I said..

Where is IT?
Hmm?

Where is IT?
Where is it?

Yeah, where is IT?
Uh..

Do you know where IT is?
No

Have you seen IT?
Seen what?

I was just wondering if you’ve seen IT?
But what is it?

No, where is IT?
What?!

IT!
It?

Yes
Oh IT!

Right!
IT, yeah, ha, ha, very funny, duh..

(Metal Monster): Since we are on the same page now, do you know where IT is?
(Hellhammer): Probably in Finland somewhere.

There is a large population of homosexuals here in New York City. Does that please you?
Of course it does! Ha, ha, ha, no, no!

You’re not going to hit me are you?
Nope

Good. Are you going to cry?
Nope

Besides your other band Kovenant, are there any other homosexuals in the Norwegian black metal scene?
A couple, yeah

Would you like to name any of them?
Hm.I better not, you know, because they can come out of the closet themselves.

Is it true that Euronymous was gay?
Um, I better not speak about this.

Grishnackh stated that he found a dildo with shit on the tip of it in Euronymous’ apartment..
Oh really, ha, ha, ha.

Did you ever see this alleged shit-tipped dildo?
Uh, no!

You’re sure?
I’m sure

You’re positive?
I’m positive

Did you ever see Euronymous with girls?
With girls, yes.

I was a little disappointed that Maniac did not cut himself tonight. Why didn’t he?
Um, because his knife got stolen in Milwaukee.

By the negroes?
I don’t know actually

 Would you like to arm wrestle me?
 Uh. no

Scared?
Shit scared

Hellhammer
Hellhammer

 

Bloodthorn

interview with Harald conducted by Bill Zebub for Issue #23

 

I must make clear that my tone in these questions is respectful toward thee, even though it might seem that I am picking apart little details. Letus begin with a look at the vocals. They seem not to be as up front as before, and that might be caused by all the reverb. Or is that not the way that the final mix will sound?
I’ve never thought about the vocals place in the mix as any different from the other albums really, and actually we’ve never really been concerned as far as if the vocal should be up front or whatever. Of course the vocals are normally high up in the mix, but we’re more concerned about what sounds good as a whole. It might be a possibility that as the guitars are more powerful now, and also there’s “more” guitars when it comes to the actual riffing, so I guess that might take some from the vocals. The vocals still sound fuckin’ brutal in my ears and they sound great with the music. Also as you point out, it’s not the final mix you’re listening to, so there will be some changes and everything will come out a bit clearer.

I immediately noticed a more straightforward approach, and then I read about some artistic differences which resulted in the line-up change. Have the artists of the band left, being that there are no more experimental songs like “The Brighter the Light, the darker the Shadow?”
I don’t think you really can call it more straight forward as there’s not much that is more straight forward than “Onwards…” That one had about two different rhythms, ha ha! “Under The Reign of Terror” is much more varied when it comes to structures, tempo changes, and definitely when it comes to the riffs, which are the most complex stuff we’ve done for sure. The old songs were very streamlined, if I can use that word, and the riffs were simple and the arrangements also, with a few exceptions, one of which being “The Brighter…”. This song was a collaborative effort between Krell and Knarr, our old drummer, and I must admit that together they came up with some very weird stuff. There was too much problems with having Knarr in the band, though, and we had to let him go. No hard feelings because he’s a cool guy, but he didn’t have the time to make the commitment that was needed for touring and such, and also he was not interested in playing fast, which was one of the main reasons I think that our old stuff don’t have any really fast parts. He just didn’t have the stamina I guess… As for the other guys I can say that their departure has nothing but gained the band and our music.

The role of the keyboard has greatly diminished. Didst thou not consider that to be a trademark of thy sound?
No, actually not. The keyboards were never an important aspect of the band in our eyes, even if some might think that sounds strange considering they are very much present, especially on “Onwards…”. But in the original mix for that album the keyboards were much more in the background, however Season wanted to remix the album as they thought it sounded too messy, so we said “Ok, you contact studiomega and pay for it and get them to do it and it’s fine with us” because we hadn’t really got the sound we wanted anyway. We had at that time gone back to Norway and couldn’t be present at the remix, and so when the new one arrived the sound wasn’t much clearer at all. All that had changed was more bass and the keys were a lot higher! I guess Season told them to put up the keys as they probably thought it would sell more albums or something… I’m not sure, but all I know is that this wasn’t what we were after as far as the sound goes. Also, that album was as far as the music goes, too much compromising with people in the band who wanted to pull it in a softer direction, people who don’t know shit about extreme metal or metal at all, for that matter. Some of us wasn’t happy with that because we wanted Bloodthorn to go in a harder direction after the “In the Shadows…” and especially after “Onwards…” so they had to go. We also noticed that in a live situation the keys didn’t play such an important role ,and before we went on tour we actually simplified some of it which made it sound heavier.

Alas, the girl is gone. What has caused her departure?
We felt we didn’t need her and we saw the label (Season of Mist) and the press focusing on her and trying to make her like the front person, which was totally stupid as she didn’t write any music or lyrics and sang for about maximum five out of the fifty minutes on the album, so it was another attempt to commercialize the band, which we felt very uncomfortable with. We didn’t want the people to get the wrong impression and buy the album because of a female singer – which would’ve made them very disappointed since she’s barely on the album. Also, she didn’t show up on rehearsals, and live, she couldn’t do her job properly even if she only sang those little pieces, and therefore we didn’t see any reason for her to continue with the band, especially now that we’d got rid of the other elements that had hindered our progression, and the music turned harder.

I enjoyed the odd things in thy past material. But it seems to me that many unique elements have been eliminated. Of course, there will always be the telltale vocals. Yet I wonder, will the changes unmake thee?
I don’t know what you see as odd things, so it’s hard for me to say anything on that, but as far as we see it we’ve made our best album by far in every ways. We still feel that we have kept the things that for us made Bloodthorn in the past and that will make Bloodthorn in the future, and that’s what’s important for us. The band has progressed and we’ve done an album that we stand one hundred percent behind, and we don’t see how that can unmake us. The new album is just so much stronger, so much more interesting. It’s intense, heavy, aggressive, all the things that we wanted it to be, but I can’t predict if it’s gonna make us sell less records or more, ‘cause you will never know until it’s out there in the shops. The album is good, and with Red Stream backing us up I think it’s gonna go well. We got good feelings for this album.

Are any former bandmates bitter?
I don’t know and I don’t care. We talk to Knarr whenever he comes up of his basement and as said he’s totally cool, and Krell sees him quite often, but the rest I don’t care about. We know they talk shit behind our backs, but as long as we don’t have to see them, let them do whatever fuck they want. If people want to be assholes that’s their business and as long as we don’t have to mingle with them, let them be assholes. It only proves what miserable human beings they are.

 

 

Is Krell considered a national treasure? He is king of both black metal vocals and death metal vocals. I usually feel irritated by black metal vocals except in bands like Tristitia and Gloomy Grim. But I think that another reason why they are so tasty is that they do not ride atop music that is black metal. Bloodthorn does not adhere to a particular system. It seems that the best elements of many styles are selected in the crafting of thy songs.
He’s more likely a national disaster – and king of the forest – ha ha! No, he’s doing a great job. He’s definitely one of my favourite vocalists as far as black/death metal goes. He’s always equally powerful and not loosing any strength or brutality, and that’s very important. You’re right by not calling our music black metal, and we’re not doing so ourselves either. This was an issue we talked to Mica about, him labelling us black metal in the ads and shit, and for the second album we said ‘don’t write black metal’, but he did anyway – ‘atmospheric black metal’ or some crap like that. I mean, we definitely don’t see ourselves as a black metal band, not to say anything bad about the genre, but we’re just not doing that, and I think anyone with something between their ears will say the same. The first two albums actually had a lot of more doom metal oriented stuff in them as well, as the more aggressive parts, but for this one we’ve more or less forsaken the doomy parts and sped up a bit, but still keeping it heavy as fuck. I think it’s closest to what one would call death metal, and the lyrics and everything are really death metal, and the music is very heavy and aggressive and it got a bit of this and a bit of that so it’s hard to put a label on it. Some people said it reminds them of early death metal, others said it was like early ‘90’s black metal, so we hear at lot of different shit, and I think it’s up to each and everyone to put their own label on it. I guess it could be called something like “blackened death metal” or some shit like that. It’s not really important.

Abyssic – A Winter’s Tale (Osmose Productions)

This atmospheric doom album features the powerful vocal delivery comparable to SHAPE OF DESPAIR – which is far more effective for this style than the black metal type of vocals that has snuck into some of the doom offerings.  Indeed, it is better to hear a demon  than any weaker spirit.  

The four songs on this album have a long running time, so you are not buying an e.p. – in fact, two songs are over twenty minutes, and one of those is close to half an hour.  This is perfect for the inner journey.  

The music is plodding and morose, sweetened at times with nontraditional use of synthesizer, stamping a uniqueness to this style. Yes, the exquisite sorrows and pleasures of doom are contained in this work, but there is something new as well.   The album does well to honor what is revered by lovers of doom.

The orchestral layers help the listener descend, but beware, a change in tempo hides in a song – perhaps I should not have revealed it, but it is worthy of mention because there is mastery in lulling the ear and then in frightening it.  

If you love doom, you probably have decided to obtain this album within the first sentence of this review.  It will be a worthy addition to your collection.

Abyssic - A Winter's Tale
Abyssic – A Winter’s Tale

Draconian – Sovran (Napalm Records)

When I heard the first song i thought that the singer from WITHIN TEMPTATION had switched bands.  I intentionally never read the press releases or album notes before I listen because I my impression needs to be based on what I hear.  Getting back to the vocals, I really did think that there was a guest-vocal appearance which gave Draconian a new flavor.  Afterward, i discovered that the band actually has a new vocalist.  Despite singing in the same style as her WITHIN TEMPTATION counterpart, she beautifies the songs.  If you haven’t heard DRACONIAN before, they combine several ideas, often melancholic, but not adhering to any on style, like doom or goth.  It’s a hybrid that works very well.  The contrast between angelic female vocals and gruff male vocals is not as stark as in early THEATRE OF TRAGEDY.  You can discern every word, which brings the poetry to you for easier ingestion.   I have enjoyed every DRACONIAN album and was pleasantly surprised by the change of vocals.  The voice is quite beautiful. Each album has moments that stay in the imagination for a long time. If you enjoy being haunted by songs, then take a chance on this band.

Draconian - Sovran
Draconian – Sovran

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