This interview with George Corpsegrinder was in issue #29
Why are you doing the interviews for the new album?
I’m not the only one doing the interviews for this new album.
But why are you doing interviews for this album? Don’t you think that’s wrong?
What do you mean?
Didn’t Glen Benton do the vocals?
On this album?
Yeah! What the hell?! Did he say that you can speak on his behalf?
He’s doing vocals on this album? That’s news to me!
What are your influences?
Dude, I’m kidding.
Hey man, you never know, coming from you!
Did anybody ask you that, by the way? I know you’ve been doing phoners all day with cliché’ people.
I almost couldn’t believe that you asked me that. It’s like, you should get a prize for being the millionth person to ask that question. But you never know with you.
Did you squash that war you had with Dark Funeral?
What war? I don’t have a war.
You’ve got to read up on the press. I’ve got evidence that they don’t like you.
You posed for some pictures with them.
No. (pause) I might have.
I took them! You were smiling so innocently, and they gave you the finger.
You probably just made it look like that. You doctored it up!
I swear I didn’t.
You know what their nickname is for me?
No – it’s gaygrinder. Ahriman calls me that.
What does the singer call you – you know, the guy who looks like a fat alcoholic housewife?
They all call me Gaygrinder.
I can’t believe that you went around in the press and called him the fat Bo Derek.
Me? I didn’t say that.
Yeah you did, when he got those gay braids in his hair like Bo Derek, and the flowers. You said that the only way he would be a “10” is if the scale is from 10 to 2 billion.
Look man, I’m not taking none of this seriously. You know I didn’t say that.
I made it up, actually. But I was serious about them calling me Gaygrinder. You’re gonna interview them again, right?
No. They’re washed up.
Does the world really need another mediocre black metal album?
Dark Funeral rules!
Rules what? You don’t even like black metal! What are you talking about?
I love Dark Funeral!
You love them as people. You’ve got to draw the line, George.
See, I like your personality, and I also like Cannibal Corpse. If I didn’t like Cannibal Corpse, I would tell you. You have to be a man.
No, no, no – I like Dark Funeral!
I saw the way Pat manhandled you. You’re just afraid of big tall metal people.
I am not! I’ll kick all their asses!
Are you afraid of me?
I am. Can you hear me shaking? But seriously, dude, this is the truth – if you ever talk to Lord Ahriman, ask him about the song he’s writing about me.
Get out of here!
Michael Jackson must be kicking himself in the head because he had surgery to make himself look white so that he could sell albums, but these days you have to look black. Are you planning to get your nose flattened?
My nose is already big, but it’s not flat. It points out.
Do you have a black ass?
I have a big booty.
Have you been practicing?
Mary Had a Little Lamb. Do you know it by now?
I was ready to do it at the L’Amours show, but you didn’t show up!
There’s always a problem. I swear! This is the curse of the lamb! Every time that you actually sing it, either the tape magically stops recording, the batteries die, or something even more bizarre happens! I’ll get you on tape one of these days!
Come to any show on this tour. I’ll do it.
Will you wear a costume?
What kind of costume?
The blessed virgin?
I guess she would be the Mary, since she had a lamb, and they are mindless followers. If you could go back in time to when Mary was pregnant with Jesus, how would you talk her into getting an abortion?
Well, as his head came out, I would push it back in.
For the second coming out of the closet of Jesus, what would his new boyfriend be like?
One of those queer eye for a…
One of the Dark Funeral guys?
No! It’s that show, Queer Eye for a Straight Guy! You know what I’m talking about!
I had no idea that Dark Funeral has a television show.
It’s some show!
Some show? You seem to know quite a lot about it.
Ah! I’m gonna get hung for this!
Actually, “queerbashed” is the punishment for being gay. Hanging is for black people. Fags just get queerbashed, they don’t get hung.
I’m not queer!
Then why do you watch that show?
I don’t! My wife watches it!
Your wife is a guy?
No! My wife watches the show!
You’re still married, huh?
Even after your tour activities?
What tour activities?
Weren’t you going to put out a video of Cannibal Corpse groupies?
No, but there’s nothing wrong with tits.
I would never put tits in a video, personally.
Yeah, like you don’t have any tits in your movies! I’ve seen them!
So what’s the secret of the long-term relationship? How do you keep your sex life alive? Do you pretend she’s somebody else?
When you are having sex, do you ever call out Ahriman’s name?
Do you ever use the Oyster as an aphrodisiac?
Don’t fuck with the Oyster!
Have you ever performed anal?
No, with the female wife.
I’m just curious because you’re a role model. So what’s the most bizarre sexual position you ever performed with your female wife?
Missionary. It’s totally different now that I did all that other stuff.
What was the reason why you punched Warrel Dane in the face? I heard that Nevermore couldn’t play that night!
We just saw those guys.
Really? Did he forgive you?
I didn’t see him.
So getting back to how your parents escaped the concentration camp, you have a song about the Nuremberg trials on the new album.
Blunt Force Castration.
That’s not about that.
I read in David Duke’s book, “My Awakening” that the Nazi war criminals, if the term “war criminal” really makes any sense, especially since the Allies committed atrocities too… anyway, I heard the Nazi’s were forced to confess, and many of them had their testicles smashed beyond repair. I just think that it’s bold to side with a guy like David Duke. Most metalheads just want to keep their white supremacy ideas a secret. You are the first to come out of the closet.
Come on! I don’t have anything to do with any of that shit!
Are you really mad at Sharlee D’Angelo and Peter Steele because they are considered to be more handsome than you?
Look at me! I rock!
Yeah, but you’re married. Girls don’t like that, or are you after the naughty house-wrecking girls?
Have you ever had a stalker?
Did you have to get a restraining order against Chris Barnes?
Is he like a girl who got dumped and wants to know all about the new girl? Does he play that same game with you? Does he want to know what you have that he doesn’t have?
Who knows what he wants?
Maybe he wants to be black. He’s almost there with those dreadlocks. Are you going to do any Cannibal Corpse covers?
(Indecipherable, but I remember him specifying the kind of songs that Cannibal Corpse would NEVER cover)
Will you perform Mary Had a Little Lamb when you play in Brooklyn, just for me?
Absolutely not! I wanted to tell you, people have been asking me about that!
See? Are you aware of my influence?
Yeah! When I first did it, I didn’t think much of it, but then people started asking me to do it.
Would you do it if the front row chants it?
The rest of the guys don’t know it.
Would you do it when you hear that I am dead, as a tribute to me?
I would drink a beer and piss in your name.