This is the first interview that Bill Zebub conducted with Hellhammer, the drummer of Mayhem, from issue #2 in 1993. To be fair, this is before Hellhammer had ever heard of Bill Zebub, so the replies to questions could have been like those given to children. There was no way that Hellhammer could have known how big the magazine was to become. Please don’t see this as any bravado from Bill Zebub, and do not see it as weak on the part of Hellhammer. It was a silly interview that I am sure Hellhammer did not take seriously. It is only re-printed here as a window back to an earlier time. Bill Zebub and Hellhammer met a few times in person over the years, and it was always a friendly encounter. If there will ever be another interview, it will be a chat between friends, but enjoy the chat before this was the case.
What art thy feelings on Euronymous’s death?
Things will go much faster. Mayhem has a new line-up. I can proceed more seriously without Euronymous.
Wert thou also a target?
No, but if those would like to try, then I knock them down.
Was thy position lost in the war?
You have to have a certain acknowledgement of The Circle to understand, but if you see it as power, that’s where I stand.
Dost thou believe that black metal has the vocals of Popeye the Sailor Man, while death metal is influenced by the Cookie Monster?
Mayhem’s vocals are a lot better than American vocals, which remind me of a dog with the flu.
Dost thou believe that wearing corpsepaint is a lesser form of transvestism?
Of course not, but if that’s turning you on, stay away!
Is it true that thou hast grown tame after the death of Euronymous?
No, not in any way at all. The Count did many a great favor by killing Euronymous.
Hast thou heard of Svarog? It is a barbarian black metal band from central Europe that is set to march against Norway, beating up all known black metal bands with their ancient weapons. (editor’s note – Bill Zebub made a 4-song cassette of Svarog. titled “Dyetski Voyaki” which was his test to see if black metal sold because of the music or because of the story. Bill Zebub invented a biography of a tribe of barbarians that Rome never conquered, and Czechoslovakia allowed a small region to self govern, sort of like the Amish in America. Bill Zebub played all instruments, and his lyrics, in Czech, were absurd, talking about how one should not allow gay spiders to crawl on his arm, or the words described the color and design of a woman’s handbag. The cassette sold out of two pressings on Elegy Records, after which Bill Zebub decided to make the tape out of print. He had proven his suspicion that it way hype, bit music, that sold. He also warned the Neckless Troll that he would one day reveal the prank, so fans might turn against the record label for the deception. Years later, the Neckless Troll and a drummer from a death metal band recorded four songs in a studio, to be part of a bigger album, but this project was not completed. Bill Zebu will resurrect this joke band soon)
I have never heard about any such thing before. With a name like Svarog, it is obvious that they are idiot children. They would be punished for trying.
This is from the very first interview with Slymenstra Hymen in ISSUE #1 of THE GRIMOIRE OF EXALTED DEEDS Magazine, which came out in 1993.
Let’s talk about your role.
My roll? I roll the dice every day, baby. I roll the I Ching too.
The I Ching?
Hell yeah. I’m fuckin’ mind-control girl. What do you think?
You have a very sexual role in the band.
Well yes. I am a woman. But I don’t know why everyone has to compute my presence with sex. I am a woman, and I am going to show it.
I do remember seeing in excerpt from a cable show in which you said something sexual.
Abandon ye all hope who enter her. I do have a very sexual edge. But I also have a self-contained and self-affirming sexuality, which I think is positive.
You’re a space bimbo.
Are you from the same hierarchy as the rest of the group?
Of course. Even a higher one. They’re just warriors. I am a goddess.
You seem to be a dominatrix.
In this world, you have to put people in their place. All I know is, once Mother Nature takes over, everything will be OK. The rich will crumble and burn. The world will go back to the way that it should be.
Since you are above the others…
The only reason I am above the others is because humans have this problem with idolizing people and making hierarchies. You used the word “Hierachy” but this is something that humans like to do. They like to emulate, to have icons running around. Maybe it has something to do with the inner child. Something to do with how they don’t get potty-trained correctly. Something to do with their mother smoking crack while heir father was beating their face in.
Do you share Oderus’ view of humanity?
I don’t know. Me and Oderus are very different. We have a love/hate relationship. Many things I agree with, and many things I don’t. Strange character indeed, and I can’t say I fully agree with him or totally don’t. But he is a sensation-seeking, empty-hearted motherfucker. He likes to destroy things too fast. I realize that you have to destroy things in order to create new life, and all, but… I don’t know… just his demeanor while he’s doing it.
Speaking of destruction, or its opposite, is GWAR going to reproduce on earth?
Not if I have anything to do with it. That’s why I wear my armor. There was a time when I could wander the earth in full nudity and not worry, but I did have to create armor to protect my most ultimate weapon.
A chastity-belt, so-to-speak.
Yes, but I put in on myself, I might add. They always change everything around and make it look like men forced us to do it. You know, i hate this man-taking-credit-for-everything.
This is the first interview that Bill Zebub conducted with King Diamond, which was recorded on camcorder (lens cap was on – it was recorded this way because the audio was better quality than a micro-cassette). It was played on Bill Zebub’s college radio show. This was done during the THEM tour and the interview was conducted backstage at a club in Brooklyn called “L’amour.”
This transcription was included int the first issue of the Grimoire. Bill Zebub handed this issue to one of the guitar player’s of Deicide, and this is why Glen Benton told the tale of intimidating King Diamond on an airplane, which is stupid because the issue SPECIFIED that Kind Diamond didn’t say anything out of disrespect. Additionally, Glen Benton’s words, which I have on tape, didn’t depict an outright challenge to a fight, so I don’t know why he bragged as if there was some kind of gauntlet slapped – and Glen’s story indicated that it was the hulking guitar player who did the intimidating. But even if the guitar player were normal-sized, ganging up on someone, especially when there is no reason to start a fight, isn’t something that should be bragged about.
Are the rest of the members into Satanism the way that you are?
Are you a card-carrying member of the Church of Satan?
What do you think of Deicide and their version of Satanism?
I haven’t heard the band. I think they’re portraying the old christian view of Satanism during the time of the Inquisition.
So you think that their image could hurt you?
It’s bad that people are discriminatin in a completely wrong way. They must be a christian band – putting out the christian word on what they think it’s all about. (THIS IS WHAT I PUT IN PARENTHESIS RIGHT AFTER THE STATEMENT – THIS WAS PRINTED, SO GLEN BENTON SHOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN UPSET – “When you read, it is easy to put emotion behind written words. King did not say this with anger or disgust. Nor did he issue challenge.”)
Did you have a Satanic wedding?
We had a civil wedding.
Do you remember the song “Burning the Cross” – there was a mysterious musician who played in it called Benet Peterson. Was that you, Kim Peterson?
No. Not at all. He was a man who was in the band for a short while.
Did you know that you have a backwards message on “Melissa?”
No. Tell me about it.
When you play the words “Satan’s Cross upon the wall” you hear “What message is this?”
Is that really what is says?
You didn’t plan that?
No. We always did it the right way. It would be stupid for us to try and put something in there when you played it backwards, because it’s all there. It’s all straightforward.
Some people criticize you for excluding Satan in your lyrics. Others say that your music isn’t heavy anymore. How do you feel about that?
People who know about Satanism also know that we have not excluded anything. We may have changed some of the words. We omitted “Satan” and “Lucifer” because many people got turned off as soon as they heard those words. They’d grown up hearing from christians that this is what Satanism is all about – killing babies, and stuff like that. “Satan” means “the powers of the unknown” and that’s very much what I’m singing about. I certainly don’t feel that I mellowed out in any way.
What made you decide to sing in falsetto?
The first band I was in – we did covers of bands like Deep Purple and Rainbow, and I had to strain the vocals a lot to hit those notes. I was not very good in the beginning, but a lot of hard practice made it easier for me. I learned how to use my stomach. It enabled me to hold the notes longer and make them cleaner, and all that. One day, a fan came up to me and said, “You should use your falsetto some more.” I didn’t know what the word meant. But I started to work on the high vocals a lot more.
This was my last interview with Phil Fasciana. It was printed in Issue #33.
Due to the present climate being massively gay and full of pussies, I need to explain some things about what you are about to read.
When I first interviewed Phil, his record label publicist told me that there was some backlash to one of the songs on the album having the word “nigger” in the lyrics.
The interview proved to be hilarious. Phil seemed like a cool person with a great sense of humor. But when I interviewed him the second time, he seemed almost shell-shocked by the very UN-metal attitude of some people who decided to be gay about the interview rather than having a laugh. Anger is a choice. Smart people don’t get offended.
Shortly after this interview was posted, the twat publicist at the record label called to demand that the interview be taken down. Then came a message on my answering machine from Phil that the record label was going to drop the band. I assured both that I had been using racial humor forever and that only screwballs or brainwashed people get bent out of shape about a joke, or about an unpopular opinion. Metal isn’t a culture that aims at impressing with fakery.
Skipping ahead years later, Malevolent Creation was set to go on an American tour. Some fake-metal website found one of the Grimoire interviews with Phil and completely took it out of context. It is unclear if that caused venues to cancel show dates, but the band did eventually cancel the entire tour. I would hate to think that this was due to some faggots on a non-metal website fear-mongering.
Hopefully you, gentle reader, will read this interview in the right spirit and have a few hard laughs.
Your latest album, which is called “The Ten Commandments” is awesome.
The latest album is NOT called “The Ten Commandments.”
What’s it called?
It’s called “Doomstay X,” nigger.
Does it sound something like “The Ten Commandments?”
It kinda does. It’s got the same four guys that wrote the album, so there’s definitely a similarity to it, other than Dave on drums. There’s a little bit of a connection.
I’m kind of mad that you called me a nigger.
Well, you ARE a nigger.
I heard that you call white people niggers. I didn’t believe it until I experienced it.
I call everybody a nigger. The guys in the band don’t even call me Phil. They call me “nigger.” (laughs) Let’s just keep that to ourselves.
That word got you into trouble. Do you remember?
I know. I remember the magazine with the swastikas. (editor’s note – he referenced the first interview)
What did you think about that?
At first I thought it was funny, until I went on tour and people were trying to kill me. When beer bottles are whipping past my head and our bus tires are slashed, I’m like, “This is not cool.”
That’s nothing new. I’m talking about the other kind of trouble you got into.
Oh dude, the bottom line is that I agreed to do this interview. You know me, and I know you. You know I hate niggers. You know that’s the way the band is, But you know we got a lot of nigger fans. We can’t get away with being racists. You know what I mean? We’re just a death metal band. Even when we do make some racial slurs, we keep them pretty hidden. (laughs). But you know dude, I don’t want people thinking fucked up shit. Believe it or not, the people who give us shit about being racist are white! It’s embarrassing when black people come to our shows and say, “You guys are my favorite band, and I know that that’s bullshit (referring to the racist stamp by imbeciles). I don’t dislike black people. I’ve got a lot of black friends, but they’re not niggers. There’s niggers, and then there’s black people. You live, what, in New Jersey? You see the same thing. I’, sure you have friends that are black who are cool, and then there’s the part of town that’s all black that you would never tread.
Especially when saying “nigger.”
We stopped being stupid. We thought that we could get away with it for a little bit, but it didn’t work.
When people say that they are into Odinism, that’s really just a nice way to say “white power.” So I’m wondering which words in your lyrics actually mean “nigger” for those of us who want to be in the know.
Dude, we’re not from Scandinavia, so I don’t know.
How about Onanism?
If you listen to the lyrics of any of our last record, there’s really no racist slurs on any of them. We save that for Hateplow. We’re just trying to be a realistic death metal band. There’s a lot of things to sing about other than hating niggers.
Did you beat up Tiny Tim yet? The bass player?
I leave that to Jason. He likes to beat people up. While we were on the tour with Rotting Christ, he beat up their sound man. The guy was giving him shit about being American.
He called Jason an African American?
He said, “If you say one more thing about America, I am going to kill you.”
There is a vocalist in a death metal band. Well, I don’t consider it a death metal band, but you called the vocalist a nigger. Did you guys get into fight?
(laughs) Me and him have been friends since we were fourteen years old. he calls me a nigger. I call him a nigger. It’s just us being stupid. I don’t consider Chris a nigger.
What about his dreadlocks?
When he calls me up and I see that it’s him on the phone, I say, “What’s up, darkness.”
Does he sing, “Darkness, my old friend?”
(laughs) Chris is from Buffalo, so he thinks the same way we do. Like I said, I agreed to do this interview. I don’t want you to start no trouble with us. You wouldn’t believe the problems we’ve had over the years with this racism shit. We just want to avoid all that crap, dude.
Ok, let’s change the subject a little bit. How many niggers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
It would probably take a hundred of them to set up a ladder nd get up to a light bulb and screw it in. (pause) You’re trying to get me in trouble.
No. I’m trying to show that we can laugh.
Well listen, I know enough dumb white people. But let’s be real. I’m not a lover of black people. You know that. I know that. Many people know that, but we don’t need everybody in the world to know that.
Just to clarify, is there now, or has there ever been, a nigger in the band?
Never (laughs) There’s been many attempts. The drummer from Diabolic.
And he knows about your…
Of course. Every time he hears that there’s a drumming issue with our band, he’s like, “Dude man, I can’t believe you never called meI’m the man for the job.” In all reality, it wouldn’t matter if you’re the best drummer in the world. We’d never have a nigger in the band.
Did you use the N word?
Some people don’t think that you use that word in front of actual niggers.
I do it. They say it in front of me. It’s not a bad word anymore. It’s not even black people that get offended. I’m Italian. When people crack Italian jokes, I don’t get offended. I fuckin’ laugh about it.
Are you sure you’re Italian? Or are you Jewish and just saying that you’re Italian?
My mother’s from Sicily, and my father’s from Florence, Italy. I’m 100% Italian.
You don’t look or act like a Guido.
People hear that my mother’s from Sicily and they say, “You know, you may have a little nigger in you.” I don’t think I have any nigger in me. I am pretty white.
What has life been like, after the change of not using the word nigger” anymore in your lyrics?
Nothing. The lyrics are still the fuckin’ same. They’re brutal. Off the record – you don’t need to print this – Hateplow was the band that was supposed to be like that. We wanted to be racist against everything. We wanted to be racist against ourselves and everybody else. But too many people knew who was in the band. Malevolent is a death metal band. Being racist does us no good. I just want to be musician. I’m not out there to be a dickhead.
Do you think that it would be better if you didn’t tour with black bands?
No, because I’ve toured with a lot of bands that have black people in them. I have no problem with that.
Well, maybe that’s why you get your tires slashed. You should play with bands like Screwdriver.
I never even heard of that band,
I heard that they’re pretty similar. I’m not saying that they rip you off. Anyway, what does the name “Corpsegrinder” mean to you?
He’s my buddy, man! I love the guy. I’ve known George since he was in Monstrosity. He’s one of the very few people I know who’s a real metal fan. He’s a real metalhead. He listens to metal 24/7. He’s more metalhead than I am. If it weren’t for him, Cannibal Corpse would be shit. He’s a good guy.
Did you ever call him any sort of racial slur? Did you ever call him nigger, or jew?
I’ve called George many names. (laughs).
You know that I play around with racial humor myself.
I do too, but I don’t like it printed in magazines. It gives people the wrong impression. Like, with a friend of mine – that’s funny. I can crack nigger jokes all day long. But if you’re in a band and say shit like that, it affects things.
But what I’m saying is that I go to horror conventions to sell my movies. I don’t hide. I’m out in public. Every once in a while, a black person will come up to me and ask me if I am Bill Zebub, and I sometimes wonder what will happen next, but it has always been a fan. Sometimes they joke and say, “Are you surprised?”
How o you think I feel? When I’m on stage and there’s a black guy in the front row, I don’t know if this guy is going to throw a knife at me or hop on stage and kill me. That’s why I agreed to do this interview with you – knowing that I wouldn’t be asked insane fuckin’ questions. (laughs) Dude, you’re just like me. I’m into the same humor. But the scary thing is that when you go on tour, you’re a target. I’ve had people threaten my life. All because of this racist shit. it’s really not worth it to me.
Do you belong to any racist organizations?
(laughs) No. I mean, dude, if you want to be realistic, considering that I’m ha;f Sicilian, I am not completely Caucasian. If they wanted to dig back to my roots, I don’t know what KKK people consider to be the right thing. Jason is 100% Polish. Brett is 100% German. John is Jewish. Dave is Scottish. I don’t know what that means to anybody.
It means that you’ve been infiltrated. (pause) Do you still play golf?
Well, I have lately, but I’ve been sucking so bad that I’ve been practicing guitar more than I’ve been golfing.
How do you feel about black people playing golf? Should they play with black golf balls?
(laughs) Here we go. Let’s put it this way, the best golfer in teh world is Tiger Woods. I don’t really see many black people golfing when I go golfing.
Would you see more if golf balls had value and hey could steal them?
Anybody can golf. Look at me. I’m covered in tattoos and I’ve got long hair, and I’m a good golfer. It shocks people because when they see a guy like me, they think I’m gonna destroy the golf course. I’ll play anybody who would want to challenge me for money.
Getting back to Tiger, don’t you think that a better nickname for him would be “Gorilla” or “Monkey?”
Or Jigaboo. But the bottom line is that the guy reigns.
Are there any rap songs on the new album?
You’re kidding me, right?
Just curious. People in their later albums sometimes do strange things.
We wouldn’t even know how to do something like that.
What about your dance re-mixes?
That was done behind our backs. The guy who actually mixed the album was recording a lot of rap. That’s how the whole thing started. The studio was in the middle of niggertown. When we were recording the album “Eternal” we would look out the window and there were niggers sitting out there making drug deals. We couldn’t even go outside to have a cigarette without worrying about getting mugged. That whole thing took on an entirely new dimension because of where we recorded that album. But, he’s a producer that was not just doing only metal bands but rap bands and shit. One day, in his spare time, he just dissected some of our songs and turned them into some gay shit. And being as gay as they were, our record label Pavement, and Mark that owes us a million dollars that we’re gonna murder, and you can print that, he thought that this kind of shit would help him sell records. Without our consent he did this. Unfortunately, when you’re singned to a record label, you’re kind of fucked. Malevelont’s not even done a video.
Interview with King Diamond conducted by Bill Zebub for Issue #31 of The Grimoire of Exalted Deeds magazine.
I don’t know if the Abigail 25th anniversary edition is going to be different from the recent remaster. Do you know if it will have the same bonus tracks, or the same audio processing?
That’s what i heard so far. There have been ideas thrown around. What the end result is going to be, I’m not 100% sure right now. There WAS talk about getting it remastered by a topnotch guy. Abigail falls short a little bit. That was unfortunately the one that i feel was not given the right treatment when they did remaster
them. That one turned so bright that it hurts my ears to listen to it. That’s the one where I would say “Well, the older version sounds better.” Now we get the chance to do it right.
I was told that Abigail and Them came out when they were mastered for vinyl, and what that means is that the equalization favored the high end because bass makes wider grooves on the record, and that can limit space.
Well, it sounds fine on the original. What about the others from the same period of time? Right there it kind of contradicts itself. That
doesn’t make sense.
If anyone knows, it’s you, because you have a reputation for being meticulous.
I was listening back and forth, that and the original, when I got it. There was a lot of time pressure on that. I realize that. Things HAD to be done. There was a deadline. So there was no means, time-wise, to go back and re-do it. That’s why, if they remaster, give it to a top-notch guy. If they can’t get the actual master tapes, which I doubt. Well, they might have them still. But if they can’t find them, they can definitely do a killer job just grabbing the old original CD and do it from that. They can get it up to a decent volume without jeopardizing the frequencies.
I had asked you if you had ever been tempted to go back and not just to adjust the equalization, but to actually re-mix the multitrack tapes and remaster in the true sense. You told me that once you do something, you leave it, because you would never be satisfied, no matter what is changed.
Abigail I would never touch. That album has the right feel for what the album’s about, for the TIME. If I had to do that album today it would sound totally different, of course. There’s a different sound that you get today. The things you CAN do today… The Puppetmaster, and even the last live album – those have got some REALLY good sounds, in my opinion. They have a nice spectrum of top to bottom, clarity, and authenticity. Those, I’m very happy with, and also the old Abigail. For that time, it was exactly what it should be. Everything else – I can go in and pick shit apart – high hat too much to one side for my liking, or too crisp, or it interferes too much with the attack of the snare – there are so many things. There are certain blends of some of the choir parts that I would like to change to feature a different part in it that would probably give more of that atmosphere that I was after. So many things. i can go in and change ALL the albums, except Abigail , The Puppetmaster, and the very last live album. Everything else I could definitely go in and go nuts with, and I would probably finish up with something that I would probably, two years from now, NOT be satisfied with. (laughs) It’s a healthy hing to not be satisfied with what you do. That makes you search
continuously for making things better.
Of all the King Diamond albums, did you spend the most time in post-production on Abigail, mixing everything and applying filters and such?
I don’t think so.
What about the actual recording? Was that your longest stretch in a recording studio?
No. (laughs) I can tell you, if you took a metronome and ran it with those songs, you will HEAR that it did not take that long to do. (laughs) There are passages that are speeding up, and then there are passages that suddenly drag down. You can go from a fast verse that
goes faster and faster toward the end of it, then comes this heavy chorus – WHOA! – What a tempo drop! These days, we like to be in time with the songs.
You play with a click track?
And you did not back then?
No. (laughs) You can hear that, big time. If you put it to that test, you can really hear it. Some of those things I remember from back then…
Andy was usually the one who would play a cue guitar in a little booth somewhere in the studio. Mickey would have it in his
headphones. Andy would probably play a little sloppy sometimes, not out of bad intent, but Mickey knew all the parts – he just needed something to show him where he was in the song. So then you don’t have to be that precise because it’s not the real guitar you’re recording. Suddenly Mickey would stop and say, “what the hell?”
And Andy would say, “You’re speeding like crazy!”“I wasn’t speeding! you’re just playing sloppy now!” Those whose-fault-is-it kind of things… When we record today, there is nothing to discuss because you have to be on the beat. That’s the end of it. There is a way to set it up like that so that it’s correct. So those kind of things made for it not taking any longer. It was a very LIVE feel doing it that way. But still, it was an instrument at a time. We never recorded where everybody stands together and plays. Then it would probably take longer than any other album because, with that style of music,
someone would make a mistake through a song. It would just take too long.
The strange this is, Abigail has been hailed by musicians. If musicians themselves are applauding that work, is there sorcery that makes them overlook what you just said? You know how anal some musicians can be when critiquing another artist.
It’s not a bad thing that it speeds up. Sometimes you like that live feel. It’s the kind of feel that you have when you are in a live situation. Most songs, played live, are faster than the studio albums. That’s just the extra adrenaline pumping from having an audience in your face. You totally let go. You get caught up in the mood of the whole thing. It’s not a bad thing. It just gives a different feel. The songs themselves – the writing and the performances – that’s what
made that album what it is. There are also other things. It was the first of the genre where there’s a full-concept horror story with metal music. It had not been done before, ever, by anyone. A lot of bands have done a concept album, but never a horror story. The style was very unique. It was an early part of the career when people had not gotten used to that style. So the album had everything going for it. It’s much easier to make an impact with an album like that at THAT time, than twenty years later when everyone knows your style. They expect you to stay in your style. I would never do a
country album, of course. It’s such a trademark style. You can always tell when it’s us. Fans would not want us to go away from that. The
trademark style has given us a longevity that very few bands experience. It’s still going very well, as you know. Because it’s such a unique style, we were never affected by any trends. We just plow right through on our own little road. But then, we were never right there on the bandwagon when something was very popular and
able to sell a platinum album. That has never meant that much to me. You also know that. The pleasure itself of playing and being able to
have my hobby as a livelihood… I don’t need sixteen Ferrari’s in my garage. It would be nice, but I don’t have those kind of values. I never had. I guess I’m a lot easier to satisfy. That’s the best road for me – the longevity and still being able to have that fun. I have more fun playing those old songs live today than it was when the album came out. It’s a more enjoyable situation now because the guys that are around are the best I’ve ever played with in my life. There’s that
100% trust. They’re not going to screw up. It has to be something serious for that to happen, like an amp blowing up, but we have one of the best crews in the business – I trust them so much that i don’t even o soundchecks anymore, and I have perfect sound… well, as much as is possible. There can be rooms that are weird, like having carpets on the walls. It sucks the sound in. You feel like the whole room you’re playing in died. Nothing bounces off the walls. That’s a weird live feel. I like to feel the reverb of the room and hear a little of the P.A. and the delays it throws out. I feed a lot off that stuff. When the sound is dead, it’s so tough, and the crew can’t fix THAT. But everything is done so pro now, and that give more energy to give a
party party instead of concentrating and thinking about the next part that has problems. There’s not so much to worry about, like in the early days when every man was pretty much his own roadie. That means a lot. I look forward to the high passages today. I know my voice can handle it, unless I’m sick. The very high, long notes, in “Eye of the Witch” for instance; I look forward to that because I can feel like I can show off in some ways. I really do. I feel confident I can hit those notes. Five years ago, when I got to that part, I would wish that I could hear myself properly. It’s not that i can’t make the note, it’s just so that i can hear the note so I can. A lot of those problems I eliminated now. That’s a big part of why we still want to go on the road. All other aspects, you know, I hate. It makes me want to puke to sit on a bus for eight hours, rolling thumbs. You can only do so much of one or another thing. They have only so much DVD’s on a bus. And i can’t sleep on a bus when it rolls. Then there’s bad food, and sometimes no food at all. Lack of sleep. I usually get six hours
every twenty-four hours, but it’s divided into two or three little go’s of an hour and a half or two hours each. Not a whole lot of time to enjoy. The only time I enjoy is that hour and forty minutes on the stage. That’s the highlight every day.
You amass quite a sleep debt. At the end of the tour, do you sleep for sixteen hours straight?
When I get home, I can tell you, I don’t want to talk to friends. I don’t want the phone to ring. I don’t have the energy to speak to a grocery
clerk. I need groceries, the house is empty, and they’re always friendly. “Hey! How was the tour?” That’s the last thing I want to hear. I want to see my bed. I’m tired of sleeping in a soft bed, then a hard, bed, then a soft bed, then a bed where something sticks up in my back. I can tell you, when you get into those kinds of scenarios, you’re always sore.
Getting back to the speeding up and slowing down, maybe musicians hailed it because they considered it to be dynamic.
I think it’s the songwriting and the performances. It’s very melodic and still heavy.. It’s raw. It’s got mood. That’s why it’s one of the albums that I am most satisfied with. And The Puppetmaster too. The moods in that album are much stronger than on Abigail. But it’s an album that came so many years later, and it will NEVER be hailed among the fans as up there with Abigail. It’s a real treat for me because I know how much it takes for an album to be so high in a fan’s opinion. It means that that album has to be a lot better. That’s the pure fact of it. It’s hard to compete with something that was so unique at that time. It was a shock for a lot of people to hear that style for the first time. A lot of fans have said that to me. It’s hard to
compete with yourself in that respect. The things with Abigail that were the hardest to do were not the recording stuff. You have to
remember that, at that time, we were all in the same country, or pretty much. We lived so close that rehearsals were possible. We rehearsed more, together, you can say. There are better musicians now that don’t need that rehearsal time, but back then, the songs were rehearsed by the whole band before we ever went in and
recorded them. With Mercyful Fate, we had even played some of the songs live before recording them. Sometimes for a year we played some of the songs that were later recorded. That’s not the
case later on in the career. We’re spread out all over the world, you know. So that didn’t take as long as one might think And the mixing
process didn’t take as long as you would imagine simply because we didn’t have the means for it to take long. There was no automation. We didn’t have the chance of working for two hours getting specific reverb to open up in the right way in those five words at the end of verse 2, or whatever, and program it in so that it does it itself so we don’t have to worry about it. We spent time on it, came up with ideas, and now it does it by itself. Back then, we had to do it all manually. We were all in on the mix. Everybody’s fingers were on some kind of buttons on the mixing board. That’s why we delegated
in a smart way… and said, “No Mickey, you’re not going to control the snare drum, and Andy, you’re not going to do your own solo.” He’d argue, “Well I know how loud..” No, no, no. Let Mickey do your solo, and you can do Mickey’s snare, and so on. There were little marks. We had done test after test run. How loud should that solo be? Ok, here’s the mark. Don’t go over that mark. And you can be sure that Mickey wouldn’t go over the mark, and visa versa with Andy going over Mickey’s snare. You could trust better , otherwise you would have to
do it again and again and again if people weren’t kept in control.
You should never let people edit their own work.
No, not in that scenario. it was 100% analog. You couldn’t start in the middle. You would have to do the whole thing again. So in that respect, it was a little faster, mixing it. First of all, we didn’t have the capability to go so much in depth with every single little thing. There were not enough hands to do it. You had to do what you needed to do, on the fly. Let the thing roll. So there were limits there. Today there are practically no limits. You could sit and spend three hours on the reverb for five words, and we did, on Puppermaster.
Getting back to the timing thing, there have been Mercyful Fate songs, like when you sing “It is so much colder in here.” That was done purely by feel, not by metronome. Would you make a song like that on a future album?
It’s a different matter for me, as a vocalist. I don’t sing to a metronome. I sing by total feel, no matter. I don’t think that I have ever needed a metronome in a break. If you listen to “No More Me” it’s full of that type of stuff. Those total emotional, feeling-out breaks. It’s nothing but. of course, that song was recorded with a
metronome, but for the vocalist, it’s a totally different matter because you are free. You can go over beats and this and that, and then pick it up, being on a beat later. The more precise they
(the musicians) are, the more free I feel. If they started suddenly speeding up at the end of a verse, and I had to do something, it might not leave me enough space to do an emotional thing. That emotional thing, to fit, would have to be rushed, and that wouldn’t sound right. But when I have that solid tempo going, then I don’t even have to think about it. It’s almost how I feel pitch, for instance. It’s totally automatic, I found out. When Mercyful Fate was playing shows with Metallica in Europe in ‘99, there was a show in Milan where the Metallica guys invited Hank and I to go up and do the whole medley from the Garage Inc. album, all twelve minutes, or whatever, as one of the encores. At first, I was like, “Doesn’t Metallica play detuned a little bit? How the hell am I going to sing that?” I had sung some of that stuff earlier that day, but in our key,and now I had to drop it half a note, or whatever it is. That scared me to death. How is that going to work out? But once we started, I didn’t even feel that I was singing it differently.. It actually became a little easier, singing like a semitone lower. It’s a matter of feeling the key inside. The same thing with the beats, when they’re going. I never ever count anything. when there’s a solo going, I don’t stand there and count. “Ok, that was three rounds, four rounds. Ok, now I have to start singing again here.” Never. It’s all feel. But, the guys always play the same solos, and if they were improvising half the time, good luck to me, because I would have
nothing to go by. I know those solos by heart. That was one thing funny about listening to the live album. I could picture exactly where I was on stage the whole time, and then I realized certain things as we were mixing it. If Andy is playing a solo, I will usually be closer to him so I hear his solo clearest. That’s what I go by, since I don’t count. But by the end, when the verse starts, I am on the opposite side where I could hear Mike’s rhythm guitar more, or visa versa. Andy is my favorite guitar player of all time, so I am not saying anything bad about him, but he has this tendency, live, when he finishes a fast
lick or whatever – he will hold a long feedback note. Listen and you will hear that. In those places, I had to get away from him. I can’t stand over there by the feedback note because I have nothing to go by. That dawned on me while we were mixing. If they, for some reason, screw up in the middle of the solo. or the amp goes out just for five seconds, I’m screwed completely. I will not know when to come in. I will not know where the other guys are. was it five or six
rounds that they played? I hadn’t been paying attention to how many rounds. Suddenly it changes key and goes into the verse, and I can’t
pick it up there.
You just aim the mike at the crowd and the crowd starts singing.
(laughs) They ALWAYS know. What do you call those… in theaters, you have this little old man sitting in a box, with a book, speaking to the actors. Whatever he is called, the audience, the first row there, they are the best of that. I’ve had to use it. I admit that. Those situations… what the hell are you going to do? Suddenly you’re
two rounds in. The lyrics don’t just sit like that., like “Ok, I’ll pick up from the second line.” No. I pick it up by cue words. I know the first few
words of each verse. The rest is automatic. I don’t even think about what I’m singing. When the cue words are NOT there, I can’t just pick it up. It’s impossible. Then I look down at the audience, at those desperate eyes… it’s rare, but it does happen, and God,do I feel miserable afterwards! I swear, if I didn’t have that white on I would be glowing red like the reindeer’s nose. That is embarrassing. the same thing if someone is out of tune. You will hear that on bootlegs. There could be one guitar not matching. That’s very difficult for a singer. If a guy’s out of tune somewhere and I start hearing him, I follow him with that automatic pitch. I sound off, but I’m dead-on with the guy I can hear. You’re lucky in the studio. You have all the time in the world. With Mercyful Fate, when we played Satan’s Fall live.everybody’s like, “King! You’ve GOT to talk longer before Satan’s Fall! We all need time to tune perfectly.” By the end of that song, everyone’s a little off, each other. They have no time to tune for twelve minutes. That’s a problem when you play live, in a hot
sweaty humid room. The guitar will slowly drift out of tune. It’s got to be dead-on in the beginning and you will not be that far in the end. At the end of it there’s a lot of single-note playing and harmonies.
i have to sign to them. Oh man! That’s the real world of a musician. There are lot of things that no one knows about and can’t see unless you tell them. This is how hard it is.
I recently unearthed a tape that I had a long time ago. It’s an interview that Ole did with you that was done before “Fatal Portrait” was released. You were actually playing guitar in that interview, giving fans a chance to hear riffs that were on the forthcoming album. It was pretty strange hearing you play guitar. Is there a secret part on any album in which you actually play guitar?
Well… (in a nonchalant tone) there’s a few places.
Ha! I knew it! It was strange to hear you play guitar. But it was also strange, sort of comical, to hear you and Ole talk to each other in such a respectful manner, as if you were perfect strangers.
(laughs) The good old days. People didn’t know us yet.
Wow. I’ve just unearthed some trivia! King has actually played guitar on the albums!
Yeah, here and there, bits and pieces. Most has been in scenarios where I had a very crooked finger position that was impossible for
the other person to do. I use some very odd chords sometimes. Sometimes it’s a feel thing. Each player has different techniques. I have a very unique way that dampen the strings when I want these (vocalizes what the guitar sounds like). it has sometimes been very hard to get out. I want them sounding a certain way, fat but still very crisp. It’s not all that easy. I have my style. I play both up and down strokes. A lot of guitarists play only down strokes. It’s different
techniques. There are some things that are awkward for Andy to play, with the up/down strokes, but that’s what it demands or you’re
simply not going to get the right mood out of the riff. There were some places here and there where I’d do that little bridge, or this or that. One thing that was cool about The Puppetmaster is that Andy has never gotten that close to my expression of my songs, the way I
play them on the demos. I have all the demos here where I play all the guitars. There’s a drum machine, and I simulate the bass by playing the guitar through an octave. Some of the keyboards
turn out to be the real ones. There, you can REALLY hear my style of playing. It’s demos, so it’s not that perfect, of course, but the overall feel of everything is exactly there the way I want others to play it. Sometimes I play little pieces (on the album) where there’s certain
kinds of chords, or certain kinds of structures that just doesn’t fit the other player’s technique at all. Maybe one day I should release the
demos where I play everything. (laughs)
I’m very upset with the security you have when you record. Nothing leaks out. It’s very frustrating for a King Diamond fan.
Well maybe one day I will release them.You do hear me play guitar on one of those albums with bonus stuff. For “Them,” I think. I play one of the guitars on the rehearsals because Pete Black wasn’t there at the time. That rehearsal tape, that’s Andy and me playing guitars.
Abigail, to my ears, has the most amount of choir, of all your albums.
I’m not sure you’re right. Not with the backings ,and how many there are, and how layered. It sounds like that. It’s probably the album with the most REVERB on it ever. It does make everything sound more
like we recorded in a church almost.
A Satanic church.
Of course! Are you kidding? (he pauses, and then laughs) Do you know what I am saying? Some of the stuff on “Conspiracy” – there’s so much (choir) on there, and later on too. There’s lots of that stuff. You can go all the way up the albums. There’s tons of layered vocals. But everything is dryer. Even if the guitars are reverbed more than usual, they will create an atmosphere for the vocals, of course. The more swimmy the guitars are, the more swimmy the vocals will sound, even if they don’t have reverb. How you put the whole band in a certain room for the whole duration is something you determine
from the early phase. What kind of room do we want to be in? Then you add more reverb to a certain snare because it has to have a special effect. I’ve gone away from using reverb on my vocals. It’s only used for specific effects. I use delay instead. There’s a delay at all times on my vocals, but you don’t hear it in the music. This is an odd thing, actually, No matter what tempo the song is in, we set the delay at 666 milliseconds. You’re probably thinking I’m lying, but I’m not. That amount of delay time fits ANY of our songs. I don’t like to have that swimming around if there’s a quiet passage, for instance,
where I’m talking, because then it sounds stupid. When I’m playing live, I don’t like a delay hanging on my voice when I’m between songs. “Thank you very much.. thank you very much (he mocks a repeating echo getting fainter with each cycle). That sounds so stupid in between songs. The same thing for taking parts in music. You kill that delay. But for the singing parts, that’s what’s on my vocals all the time. It’s a cool feel for how we produce the albums today. They are a LOT dryer than back then. When you’re a guitarist, and you try to make out what we’re playing on Abigail, on certain passages you will NEVER know what chords we’re using. you simply can’t hear it clear enough duplicate perfectly.
When did you start producing your own albums?
Well, it started with “Don’t Break the Oath” when we decided we had had enough of feeling like going to a dentist when recording an album. That’s what it felt like. That’s the strongest memory I had on “Melissa.” I felt like being at the dentist’s office, being called in. “Mr. Peterson?” Then you walked into the control room and were played a song. “What’s this? Where’s THIS, and where is THAT? Why are the guitars so low? Where is that harmony? This is heavy metal, not the pop you normally do!” Great producer at that time, but he was a pop
producer, actually. That’s what he had done most – Danish pop music. Very good productions. Very skillful guy. We didn’t have any other names of producers. It was probably because of the studio he had. We got a little bit of that taste on the mini LP. I had all of the backing parts ready for that. Those songs were supposed to have the same style of backings as on the “Melissa” album, until I was told “You have two tracks.” You know the story with Hank. He was taking to long. It cost a lot. “I’m sorry, man. This one has got to be IT. Whatever we do now goes on tape and it goes on the album. I don’t care anymore.” Talk about pressure. (laughs) And that’s what happened. So that was the first time we felt these other people in control. And it continued on ‘tile “Don’t Break the Oath.” I had enough. “I’m going to stay here whether you like it or not! When I say turn that keyboard up, I want to hear what it’s like when you move that thing. I want to SEE you move it, not send us out and bring us back in and try to fool us without having moved anything and see if we hear it, because I DO hear it!” So during “Don’t Break the Oath” that’s finally when the band ended up in the control room. So we, of course, got a little bit more experience there. Then when Roberto came in on “Fatal Portrait” and so on, we knew a bit more and were involved the whole way. He had a lot of ideas. He was also a great link between our ideas and how to bring it to tape. That continued for many albums. It was awesome working with him. He and I would sit and play keyboards together. Some of the things on “Conspiracy” and also “On the Eye” was played four-hand, actually. it was him and I. Otherwise we didn’t have enough tracks. (pauses) I forget. Where was I?
About producing your own albums.
(we both laugh) I can’t remember if “Them” was… no, I don’t think “Them” was automated either. There was a part that Andy had forgotten to record. It was a make-or-break riff for “The Accusation Chair” I think. He was already back in Sweden, and I had to go back and get my guitar and record the part. We were losing time, and we were up against other people who stood outside waiting with all their gear, and we were still mixing the last part. Before that, we must have been mixing for twenty hours straight. I
was so dead, sitting on a chair, listening next to Roberto, and suddenly blacked out and fell forward into the mixing desk and onto the floor. Roberto is like “Go take an hour on the couch! This is no help.” Then we finished later. Some tough times.
Did anything strange ever happen in the studio the way strange things have happened in your apartment in Denmark?
I remember that i almost burned the studio down when we did “Them.” I used to have candles to see my lyrics. Just candles. Nothing
else. I found ways to put them where my lyrics stand was, and it was one of those times when I was so tired that i took a break. There must have been some wind going in there, blowing the candles over towards the lyrics. They were burned! They were gone. I came in there. “It smells smokey in here.” There was a big black spot burned into the floor. I fortunately had copies. (pause) But I don’t think there was a demon in there blowing at it, or something like that. The first time we were in the studio that I KNOW things went haywire was with “Conspiracy.” There was this female second engineer that we barely used. She was the one who was freaked out completely. She was screaming, crying, all kinds of shit, because of what was going on there. That is not a rarity. that is more the norm. SOMETHING will happen. Other people get freaked. I think it was on “House of God” when Kol Marshall was working a little overtime. We were mixing, trying to get done, and we both saw a little man in the doorway. But the weird thing was that i had seen that little man at two in the afternoon, and of course, the whole studio is dark. But I had seen
him there. “Am I THAT fuckin’ tired? This is too weird.” About five hours
later, we’re sitting there. Koll was at the mixing desk. it was across the room, to his left, where that doorway was. I would be sitting, usually facing the console, but from his left side. Suddenly, man, he just got pale, and he totally froze. He was looking over in that direction, and without me even turning my head, I said, “You saw him! I know you saw him!” He’s was like, “This is not
REAL! You CAN’T know that!” I said, “The little man over in the doorway? I know you saw him.” He was totally freaking. He usually closed up the studio by himself, but he was begging me to stay for the rest of the night. (laughs. “You don’t have to leave right now, do you?” That’s why there is a mention in the credits for that. (Ed. – “I
swear I saw the Glitcher! King saw him too”)
I had asked you prior to the Mercyful Fate reunion if you would ever re-do a song. You answered that you are always moving forward, working on new material. When you re-did “Return of the Vampire” I was surprised.
That was a unique experience.
Did it ever cross your mind to do a sort of re-visit album and do the songs from the mini LP, and songs like “Shadow Nights” and
“A Dangerous Nightmare?”
Those were all chopped up into other songs, the last two. But the others – I almost said it before, when we talked about the mini LP and how that was recorded, the other vocals were prepared but never done, and I wonder how those songs would have sounded… maybe I will never know. It all comes down to time, and money too. Is it going to be interesting enough to go in and do those songs? What would it look like to other people if Mercyful Fate does another album in a year or two and we put that in there – would the fans think that we are out of ideas? I always worry, maybe too much, about those things. I worry about what people think. In that respect,
I don’t want to appear pathetic.
Well maybe if I keep asking you to do it every time that I interview you.
(laughs) That’s the reason why “Abigail II” was finally done. Inside, I felt there was so much more I could write about this story. Gramma is one of my all-time favorite characters. I would love to be given permission to do another album with her in it. it would be so cool. I know what the cover would look like. It’s a very passionate inside of me. But if we did that, how would it look? Honestly. Conspiracy, Part III , with Gramma? No matter what the story is about, it would still look like Part III to other people. It’s like, “He has to go all the way back there to get inspiration!” I don’t dare do that. It would have to be fan request, like it was with Abigail II. So many people kept asking me to do another thing that reminds of that, and has that complexity.
How many signatures do you require?
What? (laughs). Two! I really want to do it that bad! (laughs) But seriously, it is like that for me. I don’t want anyone to think that I ran out of ideas. But if that were not the case, I would love to go back and give those songs the full treatment.
Maybe you won’t re-do “Burning the Cross” but is it possible for you to write down the lyrics for me to print? Would that be a pain in the as for you?
Yeah. To find them?
You wouldn’t remember them from hearing the song?
I doubt it. I don’t know how clear it is there on the actual album. (pauses) Maybe after the tour.
Keep that on your list. It will be a treat for old-timers like me.
I think I have it somewhere. I was thinking of it that way, that i wouldn’t have to sit and listen. it was very early-days, as you know.
I’ve heard earlier versions of Satan’s Fall with more aggressive lyrics. You moved away from in-your-face evil in favor of the more mysterious.
It gets old very fast. It doesn’t leave too much to the imagination. Do you like splatter movies or more psychological movies? Which one puts you deeper into a certain mood? The first one is like (makes a gore, splat sound) “That looked cool!’ The other one, you feel uncomfortable for a long time. It’s much bigger impact. To misuse
the word “Satan” does not make you heavier. I think it’s so anti-tough to misuse it. I’ll still use it any day. It’s a very good word. It doesn’t
matter which camp you’re in. That word has a uniform meaning to most people. It gives them immediate association, which to me is not the real meaning at all. Even I see some pictures in my head, even though I know it has nothing to do with that. Do you know what i mean by that? It’s like a label. Like picking up a bottle of Johnny Walker. It gives you something that you don’t have to think too long about. Drink it, and you will like the taste or hate the taste. It depends on the kind of person you are.
One of the things that I heard that I thought was rather shocking, having had grown accustomed to the later style of lyrics, is the an earlier version of “Satan’s Fall” in which you sing, “Satan is better than God.”
I will stand up for any lyrics, ever, because there are meanings behind those things. That thing there is very tongue-in-cheek, of course. I should have chosen better words to make it more lyrical. Well, Satan is, in many situations, a better choice than God. There would be less killing. You know that’s true. The Crusades, whatever. Even if you believed in the worst scenario of Satanism, in what I call the completely distorted fake rituals, if that was all true, it would have hurt so much less than the Crusades. When you just said that line, I immediately got the feel from back then, what I felt inside. But the words,I think, “How fuckin’ primitive!” It’ s like “Walking down the stairs to hell” or something like that. How corny.
You seemed more confrontational back then,
You know also why. There was nothing like that back then.
Attacked from all sides.
Venom didn’t really do that. We were simultaneous, but they had a whole different way of talking about these things. With them, I think, it’s like watching the old Hammer horror movies. It looks cool, sounds cool, but maybe it doesn’t mean as much as was said. I think
Cronos has said that himself sometimes, that you need to take things with a grain of salt and lighten up sometimes. I try to do that too. That’s why sometimes you see the band in Christmas outfits and stuff like that. You have to be able to laugh at yourself. You know there’s a lot of humor on the albums too. It might be a little twisted, but it’s there. back then, I can tell you, English was not that easy for me. I had not traveled much at that time. When we the first
U.S. tour for “Don’t Break the Oath, there were lots of times when I did interviews, and I remember clearly how it was not natural for me to just say things. Like, now, I dream in English. But that’s because I’m in the environment. I only talk Danish when I talk business to Ole, or my mom, or my brother. Everything is English around me.
You are immersed.
Absolutely. But back then, if anyone asked me a question, inside my brain there was this translation going. I translated in my head to Danish. I must have seemed so slow back then because I’d come up with my Danish answer and then translate to English. To say anything took me time. That’s why there are those famous… “sarcophagus” was “sarco-fay-gus.” Then Later on it’s like “I have to sing it the wrong way.” I think about it every time we play that song.
I remember you used to introduce “Into the Coven” as “Into the koh-ven.”
Yeah, well that’s a thing that you can say either way.
If you want to hear something funny, I had never used the word “coven” unless I was mentioning your song, and whenever I said it, I said it your way, and people were yelling at me to say it right. You messed me up!
But you know what? People came up to me and said the same thing. No, no, no. you can’t be right. That must be wrong because it doesn’t
sound as tough. There’s a big difference there.
Exactly. Getting back to “Burning the Cross,” but not in an annoying way, for the DVD material that might be provided as a bonus, you said you had video footage of Ben Petterson playing. That’s a treat for all of us who don’t know what he looks like. Did he write “Burning the Cross?”
Yeah, with me. (pause) There should be a good possibility of that early show from ‘82 when Michael Denner is not in the band.
Is this bonus video footage would go to Roadrunner and not to Metal Blade? I know you have stuff coming out on Metal Blade.
Yeah, but there’s a difference between these things. The stuff that Roadrunner is getting is stuff that some collectors had seen – maybe not a lot of the King Diamond stuff that I am intending to give them – the Mercyful Fate, a lot of collectors have seen, but not in this quality. It’s been through digital processing with a company from
Sweden. It’s actually a three-camera shot of us playing a little club in Holland called “The Dynamo” at that time, anyway. For us to give it
out is where I am not living up to my (sarcastictone) perfectionist image. There are some bombers in there that you would not believe. i have one and the band has one, and they’re big. It’s not like I have to tell you where they are. Then of course everyone just plays as if everything is normal. For King Diamond, it’s a show from Gothenburg, Sweden, on the Abigail tour. But I think is two camera angles. That one I haven’t seen yet. Our own stuff for Metal Blade
has never before been seen. we have the only master tapes. There is some killer shit. I freaked when I saw it. There is fifty minutes from a show in Amsterdam at a place called Paradisio (ed. spelling?) which used to be a church. I think that’s from ‘84, if I’m not wrong, before we did “Don’t Break the Oath.” But we did play “Come to the Sabbath.” There are more. There is this big festival in Denmark where we
went on stage at 4:40 in the morning. But people stayed. You can see in the distance when the sun starts coming up. We have quite a bit.
King Diamond stuff too. There was a park in Copenhagen, a gig that we did in the middle of recording “The Eye.’ We tore our gear down and then played this one show and then put it back up and continued recording. Unusual.
That would put to rest the rumor that Snowy programmed a drum machine instead of playing electronic drums.
There you go. electronic drum pads are definitely not the same as playing a drum kit, you know – an experiment that wasn’t bad but it was not what it could have been.
I’ve seen clips, after the reunion, at the Dynamo festival.
Yeah, that would have been the big open air one. MTV was there.
Interview with Phil Fasciana conducted by Bill Zebub for Issue #16 of the Grimoire of Exalted Deeds magazine.
Before you read this interview, you must understand that this was conducted during a time when metal people were metal. The fagginess of the younger metalheads who were brainwashed in school has completely stripped them of anything even remotely resembling the metal attitude, so these gaylords are triggered by words, reacting in fear and faggy outrage.
Intelligent and well-socialized people focus on the real context of the conversation.
In case you are a fake metalhead, be warned that the following interview was made in the real metal attitude. It’s a conversation between two metal personalities who were having a lot of fun. please don’t let your brainwashing misinterpret this conversation. And if you’re faggy, please don’t ever listen to metal. Don’t bastardize this last bastion of truth.
I hope thy sense of humor is with thee today.
You know Tim from Revenant?
He lives down here now… and he told me to say, “What’s up?” to ya.’ He’s in my other band called Hateplow. You gotta wait til you hear this shit, dude. Pavement just signed us too.
Ask him to show thee my movie. He is in it. He told me about how much friendlier the women are in Florida, toward long-hairs anyway.
He’s having a good time.
The girls here call him “Tiny rim.’ But we shall not delve further.
When thy former vocalist was expelled was it done in a cruel way? I heard that thou art friends again.
Oh yeah. We’re friends and shit. At first it was a little fuckin’ screwy. But, I mean, we had to do it then. The kid was a fuckin’ mess. He wasn’t into it. His voice was fuckin’ shot. It woulda sucked ’cause I didn’t want to put out another album that sounded like Stillborn. Man! Was his voice shot! He had his mind on other things, and it wasn’t music.
In regard to the techno re-mixes, did anyone ever ask thee, “What kind of fag art thou?’
No. Not really, man. All I’ve been hearing is good things about it. People usually just hate my band anyway. They’re like, “Well, that I can handle. But the vocals on the other shit is just too much! I can’t take it!’ There’s a couple of my friends that laughed at first. That kind of music is popular. I had nothing to do with it. The guy that re-mixed them just did it on his own. We had no say in anything. We just said, “Sure man. Re-mix it. Then let us hear. If it sounds gay, then fuck it.” We thought it was pretty cool, man. If people don’t like it, fuck ’em!
Dost thou listen to Stryper?
Yeah, right! Do you?
I do not. But Dan Swano is convinced that everyone In death metal should just be brave and admit to listening t Stryper.
I can be honest with you. I don’t have any of their albums. (laughs) Wait… Do you want to hear the truth?
I’ll be honest. I did see them live once. I swear to God, dude. When I was fuckin very young, man, and I still lived in Buffalo, man, I ended up going. They were playing with Loudness or something. And I went with my two friends, and dude, to make matters worse, I’m sitting by the back bar just drinking a fuckin’ Coke, man, and fuckin’ they’re whippin’ Bibles out into the audience, and sure as shit, I stick my hand up and caught one!
I swear, dude! It was one of those little Bibles, you know, the size of your hand. My one friend, he’s all into them and shit, I gave It to him. He’s like, ‘It’s a sign!’ (laughs) I was like, “It’s all right, dude. I gonna go to hell anyway.
I cannot believe that Dan Swano was correct.
(laughs) He was right! None of my friends were really into them or anything. I did see ‘em live. I can’t even believe it. Now that you said that, I remembered it.
Dost thou have a story to tell about Jay and a fat girl?
Jay and a fat girl?
I heard that thou art fond of talking about lay’s fat girl stories.
The thing is, I can’t say anything like that because. . . there’s been a lot of fat girls. But I just don’t want this to get back to… he’s pretty serious with some girl right now.
Is she tremendous?
Tremendous? Well, it’s his girlfriend, and I don’t think I should be saying anything about anything right now like that. Believe me, me and you in person. . . we can talk. I can tell you some shit, man, that you will never believe. I can even show you pictures of things. I just can’t be doin’ that right now.
Dost thou consider fat girls to be one of the plagues of being a musician?
No, man. A fat girl is just more of woman to love. But I don’t really prefer fat girls.
Hast thou ever told any of the member of the band, “This is my new Girlfriend. She’s a little big. ‘
Of course, man. It depends on how much we’ve been partying. There’s always been lot of fat chicks known to be on the bus, or wherever we’re at.
Dost thou consider thy nose structure to contribute to unusual booger sizes?
Yeah. Probably. . . those little ether boogers. You can ask Tim about that.
Let us address thy love of golf.
Oh yeah! I just fuckin’ went yesterday and I went this mornin.’ But, yeah man. I’m a golf freak, dude.
I have heard that many business deals are made on the golf course. Is that where thou negotiated thy contract with Pavement Records?
I wish. No. Not those kinda deals. I have some other wheeling and dealing going on on the golf course. But not record contracts.
Dost thou elicit strange looks? Thou art hardly the sort of golfer I would see on the cover of Golf Digest.
I don’t know, man. I got a lot of shady-lookin’ friends that go with me. So, I probably look kinda a little more respectable than them. I mean, ya’ gotta wear the golf shirt – the collared shirt. It covers up a lotta my tattoos. I’m just so used to golfin’ all the time that I don’t think anything like that. I mean, I hope I do freak people out. I like when people get a fuckin’ shocker.
How didst thou become a golfer?
I used to live almost on a golf course when I lived in New York. I really don’t even know how it all happened.
Dost thou hire a caddy?
No. No. No. No. Nope. No caddy. I go golfln.’ It’s just me and my buddies. Smoke some joints, get into the cart. There’s a million courses here, dude. Everybody golfs, man.
Art thou part of a country club?
Yeah. I am.
Dost thou have a friend named “Muffy?’
No, no Muffy.
I would expect that a man in a band has plenty of muffies at his disposal.
Were any of thy peers struck by lightning?
Nope. I hit a fuckin’ dude in the head, though, with a ball. I hit a few people, actually. I’m deadly, especially after a few beers. I took out a whole guy once. I thought I killed him.
Didst thou laugh when it happened?
Oh dude, I was dyin’ laughing.
How old was he?
Oh he was old, dude. He was half-dead anyways when I hit him, and I nailed him, He was driving in a cart and I still hit him. We heard it go peh-ping!
Didst thou ever suffer the cruelty of a golfball?
I got pegged right in the chest, man. It didn’t feel too good. It was a lady that did it too. She was teeing off, and she fuckin’ shanked it!
Did any band ever really piss thee off
I’ve read some interviews where bands are talkin’ shit about us. Everybody will talk shit. But they’ll never say it to your face. They live on the other side of the world. Gorefest was talking shit about us. This was when their first album was out. They were braggin’ about how brutal they were, and they’re sayin’ that we’re a thrash band and this and that… there’s no brutality about us and this and that. Listen to them now. They’re fuckin rock ‘n roll!
Hast thou ever pissed a band off?
I might’ve. I don’t know.
Thou art not aware of any current hostility?
Why? Are you?
Dost thou remember having a band invite thee into Utah, where thou hast blown them off after having arrived?
This is thy life. . . for the grand prize, what is the name of the band?
I can’t remember the name of the band. I know what it was. They wanted us to play at some fuckin’ party, or I think it was. I just seen the equipment and I was like, “I ain’t playin’ through that! No fuckin’ way!”
Didst thou ever have a rock star attitude?
No. The only thing that I can think of is that it – might have been a bad day or something like that for our whole band, because usually everybody in my whole fuckin’ band is really fuckin’ cool. If they weren’t, they wouldn’t be in the band. All the guys in my band always hang out and party with everybody. I don’t know. Sometimes shit don’t go right. Once you’re in a bad mood, you’re in a bad mood. There’s nothing you can do about it. I’m sorry. Not every day is a good day.
Maybe I shall arrange for the two of thee to have dinner at the expense of the Grimoire.
Alright. Cool! That part of the States, Utah, is fuckin’ desolate! I could never live there, man!
Thou art not a nature-lover?
I’m into nature. But I’m into lookin’ at good nature. I didn’t see anything I liked there.
Canst thou not delve into thy inner mysteries on those mountaintops?
Nope. All they’re good for is stashing fuckin’ bodies.
Mortal, that is the only controversy, beside the fellow with the unusual penis size who is a member of thy other band.
Wait ’til you hear that fuckin’ tape, man! You’ll freak, dude! It is as brutal as fuckin’ shit! It is heavy. I think it’s a release for September.
No other controversy, bad boy?
We got problems, it’s even bad down here, man… people fuckin’ carvin’ into our warehouse walls, “Die Nazi!’ You’ve heard that song, ‘They Breed,’ right?
The last line of the song says, “Always wanting, always taking what was never yours. Someday you will feet the hate, you fuckin’ niggers!”
(laughter) It surprises me that thou are labelled a Nazi.
A lot of people panicked. They sent discs back to Pavement with a swastika in the circle slashed. There’s an ad on the Internet that says we’re Nazis. It’s a fuckin’ joke. I mean, I don’t think we can be Nazis. I’ve got a Polak, a Jew… we’re pretty multi- racial. But just to clear that up, we’re not racist.
So, why the word “Nigger?’
Well, the song is about scumbags. I call everybody nigger. You know what I mean? When my friends call me, they’re like, “Hey nigger!’ The word’s funny.
So when thy mommy wakes thee up in the morning, dost thou say, “Hello nigger?-“
No. I don’t live with my mom.
That is not what I heard, nigger.
It’s just a fuckin’ word. I don’t get offended when people call me “cracker.” Niggers call each other niggers. I’ve had black people come up to me on tour and say that’s the best fuckin’ song on the album! The word “nigger,’ when you look in the dictionary, it doesn’t say “a black person.”
Dost thou not feel that it could be upsetting for a Caucasian to use that word?
Not really. It’s only a fuckin’ word. Ya’ gotta be able to get over something like that. It’s not that fuckin’ bad. I could sit there and call my guitar player ‘fuckin’ Jew’ all day long. He’ll fuckin’ laugh at me and start calling me names. It doesn’t affect me. I know black people that I hang out with… I call them “nigger.” They know I’m only being sarcastic. Some people freak out on it. Other people couldn’t give a rat’s ass about it.
I will bet that it is the white race that has freaked about it.
That’s mostly who’s been freakin’ out!
Why? How can someone be offended for another race? Is not false righteousness the highest evil?
Maybe they wanna be black. I don’t know. It’s weird for people to fuckin’ say that. We did this album in a pretty black part of town. When we did it, man, we could look out the window and see crack dealers. We’re like, “‘Open the door for a minute.’ We opened the door and ‘just cranked it up! It Was fuckin nuts!
Interview with George Fisher conducted by Bill Zebub for issue #25
It’s a pleasure to see you, George.
Which shampoo do you use?
Which shampoo… shit! I don’t the exact make of it because my wife bought it. It’s some fuckin’ salon kind of bullshit. She does fuckin’ nails and facials and all that stuff, and she works in a salon where they do hair and shit. But it ain’t that Biolage. It’s pretty good. It smells good.
A lot of people want to emulate you, and I think a good start is a hair product.
I used to use some stuff that Alex uses, but I don’t remember what it was called. I used to use Biolage. How’s that? Use Biolage, and be brutal.
Do you blow-dry, or do you let it dry naturally?
Just let it dry.
Is that important?
No, because I ain’t sitting under a fuckin’ hair dryer for 20 minutes. I just rather blow-dry my ass hairs.
Have you ever cheated on your wife?
No. Honestly, no.
Are you sure?
You are the stud muffin of death metal.
I am? But I don’t get any.
Has your wife ever cheated on you?
Not to my knowledge? She better not, or I’ll fuck her with a knife! (this was spoken jokingly).
What would be better, if the guy she cheated on you was a friend, or a stranger?
Maybe a friend, because then I’d know at least probably what he has or what he doesn’t have.
Would that make you violent?
It depends. I don’t know what it depends on, but it would depend. I don’t know what to tell ya. If come home and see her shlorking down some big black dick, you know what I mean, I’m going to be pretty pissed off. But I don’t have any guns, so I’ll just have to hack someone with a big sword.
Do you have a sword?
Six of them.
Yes, I am true evil.
Does that compensate for something else?
No. (laughs) Actually I have seven swords. If you wanna know then. A short sword and six long swords. (pause) Average male American giant nine-incher.
Do women force themselves on you even though they know that you are married?
I wish! No, no they don’t force themselves on me. Come one! Look at me! I’m buff!
That must be why they call you “Buff George”.
Unless it was some fuckin’ big Bertha going (in a deep voice), “Come on! I want some now, Grinder!” I would be in trouble if that was the case.
Are you embarrassed to be on tour with such soft bands as The Haunted and Dimmu Borgir?
They’re not soft. That’s fuckin’ mean.
You’re so diplomatic! Come on!
No! I’m not!
You like the swirling keyboards, then?
Yeah, I listen to Emperor a lot. They got keyboards. There’s nothing wrong with that.
You knew I was coming!
No! You don’t like The Haunted? In all honesty, I just heard the new Dimmu Borgir last night. Jack bought it.
Was it in a gay bar?
Look, let me just give you one word of advice. Don’t fuck with the oyster. That would be fucking with the oyster if you would even insinuate that the oyster visited a gay bar. That could be grounds for instant death. If Jack, indeed, is the Oyster, or the Oyster is jack, he has powers beyond Satan, beyond god, beyond fuckin’ Bill Zebub too.
Speaking of god, have you ever heard that Jesus was black?
I’m sure I have. But who cares?
Was that why you were mad, thinking that a black man could be humping your wife when you’re on tour?
No, I was just saying that. It has nothing to do with fuckin’ black, white… if she’s shlorking down a dick, I’m pissed off, unless it’s mine, of course.
Have you noticed that black people usually distort a language? They just totally bastardize it, no matter what language it is, like French and Creole.
Oh, like death metal ebonics?
Ebonics in English, yes, that’s an example. Without sounding negative about it, let’s call it Black English. Can we agree on that?
Um. I don’t know. What was the question?
Where I’m going with this is, I think I can prove that Jesus was black, based on black behavior toward language.
Jesus was asked how to pray. Do you remember what he said? He said, get down with me brother… he said, “Our father who are in heaven.” That’s very improper English, and only a black person would talk like that.
Wasn’t it art?
Well, art is Olde English for” are”.
I don’t know Olde English. I barely know English English.
But wouldn’t you say that’s good evidence for Jesus being black?
I guess, that’s ok, if you’re doing an investigation. If I was a juror, I would take that into consideration.
Now that you are relaxed, do you think that it’s possible for you to sing “Mary had A Little Lamb”?
No. Why did I know that this was gonna come up? This is going to become this continuing saga. You’re always like, please! And I’m just not gonna do it.
I’m not going to argue with you about it. I’m just going to ask.
The reason I ask is, you’re like that cartoon frog… he only sings to his owner.
(singing) Hello my baby, hello my darlin’.
The first time you sang, my tape ran out. The second time, my battery died, and you sang it afterwards all night. But you’re determined not to do it on tape.
You just have to give me the top hat and throw me on the street.
I know that as soon as I leave the bus, you’re going to be singing.
I just saw the cartoon before we went on tour. I was like, I’d fucking kill this fuckin’ frog! Just kill it! You ain’t gonna make no fuckin’ money off of it! It’s a little punk!
Do you ever get asked to play requests when you perform?
People yell out songs.
Do people ever yell out, “Mary Had A Little Lamb?”
No, not yet. But I’ve talked to a few people around this area. They asked me about it. What’s with this Mary Had A Little Lamb?
Will you sing it tonight, when you perform?
No, most definitely not. The other guys don’t know it.
Well, just say it’s time for a vocal solo. Have you ever met up with Warrel Dane after he read all the bad stuff you said about him?
I didn’t say that much… I didn’t say… what did I say bad about him?
That you don’t want to sing like him.
Well that’s not bad. I can’t sing like him.
Alright, you’re backing down now.
No I’m not! No! You tell me exactly what I said.
I don’t remember what you said. I don’t want to get in the middle of your war with Nevermore.
I’m not in a war with Nevermore! I didn’t say anything bad about Warrel Dane!
Then why did you steal his guitar player?
He was already fuckin’ out of Nevermore! He had already done tours with Monstrosity, so there! (pause) We can take whoever we want.
Last time we talked, we were cut off as we discussed your parents escaping the concentration camp.
I’m not German. I’m fuckin’ Filipino. (pause) They were trying to escape, but, you know… it happens.
Do you work out?
(laughs) Can’t you tell? I work out 12-ounce curls every night.
After you got married, you let your body go?
I had already been letting it go anyway. Getting married didn’t change anything. Actually, just before I came on tour, I’ve been kicking in an exercise bike. No lie!
Do you wear spandex when you do that?
No… naked! And I put on King Diamond’sThem and just fuckin’ (makes guitar sounds)
Monstrosity doesn’t seem to be doing too well after you left. Do you pay them any sort of alimony?
No. I just saw them yesterday. They pulled up. Before they even got there, some kids were askin’ me that there was a big rumor that I was singin’ a song with ’em. And Lee was like, “Yeah, we’re gonna ask you to sing a song!” I didn’t even know they were playin’ and I was on the bus, and I come out and they’re playin’ Angel of Death, so I missed ’em. No, I’m not paying them alimony, and last night I missed them, and that sucked.
Have you ever asked Dimmu Borgir or The Haunted for any vocal tips. You try to vary your vocals, and I was wondering if you ever decided to incorporate unmanly high-pitched screaming, maybe they could give you some tips.
(George attempts to sing gay, and succeeds)
Is your latest album your best-selling one?
Is that going to make Metal Blade kick you off?
I hope not. No way! It’s doin’ alright, I guess. It’s just not the best-selling one. Maybe we wimped out or something.
Did someone tap you on the shoulder to tell you that that option maybe isn’t looking so good?
Maybe I need to be doing more (makes a high pitched gay sound). I think The Bleeding sold the most. Obviously the Ace Ventura movie had a lot to do with that.
Black metal bands have admitted to me that black metal is dead in Europe. Was there ever a danger that Cannibal Corpse would incorporate gay black metal elements?
No. We’re a death metal band. You know? I like a lot of black metal bands. I like Marduk, Dark Funeral… stuff like that. But we’re not gonna do anything like that. We’re death metal. Pat listens to a little bit. Maybe jack. But nobody else listens to it really that much. I’m the black metal guy in the band.
Do you remember the first Cannibal Corpse record you sang on? Did you get your hands on the underground tape of songs that Chris Barnes sang on?
I had heard it. There’s a tape that has more songs on it than what’s going around. Some people haven’t heard Defiled By Vermin, and that’s actually on one of the tapes.
Would anybody sue me if I put that out on CD?
I don’t care. You know the reason it came out? You know who let it get out?
Thank you. This isn’t a rip on him. But that’s how it got out. If you put it on CD, I wouldn’t care. I know people in Europe have already seen copies of it pressed on CD.
The reason I asked is because, the guy who used to run the Canadian magazine, The Sepulchral Voice, uh, someone gave him a tape to make into a CD before the album came out, but unfortunately his house burned down, and he never shared that tape with me, and I hate him.
Oh, you want to hear it?
Can I play it on my radio show?
We don’t care. We know there’s copies of it out already.
So why don’t you hook me up with an immaculate copy?
I don’t have one.
I think you know some people in the band who might have one.
You know them too.
Yeah, but they don’t like me the way you do. You’ve got that way of talking people into things. I don’t have that. I don’t have what you have. So just look into that. Let it simmer. You’ve got my address and everything.
Just give me a little on the side. Oh man, Metal Bade is kicking us off tomorrow, or whenever this comes out.
That’s ok. You need to be on a metal label anyway.
Hey! Come on! Metal Blade is total metal.
How gay is that guy, EJ?
Do you talk about his love of Motley Crue?
He loves Motley Crue? My wife loves Motley Crue.
Yeah, but your wife is a woman.
Thank you. (pause) He looks like Buddy Holly. You find that funny? It’s nothing bad.
So he looks the way he talks.
He looks sort of like Buddy Holly. Look, I don’t want to sit here and rip on him.
You can’t shut up about him. I just asked a question.
No! You’re just trying to distort everything.
Don’t be paranoid.
I’m not paranoid! What’s he gonna do? Beat me up?
Why are you so defensive? Are you saying he’s a gay wimp?
Listen, when I said that, I had assumed that you had met him. He’s going to be pissed at me when he reads this.
Who cares? What’s he going to do, have a hissy fit?
I know, I know.
You made him break a nail.
I thought that you had met him before.
No, I don’t hang out in gay bars.
Where does he hang out? Obviously not metal shows because he’d get queerbashed.
I don’t know. I’ve only met him a few times.
So he doesn’t go where rough men hang out?
What is he, a scout leader? Is that how he gets action?
Do you act catty when you’re in the same room with an attractive man?
What do you mean? Gay? No.
I don’t know these kind of words. You’re too technical for me, man. Just tell me piss, shit, and fart.
Do you get jealous and all of a sudden have to flex your arms, as if to say that you are more handsome?
No, because I am.
Yeah. I’m goddamn confident.
Have you ever come close to cheating on your wife?
Never. There have been girls, where I’m like, she’s fuckin’ hot! But nothing like when I was attempting to kiss or holding hands or sticking cock in, or anything like that. Not even close.
Did you ever tell your wife, “I wasn’t kissing her, she was kissing me!”
Did she ever say that to you?
What, that she wasn’t kissing her? I wish! But not him!
What are three things that will never appear on a Cannibal Corpse album.
Bill Zebub, poofy hair, and stick twirls. Of course, you couldn’t tell if that was on there. Picture-wise, poofy hair. Thanks-list-wise, Bill Zebub. That fuckin’ super lame cheap beat. Ever hear that?
What is that called? Thrash?
Just a cheap beat. (bass/snare) At practice, you should see Paul do it. He does it super animated. You won’t ever hear the lame dorky cheap beat.
For legal reasons, you could not advertise at the Limelight because you are playing at the Birch Hill tonight. I heard that after you play the rest of the shows on this tour, you’re coming back to the area to play the Limelight, on a Monday night. Have you ever played there? It used to be a church, and they converted it to a club.
I’m almost certain we had.
That means that you brought death metal back to New York.
What’s the big deal of that?
It used to be shut down. From what I heard, the attitude towards drugs was that they could not be stopped, so in order to prevent it, certain dealers were there who acted like caring bartenders.. like, if you had enough, they wouldn’t sell you any more. And they sold you good stuff, not adulterated stuff that could hurt you. (note- this is what I heard from a former employee. It is not presented here as fact). Supposedly they wore special necklaces that indicated they should not be busted, but other dealers were fair game for the police. There was really open drug use, and for some strange reason, the place was shut down.
Is that true, that they couldn’t advertise?
I was told that the Limelight show couldn’t be advertised because people wouldn’t go to the Birch Hill… they would wait for you to come back to the legendary Limelight.
Really? Well as far as I know, it’s on our web site.
I’m just glad. You’re the first death metal band to go through those doors since the big shutdown. And who better to open the doors of the Limelight? It was shut down by a Nazi, and your parents escaped the Nazi’s. I think it’s just beautiful the way you will overthrow the fourth reich of New York. What are some of your hobbies?
Playing video games, and fishing.
So you know about Metal Dave? He has a fishing column in the Grimoire.
You know who else is a big-time fishing person? Chris Bailey from Infernal Majesty.
Get out of town!
Yeah man! (starts reading the column) “I love my goldfish named “Leaky” It will have a birthday soon. If I sing Happy Birthday to it, will it hear me?” What’s that got to do with fishing?
So you’re a fisherman. You don’t keep fish. You’re not an aquarist.
Hey, I eat them motherfuckers.
So if you keep them in a tank, it’s only until they die in your frying pan.
I do have one of those fuckin’ beta fish. It’s fuckin’ cruel. Look, they have these little… it’s like a vase… and they got all this rocky shit… and then a plant would be in it. The roots grow, and then the fish will eat off the roots. They call them fighting fish. If you put two males together, they’ll go at it. You can get bigger cases for ’em. I got a small one. It was given to my wife. I was thinkin’, this is fuckin’ cruel. I haven’t got him a new tank yet, obviously, because I’m on tour. But that’s a different story besides fishing. When I’m fishing, I catch fish, and I eat them motherfuckers.
Isn’t it a little strange to keep fish in a vase? You can’t see them.
(Exasperated) OK. All right. Hardy har.
I’m trying to teach you to become a little more aware of what you’re communicating when you speak.
Yeah, because I’m talking like an idiot.
I’m trying to clear all the rumors for you, George. This is how rumors get started… saying things like, keeping fish in a vase, with plants. Here’s some roses and a goldfish. Here’s a flower, honey. Oh, I’ll put it in a vase with the fighting fish. We have a couple of questions from a girl who lives in Rhode island. Her name is Tammy. Has a man you never met before suddenly given you flowers? Oh no… that was my question. But go ‘head.
Has a man you never met before suddenly given you flowers?
No, or I’d fuckin’ put him in a stunner.
Have you been hit on by a man?
Um… no, I don’t think so.
Tammy would like to know how long is your thingy?
Um, rolled up or…
I’m just asking the questions. I’m not interpreting them.
About as big as a baseball bat.
How many times a day do you jerk off?
Depends on how far into the tour we are. Two to three, let’s say.
Is a tour bus sort of like prison, as far as jerking off is concerned? Like, when you first go into prison, you don’t know if you should, and then, depending on what your cell mate is doing, his jerk off behavior… like, do you wait for other people in the band to start rolling first? Is this a bus of denial, where you just keep doing it and nobody seems to react to everyone else doing it?
I don’t know. I just bought a Hustler, so…
So what do you do? Do you say, “Hey guys! It’s a nice day! Why don’t you go for a walk?”
I think, pretty much, everybody just keeps that to their bunk. Stay in your bunk and wack, if you want.
What if you’re used to moaning in private. You can’t do that on the tour bus.
You just got to do the old… (clamps hand over mouth)
Is there anything you’d like to clear up from past interviews?
Don’t jerk off in public. Wait! Anything I want to clear up from past interviews?
(I met up with Cannibal Corpse again after I had done the Nevermore interview, and I told Pat about what Warrel said, and he responded thusly)
(Pat) I got kicked out of Nevermore because I wasn’t queer.