Vondur

Interview with ALL conducted by Bill Zebub for issue #13 of THE GRIMOIRE OF EXALTED DEEDS magazine.

The person known as “It” has left the scene. Why did that happen?

Mainly I think it was because he was fed up with music and black metal and everything. I think he wanted a break.

I am rather suspicious about that. I think that it is a marketing ploy and that the next album will be promoted as the triumphant return of It.

(laughs) Yeah. Maybe. He has completely disappeared. Only his sister knows where he is.

In Europe CDs are packaged as digi-packs. In America, Vondur is packaged in a very strange way. It is in a very big box.

Uh huh.

It is a very big box, and it is red. It does not have the name “Vondur” on it. It has thy name, “ALL.”

What?

There are commercials for it on American television. In them, there is a mother washing her clothes, and her child is pointing to the album, which is a big red box, and the child so speaks the letters “A-L-L” – hast thou heard of this?

No.

I thought it was strange that Necropolis would actually advertise an album on television, especially during soap operas.

Yeah. Me too. I did an interview earlier today where a guy heard some rumors about IT – that he left the scene because he received death threats from a lot of black people and Jewish people for the “War” album. and now THIS.

There is a subculture of homosexual Jewish people. They can be identified by their use of the word “wonderful” to describe things. In Germany, it is VONDUR-bar.

Yeah.

In Germany, there are gay bars called “Vondur” bars. I was wondering if that embarrasses thee.

I’t s a pretty poor stretch.

This article is thy chance to tell the truth that the posters of thy album in Vondur bars is not thy idea.

Yeah. Not my idea. Write that in capital letters.

Vondur
Vondur

Art thou angry that Joker is promoting thy album and that he is only four feet tall?

Four feet tall? (laughs)

Yes. He is very small.

Actually, IT is very small too. What he lacks in physical strength he makes up for in psychological stature.

Joker writes for the magazine PIT, and it rhymes with IT.

We never got to see each other.

Dost thou think than anyone in EMPEROR looks feminine?

Yeah. They all do.

Dost thou have a picture of Herve in thy house (editor’s note – the label head of Osmose)

No. I don’t.

Who is more handsome, Herve, or Paul from Necropolis?

I like Paul. Mainly for his car.

Paul speaks in a fake English accent because he wants everyone to believe that he is English. England was the first country that had a black metal band, so he wants Necropolis to appear to be a true black metal label.

What band was that? Venom?

It was Paul’s own band, actually. It was called “Pinky.” He gave Quorton his first lesson.

That’s true. I was there.

Americans do not know much about the Swedish government. Thy police do not have guns. They have flowers.

We live by some stupid thing called “Democracy” which kind of destroys thew country. We have a long and glorious history of strong kings and war. I thought that I would get together with our present king who has no power at all, and talk him into a military coup against the government and take the power. Then I will dethrone him.

Is this to have a national anthem with a thrash beat?

Yeah, and so I can get free liquor.

jesus, the Daughter of god
jesus, the Daughter of god

I heard that if a school has a black person in it, the Swedish national anthem cannot be sung.

That’s true. They forbid the national anthem because it is considered racist.

Does the Swedish national anthem have lyrics like “We have blonde hair and we like to kill niggers?”

Nothing like that. Praise of country.

Because of thy feelings about Norway, wouldst thou kill everyone like Hitler wanted to do to Polaks?

I would use them for slave labor.

I heard that in Sweden, the mosquito is a sacred creature.

That’s true. It’s forbidden for a christian Swede to even think about hurting a mosquito.

Swedes think that a mosquito was the first creature to ever drink the blood of Jesus. In case thou hast not noticed, I do not actually like to talk about music.

Yes. I have noticed that.

Metal bands demonstrate humor

You may have heard that some bands promote the pussification of metal. like BENIGHTED, which some people call “Be-Nutted” – but the following video shows metal people who have no fear of humor.

Please support bands that promote independence, not conformity and cowardice.

Pussification
Pussification

benighted cry about an interview

The gay fake-metal band BENIGHTED did something that no other band in history has done – they tried to get an interview removed.

Their publicist fraudulently filed a copyright claim, but this was done as a nuisance tactic to pull the interview. She has been notified that there is a video consent/release, and she is personally liable (the record label head said that this is HER action, not the record label’s) Her first name is KATY. Future record companies will know not to hire her due to her ignorance and juvenile tactics. Would you hire someone who embarrasses your record label?

Gayness of Benighted
Gayness of Benighted

“The lady doth protest too much” Do you know what that means? If you have nothing to hide, why would you react so dramatically?

A couple of days after the interview, the publicist Emailed this:

“I have spoken with the band and I must politely ask that you do not run the interview in any capacity. The band doesn’t feel that the interview will represent them well as they were confused and caught off guard by your questions and humor. Perhaps in the future, they will think differently about the interview, but right now we cannot let it run.

Thank you for understanding!

-Katy”

I thought that this was a joke so I ignored it. A day later, I received a youtube notification that someone had filed a copyright claim.

The interview will run, and it will also begin with the band giving consent. (This business part of the video is usually only for lawyers, but it will be shown on youtube with an explanation that Katy Twatburger from Season of Mist will try to have the footage removed, so this is proof of consent, and of Katy being a twat) But it’s not just that the band was given consent, they had an additional freedom. Whenever video interviews are made, the artists are told that if any question is not acceptable, then to just look into the camera and say “Do not use this.” The artists are also allowed to try to answer the question again in case they flub or they reveal things that they shouldn’t.

No band has ever invoked that, but BENIGHTED had the chance to do this. Why did BENIGHTED say things when they knew that they were being recorded?

Gayness of Benighted
Gayness of Benighted

News of this cowardly behavior was posted on social media sites. Even bands that have wanted to fight Bill Zebub came to his defense. As much as anyone has ever wanted to punch Bill Zebub, no one has ever asked that an interview be removed.

What could have been the reason for the band being afraid of the interview?


The label head said that BIll Zebub was drunk and asked nazi questions. Bill Zebub couldn’t believe that this was a serious reply. This response also seemed to be a joke. Is it really possible that in all of the interviews since 1993, there is a surprise that Bill Zebub conducts interview while drunk, or that he asks ridiculous questions? That has been the entire span of the Grimoire.

Bill Zebub re-watched the interview to discover if there were any nazi questions, and the only such question was a joke. Bill Zebub was ridiculing the vocalist’s baldness and asked if he were a nazi skinhead or if he was just bald.

To compare, Bill Zebub asked the drummer of VOIVOD “Are you a nazi?” but the whole band laughed. They knew that it was a ridiculous question. No one could possibly think this is a real question. It’s stupid.

Can it be that something is being hidden? Why have such a panic over a joke? Is there a past that isn’t on the surface?

In digging for more possible jokes that the singer and lisping drummer may have been afraid of, there was an actual serious question that was asked out of genuine curiosity. It had to do with opinions about moslem migrants. Could this be what the band was afraid of? The lisping drummer talked about his feelings on the matter, of how it is a problem not just for France but also for Europe, and after a few remarks he and the effeminate vocalist indicated that they like to talk about this privately. What more do they say in private life?

Still, the band could have said, “We don’t want to answer this question” and the next question would come.

The band was also asked if France had the same anti-semitism as Russia or Germany, but in the era of the second world war. But no matter what the question was, humorously spoken or seriously asked, there should be no such childish behavior like asking mommy to get the interview removed

Could this band handle a live interview? Would they try to ask a radio station to turn back time?

A remix of this interview, including the consent, is being prepared. Blogs, video channels, and torrent sites are currently awaiting the receipt of a re-edit of the video in which ONLY the silly questions are asked. It’s fine. The band is mediocre, as are the responses.

In addition, the printed form of the interview will be available after additional footage is encoded (to glean more answers). There was a girl who smelled the band to see if French have poor hygiene.

Gayness of Benighted
Gayness of Benighted

The world of metal has been attacked by outsiders, but now, bands like BENIGHTED are behaving in ways that are NOT metal. Well, they were not completely embraced by metal anyway. During the tour with ABORTED AND CRYPTOPSY, many patrons stayed in the bar having conversations instead of seeing the mediocre copycat band BENIGHTED play on the outdoor stage.

It is unmanly to ask a journalist to take down an interview. This interview was presented in dialogue form (you heard the question and you heard the answer). This means that it was impossible to take out of context, and all flubs were presented.

Why would the band talk for an HOUR if they didn’t want the interview spread? We shall see.

Do not support a band that behaves this way. Do not support censorship. Do not support bands and publicist who use nuisance tactics. Do not support males who have been feminized. Do not support fascists.

Action will be taken against the publicist for making bogus claims, but for now, let he behavior be known.

After a few posts about the behavior, the publicist wrote:

“You can keep posting and yelling but I will keep reporting, removing, and filing legal claims as I did with the original video in question.

In any case, thanks for bringing Benighted to the attention of so many. Your fruitless efforts to drag them on social media has only introduced many new fans to their music. The more you cry about the band, the more clicks we get. So thanks for doing that solid for us!”

Gayness of Benighted
Gayness of Benighted

The printed interview will be available soon. If you want the video footage for your blog, youtube, vimeo, or anything else, Email bill@billzebub.com

Gayness of Benighted

Stan & Ollie – Movie Review

I loved this movie. Yes, I am a fan of Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy, but that would make me judge a movie about the duo more harshly. I own every possible movie and have read a few biographies.

When I discovered that this is a fictional story, it put me at ease. I loved Amadeus even though there were, shall we say, some errors. Same with Immortal Beloved – a story about Beethoven. These movies were great works of fiction that exalted the subjects. The same applies to Stan & Ollie.

The first few minutes were spent in wonder as I saw the much-loved comedy duo depicted very well, but I soon lost sense of myself as the story immersed me in that world.

There was laughter, and there was sadness. It was hard to watch at times because of my connection to the characters. They deserved to have better outcomes, but in a way, they lived as some of the characters who they depicted. Despite being poor and suffering one mishap after another, they didn’t let the cruelty of life diminish the warmth of their personalities.

I cannot put myself in the place of someone who doesn’t know these two so I can’t predict if this movie will affect such viewers, but I believe that it will be inspiring to any who watch. I will surely watch this many more times.

I am grateful that such a movie was made.

Sekiro

This game should be called “Suck Kiro

I wanted to love this game. It didn’t take long for me to see the signs that this wasn’t going to be the case.

The button configuration is vastly different from the other “Souls” games. When I finally quit playing this game, I launched the first DARK SOULS, and it took me an hour to unlearn the stupid button assignment from aforementioned game.

So yes, the first irritating thing about this game is the unlearning of the previous games.

When I played Bloodborne, I hated it because it had a gun. I love to use shields, but even if I didn’t, I hate the idea of a gun in a game like that. Still, the button configuration was familiar, and playing this second-rate Souls game made me better at two-handing weapons when I returned to the traditional Souls games.

Another difference is that you recover stamina by holding a guard position, which is the opposite of a souls game.

Some people have praised the combat, but playing this game is like playing Robotron – just shooting blindly. I tested this by just blindly hitting the R1 button repeatedly. How can a game be this bad? The predecessors were games in which there was some thought put into the combat, but this new installment is a button-masher.

The previous games allowed for a variety of playing styles, but this one modifies your behavior into a chaotic hit-the-button-repeatedly drone, This is not fun.

Boss battles are different in two ways. The first is that you have to perform two attacks that smell like backstabs and parries, but they are called “death blows” which is a stupid idea. You can hit all you want, but you have perform these actions, or so it seems.

This is well suited for an anally retentive player, but I like freedom in my games. The frustration is even greater when each boss seems to be conquered best in a specific way. I liked challenge-runs in previous games, defeating a Hydra, for example, with a dagger instead of the longest weapon possible. Good luck with that in this bad game.

The treasure items are meaningless. The first half out of the game felt like a Mario game, and after a few found items, I discovered that i didn’t care about them. In Dark Souls, it was like an episode of “Let’s Make A Deal” whenever a shiny thingy was seen. Does one risk death in order to obtain what can be behind the curtain?

In Sekiro. I didn’t care about any item, no matter which boost it gave.

I don’t like being forced to play with one weapon. I kept reminding myself that this is a Japanese game, not a medieval horror fantasy, but I hated the combat. There are animations that may impress a kid, or someone who likes stupid action movies, but the animations are random, not something that I choose, and even if I could choose specific attacks, the gameplay seems more like Mortal Combat than a Souls game.

Word of advice – turn auto-target off. Actually, scratch that. It turns on by itself anyway. This was endlessly annoying after I committed a sneak attack and then tried to get away. Instead of running to freedom, my character auto-targeted someone BEHIND me ten million miles away, and I stopped dead in my tracks.

The stealth is stupid. Sekiro doesn’t have artificial intelligence. It has artificial retardation. When I was in stealth mode, three stories high on a roof, enemies for far away detected me, yet when I WASN’T in stealth, I was as close as two feet away, almost facing the opponent, and I wasn’t noticed.

Sekiro is a fake-stealth game, and it copied an annoying part of those games. When combat starts, whether stealth was broken or I charged in, the same annoying music started. In Dark Souls, there is only special music for boss fights, and each one has a different theme.

This musical cue for any combat became so painful that I was like a Pavlovian dog – but instead of salivating at the sound, I cried tears of agony. I hated this so much that I went into the game options and turned the music down to volume zero. Same with the dialogue, but that didn’t work too well.

The game was a bit less annoying with the music off, but it was still a tedious experience.

Another silly aspect is the grappling hook, which makes the game into a wanna-be Spider Man. Why would I play something like that?

The character can fall 10,000 feet in some instances and bear not even a scratch, but in others a player can die by falling ten feet.

Another bad thing about combat is that some opponents have attacks that will succeed no matter what you do. I was twenty feet away from someone who tried to grab me. I jumped anyway, but the animation suddenly gliched into me being caught by the arms. Apparently, you have to be anal and press only ONE type of button at ONE possible moment, or you die.

I have played the Dark Souls games, and while some parts were frustrating, I ultimately enjoyed most of the experiences. In Sekiro, the reason why I continued playing despite never having enjoyed a single moment was because I didn’t want to admit that I lost $60, and I wanted to get SOME kind of feeling that I didn’t waste me time.

Stephen R. Donaldson wrote books in the “Thomas Covenant, the Unbeliever” trilogies. I wanted to like them, but I ended up only reading them to say that I had read them. I even re-read the first book recently to see if maybe I would like them now that i am older. Nope. Sekiro is like Thomas Covenant, the Unbeliever. Do it for bragging rights, but not for the experience.

Coincidentally, Stephen R. Donaldson wrote “Mirror of Her Dreams” and “A Man Rides Through” which were of a pleasurable writing style and were amazing stories, so they are like Dark Souls games, while Sekiro is bad.

In Dark Souls, when I died, I cared. This didn’t happen in Sekiro. I had absolutely no thrills or tension. It was a bad game that just kept getting worse. I didn’t finish it because I already feel stupid for having wasted time on it.

Sekiro is something to erase from your mind and from your hard drive. Don’t make the mistake that I did.

I fired up a game of Dark Souls to help erase the foul taste of Sekiro from my mouth.

Seriously, I have to state it again – I killed enemies simply by button-mashing, not caring at all what I did, and not blocking. Try that in any other Souls game and you will be toast. In Sekiro, I was victorious. A stupid game for stupid people.

Mayhem interview with hellhammer

This interview with Hellhammer, drummer of Mayhem, was conducted by Bill Zebub for Issue #12 of The Grimoire of Exalted Deeds magazine, which was published in time for the Milwaukee Metalfest (the year of publication is not currently known, but Mayhem played)

Didst thou have sex with Kim from Ancient? Wilt thou back down from John McEntee if he challenges thee to a duel?

First of all, I back down from no one. And anyway, that other shit is, like, stupid rumors that follow me. You know?

Whatever happened to Popeye, the vocalist on Die Mysteries Dom Sathanas?

Oh well… he ate too much spinach. He got married to Olive Oil, and we never saw him again.

Dost thou think that thou art wasting thy talent by drumming for a black metal band? Wouldn’t a death metal or grind band be more appropriate for thy skill?

I could play in any type of band, even pop, if I chose. And so, if I thought I was wasting my time, then I wouldn’t do what I do.

Thy new singer, the one who sounds like a cat choking on a hairball, tries to use clean vocals at times. Or is that a different fag? In any case, he sounds more gay than someone who was thrown out of a fag bar. Didst thou allow this, or wert thou outvoted by the other homosexuals in the band?

(sarcastically) Firstly, how come you know so much about facts? Maniac, the vocalist you talk about. is actually the original vocalist from twelve years ago. Have yo been to that homo bar that you speak about? I don’t understand what the fuck you’re talking about – outvoted – you stupid ass!

Are there any traces of Euronymous’s writing in the new material, or is the riffing created by someone who adored the fat fuck?

No. All material is solely ours shit-head.

I am curious why thou calleth thyself “Hellhammer.” Is it because thou wanted to believe that when people were praising the Hellhammer band created by Tom Gaybird Warrior that they were really praising thee?

No. Of course not. But I think that Helhammer is a way better name than Bill Zebub. What a ridiculous question! Even fags like yourself should know better!

Art thou exploiting the notoriety of the stabbing, or art thou trying to make the world forget about it? I am wondering if there is any pressure on thee to be a continuation of what was started.

To play Mayhem is no pressure. We just carry on, follow our path. And so yes, I am exploiting the stabbing – actually in the most cruel way. And if you don’t back off soon, you can be next!

Is it true that when thou were struggling for money, that thou made ice pops by putting drumsticks in cups of apple juice and freezing them, selling them to kids, telling them that they were the jellied brains of Euronymous?

I’ve heard many times that you have a short dick.

Is it true that some of thy songs were inspired by candy? I heard that, over there, it is common to buy bags of various candy.

How stupid can you be? Of course you are totally misinformed about this,the faggot that you are. But you know, I think that when it comes to drugs, that you could have an answer. you know, I hear that in the gay world they probably call drugs “chocolate” and that’s why maybe I think you are so easily confused.

I heard that Count Grishnak played the bass on thy album despite the protests of Euronymous’s parents. I heard that it was an inside joke that thou wert credited with the bass lines because, in freindlier times, Varg Vikernes sucked so bad that Euronymous used to say “Gay Hellhammer can play bass better.”

I heard many times that you have a short dick.

Didst thou ever give shelter to an annoying American?

Are you talking about Kim? By the way, she was the one who often talked about your dick size, and we all would have a great laugh at your expense.

I am hoping that thou wilt tell me which black metal bands not to listen to.

You better find out yourself. I know what you’re up to here.

What would thou say if I told thee that Judas Iscariot declared himself a more proficient drummer than thou art?

I couldn’t give a shit about it. If someone is bragging about themselves, so be it. That is not something I will do.

Wouldst thou say that drummers are the rarest musicians in underground music? There are tons of guitarists, but bands everywhere complain that they cannot find drummers. Or is it that not everyone can have the stamina to play that style?

At a certain extent it is true. I think that the heart of the complaint is finding good drummers. The underground drummers like Judas Iscariot guys are a dime a dozen.

Dost thou see improvement in the way that extreme drumming is recorded, or dost thou favor poor production?

I’ve been in the game for sixteen years now, and a poor production is for a poor musician. But it is understandable that also it is either a lack of money or a lack of technical ability to play. This was usual in the beginning. It’s accepted if you are an amateur.

I would like to end this chat with the opportunity for thee to insult me and to have the last word, as our history together has been full of insults which might have seemed as if I had the final say. Unleash thy wanton revenge upon me.

Actually, I am not going to do that since you will get off on it. You seem to be like a sado-masochist. But I’m sure that I will see you at the Milwaukee Metalfest bar, and we shall discuss these matters further. Thank you, and fuck off.

Hellhammer
Hellhammer

Vanishing Kids – Vanishing kids (Svart Records)

This is a perfect album. Even if you don’t like the style, which may be called psychodelic or progressive, you cannot possibly say a bad word about it.

Watch this to unfold the dream

I distantly recall Paul Chain and Simon Garfunkle in parts but it’s part of the associations in the chains of my memories. The band has a unique sound, which I prefer to enjoy in darkness and with eyes closed, and I hear the full album in one sitting. It satisfies many experiential cravings.

I will share a video here, but please do not let any appearance prejudice you. Listen to the music. Let that be your only focus. A story will form in your mind.

This is a work of excellence. Treat it as such.

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