Interview with George Fisher conducted by Bill Zebub for issue #25

 

It’s a pleasure to see you, George.

Likewise.

 

Which shampoo do you use?

Which shampoo… shit! I don’t the exact make of it because my wife bought it. It’s some fuckin’ salon kind of bullshit. She does fuckin’ nails and facials and all that stuff, and she works in a salon where they do hair and shit. But it ain’t that Biolage. It’s pretty good. It smells good.

 

A lot of people want to emulate you, and I think a good start is a hair product.

I used to use some stuff that Alex uses, but I don’t remember what it was called. I used to use Biolage. How’s that? Use Biolage, and be brutal.

 

Do you blow-dry, or do you let it dry naturally?

Just let it dry.

 

Is that important?

No, because I ain’t sitting under a fuckin’ hair dryer for 20 minutes. I just rather blow-dry my ass hairs.

 

Have you ever cheated on your wife?

No. Honestly, no.

 

Are you sure?

Yes, 100%

 

You are the stud muffin of death metal.

I am? But I don’t get any.

 

Has your wife ever cheated on you?

Not to my knowledge? She better not, or I’ll fuck her with a knife! (this was spoken jokingly).

 

What would be better, if the guy she cheated on you was a friend, or a stranger?

Maybe a friend, because then I’d know at least probably what he has or what he doesn’t have.

 

Would that make you violent?

It depends. I don’t know what it depends on, but it would depend. I don’t know what to tell ya. If come home and see her shlorking down some big black dick, you know what I mean, I’m going to be pretty pissed off. But I don’t have any guns, so I’ll just have to hack someone with a big sword.

 

Do you have a sword?

Six of them.

 

Really?

Yes, I am true evil.

 

Does that compensate for something else?

No. (laughs) Actually I have seven swords.   If you wanna know then. A short sword and six long swords.  (pause) Average male American giant nine-incher.

 

Do women force themselves on you even though they know that you are married?

I wish! No, no they don’t force themselves on me. Come one! Look at me! I’m buff!

 

That must be why they call you “Buff George”.

Unless it was some fuckin’ big Bertha going (in a deep voice), “Come on! I want some now, Grinder!” I would be in trouble if that was the case.

 

Are you embarrassed to be on tour with such soft bands as The Haunted and Dimmu Borgir?

They’re not soft. That’s fuckin’ mean.

 

You’re so diplomatic! Come on!

No! I’m not!

 

You like the swirling keyboards, then?

Yeah, I listen to Emperor a lot. They got keyboards. There’s nothing wrong with that.

 

You knew I was coming!

No! You don’t like The Haunted? In all honesty, I just heard the new Dimmu Borgir last night. Jack bought it.

 

Was it in a gay bar?

Look, let me just give you one word of advice. Don’t fuck with the oyster. That would be fucking with the oyster if you would even insinuate that the oyster visited a gay bar. That could be grounds for instant death. If Jack, indeed, is the Oyster, or the Oyster is jack, he has powers beyond Satan, beyond god, beyond fuckin’ Bill Zebub too.

 

Speaking of god, have you ever heard that Jesus was black?

I’m sure I have. But who cares?

 

Was that why you were mad, thinking that a black man could be humping your wife when you’re on tour?

No, I was just saying that. It has nothing to do with fuckin’ black, white… if she’s shlorking down a dick, I’m pissed off, unless it’s mine, of course.

 

Have you noticed that black people usually distort a language? They just totally bastardize it, no matter what language it is, like French and Creole.

Oh, like death metal ebonics?

 

Ebonics in English, yes, that’s an example. Without sounding negative about it, let’s call it Black English. Can we agree on that?

Um. I don’t know. What was the question?

 

Where I’m going with this is, I think I can prove that Jesus was black, based on black behavior toward language.

You can?

 

Jesus was asked how to pray. Do you remember what he said? He said, get down with me brother… he said, “Our father who are in heaven.” That’s very improper English, and only a black person would talk like that.

Wasn’t it art?

 

Well, art is Olde English for” are”.

I don’t know Olde English. I barely know English English.

 

But wouldn’t you say that’s good evidence for Jesus being black?

I guess, that’s ok, if you’re doing an investigation. If I was a juror, I would take that into consideration.

 

Now that you are relaxed, do you think that it’s possible for you to sing “Mary had A Little Lamb”?

No. Why did I know that this was gonna come up? This is going to become this continuing saga. You’re always like, please! And I’m just not gonna do it.

 

I’m not going to argue with you about it. I’m just going to ask.

Maybe after.

 

The reason I ask is, you’re like that cartoon frog… he only sings to his owner.

(singing) Hello my baby, hello my darlin’.

 

The first time you sang, my tape ran out. The second time, my battery died, and you sang it afterwards all night. But you’re determined not to do it on tape.

You just have to give me the top hat and throw me on the street.

 

I know that as soon as I leave the bus, you’re going to be singing.

I just saw the cartoon before we went on tour. I was like, I’d fucking kill this fuckin’ frog! Just kill it! You ain’t gonna make no fuckin’ money off of it! It’s a little punk!

 

Do you ever get asked to play requests when you perform?

People yell out songs.

 

Do people ever yell out, “Mary Had A Little Lamb?”

No, not yet. But I’ve talked to a few people around this area. They asked me about it. What’s with this Mary Had A Little Lamb?

 

Will you sing it tonight, when you perform?

No, most definitely not. The other guys don’t know it.

 

Well, just say it’s time for a vocal solo. Have you ever met up with Warrel Dane after he read all the bad stuff you said about him?

I didn’t say that much… I didn’t say… what did I say bad about him?

 

That you don’t want to sing like him.

Well that’s not bad. I can’t sing like him.

 

Alright, you’re backing down now.

No I’m not! No! You tell me exactly what I said.

 

I don’t remember what you said. I don’t want to get in the middle of your war with Nevermore.

I’m not in a war with Nevermore! I didn’t say anything bad about Warrel Dane!

 

Then why did you steal his guitar player?

He was already fuckin’ out of Nevermore! He had already done tours with Monstrosity, so there! (pause) We can take whoever we want.

 

Last time we talked, we were cut off as we discussed your parents escaping the concentration camp.

I’m not German. I’m fuckin’ Filipino. (pause) They were trying to escape, but, you know… it happens.

 

Do you work out?

(laughs) Can’t you tell? I work out 12-ounce curls every night.

 

After you got married, you let your body go?

I had already been letting it go anyway. Getting married didn’t change anything. Actually, just before I came on tour, I’ve been kicking in an exercise bike. No lie!

 

Do you wear spandex when you do that?

No… naked! And I put on King Diamond’s Them and just fuckin’ (makes guitar sounds)

 

Monstrosity doesn’t seem to be doing too well after you left. Do you pay them any sort of alimony?

No. I just saw them yesterday. They pulled up. Before they even got there, some kids were askin’ me that there was a big rumor that I was singin’ a song with ’em. And Lee was like, “Yeah, we’re gonna ask you to sing a song!” I didn’t even know they were playin’ and I was on the bus, and I come out and they’re playin’ Angel of Death, so I missed ’em. No, I’m not paying them alimony, and last night I missed them, and that sucked.

 

Have you ever asked Dimmu Borgir or The Haunted for any vocal tips. You try to vary your vocals, and I was wondering if you ever decided to incorporate unmanly high-pitched screaming, maybe they could give you some tips.

(George attempts to sing gay, and succeeds)

 

Is your latest album your best-selling one?

No.

 

Is that going to make Metal Blade kick you off?

I hope not. No way! It’s doin’ alright, I guess. It’s just not the best-selling one. Maybe we wimped out or something.

 

Did someone tap you on the shoulder to tell you that that option maybe isn’t looking so good?

Maybe I need to be doing more (makes a high pitched gay sound). I think The Bleeding sold the most. Obviously the Ace Ventura movie had a lot to do with that.

 

Black metal bands have admitted to me that black metal is dead in Europe. Was there ever a danger that Cannibal Corpse would incorporate gay black metal elements?

No. We’re a death metal band. You know? I like a lot of black metal bands. I like Marduk, Dark Funeral… stuff like that. But we’re not gonna do anything like that. We’re death metal. Pat listens to a little bit. Maybe jack. But nobody else listens to it really that much. I’m the black metal guy in the band.

 

Do you remember the first Cannibal Corpse record you sang on? Did you get your hands on the underground tape of songs that Chris Barnes sang on?

I had heard it. There’s a tape that has more songs on it than what’s going around. Some people haven’t heard Defiled By Vermin, and that’s actually on one of the tapes.

 

Would anybody sue me if I put that out on CD?

I don’t care. You know the reason it came out? You know who let it get out?

 

Chris Barnes.

Thank you. This isn’t a rip on him. But that’s how it got out. If you put it on CD, I wouldn’t care. I know people in Europe have already seen copies of it pressed on CD.

 

The reason I asked is because, the guy who used to run the Canadian magazine, The Sepulchral Voice, uh, someone gave him a tape to make into a CD before the album came out, but unfortunately his house burned down, and he never shared that tape with me, and I hate him.

Oh, you want to hear it?

 

Can I play it on my radio show?

We don’t care. We know there’s copies of it out already.

 

So why don’t you hook me up with an immaculate copy?

I don’t have one.

 

I think you know some people in the band who might have one.

You know them too.

 

Yeah, but they don’t like me the way you do. You’ve got that way of talking people into things. I don’t have that. I don’t have what you have. So just look into that. Let it simmer. You’ve got my address and everything.

Just give me a little on the side. Oh man, Metal Bade is kicking us off tomorrow, or whenever this comes out.

 

That’s ok. You need to be on a metal label anyway.

Hey! Come on! Metal Blade is total metal.

 

How gay is that guy, EJ?

EJ’s alright.

 

Faggy?

No!

 

Do you talk about his love of Motley Crue?

He loves Motley Crue? My wife loves Motley Crue.

 

Yeah, but your wife is a woman.

Thank you. (pause) He looks like Buddy Holly. You find that funny? It’s nothing bad.

 

So he looks the way he talks.

He looks sort of like Buddy Holly. Look, I don’t want to sit here and rip on him.

 

You can’t shut up about him. I just asked a question.

No! You’re just trying to distort everything.

 

Don’t be paranoid.

I’m not paranoid! What’s he gonna do? Beat me up?

 

Why are you so defensive? Are you saying he’s a gay wimp?

Listen, when I said that, I had assumed that you had met him. He’s going to be pissed at me when he reads this.

 

Who cares? What’s he going to do, have a hissy fit?

I know, I know.

 

You made him break a nail.

I thought that you had met him before.

 

No, I don’t hang out in gay bars.

Oh man!

 

Where does he hang out? Obviously not metal shows because he’d get queerbashed.

I don’t know. I’ve only met him a few times.

 

So he doesn’t go where rough men hang out?

(laughs)

 

What is he, a scout leader? Is that how he gets action?

Oh man!

 

Do you act catty when you’re in the same room with an attractive man?

What do you mean? Gay? No.

 

No. Catty.

I don’t know these kind of words. You’re too technical for me, man. Just tell me piss, shit, and fart.

 

Do you get jealous and all of a sudden have to flex your arms, as if to say that you are more handsome?

No, because I am.

 

You’re confident?

Yeah. I’m goddamn confident.

 

Have you ever come close to cheating on your wife?

Never. There have been girls, where I’m like, she’s fuckin’ hot! But nothing like when I was attempting to kiss or holding hands or sticking cock in, or anything like that. Not even close.

 

Did you ever tell your wife, “I wasn’t kissing her, she was kissing me!”

No.

 

Did she ever say that to you?

What, that she wasn’t kissing her? I wish! But not him!

 

What are three things that will never appear on a Cannibal Corpse album.

Bill Zebub, poofy hair, and stick twirls. Of course, you couldn’t tell if that was on there. Picture-wise, poofy hair. Thanks-list-wise, Bill Zebub. That fuckin’ super lame cheap beat. Ever hear that?

 

What is that called? Thrash?

Just a cheap beat. (bass/snare) At practice, you should see Paul do it. He does it super animated. You won’t ever hear the lame dorky cheap beat.

 

For legal reasons, you could not advertise at the Limelight because you are playing at the Birch Hill tonight. I heard that after you play the rest of the shows on this tour, you’re coming back to the area to play the Limelight, on a Monday night. Have you ever played there? It used to be a church, and they converted it to a club.

I’m almost certain we had.

 

That means that you brought death metal back to New York.

What’s the big deal of that?

 

It used to be shut down. From what I heard, the attitude towards drugs was that they could not be stopped, so in order to prevent it, certain dealers were there who acted like caring bartenders.. like, if you had enough, they wouldn’t sell you any more. And they sold you good stuff, not adulterated stuff that could hurt you. (note-  this is what I heard from a former employee. It is not presented here as fact). Supposedly they wore special necklaces that indicated they should not be busted, but other dealers were fair game for the police. There was really open drug use, and for some strange reason, the place was shut down.

Is that true, that they couldn’t advertise?

 

I was told that the Limelight show couldn’t be advertised because people wouldn’t go to the Birch Hill… they would wait for you to come back to the legendary Limelight.

Really? Well as far as I know, it’s on our web site.

 

I’m just glad. You’re the first death metal band to go through those doors since the big shutdown. And who better to open the doors of the Limelight? It was shut down by a Nazi, and your parents escaped the Nazi’s. I think it’s just beautiful the way you will overthrow the fourth reich of New York. What are some of your hobbies?

Playing video games, and fishing.

 

So you know about Metal Dave? He has a fishing column in the Grimoire.

You know who else is a big-time fishing person? Chris Bailey from Infernal Majesty.

 

Get out of town!

Yeah man! (starts reading the column) “I love my goldfish named “Leaky” It will have a birthday soon. If I sing Happy Birthday to it, will it hear me?” What’s that got to do with fishing?

 

So you’re a fisherman. You don’t keep fish. You’re not an aquarist.

Hey, I eat them motherfuckers.

 

So if you keep them in a tank, it’s only until they die in your frying pan.

I do have one of those fuckin’ beta fish. It’s fuckin’ cruel. Look, they have these little… it’s like a vase… and they got all this rocky shit… and then a plant would be in it. The roots grow, and then the fish will eat off the roots. They call them fighting fish. If you put two males together, they’ll go at it. You can get bigger cases for ’em. I got a small one. It was given to my wife. I was thinkin’, this is fuckin’ cruel. I haven’t got him a new tank yet, obviously, because I’m on tour. But that’s a different story besides fishing. When I’m fishing, I catch fish, and I eat them motherfuckers.

 

Isn’t it a little strange to keep fish in a vase? You can’t see them.

(Exasperated) OK. All right. Hardy har.

 

I’m trying to teach you to become a little more aware of what you’re communicating when you speak.

Yeah, because I’m talking like an idiot.

 

I’m trying to clear all the rumors for you, George. This is how rumors get started… saying things like, keeping fish in a vase, with plants. Here’s some roses and a goldfish. Here’s a flower, honey. Oh, I’ll put it in a vase with the fighting fish. We have a couple of questions from a girl who lives in Rhode island. Her name is Tammy. Has a man you never met before suddenly given you flowers? Oh no… that was my question. But go ‘head.

What?

 

Has a man you never met before suddenly given you flowers?

No, or I’d fuckin’ put him in a stunner.

 

Have you been hit on by a man?

Um… no, I don’t think so.

 

Tammy would like to know how long is your thingy?

Um, rolled up or…

 

I’m just asking the questions. I’m not interpreting them.

About as big as a baseball bat.

 

How many times a day do you jerk off?

Depends on how far into the tour we are. Two to three, let’s say.

 

Is a tour bus sort of like prison, as far as jerking off is concerned? Like, when you first go into prison, you don’t know if you should, and then, depending on what your cell mate is doing, his jerk off behavior… like, do you wait for other people in the band to start rolling first? Is this a bus of denial, where you just keep doing it and nobody seems to react to everyone else doing it?

I don’t know. I just bought a Hustler, so…

 

So what do you do? Do you say, “Hey guys! It’s a nice day! Why don’t you go for a walk?”

I think, pretty much, everybody just keeps that to their bunk. Stay in your bunk and wack, if you want.

 

What if you’re used to moaning in private. You can’t do that on the tour bus.

You just got to do the old… (clamps hand over mouth)

 

Is there anything you’d like to clear up from past interviews?

Don’t jerk off in public. Wait! Anything I want to clear up from past interviews?

 

ADDENDUM

(I met up with Cannibal Corpse again after I had done the Nevermore interview, and I told Pat about what Warrel said, and he responded thusly)

(Pat) I got kicked out of Nevermore because I wasn’t queer.