Category Archives: Death Metal

Death Metal is chiefly characterized by the monstrous and demonic vocals. Smug faggots call it “cookie monster” vocals, but usually such faggots would not be able to win a fight against cookie monster, let alone the average death metal vocalist. The music can be simplistic or intricate, in common time or with bizarre time signatures. Orchestral instruments, or even operatic vocals have been incorporated at times.

Lobotomy

This interview with Daniel appeared in issue #16

(Editor’s note – Daniel starts off the interview by insulting me) First of all, I guess you don’t know anything about metal.

You’ve read the Grimoire, then?
Yeah, I had to. I was at the office (ed – No Fashion office in Sweden) and they told me to read it so I wouldn’t get offended. There’s some nice chick on the front cover, so that’s OK.

Not everyone in the band is Swedish, correct?
Yeah, correct.

Is one of the band members named “Tonto?”
How do you figure? (laughs) Actually, his nickname is Smurf Tonto. He’s actually from Greenland, but he’s doing his best to play the flute, so that’s OK.

Greenland… that’s the place with the native people. You wouldn’t call them Indians.
Eskimos.

They are very famous for staring down their opponents. See how cool I am? I know everything.
Sure you do.

It seems that Grave was a big influence.
The death scene back in ‘92 was Grave, Entombed, Dismember, and stuff like that… and we had the same influences. We weren’t that influenced by Grave, but we had the same influences as they had. That’s the sound we have.

So why was Grave signed at that time, and not Lobotomy?
Because they were from Gotland, a little island outside Sweden, and the record companies thought that was a lot more cooler. We were from Stockholm. We weren’t awesome enough to release an album, but they were because they were from a tiny little island.

It seems that a band’s biography is a selling point these days. I guess that always has been the case. I noticed that you have no trouble with the English language so I am going to be speaking to thee in an older tongue.
Thou shalt suffer.. OK.

On a scale of 1-10, how gay is Insania?
(laughs) Ten! No doubt about it!

I could hardly believe what was on that CD when I put it in the stereo. I had my stereo tested for A.I.D.S.
You should put a condom on your CD player.

Is there really a demand for that style of music?
German kids.

I wonder how thou feeleth about bands like that.
They were torn from the womb too early to have the normal breastfeeding, I guess. They just want to get some money. I play good ol’ death metal because I’m a man. but I guess these are wimps or fags or whatever.

What about the alternative scene that composes bullshit music that is nowhere near as demanding as death metal like Brutality, yet they look down on metal?
I know exactly what you mean. I had trouble getting jobs just because I had long hair. I actually cut my hair two years ago just to try how it was. It was definitely much more easier to get a job then. We have our own race, the metal people, I guess.

Except we don’t have an annoying organization like the N.A.A.C.P helping us. There are no token long-hairs in the work force.
Yeah, but you had Frank Zappa and Dee Snyder helping out when Tipper Gore was after all the heavy metal albums.

I don’t think those two people should be used in the same sentence. There’s a vast difference in intellect between Zappa and Snyder.
But they had long hair. Frank Zappa was a god, and Dee Snyder was… I don’t know…

A dumb metalhead.
So are you!

The P.M.R.C. didn’t hurt metal at all. A parental advisory sticker is a sign that the album is probably very cool.
Yeah, but the problem was these artists started to emerge that just opted to have that sticker. They just started to focus on their provocative style, Like Marilyn Manson and shit like that. It started to be a fashion band instead of thinking about producing good music. I think that both helped, but it destroyed a lot of the metal mentality.

The same can be said about black metal.
Alice Cooper and Gene Simmons were there long before them.

Getting back to alternative people looking down on metal… 80’s metal helped to perpetuate the stereotype of dumb metalhead. I think that the condescending attitude is also present in bands like Insania. Those musicians look down on death metal musicians.
One thing that is true is that a lot of these so-called power metal bands are old death metal musicians who want to make a buck. At least two members of Hammerfall are old death metal musicians.

Would you change style for money?
Yeah, sure!

That haircut from two years ago is a character flaw, so changing musical loyalty would not be a surprise.
No, it was just me trying to get a job. But I failed, so I’m now back with long hair.

There is an error in the No Fashion press sheet for Lobotomy.
Yeah, we’re influenced by Blind Guardian and Helloween.

Lobotomy is described as “being in the vein of Helloween and Blind Guardian”. I think that is the equivalent of saying that the band is gay.
Yeah, exactly. Actually, I went up to the office and told them that. I don’t know how it occurred, but the promotion guy mixed us… our album was released at the same time as the Insania album. Hopefully it will say that the Insania album is influenced by Morbid Angel and Autopsy and Repulsion.

No, actually it says the same thing on the Insania press sheet. Art thou going to sue No Fashion Records?
Yeah, I hope so. When people hear the album, they won’t hear the typical Helloween influences. Instead they will hear…

A Grave rip-off.
No.


Earache is based in England. The American office of Earache has to translate the British press releases from the faggy way that the English express themselves.
Oh really?

Yes. I think that No Fashion needs an anti-gayness translator, because on their selling points for the album, thy description is “Swedish death metal in a direct, fascinating, and honest way.”
Well you should tell that to Ahriman in Dark Funeral because he’s the one who is making them.

Lord Ahriman is the god.
No, he’s the fag.

He is the one who contributes to the Grimoire.
Yeah, but he is the one that wrote that.

I will hear nothing negative about Lord Ahriman! He is a benefactor of the Grimoire!
Yeah, he is a nice guy, but… you know.

Me not speaking badly of him is the equivalent of you getting a bad haircut.
Enough about Ahriman, ok?

Has anyone from Grave ever heard Lobotomy?
We actually had Jergen, the lead singer, sing back-up on our last album. It was released in ‘97.

Did he write all of the riffs?
No. He actually gave us a tape of midi samples and we just picked them from there. He produced it instead. We had these riffs and he said, “That sounds pretty much like our sixth album.” We made it from there.

What is the likelihood of anyone from Grave telling metal journalists that Lobotomy is ripping off their songwriting?
That would be great. We would sell a lot, then Grave exists no more. These members are in Entombed and stuff like that now.

Which is the equivalent of getting a gay haircut. Is it true that Rikard from Deranged attacked thee with a sharpened drumstick?
That was a long time ago, man. I don’t want to talk about it. We were actually competing blast beats to each other. He won because I’m the lazy fucker. I’m more into doom. I actually punched him and then he started to offend me because he said he was better than me.

How dost thou feel about labels like Headfucker in Italy that have turned their backs on all trends and decided to release only brutal death metal?
To the point where it sounds like a vacuum cleaner?

I’m telling them you said that!
Ok, do that.

Have you heard Cephalic Carnage?
No.

Malignancy?
No.

Hmmm.. maybe if you did, they would be suing you for ripping them off the way Grave should.
These bands are ripping us off.

Thou art not impressed with vocals that are more of the grindcore nature?
Well the thing is, you can hear what Glen Benton is saying on the Deicide albums, correct? Is that hardcore vocals?

I would not say those are hardcore vocals.
No. You can hear what our singer, Max, is singing. Are those hardcore vocals? No. I think it’s great when you can hear what the singer is saying. It’s not great to hear that hardcore style. We’re not D.R.I.

You are not interested in bands in which the words cannot be deciphered.
I like Obituary… the old albums. To be honest with you, I buy a lot of metal albums, but when it comes to these brutal-to-the-death albums, I think they sound just the same. It’s enough with the first album from Immolation. Then the rest sounds just the same. It’s just copycats out there. These albums are good, but I don’t need the copy.

“Copycat…” how that word must be so alien to your tongue… Grave-boy.
(laughs)

So did Lobotomy start as a Grave cover band?
No. We started as a Dismember cover band. But then we heard about Grave and we started doing Grave covers. We were thinking about calling our band Coffin, but there was some hip hop band called that.

You should have stuck with the name Coffin. You should have had wheels on the bottom of a coffin that you rode on stage with. I heard that one band tried to perform something like that, but they weren’t very careful with the set-up, and the singer who rode in on the coffin with wheels was bumped by the guitar player, and the coffin zoomed off stage. Because of the great height it fell from, it had a lot of momentum that carried the coffin out of a club and down a street. It somehow entered a pharmacy and was racing through an aisle of medicine. The pharmacist asked if there was anything he could do to help, and the singer replied, “Yes, do you have anything that will stop this coffin?”
That’s very funny.


My friends want to pay me to go to a comedy club during open mike night just so they can watch the crowd boo me off the stage.
That was a good one.

I heard that Wounded Love Records in Italy wanted to sign Lobotomy, but that no one in the band would offer prolonged homosexual favors.
Yes. They offered us a butt-shaped picture disc, and that was the thing that we wanted. But then, the facial stunts we couldn’t agree with
because our bass player is married.

What is a love handle in the Swedish language? What part of the body does that refer to?
Actually, I don’t know what a love handle is. Do you mean a significant part of the body?

I am just confirming things. I know that in Japan, north and south have differences in language, as well as do east and west. So I think that in Sweden there might be different dialects.
Yes. There definitely is. We have the southern and northern dialects. There is a Stockholm dialect as well. We can compare it to the States. We have rednecks down in the south as well.

The guy Janne from…
Abba?

Hypocrite… I didn’t know he was in Abba as well. I knew he was in Hypocrisy, but I didn’t know he was in Abba. I should have asked him questions about that. Abba actually invented corpsepaint, didn’t they?
Corpsepaint?

Yeah, the girls wore it. It was blue corpsepaint, though.
Yeah, Abba co-founded black metal.

Yeah, it’s something that’s rarely discussed in interviews because of the code of secrecy. They do not want to reveal the actual forefathers. You’re very brave. You and I both have a death sentence now, I guess. Well anyway, Janne was telling me about love handles. Is there a high concentration of homosexuals in that area?
I guess they are from Stockholm. And I am from Stockholm. That’s the capitol of Sweden. We have these bars..

I heard that the band members of Necrophobic date each other and bring each other to these bars.
You’re damn right. We definitely don’t hate each other, but I can go on talking shit about them if you want that.

Continue.
They are not called Necrophobic. They are called Heterophobic.

I know that they did not like black people in Stockholm. They don’t like the immigration of black people into Sweden because they take advantage of the welfare system. They said that it is unlawful to sing the Swedish national anthem in school because it would offend the black people.
No, that was just some scared principal who told the kids to shut up. I mean, I wouldn’t be offended if I was in Africa and they sang their national anthem. Why should I?

If I were in Africa, I would be an American African.
Wearing those baggy clothes, right?

Dost thou think that Necrophobic should actually be called Niggerphobic?
Yeah. Why not?

So tell me more about Negrophobic.
They used to be picking on us all the time. But I haven’t heard them lately. I think they kind of bent over for the black metal style. They used to play death metal, and suddenly their second album was black metal.

I agree 100%
It’s cool to bend over.

It’s the equivalent of getting a haircut. In a photograph, two of the members of Necrophobic looked like girls. Do they look like girls in real life?
Yeah, the singer is using make-up.

Gothic style?
Yeah.

See, I think Sweden could benefit from queerbashing. Can’t Sweden summon the rednecks from the south to go to these bars?
To be honest with you, I am not homophobic really. But when I go to bars, and I look from behind and want to squeeze something and I find out it’s a guy, that’s not that funny. I get pretty angry, actually.

I see something wrong here. You are the sort of person who would grab a girl you don’t know, in a tender location?
Sure. Anything to get beat up.

But in all seriousness, would you? Or were you just being metal when you were talking?
No, I wouldn’t.

How do you hold your cigarette? That can tell a lot about you.
Well I use my fist and I hold it with my whole hand.

Is there a bottle that the band always carries around?
Containing what?

I heard that there’s a bottle that’s very special to the band. If I take that bottle away from you, would you rather have that bottle in front of me, or a frontal lobotomy?
I can’t say no more to that, actually. That stand-up stuff, you know…

I am not actually known for printing the correct band photos in interviews.
So I have noticed. There are some different members.

But if I publish your photo, I will have to do some image correction. Two of the members have very gay hair styles. Are they part time in a Metallica cover band?
No.

One of those guys has a tribal tattoo on the forearm. That wouldn’t be you, would it?
It is. But that picture was taken a year ago.

Did you have it removed with laser surgery?
No, I put Saint Vitus on the other arm.

OK, because in America it is extremely gay to have a tribal tattoo. It’s like a sign. Before tribal tattoos, you used to wonder who the fag was. But this is instant I.D.
I know I look pretty faggy. People told me I look like some glam rocker. I don’t know how to explain it.

You should have asked the Eskimo in the band to give you an authentic tribal tattoo, using sharpened wood. I am sure he would have helped you if he was a true primitive. Isn’t it funny how Greenland is icy and Iceland is green?
Yeah, it is.

I somehow wound up at a frat party once, and I can’t count the times people came up to me to tell me that they used to have long hair until they had to go to court. There seems to be some need of people with gay haircuts to try to become accepted into the long-hair coolness society by concocting tales of former manes. I go to court all the time but I never cut my hair. When someone tells me about a court-related haircut, I think that the person is a jackass.
To me, I don’t care how long your hair is.

No, I am applying the same thing to you.
Fuck you!

I don’t know if you were anticipating that I would get to your hairdo.
It’s fluffy and wonderful.

So you are sure that your hair grew since that picture?
Sure, it was a year ago.

You wouldn’t be mad if I called up Ahriman and asked him how recent that photo is?
You can call him now.

Have you been interviewed in some other magazines?
Yeah.

Have they talked about your hairstyle?
Yeah, that’s a common theme.

Are you sure the hairdo is not just a strategy to appeal to every kind of music lover? The race-traitors will love the Eskimo in your band. The Nazi’s will love the Arian in the band. Fags will like that one queer. And alternative people will like the Metallica look that you have… with the tribal tattoo to complete it. I am beginning to think that Lobotomy is a corporate invention now. I think that when you know that you are going to do a metal interview, you should pretend to have gotten a haircut because you needed a job. But if you are interviewed by a fag mag, you probably brag about your barber.
We are on the label No Fashion because we have no fashion. Just a bunch of mixed up fuck heads.

I guess your drummer is happy that it is no longer legal to capture Eskimos and take their hands off as souvenirs.
There’s one thing that I haven’t told you. To tell you the truth, I think our label sucks, promotional-wise. We haven’t done any tours. Our album has not been that great promoted. We haven’t got any ads. We haven’t got any free t-shirts. I have complained a lot to them. Sales-wise, it’s important for us to stay in shape. if we don’t sell any records, we can’t continue. We want to continue because we want to get offended by the Grimoire.

Even though it is unlawful to maim an Eskimo, the prejudice still exists in Sweden. No Fashion is a traditional Swedish label. So maybe if you got rid of the Eskimo, you would find that the label support increases.
Actually, he’s from Chile.

You liar! You lied to me!
Of course! He moved here when he was 12 years old.

Did his parents move to Sweden to take advantage of the welfare system?
No, to get away from the dictator.

Holocaust Cannibal gets Re-edited

Hypocrite

This interview with singer/bassist Johan Haller appeared in issue #16

I don’t have a band photo of Hypocrite, so I have to ask… is anyone in the band gay-looking?
Ah yes… all of us is really good-looking for boys.

Any short-haired members?
Yeah. One of us is really short-haired. We put him in the middle of the photo.

What happened?
I don’t know, really. He lost all of his hair.. preparing to be a big dick. It worked out really fine.

Is “Johan” the Swedish way of saying “Peter”?
Yeah.

You don’t have Abyss Studios?
No, that’s Hypocrisy, not Hypocrite. Hypocrite is another Swedish band.

Peter, from Hypocrisy, was not available for interview, so I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind to pretend to be Peter.
Yeah, no problem for me. I can tell you anything you want to know about Hypocrisy as well.

Is it true that you had a girly little cat fight with Andy Laroque about t who is the better producer?
Yes, of course. We always have these small minor fights. But, as everybody knows, he’s a real fuck-up when it comes to producing. So the Abyss Studios is ten times better.

Has the band Hypocrite recorded in Abyss Studios?
No, they recorded in another studio called “Das Boot”, and Fred from Dismember is also now trying to be a producer. So they went there and fucked me up.

Entombed decided to play gay music. Dismember sounded like them when they were death metal, and continued sounding like them after the gayness transformation. What is this web of gayness over there?
Ah, you know, Swedes are big gays… all of us. We’re very into that right now. During the weekends we go out and fight with the gays. But during normal weekdays, we are the gays. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday we are the big killers of gays. Monday through Wednesday… Thursday is day off… but Monday through Wednesday we are all the time fucking each other in the ass.

It is like the Oriental concept of yin and yang, except in Sweden it’s yin and wang.
(laughs) Yeah, I couldn’t say it better.

You still have to pretend to be in Hypocrisy, for this next question.
Sure.

I would like to talk about the new self-titled album… Hypocrisy…. Why are the vocals like Rod Stewart?
It was the best thing that we can come up with, and I tried to sound exactly like the Rod himself, because he always gets the pretty girls… so I was wondering if I can get some small boys.

Wasn’t Rod Stewart homosexual?
I don’t know, really. I hope. I want to meet him, though.

All right, Peter. If The Final Chapter was left as the last Hypocrisy album, it would have been a glorious ending.
Yeah, it would have been, but we get lots of big checks from the label. I was wondering if we open up a shop only for gays when we receive the money for the new one. Why not? It’s a good opportunity to open up my biggest dream in the world.

If The Final Chapter would have been the last album, it would have been the band’s choice to end. But this new album, which is total garbage, has killed the band.
Yeah, but could you find a better way than to destroy with a bad album? We get rid of the record deal, and everything is very good. Nobody wants to touch us anymore.

OK, you can become Bjorne again… sort of like a Bjorne-again christian… or are you a born-against christian?
No. I bury christianity into me. I love, like, god. Jesus is my best friend. You know.

Are you attracted to Jesus?
Yeah, very… long hair, and he drinks lots of wine.

Are you the kind of person who blames homosexual tendencies on drug effects… like Ecstasy?
Yeah, it’s exactly gay thing. All the drugs are especially for gays.

They enhance the gay experience?
Yeah. When you take something like Ecstasy, you become a really big gay because you want to fuck everything that moves… only in the ass, of course.

Who is the idiot who told Dan Swano that he could sing?
Maybe Black Mark.

Have you heard Dan Swano when he’s trying to sing with clean vocals?
No. I don’t want to. Maybe I have done it before when he has solo project. But just looking at the covers makes me sick. So fuck that.

Is Dan Swano a big celebrity over there in Sweden?
Maybe in the gay business. He’s the gayest guy around. He’s the gayest guy on earth, maybe.

Dan Swano butchered the Mercyful Fate song Melissa on a tribute album by Still Dead Productions.
Yeah, Mercyful Fate will play here on Friday. And he have these love handles on his…. how do you say it?

Hips?
No. On the face… how do you say? Like, gay handles… you know, when you can hold on to the mustache…

In America, the love handles are on the hips.
Y
eah, but over here it’s when you can hold onto the hair on the cheek, for pushing backward and forward on the face.

Swedish women don’t have too much facial hair. But there’s a lot of immigration from third world countries into Sweden. Do you think that might change the hairlessness?
Yeah, from Poland especially. We give them money and we can do them all night long.

I had no idea.
You should come here.

I don’t want to. I think I interviewed too many black metal bands. I don’t think I will survive over there. The Swedish band Deranged played in Poland, and they said that the women were very friendly.
Friendly? Of course they were. If they get laid, maybe they can take them to Sweden for free. Of course they were friendly.

More friendly than Swedish women?
Yeah, because a Swedish woman probably understands what you say.

Is blonde hair in Sweden as common as Americans are led to believe?
Yeah, it’s very common. But the polar bears you can also forget about. That is totally bullshit. We don’t have any polar bears at all.

Would you agree that Dan Swano and Peter from Hypocrisy would make a very cute couple?
No. No way. They are no the same. They wouldn’t be so good together.

You don’t think they would make a good album together?
Yeah, but it should be released on some techno label that only produce French gay techno. That would be nice. Then they can tour all the French, spreading the disease.

What is the pop music in Sweden like? Is it dance oriented, or is it commercial rock ‘n roll?
It depends what the releases are. The KISS album went #1 for like 6-7 weeks. But then we also have this band that’s like Back Street Boys. It’s all kinds, but mostly dance.

The reason I am asking about that is because I am curious why styles like Dan Swano’s solo work have come into existence. It seems that they reflect some sort of trend somewhere.
Yeah, they try to do something to earn some money. To earn any money on Edge of Sanity is really impossible. So he tries to do his best on some normal kind of shit.

I think that there are small places that aren’t in contact with the outside world that never seem to break away from the 80’s. So I was trying to discover the #1 area of the world where this gay kind of metal still thrives.
He lives in a town called Oreero. But this 80’s kind of metal, like Hammerfall… that’s from Gothenburg.

Hammerfall… one of the people in the band has a long leather coat, and the sleeves were cut off and replaced by bracelets that are connected by little chains, and it looks like a woman’s nightgown. Does this person think he looks tough in that?
I guess he thinks he looks very cute.

There is a person who works at Nuclear Blast whose identity I must keep secret. He told me that he made a valiant effort to try to appreciate Hammerfall because the band is on his label, but the lyrics were just so unbelievably stupid that it ruined every attempt to enjoy the albums. What would make a Swedish band write such ridiculous words?
They really want these ridiculous lyrics. That’s the big problem. Everybody buys the fucking album. Big problem.

But they are keeping certain stereotypes alive, namely that of stupid metalhead. The lyrics of Hammerfall just prove that the stereotype is true.
Yeah, but the truth is, this type of music… ‘80s metal, was born in Germany… and have you ever seen one German band write good lyrics? No, never. So that’s probably why. They invented the power metal scene with bad lyrics.. sometimes good music, but, you know.

The English love to ignore a lot of letters in words too. Only a total fag would think that the letter “r” can sometimes be silent. No wonder New England is called “New England”. It has the same gay language tendencies. Didn’t England christianize Scandinavia?
I don’t know.

I think that Scandinavia should take revenge against the humiliation.
Yeah, but we take it out on other things, like sports, music… which they really fuck up, especially black metal.

There seems to be a misconception that Americans have about Sweden because of all the bands that are signed from Sweden. We are led to believe that there is a thriving metal community there.
Yeah, they go to buy the records, but they don’t go to see. In Denmark is the other way… everybody goes to see the show but they don’t buy the records. That’s why all the bands go to Christiania to play.

A very ironic name for a place that has metal.
That is a free state for smoking pot in Denmark.

Is it not ironic that America tries to tell the world that it is the most moral nation, yet the greatest advances in humanistic thinking occur in Europe? Does not Norway have that vacation from prison program?
Yeah. We had one right now… this vacation, he robbed a bank, shoot two policemans, and go to Costa Rica. Now he’s back in jail.

Well I’m not saying that humanism works. I am just saying that America pretends to be humanistic, but humanism is only found outside of this country.
They want to be the worldwide biggest cop. If anybody fights, they come into the country and say, “Hello, what’s this?”

I heard from some bands that there is resentment toward foreigners in Sweden.
Yes, in some parts we have skinheads and nazi’s. But it’s not that big.

Did you know that some of the stories of the bible have changed over time?
Yes.

The Jews were going to stone a whore. But Jesus intervened and picked up a stone and offered it to the crowd, saying, “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.” Everyone dropped their rocks. The bible story ends there, but the part that was censored out was that Jesus smiled wickedly to himself and said, “I am without sin” and he wailed the stone into the bitch’s face. The church decided that the additional information was too uninteresting to leave in the story. What do you know about crucifixion?
Really nothing. Just nail into the cross.

Did you know that dogs were not permitted in the crucifixion area?
Nope.

It appears that dogs are unable to resist the lure of upright objects. To them, it is a sign of a bathroom. It causes quite a stench, which could be a problem. Crucifixion was a big tourist attraction. Dog urine odors could very well turn away business. Vendors sold little crucifixion dolls and other mementos. Does Hypocrite sell any odd merchandise?
Maybe we do some cats. I don’t know. Cats or butterflies. Butterflies would be nice, with a big “H” on the back.

I don’t have any more questions. To be honest with you, I don’t know what Hypocrite sounds like. I don’t know what happened to the album.
It sounds like In Flames and At The Gates. If you need any more interviews, just tell me, because as you probably know, I can do the interview for Hypocrisy. I can do the interview for In Flames. It doesn’t matter. Just give me a call. It is no problem

Exploitation

Cannibal Corpse

This interview with George Corpsegrinder was in issue #29

Why are you doing the interviews for the new album?
I’m not the only one doing the interviews for this new album.

But why are you doing interviews for this album? Don’t you think that’s wrong?
What do you mean?

Didn’t Glen Benton do the vocals?
On this album?

Yeah! What the hell?! Did he say that you can speak on his behalf?
He’s doing vocals on this album? That’s news to me!

What are your influences?
Vocally?

Dude, I’m kidding.
Hey man, you never know, coming from you!

Did anybody ask you that, by the way? I know you’ve been doing phoners all day with cliché’ people.
I almost couldn’t believe that you asked me that. It’s like, you should get a prize for being the millionth person to ask that question. But you never know with you.

Did you squash that war you had with Dark Funeral?
What war? I don’t have a war.

You’ve got to read up on the press. I’ve got evidence that they don’t like you.
What’s that?

You posed for some pictures with them.
No. (pause) I might have.


I took them! You were smiling so innocently, and they gave you the finger.
You probably just made it look like that. You doctored it up!

I swear I didn’t.
You know what their nickname is for me?

Stupid American?
No – it’s gaygrinder. Ahriman calls me that.

What does the singer call you – you know, the guy who looks like a fat alcoholic housewife?
They all call me Gaygrinder.

I can’t believe that you went around in the press and called him the fat Bo Derek.
Me? I didn’t say that.

Yeah you did, when he got those gay braids in his hair like Bo Derek, and the flowers. You said that the only way he would be a “10” is if the scale is from 10 to 2 billion.
Look man, I’m not taking none of this seriously. You know I didn’t say that.

I made it up, actually. But I was serious about them calling me Gaygrinder. You’re gonna interview them again, right?

No. They’re washed up.
Washed up?

Does the world really need another mediocre black metal album?
Dark Funeral rules!

Rules what? You don’t even like black metal! What are you talking about?
I love Dark Funeral!

You love them as people. You’ve got to draw the line, George.
Of what?

See, I like your personality, and I also like Cannibal Corpse. If I didn’t like Cannibal Corpse, I would tell you. You have to be a man.
No, no, no – I like Dark Funeral!

I saw the way Pat manhandled you. You’re just afraid of big tall metal people.
I am not! I’ll kick all their asses!

Are you afraid of me?
I am. Can you hear me shaking? But seriously, dude, this is the truth – if you ever talk to Lord Ahriman, ask him about the song he’s writing about me.

Get out of here!
I’m serious.

Michael Jackson must be kicking himself in the head because he had surgery to make himself look white so that he could sell albums, but these days you have to look black. Are you planning to get your nose flattened?
My nose is already big, but it’s not flat. It points out.

Do you have a black ass?
I have a big booty.

Have you been practicing?
Practicing what?

Mary Had a Little Lamb. Do you know it by now?
I was ready to do it at the L’Amours show, but you didn’t show up!

There’s always a problem. I swear! This is the curse of the lamb! Every time that you actually sing it, either the tape magically stops recording, the batteries die, or something even more bizarre happens! I’ll get you on tape one of these days!
Come to any show on this tour. I’ll do it.

Will you wear a costume?
What kind of costume?

Mary?
The blessed virgin?

I guess she would be the Mary, since she had a lamb, and they are mindless followers. If you could go back in time to when Mary was pregnant with Jesus, how would you talk her into getting an abortion?
Well, as his head came out, I would push it back in.

For the second coming out of the closet of Jesus, what would his new boyfriend be like?
One of those queer eye for a…

One of the Dark Funeral guys?
No! It’s that show, Queer Eye for a Straight Guy! You know what I’m talking about!

I had no idea that Dark Funeral has a television show.
It’s some show!

Some show? You seem to know quite a lot about it.
Ah! I’m gonna get hung for this!

Actually, “queerbashed” is the punishment for being gay. Hanging is for black people. Fags just get queerbashed, they don’t get hung.
I’m not queer!

Then why do you watch that show?
I don’t! My wife watches it!

Your wife is a guy?
No! My wife watches the show!

You’re still married, huh?
Yeah.

Even after your tour activities?
What tour activities?

Weren’t you going to put out a video of Cannibal Corpse groupies?
No, but there’s nothing wrong with tits.

I would never put tits in a video, personally.
Yeah, like you don’t have any tits in your movies! I’ve seen them!

So what’s the secret of the long-term relationship? How do you keep your sex life alive? Do you pretend she’s somebody else?
No.

When you are having sex, do you ever call out Ahriman’s name?
No. (Indecipherable)

Do you ever use the Oyster as an aphrodisiac?
Don’t fuck with the Oyster!

Have you ever performed anal?
With Ahriman?

No, with the female wife.
(Indecipherable)

I’m just curious because you’re a role model. So what’s the most bizarre sexual position you ever performed with your female wife?
Missionary. It’s totally different now that I did all that other stuff.

What was the reason why you punched Warrel Dane in the face? I heard that Nevermore couldn’t play that night!
We just saw those guys.

Really? Did he forgive you?
I didn’t see him.

So getting back to how your parents escaped the concentration camp, you have a song about the Nuremberg trials on the new album.
Which song?

Blunt Force Castration.
That’s not about that.


I read in David Duke’s book, “My Awakening” that the Nazi war criminals, if the term “war criminal” really makes any sense, especially since the Allies committed atrocities too… anyway, I heard the Nazi’s were forced to confess, and many of them had their testicles smashed beyond repair. I just think that it’s bold to side with a guy like David Duke. Most metalheads just want to keep their white supremacy ideas a secret. You are the first to come out of the closet.
Come on! I don’t have anything to do with any of that shit!

Are you really mad at Sharlee D’Angelo and Peter Steele because they are considered to be more handsome than you?
Look at me! I rock!

Yeah, but you’re married. Girls don’t like that, or are you after the naughty house-wrecking girls?
(Indecipherable)

Have you ever had a stalker?
Uh…

Did you have to get a restraining order against Chris Barnes?
(Indecipherable)

Is he like a girl who got dumped and wants to know all about the new girl? Does he play that same game with you? Does he want to know what you have that he doesn’t have?
Who knows what he wants?

Maybe he wants to be black. He’s almost there with those dreadlocks. Are you going to do any Cannibal Corpse covers?
(Indecipherable, but I remember him specifying the kind of songs that Cannibal Corpse would NEVER cover)

Will you perform Mary Had a Little Lamb when you play in Brooklyn, just for me?
Absolutely not! I wanted to tell you, people have been asking me about that!

See? Are you aware of my influence?
Yeah! When I first did it, I didn’t think much of it, but then people started asking me to do it.

Would you do it if the front row chants it?
The rest of the guys don’t know it.

Would you do it when you hear that I am dead, as a tribute to me?
I would drink a beer and piss in your name.

Chris Barnes

This interview with Chris Barnes appeared in issue #4

Wasn’t Alan West criticized for coming up with weak riffs?
I don’t listen to what people think, man. I think that he writes all the best Obituary riffs, first off. I listen to the music first. I don’t listen to peoples’ opinions because it just taints your whole vision of things. I just like his sound. and have always been a fan of the songs he writes. He reminds me of one of my favorites that write in the vein of Judas Priest where it’s verse/chorus, verse/chorus. It’s stuff that I had never been able to write to, but this is just really a neat thing to do for me.

Art thou happy with he drums?
Very! Very happy! I think Greg kicks the beats out fuckin’ excellent. Seeing all this come together in the way that it does was very cool for me. Can’t be any better than this, especially because all out attitudes are along the same lines.

Terry was part of the whole “Chuck” conspiracy. James Murphy told me that when he was in Death, Chuck told him the band wasn’t allowed to wear certain t-shirts on stage. In interviews, they weren’t allowed to say that they liked certain bands that Chuck blacklisted. Was Terry just following orders, or was he an eager participant?
I have not even asked him, but from my whole experience, maybe Chuck’s just a very difficult person to fuckin’ work with.

After hanging out with Terry, dost thou not perceive a certain attitude?
Not with Terry. I don’t see how this guy could every have a bad thing to say about anyone, man/ He is the most mellowest.. the most laid-back person. I personally know from hanging out with Chuck, he’s far from being laid-back. He’s always got something to worry about.

When thou were writing lyrics, wert thou trying to stay away from the Cannibal Corpse tendencies?
No. Not really trying to. I know that these songs bring out a different feeling. Just listening to the music first, as I always do, I just kind of react from the vibe I get. Maybe some of the stories I had thought up in the past – they weren’t appropriate for Cannibal Corpse.

What comprises they musical diet?
Lots and lots of Lynard Skynard.

So thou art a hick.
No. I ain’t a hick. I’ve always liked Skynard even when I was a Yankee. I’m a fuckin’ reborn southern boy. I can relate to a lot of fuckin’ rock bands’ lyrics. I just get a personal feeling when I listen to his words. His voice is fuckin’ amazing. I wish I could accomplish as much as he could in that short amount of time, and be remembered like that band is remembered.

Dost thou think that a lot of people who have seen Ace Ventura know who thou art, or do they think that the band is just a group of hired actors?
I think that maybe they might think that, like lot of mainstream older people. It’s happened a few hundred times where I’ve been in a store and someone says, “Oh, you’re in a band?” These people just have no idea that death metal even exists. I might as well throw in the Ace Ventura question. “Do you remember that part? That’s me.” It’s a surprise to people that this is an actual band.

Was it a big goof for thee?
Yeah! It was totally cool. It was nerve-racking because I was traveling with a half ounce of the best pot, down my pants, and a dog came walking up about ten feet next to me in an airport – a fuckin’ police dog! So I almost didn’t make it down there because I was shaking, man. The dog didn’t come up and sniff at me. I would’ve been in fuckin’ jail. I try not to do that anymore.

Dogs sniff groins anyway, so it would not have been unusual.
That’s my ploy, but I don’t think it’ll work. I’m getting a little paranoid in my old age.

If thou ever wert a dinosaur for a children’s’ show named “Barnesy” what color wouldst thou be?
Puke green.

Broken Hope

This interview with Jeremy Wagner was printed in issue #9. It occured when I was at the Milwaukee Metalfest in 1997. He kept humping my leg for an interview, and I finally consented when I was drunkenly walking around outside to take a break from the fun indoors. I laughed at the notion that this was a ghetto part of town, because it was tame compared to NJ shit-holes like Paterson, Newark, Irvington, and Asbury Park. Ironically, Jack Koshik held the “Marshallow Meltdowns” in Asbury Park and Irvington a couple of years later. It angered me that he gave no warning about the high crime areas. I hoped that girls who went to the show did so in big groups of male friends. Unfortunately, metal events may have to occur in such places.
I liked listening to Broken Hope, but I did not like seeing them live because of the gayness of the band members. The bass player wore hockey jerseys on stage and smiled and waved. I forgave that because he was in Sindrome. You can imagine how excited I was when “Into the Halls of Extermination” finally was remastered for CD.
I did not like the things that I had heard about Jeremy, which later on turned out to be true (and I will omit from this article), but my Spidey senses told me that he was not to be trusted.
Jeremy was familiar with the magazine, and he said some things to ingratiate himself to the readers, specifically about Metal Blade, te label that he was signed to.
The publicist, Ralph, was one of the rare cool and knowledgeable reps at that label. I had a history of insulting Metal Blades idiotic publicists, and as a result, I was boycotted for a few issues before a new idiot publicist was hired, or the label people realized that they were foolish to be omitted from a magazine that printed 40,000 copies, for free, that also was in big music stores all over the world, as well as recording studios.
Ralph called me to tell me that I was again boycotted because I printed lies about the record label. I thought that he was referring to a joke I might have told, but Ralph told me that when a label head read the Broken Hope interview, he called Jeremy to discipline him. Jeremy told the bigwig that I had made all that up – that he had never said such things.
I told Ralph that I won’t say anything in defense, but I will send a package that will explain everything. Ralph laughed.
The package was a cassette that contained the audio of that interview. The people at Metal Blade heard, word-for-word, that I printed exactly what Jeremy said – no embellishments, nothing made up.
Regardless of the fakery of Jeremy, when I listen to music, I never picture actual band members. I experience a theater of the mind. Music is escapism for me, and in this case, an escape for a gaylord.

What happened with King Fowley from Deceased?
What I’m about to tell you, Bill… I have never talked about with any other magazine. Press people have always asked me about this. So if you can bear with me, I’m going to say how it all started. Michigan Deathfest III, back around 1994, out second album, Bowels of Repugnance has just come out. It was us and Gorguts that were headlining the fest, and Deceased were on the bill. As most people know, we’re from Illinois, the same state that Macabre are from. At one time, Macabre used to have a t-shirt company. They used to make a bunch of t-shirts for Relapse Records. On the day of our show I got a call from Mat or Bill at Relapse, and they said, “Hey Jerr, could you do us a favor? Macabre has a shitload of Deceased shirts that they have for us, and they’re still making them. They’re not coming to the Deathfest now. Could you please pick them up?” Being the nice guy that I am, I said, “Sure I will.” They live in Downers Grove, which is an hour and a half out of my way. So I went an hour and a half out of my way. At the time, I had a little shitbox car. I filled it to the hilt with Deceased shirts. Then I had to drive five hours through a blizzard. This is January. I mean, you’re talking semi’s going off the road and stuff. I get to the venue. Deceased are copping an attitude. Everybody’s pissed at me because I showed up late with the shirts. I’m like, “You know what? I just went an hour and a half out of my way to get stuff for you, and I had to drive through a blizzard. What the fuck?” So ever since then, Broken Hope are a bunch of rock stars. It’s just thankless. And I never had a problem with Deceased at all. They had done shows with us. One show, in particular, in Chicago, that I helped promote – we opened up for Deceased and Repulsion back in 1989 – and I’m an asshole all of a sudden. Since that happened, every fuckin’ zine that Deceased ever did an interview with said “Broken Hope are assholes. Jeremy Wagner’s a poser.” I was always like, “Jesus Christ! Where are these assholes coming from?” I just started saying shit. People would ask, “What bands do you hate?” I’m like, “I’ll tell you who I hate. Deceased. They’re a bunch of thankless shit-talking assholes who fuckin’ obviously don’t have a clue, and I don’t know what their problem is.” Anyway, that’s been going on for about three years. We fuckin’ did our last date of the Extremities tour, which was in Virginia or something like that. When we got to the show, we heard all day “King Fowley is coming here to start shit with you guys” and I told the promoter of the show “If King Fowley shows up, don’t let that fucker in. He’s just gonna cause trouble.” Well, King Fowley shows up. Him and Shaun, our bass player… I see them going back and forth at it, so I go up to King. As most people know, I’m the metal midget.

The death metal leprechaun.
I’m about 5’4”. King is, like, twice the size of me. I’m like, “Man, what are you doing here? You fuckin’ hate our band. You fuckin’ don’t like our music. You’re obviously here to start shit. You fuckin’ don’t like Vader either because they already told me that when they toured with Suffocation.” King called them Polaks. I’m like, “You’re not wanted here. You talk shit about us all the time.” So King starts in, “No man, I don’t say anything about you guys. You’re always talking shit about us.” And I said, “Fuck you, motherfucker! You’re full of shit!” And out of the blue, a bright flash of light. That fucker just cold-cocked me. Dude, my nose went kablam! Blood just fuckin’ ripped out. Hey King, if you’re reading this, what can I say? Boy, you blasted me real good in the fuckin’ face. When I opened my eyes, the singer of Monstrosity and the bass player had smashed beer bottles over King’s head. I was bleeding all over, and that little Deceased bass player fuckin’ jumped on me and was punching me in the back of the head. And then security guards got involved. It was total chaos. So my nose wouldn’t stop bleeding. We couldn’t do the show. After I got blasted, King wanted to talk some shit. He said, “I didn’t come here for any problems.” But it was totally unprovoked. Hey, there’s two sides to every story. I’m not a violent guy. But if someone really wants to cut our band and literally go out of their way just to talk shit… I mean, King Fowley puts out a fuckin’ zine and votes me #1 poser, #1 worst album… stupid shit. You know, someone who just fills their time with negativity… they’ve got a problem or something. It’s total bullshit. So I’m just giving you my side of the story from day one til now. What can I say? My nose wasn’t broken. (laughs)

The name of your band won’t be Broken Nose?
It won’t be Broken Nose. But my nose is pretty fucked up. I hope he’s happy with that. And you’ve got the inside scoop. I haven’t talked to anybody about that.

Was your favorite person, at Metal Blade, Rhonda?
Oh! You and I talked about her at the Z Bar. Well, you know Paula Hogan pretty well. Paula’s got the same problem with Rhonda. She says, “Hey Rhonda, you’re not servicing these people at these zines.” And Rhonda’s response – “I’m looking at the big picture.” Click. Hangs up on Paula. Thinks zines are shit. Let me tell you about Rhonda. Loathing comes out. I get a call from Metal Blade. I don’t know who I talked to. Mike Faley or someone. “Rhonda will be doing publicity.” Well guess what? I’m the one who got us the Metal Maniacs feature, the PIT feature… every other thing we’ve done in America. All the Metal Edge shit. Most people know of that as a poser zine. Yeah, I did all that. I told Metal Blade, “Hey, I want you to know that Rhonda hasn’t done anything.” Rhonda can go blow somebody, like Paradise Lost. That’s off the record. Maria Abril, who Brain Slagel hates, steps in and says, “I want to manage you guys.” Four months into the tour, Metal Blade’s like, “Jeremy, we want you to know that we’re not going to pick up the option for your next album.” Why is that, Mike? I’ve got friends at Metal Blade who talk to Slagel, and we pretty much got dropped because Maria’s our manager.

I heard that Rhonda got the job because of a favor she did for someone. What do you think that can be?
(laughs) I know this for a fact, when Rhonda got that job, certain people voiced their opinions to Brian Slagel. “Hey, what about her track record?” I hate to say this, because I’m not a shit-talker.

Drink your beer and talk.
If you run any kind of business, you should be business-minded, not thinking with your dick. (He looks at my magazine.) Can I see this real quick? (I hand it to him). I’m looking at the Grimoire Girl. My god, dude! She’s awesome! I’m serious as a heart attack. I just want to give you a salute. Have you ever encountered a Grimoire Girl you’ve gotten to know pretty well? The Grimoire Girls fuckin’ rule! You can quote me on that. Dude, I love them!

Krabathor

This interview with Christopher appeared in issue #7

Jak velka je tva prdel? (How big is your ass.
As big as your ass.

Has thou ever thought of naming a song (In Czech, “I am being viewed by feces, and I am in excrement up to my neck”)?
I’m sorry. I can’t find a good name with that song. Hovno vidim – I see the shit, Jsem pod krk – I’m under neck… I don’t really know.

Art thou being a good Czech citizen by spitting in the face of everyone from Poland? And do not answer like a coward by licking the gay ass of Vader.
I must tell you that we haven’t any problems with any people from Poland. I only know good people from Poland, like Vader and Dead Infection.

Why do some labels in Slovakia hate thy band? And do not answer like a scared bitch.
I know which label you mean. I think we are friendly band. Maybe some bands from this label do shit about us and hate us. Maybe some competition war. I think that is stupid from them. But what can we do? I think some other people can do the dirty work, and we can have clean hands.

When thou performed at the Metalfest in Wisconsin, what idiotic things didst thou notice about Americans? And do not answer like a diplomatic pussy.
I can’t tell you so many bad things about Americans. We met really a lot of good friendly people. One big bad experience we had with some black people which want to purloin from one guy of us. But this was mistake for him because we haven’t anything.

The person who is wearing the “Stop the Madness” shirt is making a peculiar facial expression. Do people from Poland find him to be terrifying? And do not answer like a douche bag.
This guy is our drummer. I don’t know why you are still talking about the Poland people.

Has a Russian soldier ever raped a woman in thy family? And do not answer like an oppressed crybaby.
I don’t like Russian soldiers. But this problem with a woman in my family, I haven’t.

How can Krabathor be set apart from other straightforward death metal bands? And do not answer like a poseur.
I don’t know for sure what you mean. We never kick out any other bands from the death metal scene. Maybe you don’t trust me. But that is the truth. I know a lot of people who will tell you that bands must cooperate with each other, but sometimes it isn’t possible.

What does thou feel about the Slovakian label Metal Age? And don’t answer like a sniveling fag?
I think that they are doing half of their work well. But they are still a small label.

Which bands are total pussies? And don’t answer like an insecure dumb-ass.
I can’t tell you which bands I hate. But I little bit hate bands which changed their music and make shit about death metal bands.

Is it true that the only thing worse than someone from Poland is a Yugoslavian? And don’t answer like a terrified lab animal.
I think that in all countries you can find good things.

Which country is the most hated in Europe? And don’t answer like a raped hippie.
In the middle of Europe, it’s Russia.

Art thou at a disadvantage because thy sexual organs are external? And do not answer like a clueless shit-eater.
Oh man. I don’t know!

Which magazines have been assholes to thee? And don’t answer like a person pretending to be mature.
Maybe you will wait that I tell you that it is yours. Maybe your questions are harder to answer. But that is your way. I like all zines because they are doing with their work big help to the bands.

Any last words? And do not answer like a peace-loving socialist.
OK for the end. Thanks to you for possibility to do so hard interview!

Cosmic Putrefaction – The Horizons Towards Which Splendour Withers

This is an enjoyable venture into atmosphere. The songs are like soundtracks to strangeness instead of being songs per se. Yes, they are songs, but the structure and timing produce a mood, often unsettling, like being affected by a horror movie.

Yes, there is brutality, a distinctly heavy guitar sound, and death metal sort of rasping vocals, but the effect is more than just heaviness.

I’ve heard the album many times, and each new listening session produced more discovery, so if you want to invest in an album that will unfold in this manner, I recommend it.

The Horizons Towards Which Splendour Withers

Deranged – Deeds of Ruthless Violence (Agonia Records)

Much respect is given to this band. I remember when I first interviewed the drummer for The Grimoire of Exalted Deeds he was cordial and answered questions as if we were old friends.

The video for “Killing Spree” is still one of the best death metal videos in my opinion.

I was dismayed when the singer, Per, left the band. I accidentally ran into him at a show in New York and was happy to have had a chance to tell him how godly his vocals were, and I wished him luck with his label Regain Records.

You can imagine how happy I was to hear the new album. I never stopped listening to the band. Indeed, I would support it even if it were disco. The band has earned that kind of loyalty.

If you are familiar with Deranged then you really don’t even need a review. You will buy the album as soon as you hear that it is available.

If you never heard the band then perhaps you are new to the scene. In that case, you MUST get their “Rated X” album, and everything will fall in place from there. It is a death metal masterpiece. After that indoctrination you should get Deeds of Ruthless Violence out of respect, and then fill in the rest of the blanks in your collection.

DERANGED – DEEDS OF RUTHLESS VIOLENCE (AGONIA RECORDS)

Metal bands demonstrate humor

You may have heard that some bands promote the pussification of metal. like BENIGHTED, which some people call “Be-Nutted” – but the following video shows metal people who have no fear of humor.

Please support bands that promote independence, not conformity and cowardice.

Pussification
Pussification