Bill Zebub Friday

Bill Zebub will offer a limited amount of movie packs for BLACK FRIDAY. You can actually get them before that day. Email bill@billzebub.com and you can begin life anew.

The 30-packs will go for $260 and the 10-packs will go for $100. Each is a random mixture of Blurays and DVDs.

Get it for yourself, or get it with the intention of giving the coolest gifts possible to a shitload of people. Each movie will be autographed.

Jesus was an Asshole

Bill Zebub’s much-anticipated movie “Jesus was an Asshole” will resume filming after a brief Kickstarter campaign, which is here https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/billzebub/jesus-was-an-sshole

Please share the hell out of that.

For a limited time, you can get the BD-R of behind-the-scenes footage in addition to an uncensored movie cover, or you can opt for the Bluray that will be autographed (for the same price as it will be in retail shops without an autograph). Other goodies await, like the popular Dickshark shirt that is sure to get you into lots of conversations with strangers.

Remember if you ignore your director, he will disappear.

Homework

I saw “Homework” during the era of VHS rentals. I was a pre-teen at the time, so I think the rental was through an older friend.

The movie was magical. As a pre-teen, I saw wondrous boobs. I fell in love with the blonde and was mesmerized.

As for Joan Collins, I didn’t know who she was. She had great tits, but her face reminded my of an ant. with a wide top of the head narrowing down to a tiny chin. Again, I was a pre-teen, so bear that in mind. I hadn’t seen boobs in real life, and I didn’t know that old women could have nice tits, so that was earth-shattering, ha ha. This was a movie that made me realize that an otherwise boring or bitchy woman could have immaculate breasts, so I should always keep that in mind in any encounter with such.

For some reason, this movie escaped my collection. I remember when I ravenously purchased movies that had only previously been seen on cable, theaters, or via rentals. I amassed a VHS library, later upgraded to DVD whenever possible, and then Bluray and 4K.

Homework is now available through Unearthed. For some reason, I only vaguely recalled that Joan Collins showed her boobs in this one, and I have seen many boobs since those times, in real life. I don’t mean to say that I am tired of boobs. A boob at any moment will freeze me in adoration no matter what. What I meant to say was that the boobs of Joan Collins are not more enticing than the boobs of someone who isn’t Joan Collins.

What I forgot was the blonde I wanted to marry. I don’t know if she was in any other movies. Perhaps I shall have to find out. Anyway, it was interesting seeing a girl who was at one time a woman in my eyes (because I was a pre-teen when I had a crush on her). She is now a girl in my eyes. I don’t mean an under-aged girl of course. She was an actress who played a younger character. It is almost like I am a ghost who can glance at any moment in the past, traveling time to experience lost moments with much greater awareness and knowledge in my current form.

One of the differences between modern movies and those of the eighties is, the characters who were teens could be naked in the past movies. I don’t mean that in a pedophile way.

It’s strange that even in a comedy, life is presented the way it is rather than the silly idealistic way that propagandists and human-resources styles ruin depictions of characters. I fully expect gangster movies to have mob bosses who reprimand underlings for using racial slurs. But yes, the drama in comedies of the past is vastly superior to many commercial films of this shallow era.

Show people how they are rather than how you expect people to behave in a corporate environment. It’s simple.

I was overjoyed to watch this and I marveled at the differences in my perception as an adult. It’s also interesting which parts I forgot and which parts I anticipated.

A newcomer will not, of course, be flooded with memories and having fallen in love with any of the characters, but this is a great time-capsule. Unlike the modern sex-comedies that have characters behaving unrealistically and striving to make a joke at every opportunity, this shows relatively average people going through their own experiences, sometimes funny, but never for the sake of a cheap laugh.

It’s worth seeing this difference in writing sensibilities.

There is an interview with the director, which reveals some bittersweet history of this movie. I don’t want to spoil anything, so I will just mention that this is a bonus chapter.

Again, I don’t know why I never pursued this movie when I was able to own it. Perhaps it was because I didn’t find Joan Collins attractive, except for her breasts. I had totally forgotten about the blonde who was was my imaginary wife. Perhaps it was too traumatic to admit that it was a love that could only exist in my head.

Amateur Porn Star Killer

When I saw this movie, many years ago, I was angry. At that time, I had not seen any found-footage flicks, so I couldn’t understand why footage of naked women would be shown with bad lighting and low quality.

My opinion of this movie has changed. Throughout the years I occasionally thought about re-watching it, but I couldn’t find it in my collection. As luck would have it, it became available from Wild Eye Releasing.

The first thing that I must note is that there is a hot blonde featured in consensual shots. She might be a prostite, girlfriend, or model. Her role is not explained. Even though this is found-footage, her shots are often overlaid as if they are flashbacks, but it is more likely that this is just footage shot with the same character who is the victim in this movie. I didn’t analyze this because I was too busy wishing for better quality footage of her, or find a way to marry her. Her scenes alone are worth the price of the movie.

I must pause here to share my wish that some behind-the-scenes footage would have been available for the re-issue, but I think that there was no other camera used.

Now back to the movie. The woman who played the role of the under-aged girl is talented. Of course, when I saw the scenes of her molestation and rape, I knew that she was over 18 in real life, but her performance was incredibly convincing. She’s got a great body, which might be a strange thing to say about a character who gets raped, but it allows me to make a point. A girl might blossom into a woman’s body, but she still has the mind of a child. Some men do not understand this. But getting back to her being sexy, the rational part of me knew that this was an actress, and I wanted to marry her. But I felt bad for the character.

What I missed about this movie when I saw it many years ago was that this is not lazy or gimmicky movie-making. During that era, talent-less black metal bands were recording songs on a four-track recorder, or even a boom box, and referred to the garbage as “Necro” which made me laugh at the people who were duped. There were even bands signed to record labels who pocketed most of the recording budget and paid the bare minimum at the worst recording studios. Knowing this, I had assumed that this was the same situation with “Amateur Porn Killer.” But my opinion has changed.

The villain of the movie takes advantage of a girl’s trust and brings her into a motel room. The found-footage style is perfect for capturing the way the situation changes. The dialogue may seem meandering, but I will bet money that key points were memorized before filming. If this were a narrative style, then the dialogue would be edited for pace, but in the raw style of this movie, you see a predator prepare his victim.

I don’t know if the creator knew about the subject beforehand or if he guessed how such a predator would behave, but equally skillful was the way the victim behaved. The movie is much more than what it appears to be at first glance.

In real life, there were two men who made a rape den. They recorded their crimes so they could enjoy the footage later. The documentary that featured this story showed some of the footage of the rapists, which was shot in a similar quality.

It seems that many horror fans are squeamish about this subject matter, which makes me laugh. They can watch people being murdered or tortured, but they are unable to watch rape scenes. Maybe the difference is that you are not supposed to glorify rape scenes. But horror fans brag to each other about kill scenes.

I feel regret for having dismissed this movie when I first saw it, but I am happy that I have re-discovered it. I was able to see how ignorant I was long ago. Or would it be better to say that I have seen a much wider diversity of movie since then?

Bill Zebub News

Bill Zebub is considering the idea of making a documentary about his magazine “The Grimoire of Exalted Deeds.” You can purchase the “Best of” by clicking https://www.amazon.com/Grimoire-Exalted-Deeds-best-worst/dp/B09HFT9HKK

There are four other documentaries also being considered, two per Bluray. One such Bluray shall contain “Never Make a Movie in Texas” which is a hilarious testimony on how stupid and lazy the people of the south are and how much they tormented the director. The same disc shall also contain “The Worse Director in History” in which Bill Zebub is ridiculed, with plenty of video evidence of his stupidity. This should balance things, but whatever side you are on, you will laugh.

Fanzine Editor is a movie that was shot right before covid hit, and it might be finished in a version that is different from the script When it was shot, Bill Zebub was awarded many privileges, like filming in music venues, but these closed and then were sold to new owners who don’t feel the same way toward the legend. The movie will probably be re-titled to “Metal is not a Bad Word” and will shift focus away from publishing and instead tell the story of a has-been in his final days. You can read the memoir of the fanzine days by clicking https://www.amazon.com/Fanzine-Editor-Radio-Movie-Maker/dp/B0874LYKPB

You can also purchase back issues of the Grimoire of Exalted Deeds as well as other rarities on Bill Zebub’s ebay page – https://www.ebay.com/usr/bill_zebub_666

Bill Zebub will possibly re-edit JESUS, THE DAUGHER OF GOD for a special edition Bluray. There will be a kickstarter for it, so if you want to be notified, email bill@billzebub.com

The next NEW movie on the slate is JESUS WAS AN ASSHOLE, which should have a Kickstarter for it as well.

HOLOCAUST CANNINAL new cut on Bluray

Click https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/billzebub/holocaust-cannibal to participate in the crowdfunder for the special edition of HOLOCAUST CANNIBAL.

You can also get things like Bill Zebub’s death metal demos, Painful Meow, Bill Zebub’s various books (including the best of The Grimoire of Exalted Deeds), shirts, and more! Have a look, and share the hell out of it

Holocaust Cannibal
Holocaust Cannibal

The Abandoned

This movie starts out with an overly long scene of a woman driving a huge truck through a forest. It is unknown if she is fleeing, but she seems to be injured. There are two annoying babies crying the whole time, and as I lose my attention on the driving, I notice that this is one of those movies that desaturates the color, which makes me predict that I am going to endure a bad movie that will only be finished because I have to review it.

The woman arrives at a remote peasant house and dies.

The movie then jumps to a lady with resting-bitchface in some Russian office, for a reason that I forgot because I couldn’t stop wondering why such an ugly woman was chosen for the role. Was she there because she inherited something? I have no idea, but I had a quickly vanishing intention to finish the movie, and I assumed that at some point I would figure it out.

Resting-bitchface hired someone to drive her to a remote location in Russia. I don’t know what the hell the ride was about because I was again drawn to the desaturation. I mean, why not film in black and white if you hate color so much?

The woman has to exit the truck and walk, even though there is still a road. I know that I heard the words but I can’t recall them because this was just the start of extremely bad dialogue and I am currently trying to purge it from my brain, but during that early scene, part of me wondered if this was not truly stupid and part of a drugged sequence or something like that.

The woman enters a house that seems to have been abandoned a long time ago, a house in the middle of nowhere yet it has electricity.

The shots in which there is no electric light has a green tinge which made me wonder why a moviemaker wanted to totally copy the green tinge of a well known horror movie. Even if this is a coincidence, why do it? I often wonder if moviemakers worry about being flagged as corny a decade from now. “Remember when horror movies took out the color almost to the point of grayscale but in some scenes made on dominant stupid color, like green? Or blue. How many times will we see a snowfield that is blue? These are the thoughts going through my mind as I watched a movie that went nowhere.

I had to remind myself that I was assigned this movie for a review, not for my personal entertainment.

The woman runs out of the house for a reason I totally forgot because I was taken out of the movie almost the entire time, asking things like “Is anything going to happen or did the moviemaker think he was astounding the viewers with atmosphere?

Bam! The woman awakens inside the house, and a man is there who gives no indication that he is aggressive. He didn’t do anything to her when she was unconscious, and she is not restrained, so why does she bash him in the face with a stick?

They guy has a Russian accent but he speaks American slang, which is something I cannot stand in movies. Don’t Americanize foreigners. And why was he speaking English to her? The woman was born in Russia. That much I remember.

Anyway, the guy is the woman’s brother, her twin. I guess the two babies in the beginning of the movie are these two. I was about to wonder why they separated, but I didn’t care. All I wanted was to justify the time I had wasted. I wasn’t going to sleuth anything. By that point, I had realized that the writing was bad and it didn’t matter what the mystery was, that is, if there was one. Maybe the only mystery was how this movie got funded.

Did I tell you that the movie was bad? Well, the guy is an information-giver. I don’t know why the woman never asked “How do you know that?
“Those two people who look like us, except with white contact lenses… they are our doppelgangers.” Ok, I have to pause here. The guy acted as if he didn’t know what the things were, but he shot the one who looked like him, and he received the bullet wound. He then told his sister that whatever happens to the doppelgangers happens to them. Another bit of comedy is that the woman asks this imbecile who has a bullet wound to protect her, which would be stupid even if he wasn’t shot, because she knocked him out with a stick earlier.

When the pair decide on a part of the house to hang out, the guy pours liquor into his wound and then digs out the bullet with a knife. I don’t know if the moviemaker thought this would be a good gore scene, but it was stupid, so much so that it made me laugh.

After that, it was just one gimmick after another, like shaking the camera for no reason. It was imitation done very badly, and repetitively. Like, after the information-giver brother said that something was going to happen at midnight, there was banging, and objects flying. Nails withdrew from the boards that were blocking the door, and then reverse-motion was used to make broken glass become intact again. Wow! I am astounded. But this was all for absolutely no pay off. Nothing happened.

There was an entertaining movie based on a real life woman who wanted to be an opera singer but was tone deaf, but she had the wealth to make her dream come true. I wonder if this movie was made the same way. A person with absolutely no talent has the money to make his dream come true. If I had been told that before I started watching, I might have been entertained. Instead, I saw a movie that started out mediocre, but became increasingly stupid, to the point when I laughed, especially when I saw the ending.

I saw a cartoon in a Dungeons & Dragons magazine in which orcs were up to no good. One of them said to the others “We disguises ourselfs as paladins and…” and it reminds me of the people who made this movie. Low class people trying to pass themselves off as high class. That’s how it looks.

I wanted to delve into the behind-the-scenes that are on the disc, but the director spoke Spanish. I hated reading subtitles to a featurette of a movie I hated, and when one of the cast said that the director speaks perfect English, I ejected the disc and threw it into a wall.

If you want to feel like someone has played a joke on you, then by all means, watch this. It’s the most inauthentic movie I have seen in a long time.

Graphic Sexual Horror

I saw this on DVD a while ago. The Bluray contains deleted scenes and other goodies, but this was a good chance for me to revisit the documentary.

To preface, I found this to be disturbing when I first watched it. Girls in bondage is kinky, but actually hurting women is not.

I had read about sexual sadists, and one of the things that I remembered was that they typically take rejection very badly. They have revenge fantasies. I met a bondage producer who was of a similar variety, meaning that he liked to hurt the models, and I asked him why. I didn’t know if he had enough introspection to know, or if he would be honest, but he replied with one word; revenge, so it seems that what I had read about these kinds of people had some truth.

A fetish is an object that is required to achieve orgasm. It isn’t something that is kinky, so bondage is not a fetish (it is not an object). I just want to clarify that.

Paraphelias have no psychological explanation. Attraction to feet or other such nontraditional things are paraphelias. There are guesses of course, like one branch of psychology would guess that maybe when a boy had a babysitter who wore heals whose foot maybe accidentally came into contact with the kid’s groin… post hoc sort of explanations like that, but as mentioned, these are guesses. There is no conclusive explanation of why such attraction or desire occurs.

I am stating this so that you know what kind of mindset I had when I originally viewed this documentary. I was open to seeing something kinky, but I also felt like I should be prepared for watching something that might be made by a person with a pathological condition.

The documentary seems to be about the history of insex.com and the guy who started it. The extras has an interview with the co-director who stated that there was a wish to make a feature film, but the documentary would be made to raise money for it, or something like that.

Before I make some observations, let me just state how amused I am by the thought of a repressed person seeing any of the footage. These imbeciles can’t handle seeing a mere nipple (or they can’t stand seeing one without hiding and never admitting to seeing a nipple). Imagine how they would feel seeing the things being done to bare body parts in this movie.

The main guy seemed to have some insight into what made him this way, but please bear in mind that Ted Bundy blamed his behavior on porn. Firstly, Ted and other serial killers are liars. Secondly, or maybe I should have said “firstly” Ted Bundy has no education in psychology. How can he say something like porn made him rape women? Men rape because they are rapists. If they enjoy porn, that is not the cause of their behavior.

How does it apply to the guy in the documentary? He cites a moment when he was young and tied up by his sister and her friends. They tickled him and he thought that he pissed himself. When he went to the bathroom, he discovered that he had his first orgasm. He claims that this is what made him that way.

Uh…. when I had my first orgasm, I almost yelled in surprise and pleasure. I don’t know how someone can have an orgasm and think it’s urination. Yeah, when I am at a urinal in a public bathroom I am afraid of ejaculating instead of urinating. I don’t want to give anyone the wrong idea. “Are you using the urinal or are you just happy to see me?”
The other bizarre reasoning is that, if someone ejaculates while tied up and tickled, that means that he is excited about being submissive. That guy liked dominating women. That childhood tickling story would have better been used to say, “I experienced sexual feeling while tied up and tickled, but that was a long time ago. I like to inflict pain now that I have matured.”

Blah, blah, blah. My point is, never take any explanation seriously. But that is not the reason why you should watch this documentary. It happens to be one of the few documentaries that actually shows you what is being referenced. It’s not like a mainstream person narrating “Watch as this man suckles on a model’s nipples” and then the camera cuts to a woman’s eyes, squinting (no boob anywhere on the screen). Write that in your gay diary, but let a heterosexual film maker capture breasts on the screen.

I make that comment because the shy and polite way that mainstream people is the equivalent of making a movie about football and never showing the ball on the screen. Oh, less is more. No. Less is less. Stop being gay.

Back to the non-gay documentary….

You get to see everything. Nothing is implied. It’s all visible.

That is one reason why you should buy this documentary, even if you are gay. I seriously mean this. This documentary is one of the few that actually show you what is being discussed. There is no courtesy to weak-minded viewers. As such, we need to support people who are unabashed and unapologetic. There is no safe space. There might be a safe-word, but there is no safe space.

Some of the models are shown acting instead of really feeling fear or trauma. There are behind-the-scenes moments in which a girl looks like she is almost at the end of her tolerance, but the camera stops taping, and the guy asks the model, “Are you ok? You were just acting, right?” and the model responds in a normal voice, no longer weeping or panting. And when the camera starts taping again, the director requests more terror or whatever, and the model obliges.

Even though I know that those particular scenes are only being acted, I still cringe. But there are others in which I think I see real torment, and the interview afterward seems to be a testimonial about how the model wanted to see if she could take it… that makes me feel like I stood by passively while witnessing an atrocity.

It is at this time that I should point out something. Humans are diverse, psychologically and physically. I personally can’t imagine going through pain willingly, but as an example, I know two friends who had teeth extracted without anesthesia to see if they could do it. I also know people who have faced their greatest fears on purpose. I am not such a person. When I saw rites of passage in primitive cultures, ones that inflicted pain, that explained that this prepares the young person for the pain that will often come in life, I remarked, “Fuckin’ primitives… If pain is part of life, let me just feel it when it happens, not on purpose to prepare for future pain.”

Some martial art schools warn that you will be hit during practice because if you get hit in a real fight and never experienced it before, you will be frozen. Wrong. When I was a kid and I learned about the fight or flight response, I wanted to test it. I started a fight and got my ass kicked. Nothing hurt. Well, it hurt later, but the punches didn’t register as pain at the time. Granted, this is a strange way to verify if what I read about the human body was true, but I just had to know, ha ha.

I saw an interview with a CIA person who said that the threat of torture is effective because most people think they have less tolerance to pain than they really do. Why am I stating this? It’s because I watched this documentary absolutely baffled by the tolerance of pain, as well as wondering why someone would want to inflict pain. You might have vengeful fantasies, like when your friend fucks your girlfriend, or whatever, but you probably wouldn’t do anything in real life. Imagination is a good way to relieve bottled up energy, especially negative energy.

So why do something like this sadistic stuff in real life. I can’t figure this one out. Like, if the guy who is inflicting the torture and humiliation is just playing with a willing participant in his game of pretend, why does he require something so tangible? Is fantasy not enough?

I am not asking this judgmentally. My statement about there being a diversity of personalities means that there is also a diversity of cognition. Some people can’t think abstractly. Some people need to see something in front of them rather than to imagine it. The list goes on. This makes viewing the documentary more interesting. As I watch, I try to understand the people on the screen. I can’t, of course, and this is not my area of interest, but the documentary is a puzzle in this regard.

Some people like bland food. Some people can’t handle spice. Some people seek the hottest spice. It’s not for me to tell people how to eat. Except, I prefer if you don’t eat me. That is the one rule I think is acceptable for me to impose.

The footage of the girl sometimes is delightfully kinky, but some of it is unpleasant and not sexy. in my opinion.

I wonder if there is a parallel in horror. There is some gore that I think is cool or interesting, but there is a certain viewer who likes gritty hyper-realistic gore that isn’t well lit, stylized, or well shot. I met people who like this kind of gore, and one thing they have in common is that they are not social people. They don’t have charisma, so perhaps they have been rejected often. They also don’t seem to be educated. The movies they love don’t need to have stories.

I interacted with some people who liked sadistic bondage (rather than kinky bondage) and I wondered why, when they reviewed movies, they wrote everything that happened in the movie. Those aren’t reviews. Those are just reports about what happens in the movie. When I asked why they did that, the response was unanimous. They invent their own movie when they watch a movie. They don’t care about the story. They make up their own scenarios.

Odd.

The documentary closes with a cautionary tale. The site attracted the attention of the authorities or the government or whatever. According to the story that was told by people in the documentary, rather than to charge the guy with obscenity, the credit card companies were informed that terrorists funded their exploits via bondage sites, and payment processing privileges were revoked, thus ending the site. I have no idea if any of that is true, but I do know that some merchants were shut down that way for selling things that offended certain people, but that wasn’t done by authorities.

In my personal history, a company that had sold huge amounts of my movies suddenly were warned that if they carried any movies with “rape” in the title, like “Forgive Me for Raping You” then their credit card privileges would be revoked. Also, no movie could have violence against women on the cover, or women not having a good time. Looking back, I shouldn’t have made changes (I changed the movie title to “Forgive Me”). Only one merchant suffered the threat. No one else did. And that merchant eventually became irrelevant anyway. Just to be clear, my movies didn’t cause the downfall. That merchant carried some extreme stuff, and the merchant was big. My stuff was just collateral damage.

This Bluray is a worthy purchase for several reasons, but please keep in mind that you should never instantly believe what you hear in a testimonial or an interview. Enjoy.