The Editor – Astron 6

I first became aware of Astron 6 when I saw their movie “Father’s Day” which I loudly proclaimed as being the best indie movie I had ever seen. The creators didn’t shy away from nudity, which is still of note because video merchants cater to imbeciles who are baffled by boobs.

I had purchased The Editor as soon as it was available, but I was distracted by other tasks that required my attention, and days turned into years. I finally experienced a viewing, and I must again crown Astron 6 as kings of indie film.

I will not mention the story. You will have to find out for yourself. What I will share is that the movie is outstanding. I found myself dazzled. Being that I know that these are indie directors, I wondered how the hell they accomplished what I saw. You might feel the same awe.

There is a sense of parody, but if you have never seen movies that get a bit of a nod, it won’t diminish your enjoyment. The dialogue at times made me howl because it was surprising and refreshingly clever.

Some of the actions on screen were unexpected, and at times, made me laugh so loudly that I even startled myself. I had to rewind because I was stuck admiring the comical creativity and replayed the hilarity in my mind instead of catching up to what was on screen.

Of course, this movie is not really a comedy, or at least not a comedy meant for a simple-minded American audience. When the laughter was evoked from me, it felt like an involuntary act. I laughed hard, almost as if I were vomiting the unfun parts of my psyche. It was a pleasure to watch this masterpiece.

Speaking of pleasure, there is a fair amount of nudity, of the highest quality beauty.

I was surprised to see celebrities, most notably Paz de la Huerta, whom I first saw in Enter the Void, and then drooled again in Boardwalk Empire. She also is part of the behind-the-scenes, and her personality therein makes me love her even more.

Paz De La Huerta

The making-of chapter made me aware of some of the hassles that the creators experienced, but they did not let obstacles destroy them. Bravo!

This is an exceptional movie that excites on many levels. It is HIGHLY recommended, even if you are stupid.

Medieval – A Worthless Movie

I regret that I saw the movie MEDIEVAL. Visually, the color was desaturated, making it almost gray for many parts, and many shots were blown out, which made me wonder if the camera operator was drunk. Was it a stylistic choice? If so, it sucks. Shoot it properly next time you get work.

The scenes were composed of shots that rarely lasted more than five seconds. Most shots were close-ups, with an occasional longer shot to show that people changed position. It was ridiculous.

Three of the characters looked exactly alike, so for half the movie I thought they were the same person.

Some of the Europeans were played by other ethnicities, so that blew away any chance of this being seen as a historical tale, even though it was based on a historical figure. Yes, I said it. As soon as the first non-European appeared, it stopped being a serious movie and instead became a commercial product without artistic merit. Even a bad historical fiction movie makes me wonder about the period of the tale, and seeing things that should not be there blast me out of the story.

The dialogue was ridiculous and had a lot of modern slang and modern sayings.

I felt deceived, but prior to my purchase, I knew that it was probably garbage because it was a new movie and probably targeted for “modern audiences” which makes me wonder if I will find an exception.

Invitation Only – A film by Kevin Ko

Although this is a Tiawanese movie, some of the characters speak some English. I like the subtitles when they appear because I try to guess which sounds match the translated words, and I try to remember them.

The movie reminds me of how I felt when I saw HOSTEL. It’s not the same story and it is by no means an imitation.

Before I continue, I must get through the most important characteristic. Yes, there are boobs, specifically, those of Maria Ozawa. Why do I state this? It’s because the absence of boobs means that the movie is a cop-out. I don’t want to see PG-rated horror, and if a movie gets an R-rating because someone said “fuck” more than seven times, it’s still a PG-rated movie in my eyes. If viewers are too squeamish to see boobs, then everything else is going to suck too. Being afraid of nudity means the filmmaker is afraid, not bold, no matter how much blood is seen. So bravo, Kevin Ko!

Maria Ozawa

I also want to mention that the boobs are actually touched, which is a natural thing to do yet it remains absent from most cash-grab movies.

I don’t give away story or plot because the only thing that I want to know before watching a movie is if it is worth the investment of my time to watch it, but I will say that for the most part, I found myself interested in the tale, specifically of the protagonist. Of course, this is a horror movie, so bad decisions get made by characters, some coincidences occur that seem like plot points rather than story points (yes, there is a difference), but this is not a realistic set of situations. It’s for entertainment.

Yes, there is gore. There was a scene in which a mouse was going to be subjected to torture, to show what will happen to the human. I had to turn my eyes away. I didn’t want to hate the director in case this was a real death of an animal. I didn’t look back at the screen until after the audio indicated that the shots were over.

There was an interesting twist on the prejudices between classes of wealth and poverty, which I will let you discover on your own. It’s refreshing to see a writer who revamps common themes.

Returning to the gore, I will only say that this movie contains ample amounts, but the entertainment value comes from the tension of the scenes.

This was a fun ride, and I found myself thinking about the movie even a few days after watching it. It’s horror, so I can’t object to some of the things that would raise a few questions if the genre were different.

This isn’t one of the movies that are made for “modern audiences” so a girl that is barely over a hundred pounds does not beat up a dozen men. There is no bending of physics in this movie. The only superhuman element of any character may perhaps be the level of bravery, or even level-headed thinking in a dire situation, that you root for. There is no propaganda, not even in the aforementioned differences between social classes. There is no idealism; just a fun romp in a movie that satisfies in tension-building, great characters, gore, and a good pair of tits that are actually fondled.

Christmas Cruelty – Unearthed Films

I heard that the movie begins with a kid being killed after his mom gets raped for five minutes. This set my expectations high.

What really happened was that a chainsaw came close to what was very obviously a plastic or rubber doll. I wasn’t sure if this was cheesy on purpose or if the people who made the movie really thought that this was shocking. There was no gore in that shot, just blood. Grisly images were not depicted.

The rape was also shot as something that was implied. There was no nudity.

In the first ten minutes of most movies, you see enough to decide whether you accept the deal or if you stop watching. If you continue, it’s after you accept the rules that the moviemaker set. In this movie, it seemed that the rules were that there was going to be no nudity, and if there was going to be any gore, it would be cheesy.

Adding to the difficulty of accepting the boundaries of the movie, what at first seemed like bad color correction turned out to be a visual choice. I found it distracting. Instead of establishing a mood, it made me wonder if the quality of the footage was bad, and the bad color was a way to distract the viewer.

The characters speak Norwegian, which is interesting to hear. There are some sites that show the country and the architecture.

The main characters are in scenes that seem mundane, but some horror movies do the same. It might be that you are supposed to become familiar with the victims before they get abused so that you react more strongly, but I have often complained about this because we humans are a social species. We do not need to know a person in order to feel pity.

When I saw the bonus material, I wondered if I had seen the same movie that people were gushing over.

People were talking about how affected they were by the brutality. Did none of these people ever see a horror movie before?

The rape scene in the movie “Irreversible” is hard to watch. The rape scenes in “Christmas Cruelty” are like Disney in comparison, feeling like the filmmakers were afraid to depict such things. The scenes should have been left out because they were disappointing. Their omission would definitely improve the movie because the comical gore is like something in a Troma flick, but the bad rape scenes just seem like a cop-out.

The behind-the-scenes make the creators look like cool people, except that they seem delusional about what they made. I don’t know if their region of Norway is so secluded that “Christmas Cruelty” is considered over-the-top, but I don’t consider any of the content to be extreme. It works as a comedy-horror, to some extent, but I can’t enjoy a movie that seems to be afraid of its ideas. It’s like me making a movie about rabbits, but due to my irrational fear of those creatures, no actual rabbits are filmed.

Dickshark gets an ultimate edition

You might be excited about the 400_ page picture book, which will be 8.5 x 11 with each page bearing one huge fullcolor photo. Every household needs one of these.

DICKSHARK, THE ULTIMATE EDITION will contian at least 2 hours of behind-the-scenes footage, plus the longest possible cut, which might be 7 hours log (but at least 5)

Click here https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/billzebub/dickshark-the-long-and-short-re-edits to nab your limited edition. If you are feeling extra cool, then copy and paste that on your various social media thingies. Be a hero or heroine.

Black Metal and Other Dark Music

If you do not have a Bluray player, you can enjoy a 2.5 hour version of the massive 6-hour BLACK METAL: THE ULTIMATE DOCUMENTARY here https://vimeo.com/ondemand/blackmetal

The interviews are conducted in the Grimore style, but that also means that there are some insightful questions amid the absurdity.

If you are the kind of person who just expects everything for free then ignore this.

Bill Zebub has a New Radio Show

Bill Zebub is now on Sunday nights from Midnight-3am on 89.3 FM in the Dallas area, and also streamed live at KNON.org. You can hear his debut show hear via the stream of intense pleasure – https://spinitron.com/KNON/pl/16076609/The-Vortex-of-Chaos?sp=325895410 for the next two weeks. Share this instead of AIDS and you will help mankind.

BILL ZEBUB RETURNS TO RADIO

The #1 Death Metal Magazine in the World

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