Category Archives: Movie

Movie, Uncategorized

Cradle of Fear

Cradle of Filth became a sensation in America shortly after the Scandinavian “black metal” became trendy. While the Nords adopted a childish Satanic theme (basically going by childish notions), or going after folklore, Cradle of Filth focused more on Gothic tales. Bram Stoker versus Tolkien (or childish Satanism). One last note about the silly Satanism, there were bands that wrote Satanic lyrics in a horror style that was atmospheric and chilling, so there were some exceptions to the sillier-than-thou approach).

Many black metal bands banked on the sensationalism of one guy who stabbed an effeminate bandmate in his underwear, and another guy who stabbed a homosexual for hitting on him, or whatever, and the various arson stories of churches being destroyed. The story of the band was more important than the music, which resembled punk rock more than metal, but some bands had good musicians.

Cradle of Filth was one of the bands that boasted musicianship as well as atmosphere, and they enjoyed a surge of popularity for those aspects. While there was also a fair share of metal fans who ridiculed the band, including my reviews and interviews, there is no question that the band rose to the top at one time.

In later years, the fervor abated.

Dani Filth hit Bill Zebub with a bottle

During the period when the band was riding high, one of my fans sent me a VHS bootleg of “Cradle of Fear.” When I watched the first ten minutes, I thought it was shot on a camcorder. Back then, I did not know why some footage looked like movies while other footage looked amateurish, but I later discovered that cinematic motion results from 24 frames per second, while 30 or 60 frames per second looks bad. Sports fans might like it, but movie fans see garbage, even if they don’t know why.

When I heard this was to be released on Blu(e)ray, I held hope that there would be frame rate interpolation, but the cheesy camcorder look was preserved. I asked one of the people at Unearthed Films, and he explained that he did not want to interpolate the footage because he was worried about gliches. It seemed he didn’t know that the digital tools these days are not like those of yesteryear. It’s too late to do anything, but I wanted to tell him that even if there were gliches, the digital artifacts would be worth the cinematic improvement.

I had to turn off that part of my mind that kept complaining about the cheesiness of the frame rate. The move would have looked much better. Maybe there will one day be a special edition with both frame rates, ha ha.

Ignoring my intense dislike of the camcorder look, I tried to look for the good things. Those things were boobs. No matter how bad a movie is, boobs can reverse the frustration. There is an ample amount of ample bosoms.

People who love gore might like that aspect of this movie. There are some digital effects too, but they have more to do with action shots. The bloody stuff is mostly what is called “practical” which is a gay way of saying “real world with fake stuff.” Some fans get very gay about gore effects that are made with computer effects.

Dani Filth punches Bill Zebub

The story has a “Tales From the Dark Side” flavor. There is also some dark comedy in some scenes.

This is a fun look into the past. You might not have been around for the Cradle of Filth craze, but you knew what those days were like. If you are too young, then you might still enjoy seeing what life was like. For instance, there are telephones in this movie.

Movie

Jesus, the Daughter of god Re-edit

Bill Zebub has launched a Kickstarter for the re-edit of “Jesus, the Daughter of god” which is not renamed to “Quantum Leap of Faith.”

The reason for this re-edit is because the movie has been out of circulation for a while, and some fans contacted Bill Zebub to ask for replacement copies of their lost discs.

Additionally, people asked for the movie at horror conventions.

Bill Zebub launched this campaign to see if the requests for the movie were genuine, and indeed, this is the case.

This is a re-edit, which makes use of Bill Zebub’s new skills and ideas. This also makes sure that the original cut still remains valuable. Some fans like to collect extra copies of movies because they know they can sell for hundreds a few years later. Bill Zebub does not want to diminish the invenstment.

If you participate in this Kickstarter, you get a chance to get an extra disc of behind-the-scenes. Take a look at the campaign here https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/billzebub/quantum-leap-of-faith and of course, share the hell out of it.

This campaign won’t last long, and neither will the special prizes.

Movie

Don’t Torture a Duckling

Fulci seems to have an audience that adores him but also is considered boring by many. I fall into the second category, so don’t let me color your expectation.

As someone who is not emotionally invested in the director’s work, I find the critics who gush about him to be delusional. However, there are people who gush about Tarkovsky, who see things in the movies that I find simply mediocre. This means that I am stupid or the worshipers are out of their minds.

There was an episode of Penn & Teller’s “Bullshit” in which waiters (actors in disguise) served mere tap water, but they gushed about the fluid in the flowery language, making poems out of their personal evaluation. Customers tasted the tap water and agreed that the taste was exceptional. When I read critics praise Fulci, I feel like I am watching this prank. There is a bonus feature in the disc that has something like this.

When I was a kid, I hated detective shows. I considered them boring, but more importantly, I noticed that every episode had exactly the same structure. How could no one else detect that?

The Italian version, the giallo, is equally predictable. The most obvious culprit is not the guilty party, and the least likely is the villain. Such is the case with this movie. I should make bets how quickly I can guess in these types of movies.

Where some critics find important messages stitched into the story, I find mediocre writing and points that don’t need to be made in movies. Did Avatar really send a new message by stating that corporations are bad? Couldn’t all that money be used to communicate better ideas?

Let’s say that this movie is a social mirror, showing the male supremacy and superstitious nature of people. First, the point doesn’t have to be made. If you need someone else to point out these things, then you are too stupid to do anything but add to the problem.

On the surface, it’s praiseworthy to criticize such things as male supremacy. But why are there no solutions offered? Well, it’s dangerous when a person pulls an idea out of his ass and then immediately declares it the right thing to do. You have to test ideas on a small scale to see if they have any merit.

The point is that the weak and unnecessary point in the movie, if you even detect them, do nothing.

I went into this movie knowing that I would be bored and that I would predict things that were meant to be surprising. I considered it a waste of time, but I know that there are fans of this director and fans of the genre, but that also means that a review is unnecessary.

Movie, Uncategorized

Play it Cool

The synopsis was compelling, but when I watched the movie I felt like I was fooled like a person at a carnival who believed that for the price of a ticket I can see a six-legged sheep.

To put it bluntly, this movie is afraid of its subject matter. The synopsis warned of a scene in which a man violently forces himself on his stepdaughter, but the scene is so bad that it;s comical. The “violence” is him slapping her, which knocks her out. This actually made me laugh out loud, especially with the slapstick sound effect.

In case you’re not aware, this is a Japaneses movie, which makes the failure more ridiculous because there are many Japanese movies that handle this subject matter masterfully. The only visceral thing about this movie was trying to resist ejecting it from my player. That was a constant struggle.

The dialogue is so bad that you can derive more drama from an old Godzilla movie. I tried to imagine that the writing was stylized so as to give it a chance, but it was impossible. It truly seems like whoever wrote the screenplay had no social interactions in real life and definitely conducted no research into anything depicted in the movie.

I wasn’t kidding about the acting being so bad it was funny. The sexual scenes are hilarious, especially when an old man is trying to pleasure the young woman with a massage, and she looks like she is having an epileptic seizure, all while hiding her nipples and being engulfed in a blanket from the waist down.

In addition to desperately hide breasts at all costs by the characters themselves, the cop-out technique of having nudity obscured by objects in the scene being at the right place in front of the camera is aggravating, not artistic.

Nothing is accomplished through acting. Rather; dialogue replaces action. Instead of the woman being seductive, a co-start says. “You are seductive.” You can place the voices over two rolls of toilet paper side-by-side and you would have the same performance.

Every character is either a caricature or a a lifeless prop.

Don’t trust any of the sales points or the synopsis. It is pure deception.

Movie

Evilenko

Most movies about serial killers are so watered down that they could be played on a woman’s romance channel. All of them ignore the fact that serial killers are sexual predators. That behavior is completely omitted from the movies.

Some movies show a little bit of gore, but not enough to paint the picture, even when the killer is the type who wants to horrify those who discover the bodies.

Why do movie-makers leave these things out? If you read books about the killers, every detail is vividly described. Why are you forbidden from seeing such things in movie?

Perhaps it is a remnant of Hollywood self-censoring so that religious imbeciles are appeased. Perhaps it is a remnant of the Victorian Age when man was exalted to ridiculously unrealistic levels. No one can live up to an ideal, so bizarre expectations lead to misery.

There is unfounded worry that seeing rape will turn you into a rapist, or that if you watch porn then you will be less likely to vote guilty in a rape trial. Beyond that, it is considered low-grade to show things as they really are. Again, details of the behavior of serial killers is described in books. Why not in movies?

Most movies about serial killers are basically just soap operas. The dialogue is completely fiction, as is the behavior, so much so that the character names in movies should be changed. It’s deceptive to name a movie after a serial killer when almost nothing in the story is true.

The day may never come when a movie satisfies the type of person who enjoys reading true-crime books and studies in criminology. many Americans are sexually repressed, sexually ignorant, and squeamish. The ones who aren’t don’t comprise a large enough audience for a movie to rise above the low standards.

Evilenko is not an exception to anything I have stated, but it has Malcolm McDowell.

In one of the many bonus items of the new 4K transfer on Unearthed Films, Malcolm stated that he did not want to depict someone who is real. He wanted to use his skills to make a character.

If you are familiar with Malcolm, then you will agree that he gave an impressive performance. He truly became someone else.

It was interesting to see the bland life in a communist country, but it was ruined by the British accents. This isn’t England. It made me recall how much I despised a cable show about Catherine. Everyone spoke in English accents, and some Russians were played by Africans. My point is that, if a there is some effort to bring authenticity, like wood carvings that are common in Slavic countries, why ruin that with a completely different ethnicity, whether it’s Celtic of African? That is understandable in a high school play, but not in a period piece.

Another annoyance was modern slang. Russians do not have the same stupid sayings as Americans. This kept shattering the illusion that I was watching something take place in Russia, even with the backdrop.

The dialogue was lazy in many places. I never want to be smarter than the movie. I can’t count the number of times I finished sentences in my head that the characters spoke word-for-word. Some situations were also as easily predictable.

It seems that this is a bad review, but despite the flaws of the movie, I enjoyed Malcolm’s performance, and some of the bland aspects of life in a communist setting were effective. If you converse with someone from another country, you might discover drastic differences in life. Someone from a small village in Ukraine might be shocked that half an aisle in a supermarket is composed of many different brands of coffee, for example. You might have an entire room in your house specifically for your trove of DVDs and posters covering most wall space, whereas someone in another country might only have the bare essentials.

Watch the movie for Malcolm, but if you want to discover the deeds of the serial killer, he described his rapes, tortures, and killings in court. If you read those transcripts, you will discover everything that this movie left out.

Movie

Jesus was an Asshole

Bill Zebub’s much-anticipated movie “Jesus was an Asshole” will resume filming after a brief Kickstarter campaign, which is here https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/billzebub/jesus-was-an-sshole

Please share the hell out of that.

For a limited time, you can get the BD-R of behind-the-scenes footage in addition to an uncensored movie cover, or you can opt for the Bluray that will be autographed (for the same price as it will be in retail shops without an autograph). Other goodies await, like the popular Dickshark shirt that is sure to get you into lots of conversations with strangers.

Remember if you ignore your director, he will disappear.

Movie

KILL THE SCREAM QUEEN lives again

KILL THE SCREAM QUEEN (click that) is getting a re-edit. This movie stars Debbie Dutch, Kerri Taylor, and others.

There is a Kickstarter for this, which will allow you to get a limited-art uncensored cover, as well as other goodies. Go here https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/billzebub/kill-the-scream-queen unless you are stupid, cheap, and shallow.

Just kidding. Participate only if you are extremely interested.

Movie

Homework

I saw “Homework” during the era of VHS rentals. I was a pre-teen at the time, so I think the rental was through an older friend.

The movie was magical. As a pre-teen, I saw wondrous boobs. I fell in love with the blonde and was mesmerized.

As for Joan Collins, I didn’t know who she was. She had great tits, but her face reminded my of an ant. with a wide top of the head narrowing down to a tiny chin. Again, I was a pre-teen, so bear that in mind. I hadn’t seen boobs in real life, and I didn’t know that old women could have nice tits, so that was earth-shattering, ha ha. This was a movie that made me realize that an otherwise boring or bitchy woman could have immaculate breasts, so I should always keep that in mind in any encounter with such.

For some reason, this movie escaped my collection. I remember when I ravenously purchased movies that had only previously been seen on cable, theaters, or via rentals. I amassed a VHS library, later upgraded to DVD whenever possible, and then Bluray and 4K.

Homework is now available through Unearthed. For some reason, I only vaguely recalled that Joan Collins showed her boobs in this one, and I have seen many boobs since those times, in real life. I don’t mean to say that I am tired of boobs. A boob at any moment will freeze me in adoration no matter what. What I meant to say was that the boobs of Joan Collins are not more enticing than the boobs of someone who isn’t Joan Collins.

What I forgot was the blonde I wanted to marry. I don’t know if she was in any other movies. Perhaps I shall have to find out. Anyway, it was interesting seeing a girl who was at one time a woman in my eyes (because I was a pre-teen when I had a crush on her). She is now a girl in my eyes. I don’t mean an under-aged girl of course. She was an actress who played a younger character. It is almost like I am a ghost who can glance at any moment in the past, traveling time to experience lost moments with much greater awareness and knowledge in my current form.

One of the differences between modern movies and those of the eighties is, the characters who were teens could be naked in the past movies. I don’t mean that in a pedophile way.

It’s strange that even in a comedy, life is presented the way it is rather than the silly idealistic way that propagandists and human-resources styles ruin depictions of characters. I fully expect gangster movies to have mob bosses who reprimand underlings for using racial slurs. But yes, the drama in comedies of the past is vastly superior to many commercial films of this shallow era.

Show people how they are rather than how you expect people to behave in a corporate environment. It’s simple.

I was overjoyed to watch this and I marveled at the differences in my perception as an adult. It’s also interesting which parts I forgot and which parts I anticipated.

A newcomer will not, of course, be flooded with memories and having fallen in love with any of the characters, but this is a great time-capsule. Unlike the modern sex-comedies that have characters behaving unrealistically and striving to make a joke at every opportunity, this shows relatively average people going through their own experiences, sometimes funny, but never for the sake of a cheap laugh.

It’s worth seeing this difference in writing sensibilities.

There is an interview with the director, which reveals some bittersweet history of this movie. I don’t want to spoil anything, so I will just mention that this is a bonus chapter.

Again, I don’t know why I never pursued this movie when I was able to own it. Perhaps it was because I didn’t find Joan Collins attractive, except for her breasts. I had totally forgotten about the blonde who was was my imaginary wife. Perhaps it was too traumatic to admit that it was a love that could only exist in my head.

Movie

Amateur Porn Star Killer

When I saw this movie, many years ago, I was angry. At that time, I had not seen any found-footage flicks, so I couldn’t understand why footage of naked women would be shown with bad lighting and low quality.

My opinion of this movie has changed. Throughout the years I occasionally thought about re-watching it, but I couldn’t find it in my collection. As luck would have it, it became available from Wild Eye Releasing.

The first thing that I must note is that there is a hot blonde featured in consensual shots. She might be a prostite, girlfriend, or model. Her role is not explained. Even though this is found-footage, her shots are often overlaid as if they are flashbacks, but it is more likely that this is just footage shot with the same character who is the victim in this movie. I didn’t analyze this because I was too busy wishing for better quality footage of her, or find a way to marry her. Her scenes alone are worth the price of the movie.

I must pause here to share my wish that some behind-the-scenes footage would have been available for the re-issue, but I think that there was no other camera used.

Now back to the movie. The woman who played the role of the under-aged girl is talented. Of course, when I saw the scenes of her molestation and rape, I knew that she was over 18 in real life, but her performance was incredibly convincing. She’s got a great body, which might be a strange thing to say about a character who gets raped, but it allows me to make a point. A girl might blossom into a woman’s body, but she still has the mind of a child. Some men do not understand this. But getting back to her being sexy, the rational part of me knew that this was an actress, and I wanted to marry her. But I felt bad for the character.

What I missed about this movie when I saw it many years ago was that this is not lazy or gimmicky movie-making. During that era, talent-less black metal bands were recording songs on a four-track recorder, or even a boom box, and referred to the garbage as “Necro” which made me laugh at the people who were duped. There were even bands signed to record labels who pocketed most of the recording budget and paid the bare minimum at the worst recording studios. Knowing this, I had assumed that this was the same situation with “Amateur Porn Killer.” But my opinion has changed.

The villain of the movie takes advantage of a girl’s trust and brings her into a motel room. The found-footage style is perfect for capturing the way the situation changes. The dialogue may seem meandering, but I will bet money that key points were memorized before filming. If this were a narrative style, then the dialogue would be edited for pace, but in the raw style of this movie, you see a predator prepare his victim.

I don’t know if the creator knew about the subject beforehand or if he guessed how such a predator would behave, but equally skillful was the way the victim behaved. The movie is much more than what it appears to be at first glance.

In real life, there were two men who made a rape den. They recorded their crimes so they could enjoy the footage later. The documentary that featured this story showed some of the footage of the rapists, which was shot in a similar quality.

It seems that many horror fans are squeamish about this subject matter, which makes me laugh. They can watch people being murdered or tortured, but they are unable to watch rape scenes. Maybe the difference is that you are not supposed to glorify rape scenes. But horror fans brag to each other about kill scenes.

I feel regret for having dismissed this movie when I first saw it, but I am happy that I have re-discovered it. I was able to see how ignorant I was long ago. Or would it be better to say that I have seen a much wider diversity of movie since then?

Movie

HOLOCAUST CANNINAL new cut on Bluray

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Click https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/billzebub/holocaust-cannibal to participate in the crowdfunder for the special edition of HOLOCAUST CANNIBAL.

You can also get things like Bill Zebub’s death metal demos, Painful Meow, Bill Zebub’s various books (including the best of The Grimoire of Exalted Deeds), shirts, and more! Have a look, and share the hell out of it

Holocaust Cannibal
Holocaust Cannibal