Category Archives: Movie

Movie

Jesus, the Daughter of god Re-edit

Bill Zebub has launched a Kickstarter for the re-edit of “Jesus, the Daughter of god” which is not renamed to “Quantum Leap of Faith.”

The reason for this re-edit is because the movie has been out of circulation for a while, and some fans contacted Bill Zebub to ask for replacement copies of their lost discs.

Additionally, people asked for the movie at horror conventions.

Bill Zebub launched this campaign to see if the requests for the movie were genuine, and indeed, this is the case.

This is a re-edit, which makes use of Bill Zebub’s new skills and ideas. This also makes sure that the original cut still remains valuable. Some fans like to collect extra copies of movies because they know they can sell for hundreds a few years later. Bill Zebub does not want to diminish the invenstment.

If you participate in this Kickstarter, you get a chance to get an extra disc of behind-the-scenes. Take a look at the campaign here https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/billzebub/quantum-leap-of-faith and of course, share the hell out of it.

This campaign won’t last long, and neither will the special prizes.

Movie

Don’t Torture a Duckling

Fulci seems to have an audience that adores him but also is considered boring by many. I fall into the second category, so don’t let me color your expectation.

As someone who is not emotionally invested in the director’s work, I find the critics who gush about him to be delusional. However, there are people who gush about Tarkovsky, who see things in the movies that I find simply mediocre. This means that I am stupid or the worshipers are out of their minds.

There was an episode of Penn & Teller’s “Bullshit” in which waiters (actors in disguise) served mere tap water, but they gushed about the fluid in the flowery language, making poems out of their personal evaluation. Customers tasted the tap water and agreed that the taste was exceptional. When I read critics praise Fulci, I feel like I am watching this prank. There is a bonus feature in the disc that has something like this.

When I was a kid, I hated detective shows. I considered them boring, but more importantly, I noticed that every episode had exactly the same structure. How could no one else detect that?

The Italian version, the giallo, is equally predictable. The most obvious culprit is not the guilty party, and the least likely is the villain. Such is the case with this movie. I should make bets how quickly I can guess in these types of movies.

Where some critics find important messages stitched into the story, I find mediocre writing and points that don’t need to be made in movies. Did Avatar really send a new message by stating that corporations are bad? Couldn’t all that money be used to communicate better ideas?

Let’s say that this movie is a social mirror, showing the male supremacy and superstitious nature of people. First, the point doesn’t have to be made. If you need someone else to point out these things, then you are too stupid to do anything but add to the problem.

On the surface, it’s praiseworthy to criticize such things as male supremacy. But why are there no solutions offered? Well, it’s dangerous when a person pulls an idea out of his ass and then immediately declares it the right thing to do. You have to test ideas on a small scale to see if they have any merit.

The point is that the weak and unnecessary point in the movie, if you even detect them, do nothing.

I went into this movie knowing that I would be bored and that I would predict things that were meant to be surprising. I considered it a waste of time, but I know that there are fans of this director and fans of the genre, but that also means that a review is unnecessary.

Movie, Uncategorized

Play it Cool

The synopsis was compelling, but when I watched the movie I felt like I was fooled like a person at a carnival who believed that for the price of a ticket I can see a six-legged sheep.

To put it bluntly, this movie is afraid of its subject matter. The synopsis warned of a scene in which a man violently forces himself on his stepdaughter, but the scene is so bad that it;s comical. The “violence” is him slapping her, which knocks her out. This actually made me laugh out loud, especially with the slapstick sound effect.

In case you’re not aware, this is a Japaneses movie, which makes the failure more ridiculous because there are many Japanese movies that handle this subject matter masterfully. The only visceral thing about this movie was trying to resist ejecting it from my player. That was a constant struggle.

The dialogue is so bad that you can derive more drama from an old Godzilla movie. I tried to imagine that the writing was stylized so as to give it a chance, but it was impossible. It truly seems like whoever wrote the screenplay had no social interactions in real life and definitely conducted no research into anything depicted in the movie.

I wasn’t kidding about the acting being so bad it was funny. The sexual scenes are hilarious, especially when an old man is trying to pleasure the young woman with a massage, and she looks like she is having an epileptic seizure, all while hiding her nipples and being engulfed in a blanket from the waist down.

In addition to desperately hide breasts at all costs by the characters themselves, the cop-out technique of having nudity obscured by objects in the scene being at the right place in front of the camera is aggravating, not artistic.

Nothing is accomplished through acting. Rather; dialogue replaces action. Instead of the woman being seductive, a co-start says. “You are seductive.” You can place the voices over two rolls of toilet paper side-by-side and you would have the same performance.

Every character is either a caricature or a a lifeless prop.

Don’t trust any of the sales points or the synopsis. It is pure deception.

Movie

Evilenko

Most movies about serial killers are so watered down that they could be played on a woman’s romance channel. All of them ignore the fact that serial killers are sexual predators. That behavior is completely omitted from the movies.

Some movies show a little bit of gore, but not enough to paint the picture, even when the killer is the type who wants to horrify those who discover the bodies.

Why do movie-makers leave these things out? If you read books about the killers, every detail is vividly described. Why are you forbidden from seeing such things in movie?

Perhaps it is a remnant of Hollywood self-censoring so that religious imbeciles are appeased. Perhaps it is a remnant of the Victorian Age when man was exalted to ridiculously unrealistic levels. No one can live up to an ideal, so bizarre expectations lead to misery.

There is unfounded worry that seeing rape will turn you into a rapist, or that if you watch porn then you will be less likely to vote guilty in a rape trial. Beyond that, it is considered low-grade to show things as they really are. Again, details of the behavior of serial killers is described in books. Why not in movies?

Most movies about serial killers are basically just soap operas. The dialogue is completely fiction, as is the behavior, so much so that the character names in movies should be changed. It’s deceptive to name a movie after a serial killer when almost nothing in the story is true.

The day may never come when a movie satisfies the type of person who enjoys reading true-crime books and studies in criminology. many Americans are sexually repressed, sexually ignorant, and squeamish. The ones who aren’t don’t comprise a large enough audience for a movie to rise above the low standards.

Evilenko is not an exception to anything I have stated, but it has Malcolm McDowell.

In one of the many bonus items of the new 4K transfer on Unearthed Films, Malcolm stated that he did not want to depict someone who is real. He wanted to use his skills to make a character.

If you are familiar with Malcolm, then you will agree that he gave an impressive performance. He truly became someone else.

It was interesting to see the bland life in a communist country, but it was ruined by the British accents. This isn’t England. It made me recall how much I despised a cable show about Catherine. Everyone spoke in English accents, and some Russians were played by Africans. My point is that, if a there is some effort to bring authenticity, like wood carvings that are common in Slavic countries, why ruin that with a completely different ethnicity, whether it’s Celtic of African? That is understandable in a high school play, but not in a period piece.

Another annoyance was modern slang. Russians do not have the same stupid sayings as Americans. This kept shattering the illusion that I was watching something take place in Russia, even with the backdrop.

The dialogue was lazy in many places. I never want to be smarter than the movie. I can’t count the number of times I finished sentences in my head that the characters spoke word-for-word. Some situations were also as easily predictable.

It seems that this is a bad review, but despite the flaws of the movie, I enjoyed Malcolm’s performance, and some of the bland aspects of life in a communist setting were effective. If you converse with someone from another country, you might discover drastic differences in life. Someone from a small village in Ukraine might be shocked that half an aisle in a supermarket is composed of many different brands of coffee, for example. You might have an entire room in your house specifically for your trove of DVDs and posters covering most wall space, whereas someone in another country might only have the bare essentials.

Watch the movie for Malcolm, but if you want to discover the deeds of the serial killer, he described his rapes, tortures, and killings in court. If you read those transcripts, you will discover everything that this movie left out.

Movie

Jesus was an Asshole

Bill Zebub’s much-anticipated movie “Jesus was an Asshole” will resume filming after a brief Kickstarter campaign, which is here https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/billzebub/jesus-was-an-sshole

Please share the hell out of that.

For a limited time, you can get the BD-R of behind-the-scenes footage in addition to an uncensored movie cover, or you can opt for the Bluray that will be autographed (for the same price as it will be in retail shops without an autograph). Other goodies await, like the popular Dickshark shirt that is sure to get you into lots of conversations with strangers.

Remember if you ignore your director, he will disappear.

Movie

KILL THE SCREAM QUEEN lives again

KILL THE SCREAM QUEEN (click that) is getting a re-edit. This movie stars Debbie Dutch, Kerri Taylor, and others.

There is a Kickstarter for this, which will allow you to get a limited-art uncensored cover, as well as other goodies. Go here https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/billzebub/kill-the-scream-queen unless you are stupid, cheap, and shallow.

Just kidding. Participate only if you are extremely interested.

Movie

Homework

I saw “Homework” during the era of VHS rentals. I was a pre-teen at the time, so I think the rental was through an older friend.

The movie was magical. As a pre-teen, I saw wondrous boobs. I fell in love with the blonde and was mesmerized.

As for Joan Collins, I didn’t know who she was. She had great tits, but her face reminded my of an ant. with a wide top of the head narrowing down to a tiny chin. Again, I was a pre-teen, so bear that in mind. I hadn’t seen boobs in real life, and I didn’t know that old women could have nice tits, so that was earth-shattering, ha ha. This was a movie that made me realize that an otherwise boring or bitchy woman could have immaculate breasts, so I should always keep that in mind in any encounter with such.

For some reason, this movie escaped my collection. I remember when I ravenously purchased movies that had only previously been seen on cable, theaters, or via rentals. I amassed a VHS library, later upgraded to DVD whenever possible, and then Bluray and 4K.

Homework is now available through Unearthed. For some reason, I only vaguely recalled that Joan Collins showed her boobs in this one, and I have seen many boobs since those times, in real life. I don’t mean to say that I am tired of boobs. A boob at any moment will freeze me in adoration no matter what. What I meant to say was that the boobs of Joan Collins are not more enticing than the boobs of someone who isn’t Joan Collins.

What I forgot was the blonde I wanted to marry. I don’t know if she was in any other movies. Perhaps I shall have to find out. Anyway, it was interesting seeing a girl who was at one time a woman in my eyes (because I was a pre-teen when I had a crush on her). She is now a girl in my eyes. I don’t mean an under-aged girl of course. She was an actress who played a younger character. It is almost like I am a ghost who can glance at any moment in the past, traveling time to experience lost moments with much greater awareness and knowledge in my current form.

One of the differences between modern movies and those of the eighties is, the characters who were teens could be naked in the past movies. I don’t mean that in a pedophile way.

It’s strange that even in a comedy, life is presented the way it is rather than the silly idealistic way that propagandists and human-resources styles ruin depictions of characters. I fully expect gangster movies to have mob bosses who reprimand underlings for using racial slurs. But yes, the drama in comedies of the past is vastly superior to many commercial films of this shallow era.

Show people how they are rather than how you expect people to behave in a corporate environment. It’s simple.

I was overjoyed to watch this and I marveled at the differences in my perception as an adult. It’s also interesting which parts I forgot and which parts I anticipated.

A newcomer will not, of course, be flooded with memories and having fallen in love with any of the characters, but this is a great time-capsule. Unlike the modern sex-comedies that have characters behaving unrealistically and striving to make a joke at every opportunity, this shows relatively average people going through their own experiences, sometimes funny, but never for the sake of a cheap laugh.

It’s worth seeing this difference in writing sensibilities.

There is an interview with the director, which reveals some bittersweet history of this movie. I don’t want to spoil anything, so I will just mention that this is a bonus chapter.

Again, I don’t know why I never pursued this movie when I was able to own it. Perhaps it was because I didn’t find Joan Collins attractive, except for her breasts. I had totally forgotten about the blonde who was was my imaginary wife. Perhaps it was too traumatic to admit that it was a love that could only exist in my head.

Movie

Amateur Porn Star Killer

When I saw this movie, many years ago, I was angry. At that time, I had not seen any found-footage flicks, so I couldn’t understand why footage of naked women would be shown with bad lighting and low quality.

My opinion of this movie has changed. Throughout the years I occasionally thought about re-watching it, but I couldn’t find it in my collection. As luck would have it, it became available from Wild Eye Releasing.

The first thing that I must note is that there is a hot blonde featured in consensual shots. She might be a prostite, girlfriend, or model. Her role is not explained. Even though this is found-footage, her shots are often overlaid as if they are flashbacks, but it is more likely that this is just footage shot with the same character who is the victim in this movie. I didn’t analyze this because I was too busy wishing for better quality footage of her, or find a way to marry her. Her scenes alone are worth the price of the movie.

I must pause here to share my wish that some behind-the-scenes footage would have been available for the re-issue, but I think that there was no other camera used.

Now back to the movie. The woman who played the role of the under-aged girl is talented. Of course, when I saw the scenes of her molestation and rape, I knew that she was over 18 in real life, but her performance was incredibly convincing. She’s got a great body, which might be a strange thing to say about a character who gets raped, but it allows me to make a point. A girl might blossom into a woman’s body, but she still has the mind of a child. Some men do not understand this. But getting back to her being sexy, the rational part of me knew that this was an actress, and I wanted to marry her. But I felt bad for the character.

What I missed about this movie when I saw it many years ago was that this is not lazy or gimmicky movie-making. During that era, talent-less black metal bands were recording songs on a four-track recorder, or even a boom box, and referred to the garbage as “Necro” which made me laugh at the people who were duped. There were even bands signed to record labels who pocketed most of the recording budget and paid the bare minimum at the worst recording studios. Knowing this, I had assumed that this was the same situation with “Amateur Porn Killer.” But my opinion has changed.

The villain of the movie takes advantage of a girl’s trust and brings her into a motel room. The found-footage style is perfect for capturing the way the situation changes. The dialogue may seem meandering, but I will bet money that key points were memorized before filming. If this were a narrative style, then the dialogue would be edited for pace, but in the raw style of this movie, you see a predator prepare his victim.

I don’t know if the creator knew about the subject beforehand or if he guessed how such a predator would behave, but equally skillful was the way the victim behaved. The movie is much more than what it appears to be at first glance.

In real life, there were two men who made a rape den. They recorded their crimes so they could enjoy the footage later. The documentary that featured this story showed some of the footage of the rapists, which was shot in a similar quality.

It seems that many horror fans are squeamish about this subject matter, which makes me laugh. They can watch people being murdered or tortured, but they are unable to watch rape scenes. Maybe the difference is that you are not supposed to glorify rape scenes. But horror fans brag to each other about kill scenes.

I feel regret for having dismissed this movie when I first saw it, but I am happy that I have re-discovered it. I was able to see how ignorant I was long ago. Or would it be better to say that I have seen a much wider diversity of movie since then?

Movie

HOLOCAUST CANNINAL new cut on Bluray

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Click https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/billzebub/holocaust-cannibal to participate in the crowdfunder for the special edition of HOLOCAUST CANNIBAL.

You can also get things like Bill Zebub’s death metal demos, Painful Meow, Bill Zebub’s various books (including the best of The Grimoire of Exalted Deeds), shirts, and more! Have a look, and share the hell out of it

Holocaust Cannibal
Holocaust Cannibal
Movie, Uncategorized

The Abandoned

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This movie starts out with an overly long scene of a woman driving a huge truck through a forest. It is unknown if she is fleeing, but she seems to be injured. There are two annoying babies crying the whole time, and as I lose my attention on the driving, I notice that this is one of those movies that desaturates the color, which makes me predict that I am going to endure a bad movie that will only be finished because I have to review it.

The woman arrives at a remote peasant house and dies.

The movie then jumps to a lady with resting-bitchface in some Russian office, for a reason that I forgot because I couldn’t stop wondering why such an ugly woman was chosen for the role. Was she there because she inherited something? I have no idea, but I had a quickly vanishing intention to finish the movie, and I assumed that at some point I would figure it out.

Resting-bitchface hired someone to drive her to a remote location in Russia. I don’t know what the hell the ride was about because I was again drawn to the desaturation. I mean, why not film in black and white if you hate color so much?

The woman has to exit the truck and walk, even though there is still a road. I know that I heard the words but I can’t recall them because this was just the start of extremely bad dialogue and I am currently trying to purge it from my brain, but during that early scene, part of me wondered if this was not truly stupid and part of a drugged sequence or something like that.

The woman enters a house that seems to have been abandoned a long time ago, a house in the middle of nowhere yet it has electricity.

The shots in which there is no electric light has a green tinge which made me wonder why a moviemaker wanted to totally copy the green tinge of a well known horror movie. Even if this is a coincidence, why do it? I often wonder if moviemakers worry about being flagged as corny a decade from now. “Remember when horror movies took out the color almost to the point of grayscale but in some scenes made on dominant stupid color, like green? Or blue. How many times will we see a snowfield that is blue? These are the thoughts going through my mind as I watched a movie that went nowhere.

I had to remind myself that I was assigned this movie for a review, not for my personal entertainment.

The woman runs out of the house for a reason I totally forgot because I was taken out of the movie almost the entire time, asking things like “Is anything going to happen or did the moviemaker think he was astounding the viewers with atmosphere?

Bam! The woman awakens inside the house, and a man is there who gives no indication that he is aggressive. He didn’t do anything to her when she was unconscious, and she is not restrained, so why does she bash him in the face with a stick?

They guy has a Russian accent but he speaks American slang, which is something I cannot stand in movies. Don’t Americanize foreigners. And why was he speaking English to her? The woman was born in Russia. That much I remember.

Anyway, the guy is the woman’s brother, her twin. I guess the two babies in the beginning of the movie are these two. I was about to wonder why they separated, but I didn’t care. All I wanted was to justify the time I had wasted. I wasn’t going to sleuth anything. By that point, I had realized that the writing was bad and it didn’t matter what the mystery was, that is, if there was one. Maybe the only mystery was how this movie got funded.

Did I tell you that the movie was bad? Well, the guy is an information-giver. I don’t know why the woman never asked “How do you know that?
“Those two people who look like us, except with white contact lenses… they are our doppelgangers.” Ok, I have to pause here. The guy acted as if he didn’t know what the things were, but he shot the one who looked like him, and he received the bullet wound. He then told his sister that whatever happens to the doppelgangers happens to them. Another bit of comedy is that the woman asks this imbecile who has a bullet wound to protect her, which would be stupid even if he wasn’t shot, because she knocked him out with a stick earlier.

When the pair decide on a part of the house to hang out, the guy pours liquor into his wound and then digs out the bullet with a knife. I don’t know if the moviemaker thought this would be a good gore scene, but it was stupid, so much so that it made me laugh.

After that, it was just one gimmick after another, like shaking the camera for no reason. It was imitation done very badly, and repetitively. Like, after the information-giver brother said that something was going to happen at midnight, there was banging, and objects flying. Nails withdrew from the boards that were blocking the door, and then reverse-motion was used to make broken glass become intact again. Wow! I am astounded. But this was all for absolutely no pay off. Nothing happened.

There was an entertaining movie based on a real life woman who wanted to be an opera singer but was tone deaf, but she had the wealth to make her dream come true. I wonder if this movie was made the same way. A person with absolutely no talent has the money to make his dream come true. If I had been told that before I started watching, I might have been entertained. Instead, I saw a movie that started out mediocre, but became increasingly stupid, to the point when I laughed, especially when I saw the ending.

I saw a cartoon in a Dungeons & Dragons magazine in which orcs were up to no good. One of them said to the others “We disguises ourselfs as paladins and…” and it reminds me of the people who made this movie. Low class people trying to pass themselves off as high class. That’s how it looks.

I wanted to delve into the behind-the-scenes that are on the disc, but the director spoke Spanish. I hated reading subtitles to a featurette of a movie I hated, and when one of the cast said that the director speaks perfect English, I ejected the disc and threw it into a wall.

If you want to feel like someone has played a joke on you, then by all means, watch this. It’s the most inauthentic movie I have seen in a long time.