Category Archives: Death Metal

Death Metal is chiefly characterized by the monstrous and demonic vocals. Smug faggots call it “cookie monster” vocals, but usually such faggots would not be able to win a fight against cookie monster, let alone the average death metal vocalist. The music can be simplistic or intricate, in common time or with bizarre time signatures. Orchestral instruments, or even operatic vocals have been incorporated at times.

Pessimist

Interview with Kelly Mclauchlin conducted by Bill Zebub for issue #31 of The Grimoire of Exalted Deeds Magazine

 

Let’s begin with the name of the band. I heard the original name
was “Piss Mist” and the band from Ireland contacted you and said
cease and desist, we have the name. Is that true?
See, that’s a rumor that actually got started in one of the pubs in Ireland during the European tour. There was a band there that was called “Piss & Mist” and they thought the name was just too similar, so we had to change it.

Who thought up the name “Pessimist”?
I did.

 Were you reading the dictionary for words that sounded cool?
No. I asked somebody what is the meaning of somebody who is
obsessed by darkness, always sees the dark side of things… because that was kind of what I was into at the time.

Then you saw the word “Don Decker” and it was already taken.
No, Decker’s cool man.

Why? Are you afraid of him?
No. We get along fine. 

Did you ever speak the word “pessimist” aloud and thought to
yourself, “Wow, this word begins with the letter p?” Those kinds of
words don’t really strike fear audibly. It’s not like “cocky”. That
feels pretty brutal to say. But “pessimist” is kind of like a soft
word.
Man, that’s harsh.

The band was not your first time being in the spotlight, correct?
Didn’t you win the Kentucky Howard Stern look-alike contest?
T hat wasn’t in Kentucky. That was in Delaware.

Have you ever seen the movie “Heavy Metal Parking Lot”?
Yeah.

Just as a brief description for people who haven’t seen it, it’s not
really a movie. It’s more like ten minutes of going to the parking lot
of a Judas Priest concert in Baltimore. I never expected to see people who looked so inbred. Their eyes were either too close or too far. The ears are another horror story altogether. But you are from that area. 
Uh, no. I live here now, but I’m not from here.

So what’s going on? That’s just really harsh on the eyes.
The people who aren’t ugly enough to live in New Jersey… they send them to Maryland.

I heard that you are the originator of the band and that you kicked
everyone out.
Pretty much.

Is that because of your pessimistic attitude? Tell me something
juicy. Don’t tell me it was a mutual agreement and that you’re all
friends.
Of course it was different for each member because no two assholes are the same. For some, let’s just say I was tired of them wanting to live the rock star lifestyle and having the perks of playing with a band without doing any of the legwork. I was tired of them riding on my coat tails. You’ve heard the term “musical differences.” Some people were into playing more sissy music.

So nobody tried to steal your girlfriend or anything like that?
Absolutely not. If they did, I don’t think they’d be around.

Did anybody come out of the closet? Is that it? Because you are
a handsome fellow.
Oh well thank you. Wait a second. Are YOU coming out of the closet?

No. I’ve never even been in a closet. Have you discovered your
girlfriend’s G spot?
Oh yeah… years ago. we’re married now, actually. She’s my wife.

So you’re one of the people who can claim that the G spot is not
a myth.
No, it’s not a myth.

What led to the discovery. Did she know about it beforehand,
or are you the one who paved the way?
I read about it in Playboy magazine.

What helped? Were you very communicative?
It’s kind of private.

Well you know, because you’re a role model I thought that your
bravery in breaking through that macho exterior… being tender
with your partner… I thought that if you could influence people that way, you should forsake privacy for the enhanced orgasms of the women out there.
Let’s not forget that I have a mean nasty reputation to uphold.

Yeah, but the Grimoire is about breaking through the exterior. Tell
us how you broke through the frigidity of your mate.
My wife’s not frigid. Let’s just say she talked me through it.

Was she on her stomach?
No.

Were you on your stomach?
No.

Were you on her stomach?
Almost.

Speaking of dick, on the first album, there were choking-on-a-dick
vocals. I’m kind of sad about that because the music isn’t black
metal, but it seems that the black metal vocal approach was
favored and the death metal approach was discarded.
No. I would hardly use the word “discarded”. The higher screechy vocals were really more of a grind core approach. If it came across as black metallish…

Are you trying to say that they were more like the high end of the
Carcass style?
Yeah, that’s what they were intended to be. A lot of critics and fans alike have labeled us as black/death, and sometimes for convenience we use that tag. My roots come from Possessed and Destruction.

Pessimist
Pessimist

Do you think they were able to find the G spot in their girlfriends?
I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt. I don’t think it’s that hard to do. 

Did the main vocalist get thrown out, return for the second album,
and get thrown out again?
Yes.

Life with you is a game of hopscotch.
When some people are not dedicated enough to pull their weight, what else could you say about that? You give somebody a second chance, and when they bite you on the ass a second time, they’re gone.

You’ll agree that the vocalist is sometimes the signature for the
band. Do you think that he was a little cocky because he was the
trademark?
Falsely so. In his own mind, yes.

Let’s get into the personality of Kell. Can I call you Kell?
Yeah, that’s ok.

Is your last name “Ogg”?
No.

Are you a racist?
No.

So you’re not the person in the band who, when interviewed,
wished there were a cereal called “Special KKK.”
No.

By Kell Ogg.
No. That’s a good one.

What do you know about a soldier’s training? Does it fascinate
you in any way?
If I had an opinion on it, I’d say that it’s obviously disciplinary and it’s
designed to create a stronger, more focused individual.

Part of a soldier’s training is survival.
Where is this going?

When they’re caught t behind enemy lines, they have to
know what to do.
Ok.

They have to find out which bugs are edible. They eat bugs for protein.   Would you be able to do something like that?
Sure.

 
I think anyone would be able to do that if you really need nutrition.
Yeah, if you’re talking about survival.

I’m glad you said that because when I see these commercials
for feeding children and they point to African villages, the commercial tries to get your money to feed allegedly starving children, but I noticed that the children have these massive flies landing on their faces. They don’t even swat them. So the bugs are not on guard, really. So if they just reached up and grabbed a bug, they would have an hors d’oeuvre. So I think that instead of sending money, we should send them fly paper.
Yeah, that’s a great idea.

They can’t really get my sympathy because they can help themselves. They’re lazy niggers. If they just lifted a hand and took at least one of the three dozen bugs that are constantly buzzing
around them I think that would be great. Some people might object
to the idea of human-vermin eating vermin, but Africa is already
known for cannibalism. So I’m glad we cleared that up.
I agree fully, man.

You are definitely a man who is aware of hunger problem across
the world. I’m glad about that. Is Lost Disciple Records a gay label?
No.

Did you get signed to the label because you taught Rich how to
find his girlfriend’s G spot?
Oh man! See, that’s messed up because I know I know Rich’s girlfriend and I can’t…

Does she look at you thankfully?
I think she wanted Rich to sign us, is what it is. 

I know! See? You think I don’t know anything about metal.
It’s because she like our physiques.

Is it true that you were offered a contract from Necropolis
Records, but Paul was very offended when you refused to add sitar
parts. Paul is a very devout Hindu, and you offended his sensibilities.
I didn’t know that about Paul, but if it meant a deal with Necropolis
Records, I would most certainly add sitar parts to all the songs.

You are also loyal to England, and he is mad about that because
England held Tyranny over India for so many years. But I can see
that this is putting you in a bad position, so if you ask me as a friend
to stop this line of questioning, I’ll move on.
Yeah, please Bill, because I can’t answer any more on this subject.

You avoided this question before, but I’m going to ask you this
again… I heard that you were going to be signed to Red Stream
after the Necropolis deal broke because Red Stream and
Necropolis are cultural enemies. They are violently aspected
toward each other.
Didn’t one of them burn the other’s house down?

I can’t discuss that because the issue is still pending in a court
trial. Some people say that I did it and I left a Red Stream t-shirt
behind. The world knows by now about Pat’s home situation.
It’s really sad.

Yeah, he doesn’t have to pay rent to live with his mommy and
daddy, but he does have to care for the family donkey, named
“Pierre”.
Yeah, Pierre.

And when you came over to the barn and went over all the plans,
you were chewing gum and it ran out of flavor. You discarded the
gum and it landed on the fur of Pierre, and Pat went banana’s
because it’s a lot of work to care for a donkey and you know how
hard it is to get gum out of hair. Not even a whole jar of peanut butter can help.
That’s definitely a French donkey.

But you were mad at the same time because you were chewing
Trident bubble-gum-flavored gum, but it’s only bubble gum flavored… it doesn’t have the characteristics of actual bubble gum.
You can’t blow bubbles with it. It’s chewing gum, that tastes like
bubble gum, and you didn’t didn’t realize this and were completely
hoodwinked because it was recommended to you by Pat to chew
that gum because he believed the dentist hype. So the two of you
started fighting. Do you want to talk about that, or is it going to be
decided in court?
It’s supposed to settle out of court. Our attorneys have told us that it’s ok to comment on the situation. It was tragic, really.

Were you disappointed that Pat was pulling your hair like a girl?
Yeah, it really hurt my feelings.

I’m glad that the two of you have no problem defending what you
believe in. He believes in the care of his donkey and you believe
that if it tastes like bubble gum, it better damn well give an hour’s
worth of bubble popping pleasure.
Especially when the bubble gum is offered to you by a label who’s propositioning  you. The whole trust factor went right out the window, man. Of course, once Pat saw what happened to the donkey he just went ballistic.  He started cursing in Arab.

Oh that’s right! He’s Pakistani, and they’re enemies with India.
That explains Necropolis and Red Stream.

So at which point after this did you discover Rich’s girlfriend’s G
spot?
Rich and I had met in an AOL chat room and we had both claimed to be 16-year-old lesbian girls and we arranged a meeting… and once Rich’s girlfriend saw what I looked like, she convinced him to sign us to the label.

Was it a verbal contract, and were the verbs “Oh Kell, Oh God, Uh
Uh Kell, get it Kell”?
Um… no.

How did you find the strength to stay away from the gay piano that
Virginian pseudo-European bands love so much?
Virginia?

Aren’t you from Virginia?
No. Maryland.

Same thing.
Actually not. There’s a bit of hostility for several years now between the Virginia and Maryland scene being as we’re both kinda on the outskirts of D.C. It’s deep-seated in the community for years and years. It’s kind of a jealousy thing. They seem to think that we’re rednecks and uncouth.  Just look around. But then they have the reputation of being spoiled rich sissies. I don’t follow any of that. We are friends with lots of bands in lots of different states.

Does King Fowley personally support you?
Yes.

Does he athletically support you?
Yes, King Fowley is a great athletic supporter. Don’t fuckin’ print that,  Dude! I’ll get so much shit for that. I’d rather not ….

Should I put it as a pull-quote at the top of the page in the biggest
lettering I can? 
You can do that as an editorial comment, but not something that I said.

Ok. I promise not to print it.
King Fowley’s done a lot to support this scene over the years. Sure, he has a reputation for talking a lot of shit. I believe we’re friends, and in fact, we appeared on one of his compilations back in the day when we were first getting our start. That did a lot towards getting our name out there.

Did you ever show him how to find the G spot?
No. But then again, there’s never enough chicks at one of their shows to worry about that.

Is it mandatory for a man to have long hair in your band?
No.

So why don’t you ask one of the guys from Deceased?
Actually, our new bassist is kind of a skinhead guy with long hair just in the front.

Does he wear mascara?
No, just spandex. He draws the line with the make-up. 

So at your shows… is there a sign that says “NO QUEERBASHERS
ALLOWED”?
If there was a sign at one of our shows, it would say, “Queerbashing
Allowed”.

Ok, maybe we should close this interview with some more  straightforward musical questions. Will you still be wearing a bullet belt on the next album?
It’s a studded belt.

Do you tuck your shirt into your pants?
No, but former members of the band used to do that and it looked gay.

Yeah, you have to talk to these people about what they project.
You know, like an earring in the right ear is just like asking for gay
sex. 
You can’t go on stage looking like you just rolled out of the fag underground. It’s not about that. Our new drummer is the fastest that we’ve ever had, so that’s going to change us a few notches. Vocal-wise, myself and the second guitarist are going to be splitting vocal duties… both highs  and lows. You can expect some less of the highs.

Any butt bongo?
Yeah, that’s a great idea. It’s going to be even more technical. One of
the things that happened…

Do you think that one of the reasons why King Fowley punched
Jeremy (from Broken Hope) was because while King was talking to
you, Jeremy was trying to find his G spot?
I don’t know. We were on stage when that happened. 

When Jeremy found King’s G spot?
When he punched Jeremy.

Amon Amarth

Interview with Johan Hegg conducted by Bill Zebub for Issue 28 of The Grimoire of Exalted Deeds Magazine

It seems that extra special care was given to the recording of the drums on the new album. They are louder in the mix than what I had heard on previous albums. Am I talking out of my ass?
We put extra effort into the whole production, but I know that Fredrik and Berno worked very hard to get the drum-sound we were looking for. As you say, the whole album has a “thicker” sound, and I
think one of the reasons for that is how we went about tweaking the sound for the recordings. You know, a lot of bands bring CD’s to the studio and say: “We want to sound like this or that“. We’ve never done that. Berno didn’t even want to hear our old stuff. He wanted to create our sound from scratch, without any pre-determined ideas on how it should sound. I personally think that’s the way to go, and I feel that the extra effort that we put into the whole thing paid off in the end.
Now that The Lord of the Rings has been made into movies, does the metal world now understand what Amon Amarth is, or do people still think it is a Swedish term?
I think a lot of people already knew what it means literately, since it’s been the most common question we get when we do interviews.  Now they have a movie that actually describes “Amon Amarth”, which maybe actually can give them an Idea of what we were thinking of when we chose the name. It’s true that a lot of
people have believed that it’s Swedish, and many still do, but I don’t really care too much about it.

Johan Hegg
Johan Hegg

I really enjoyed the sorrowful songs in “Once Sent From The Golden Halls”, especially the guitar work. Of course I am referring to songs like “Amon Amarth”. On the new album there are instances of the same kind of guitar work that really catches my ear. If I won the lottery, how much money would I have to pay you to make a totally
sorrowful album?
Well, we don’t work that way. I don’t think we could write anything on demand. For us, emotions are very important when writing music,
and they have to come spontaneously. Otherwise it doesn’t feel right somehow. When we write music for a new album, we usually start out with a few ideas for one or two songs, and then everything
seems to grow out of that. This takes time, but we feel it’s the ultimate way for us to write music. Still, if you’re insisting, let say… US $ 500.000 should do it…
You are a bit tall. Is that a common Swedish trait, other than blonde hair?
Actually I think it’s fairly common in all of Scandinavia. Even the Vikings were taller than most people in the rest of the world were, I
have my own theory about that. It’s so that noses will be above the snow wintertime, otherwise we wouldn’t be able to see or breathe.
Have you actually traced your bloodline to a ring-thane?
No. My grandma is into all that stuff, but I’m too lazy, even though it is sort of interesting.  Through her I learned that I’m related to Ingmar Bergman in some odd way, but that’s not really thing to brag about, even though I just did. 
I noticed that, unlike the trendfags who are your brethren, you favor the deep guttural vocals instead of the shrill and unmanly black metal squeaking. Your voice has a good range, both in  pitch and in character, and you never go int o the wimpy spectrum of black metal. Have you been pressured by the band to black-metalize the vocals, or do they agree that it would appear silly for someone with your stature to screech like a fat woman who is upset about the rising
prices of donuts?
It probably would sound pretty damn stupid if I were to sing in a more Black-Metalish way. The guys in Black Metal bands sound like constipated frogs when they sing names, but that really sounds like shit. The guys in the band usually let me use the vocals I feel are right for that particular part of the music,

Johan Hegg
Johan Hegg

Did you get the idea for your beard from the former vocalist of Deranged?
I started growing this beard back in ’92, before I was in the band. I’m  not sure if Deranged was around back then, but if they were I had not heard of them. It’s more like ZZ Top influence but don’t tell anybody.

 

Am I wrong to think that you were perhaps in a death metal band
before you joined Amon Amarth?
Amon Amarth is the only band I’ve been in. I’ve never really wanted to sing in any other band after we started Amon Amarth, and I never really had the opportunity to sing in any band before that either.
Were you asked to act in the film “The 13th Warrior”?
Yeah, but you know, I refuse to take part in such crap!
When you toured America, did you notice how  idiotically trendy people are over here?
Not really, the fans over in the US are so different from the metal-heads here in Europe. It depends on where you go. On the other hand the only truly un-trendy metal-fans are Germans. They haven’t
changed their style for twenty or thirty years and they will look the same in a thousand years. They’re almost like cockroaches. Nothing can kill them off completely, not even a nuclear war.
After I had gone bananas over “Once Sent From The Golden Halls” I was told about an album that you did for a label in Singapore, and
after a bit of searching I was able to get “Sorrow Through The Nine Worlds.” Is there any chance that the album will be bought by a stronger label and remastered? That album should not have to die.
Actually, ” S o r r o w throughout the Nine Worlds” is on the bonus  version of the new album. The s o – c a l l e d “V i k i n g Edition.” We
put a lot of rare stuff on there. Apart from the MCD we put the demo “The Arrival of the Fimbul Winter” and the previously unreleased  demo “Thor Arise” on there. It’s sort of
our ten-year anniversary gift from us to the fans, as it’s ten years since we started out. 

 

Johan Hegg
Johan Hegg 

What are some misconceptions about the Vikings?
There are quite a few. Most Vikings were merchants. They traded with people from all over the world basically. Most battles that Vikings fought were actually with other Vikings, and plundering
was not as common as historians will make us believe. Vikings have often been portrayed as barbarians, but as a matter of fact they had a functioning justice system long before any other European country did, and Vikings dictated the first laws ever written down. The Vikings were the first to discover North America, and there are even indications that they traveled as far as Mexico. The Vikings were however fierce in battle, which may have given them the reputation as barbaric wildmen. The reason for this is that the Vikings were fatalists. They believed that there was no way of avoiding fate, so you might as well rush into it because you will live as long as fate has decided for you to live.
In Sweden, do cows say “moo”? They like to say that a lot in America.
No, cows say “muuu”. Pigs say “noeff” and not “oink”, like they do in America.
Hey, Olli and Hansson played the guitars on “Sorrow”. Is Olli the same as Olavi? I suppose, if that is the case, that he is the
originator of the style that makes your albums so rich, or are those cool techniques very common over there?
Yeah, Olli is short for Olavi, almost like you guys over there call guys called William for Bill. Olli is one of the founding members of  Amon Amarth, and it’s actually his previous band, “Scum” which he started in 1988, that later on became Amon Amarth. I think Olli has  his own unique way of playing the guitar. Don’t ask me about techniques though. I haven’t heard anybody here in Sweden, or anywhere else for that matter, that plays the same way he does.
Are you hateful toward a particular band?
I wouldn’t say hateful, but there is a “Power-Metal” band from Sweden that in our ion rips off “Helloween”, and we like to make fun out of of them, and crack jokes on their behalf. The name has a bit to do with a certain tool, and a do with tripping. If you can figure out which it is, you’ve just won a box of water-colors.
My experience with dogs has taught me not to bother them when they are eating. Do you also  growl if anyone comes near to your beer?
That’s the first reaction. If they don’t realize the seriousness of the growl and try getting close to my beer again, I usually rip their heads off piss down their throats.
There are parts of America in which a band can never hope to make any money through the merchandise table at shows. In such places, would it be acceptable to barter for your Tshirts  with a suitable offering of beer?
Beer is always welcome. Maybe that is easier to sell in those places, but knowing the raging alcoholics I play with, that beer would be gone in four seconds.
Did you know that Middle Earth is hobbit-forming?
Had no idea.
What is your favorite race in Tolkein’s world?
Dwarves! Cool beards, cool weapons, and who wouldn’t want to carve the mountains for riches?
In America there is a wigger phenomenon, and it affects the weakminded Caucasians who are also ignorant enough to believe the pious myth of the Christians. Such afflicted victims suddenly abandon English grammar and instantly shed 85% of their vocabulary. They also misperceive the manner of speech characteristic of an illiterate 75-IQ thug as an accent. I wonder if this is also happening in your homeland. Is the glory of your people
fading?
Those Neanderthals are unfortunately existing in Sweden as well. I don’t care too much for politics and shit like that.
Do you prefer the sword or the battle-axe?
Tough one! The sword is the most elegant weapon, slender and gentle yet lethal. The axe on the other hand is more brutal, but can also be elegant. I think I go with the sword, though.
Is it true that you wear clothes on stage against your will? I
heard that your entire band pays homage to the berserkers who ran naked into battle, but modern laws forbid the swinging pee pee of the Vikings. Is this true?
No, it’s not true. The real reason we are half-naked on stage is that
we sweat a lot. But it would be cool if it was true though. Who knows?  Someday maybe we’ll be playing in our underwear.

 

SANZU – Heavy Over the Home

This may seem like a strange way to introduce an album, but I found myself enjoying the bass.  you will have to hear for yourself how great this is in the mix and the way that it was marinated n the juiciest sounds.

The album is solid. providing plenty of chugging for the times when you need such, but there are other things going on.  The vocals tend to hit the higher sort of screeching, but stop short of being gay.  There are enough of the more masculine approaches to death metal vocals to keep you from wearing pink when you listen to this album.

You need to be clear about this being a good album.  The jokes may throw you off if you are faggy, so just think of a happy place when you read.  Speaking of which, this album will make you happy because it is tasteful and heavy.  It was built to last.

You can enjoy a sample video by clicking HERE, but bear in mind that their songs are varied.  

Cytotoxin – Gammageddon

The crystal clear production brings out some of the best elements, like the guttural vocals and what might seem like a touch of math-metal (guitars masturbating scales instead of expressing feeling, and there is some flare that might be a turn-off).  Some of the guitar is a bit too close to wiggercore, best suited to the short-haired bands, with stop-and-go or muted phrasing, but these tidbits can be overlooked due to some of the other elements.  

Enjoy a song on youtube by clicking HERE and hear for yourself. 

SLAGMAUR-Thill Smitts Terror

It’s hard to categorize this album because it has familiar elements yet it does not belong to any group in particular.  The vocals can be death metal, the lower register of black metal, clean, and also may fit pagan metal, if you pardon that term.   The foreign tongue adds to the feeling of the music.  

Throughout the album there is a sense of something being not quite right.  This uneasy feeling is further coaxed by odd instrumentation and atmospherics.  The tempo is mostly mid-paced, so expect neither brutality nor doom, but be thankful that the black metal cliches are absent.  

Malevolent Creation interview

Interview with Phil Fasciana conducted by Bill Zebub for the Grimoire of Exalted Deeds magazine.

 

EDITOR’S INTRODUCTION:  This was the second interview conducted with Phil Fasciana.  When I first interviewed him there was a fake story about how a huge amount of people returned an album to the record label with a swastika inside a circle and a slash (like the Ghostbusers circle, in case you don’t know what I am talking about).  I found out that only one person returned the album, and that person was white.

When I conducted that first interview with Phil, I formed the impression that he was an extremely cool person.  When we did the interview, it was as metal people who were having a lot of fun.  maybe the rest of the world acts as if reality takes place inside a corporate office environment with a Human Resources manager overlooking every word that is spoken, typed, or read, but metal people consider that to be toxic.

As brainwashing became more prevalent in education (students are taught WHAT to think instead of HOW to think) – some of the victims of this propaganda have brought fagginess to metal.  Some of these pseudo-melalhead people have blogs and fanzines – they react to interviews like this with gayness.  They have conducted witch-hunts and caused problems for this band.  My only suggestion is for them to listen to music that is more akin to their gay personalities, but then, there are a lot of faggy bands disguised as metal, and there are lots of faggy trends, including gay hairstyles and faggy facial piercings, that have infiltrated.  But make no mistake – these are detested by real metalheads.

This introduction should have prepared you for what you are about to read.  When I conducted this second interview with Phil, I was trying to do so in the fun way that we had done it before, but he had suffered some consequences for the jokes.  When we began this interview he couldn’t tell me because he knew that when I hit the “record” button, I print everything that was said.  But when we spoke conversationally he mentioned how surprised he was by some of the backlash.  I told him to relax because the reactions were fake, by fake people.  I understood REAl people and REAL reactions, and assured him that any sensible person can see the humor. Well, maybe it can take a few readings before the clues are noticed.

If you continue reading, please bear in mind that Phil Fasciana is a cool person.  If you see him at a show, buy him a beer and have a chat – you’ll be able to tell within seconds that he is a down-to-earth person.  Don’t let your brainwashing make you see things that aren’t there.

 

 

The golf field is known as a place of business deals.  When Malevolent was dropped from Roadrunner Records, is that how you wound up on Pavement?  You were golfing, and so was a faggy dude from Pavement.

Yep.  I beat Greg and Mark in a brutal match.  Not only did I beat them in golf, I beat them to death with my clubs until they offered to sign us. 

 

Do the proceeds of the new album go to the KKK?

No.  They’ll be going to the Phil Fasciano Golf Fund Program, so i can afford to golf every single day.

 

Why does the word “nigger” appear so often in your autographs?

My autographs?

 

I heard from a Floridian that you autographed the back of a 12-pack, and it said “Kill niggers” on it.

(laughs)  Well then that wasn’t me.  Someone just did that.  It wasn’t me.  Don’t start trying to get me into trouble.  All right?  I know I never did that.  It could’ve been someone else.  But I doubt that also. 

 

Would you like to share your opinion about the word “nigger”?

I really wouldn’t.  I don’t even want to get on that kind of subject.  You’re getting me in trouble.  I don’t have no problems with nobody anymore.

 

Anymore?  At one time you did, though.

No!  I’d rather not comment on anything.

 

Come on!  This magazine is not read by any politically-correct people.

Jason’s not in the band anymore.

 

Was Jason a nigger?

Yes, in the sense of the word.  Do you know what I mean?  If you look under the word in the dictionary, it says slacker.   We all know what a slacker is.  It doesn’t have anything to do with race.  Believe me, I know white people that are the worst people ever.

 

Ok, now we’re talking!  The old Phil whom I used to know, when Malevolent Creation was considered to be a brutal band, used to use the word “nigger” all the time.  What happened to that Phil?

I don’t know.  I don’t know where you knew this old Phil.  You’re still trying to get me in trouble.  I don’t know why you’re saying this.

 

Weren’t there some problems with the use of the word “nigger” on one of your albums?

Yeah, it was on the Eternal album.  It was the last word in the song.  It just said, “you fuckin’ nigger”.  We got all kinds of flack for it.  Everyone says that we’re a racist.  I can’t understand it because that is such a common word.  I can’t even believe that someone would freak out about it.  Whatever.  We’ve refrained from using it again.  Don’t look for it to pop up again any time soon.

 

But that’s almost like King Diamond omitting the word “Satan”.  He now knows that people understand the band, so that word isn’t going to turn anyone off.  So do you think that when you grow more secure in your fan base that you will use the word “nigger” again?

It ain’t comin’ back.  It was a mistake to do it in the beginning.  You better stop and get off this subject right now!

 

Would you allow me to ask another nigger question?  Just one more question?  (just silence)  Isn’t is silly how that particular sensitive issue can destroy a band?

It is.  Believe me, man, you wouldn’t believe how serious people take that until you go to a country like Germany.  You see people throwin’ shit and bottles at ya.  I can hear them wiz past my head.  It made me realize how stupid something like that really is.  But it’s definitely an offensive word to some people.

 

One day, when your balls grow back, i want to see a song called “Nigger, Nigger, Nigger, Nigger, Nigger, Nigger.” just to show the world that they’re silly.  It’s silly to take such great offense.

No!  It ain’t gonna happen!

 

So there won’t be a day when you are entirely fed up with everything and you don’t care what you have to lose?

Listen, I say that word enough.  You know what I mean?  And I say it to everybody.  I think it’s funny.  I pick up the phone and people go like, “Hey, what’s up, nigger!”  And I have to laugh.

 

It’s just so amazingly funny how much tension there is in your voice.

I know… so let’s stop this.

 

Why are the lyrics of your new album written in ebonics?

Because Brett’s…  You’re gettin’ me goin’ again!  No!  There’s no ebonics!  I’m pretty sure he’s the furthest from ebonics! 

 

Roadrunner has re-mastered your first two albums on gold CD’s.

They have?

 

No.

All right, then you’re an asshole.

 

Is Malevolent Creation the official band of the Rainbow Coalition?

Are you talkin’ about that sticker that’s on the back of your car?  I’m surprised that you’re still alive, driving around with that thing on there. 

 

What did the rabbi say to the crippled Puerto Rican?

What?

 

I was hoping you would be able to make a punchline for that.

Man, I can’t even think right now.  I have no idea.

 

Isn’t that a common Puerto Rican response?  “Hey spic, can you sweep that floor?”  “No, I can;t even think right now.”

You need help.  You must have a lot of spare time to think of this shit.

 

Malevolent Creation was supposed to transform into black metal, but after putting on corpse paint, your nose was a little too big.  There’s just too much attention on the nose.

I look too much like that Mortiis dude. 

 

Are there any other racial jokes on the album?

No, no racial jokes.  No racial slurs.  Most of the songs are pretty much about war.

 

Race war?

No…  here we go again.

 

Isn’t it true that you had problems at the Customs in Germany?  Bringing over some equipment?

Not that I remember.

 

But isn’t your guitar in the shape of a swastika?

That’s fuckin’ nuts!

 

Did you know that most people who have their genitals pierced have been molested as children?

Ah, no.  But I don’t think I’ll be mutilating my genital area.

 

Have you ever seen Dave Vincent’s genitals?

No. 

Malevolent Creation

Interview with Phil Fasciana conducted by Bill Zebub for Issue #16 of the Grimoire of Exalted Deeds magazine.

Before you read this interview, you must understand that this was conducted during a time when metal people were metal.  The fagginess of the younger metalheads who were brainwashed in school has completely stripped them of anything even remotely resembling the metal attitude, so these gaylords are triggered by words, reacting in fear and faggy outrage.  

Intelligent and well-socialized people focus on the real context of the conversation.  

In case you are a fake metalhead, be warned that the following interview was made in the real metal attitude.  It’s a conversation between two metal personalities who were having a lot of fun.  please don’t let your brainwashing misinterpret this conversation.  And if you’re faggy, please don’t ever listen to metal.  Don’t bastardize this last bastion of truth.  

 

I hope thy sense of humor is with thee today.

You know Tim from Revenant?

 

Aye.

He lives down here now… and he told me to say, “What’s up?” to ya.’ He’s in my other band called Hateplow. You gotta wait til you hear this shit, dude. Pavement just signed us too.

 

Ask him to show thee my movie. He is in it. He told me about how much friendlier the women are in Florida, toward long-hairs anyway.

He’s having a good time.

 

The girls here call him “Tiny rim.’ But we shall not delve further.

(laughs)

 

When thy former vocalist was expelled was it done in a cruel way? I heard that thou art friends again.

Oh yeah. We’re friends and shit. At first it was a little fuckin’ screwy. But, I mean, we had to do it then. The kid was a fuckin’ mess. He wasn’t into it. His voice was fuckin’ shot. It woulda sucked ’cause I didn’t want to put out another album that sounded like Stillborn. Man! Was his voice shot! He had his mind on other things, and it wasn’t music.

 

In regard to the techno re-mixes, did anyone ever ask thee, “What kind of fag art thou?’

No. Not really, man. All I’ve been hearing is good things about it. People usually just hate my band anyway. They’re like, “Well, that I can handle. But the vocals on the other shit is just too much! I can’t take it!’ There’s a couple of my friends that laughed at first. That kind of music is popular. I had nothing to do with it. The guy that re-mixed them just did it on his own. We had no say in anything. We just said, “Sure man. Re-mix it. Then let us hear. If it sounds gay, then fuck it.” We thought it was pretty cool, man. If people don’t like it, fuck ’em!

 

Dost thou listen to Stryper?

Yeah, right! Do you?

 

I do not. But Dan Swano is convinced that everyone In death metal should just be brave and admit to listening t Stryper.

I can be honest with you. I don’t have any of their albums. (laughs) Wait… Do you want to hear the truth?

 

Yes.

I’ll be honest. I did see them live once. I swear to God, dude. When I was fuckin very young, man, and I still lived in Buffalo, man, I ended up going. They were playing with Loudness or something. And I went with my two friends, and dude, to make matters worse, I’m sitting by the back bar just drinking a fuckin’ Coke, man, and fuckin’ they’re whippin’ Bibles out into the audience, and sure as shit, I stick my hand up and caught one!

 

No!

I swear, dude! It was one of those little Bibles, you know, the size of your hand. My one friend, he’s all into them and shit, I gave It to him. He’s like, ‘It’s a sign!’ (laughs) I was like, “It’s all right, dude. I gonna go to hell anyway.

 

I cannot believe that Dan Swano was correct.

(laughs) He was right! None of my friends were really into them or anything. I did see ‘em live. I can’t even believe it. Now that you said that, I remembered it.

 

Dost thou have a story to tell about Jay and a fat girl?

Jay and a fat girl?

 

I heard that thou art fond of talking about lay’s fat girl stories.

The thing is, I can’t say anything like that because. . . there’s been a lot of fat girls. But I just don’t want this to get back to… he’s pretty serious with some girl right now.

 

Is she tremendous?

Tremendous? Well, it’s his girlfriend, and I don’t think I should be saying anything about anything right now like that. Believe me, me and you in person. . . we can talk. I can tell you some shit, man, that you will never believe. I can even show you pictures of things. I just can’t be doin’ that right now.

 

Dost thou consider fat girls to be one of the plagues of being a musician?

No, man. A fat girl is just more of woman to love. But I don’t really prefer fat girls.

 

Hast thou ever told any of the member of the band, “This is my new Girlfriend. She’s a little big. ‘

Of course, man. It depends on how much we’ve been partying. There’s always been lot of fat chicks known to be on the bus, or wherever we’re at.

 

Dost thou consider thy nose structure to contribute to unusual booger sizes?

Yeah. Probably. . . those little ether boogers. You can ask Tim about that.

 

Let us address thy love of golf.

Oh yeah! I just fuckin’ went yesterday and I went this mornin.’ But, yeah man. I’m a golf freak, dude.

 

I have heard that many business deals are made on the golf course. Is that where thou negotiated thy contract with Pavement Records?

I wish. No. Not those kinda deals. I have some other wheeling and dealing going on on the golf course. But not record contracts.

 

Dost thou elicit strange looks? Thou art hardly the sort of golfer I would see on the cover of Golf Digest.

I don’t know, man. I got a lot of shady-lookin’ friends that go with me. So, I probably look kinda a little more respectable than them. I mean, ya’ gotta wear the golf shirt – the collared shirt. It covers up a lotta my tattoos. I’m just so used to golfin’ all the time that I don’t think anything like that. I mean, I hope I do freak people out. I like when people get a fuckin’ shocker.

 

How didst thou become a golfer?

I used to live almost on a golf course when I lived in New York. I really don’t even know how it all happened.

 

Dost thou hire a caddy?

No. No. No. No. Nope. No caddy. I go golfln.’ It’s just me and my buddies. Smoke some joints, get into the cart. There’s a million courses here, dude. Everybody golfs, man.

 

Art thou part of a country club?

Yeah. I am.

 

Dost thou have a friend named “Muffy?’

No, no Muffy.

 

I would expect that a man in a band has plenty of muffies at his disposal.

laughs)

 

Were any of thy peers struck by lightning?

Nope. I hit a fuckin’ dude in the head, though, with a ball. I hit a few people, actually. I’m deadly, especially after a few beers. I took out a whole guy once. I thought I killed him.

 

Didst thou laugh when it happened?

Oh dude, I was dyin’ laughing.

 

How old was he?

Oh he was old, dude. He was half-dead anyways when I hit him, and I nailed him, He was driving in a cart and I still hit him. We heard it go peh-ping!

 

Didst thou ever suffer the cruelty of a golfball?

I got pegged right in the chest, man. It didn’t feel too good. It was a lady that did it too. She was teeing off, and she fuckin’ shanked it!

 

Did any band ever really piss thee off

I’ve read some interviews where bands are talkin’ shit about us. Everybody will talk shit. But they’ll never say it to your face. They live on the other side of the world. Gorefest was talking shit about us. This was when their first album was out. They were braggin’ about how brutal they were, and they’re sayin’ that we’re a thrash band and this and that… there’s no brutality about us and this and that. Listen to them now. They’re fuckin rock ‘n roll!

 

Hast thou ever pissed a band off?

I might’ve. I don’t know.

 

Thou art not aware of any current hostility?

Why? Are you?

 

Dost thou remember having a band invite thee into Utah, where thou hast blown them off after having arrived?

Yeah.

 

This is thy life. . . for the grand prize, what is the name of the band?

I can’t remember the name of the band. I know what it was. They wanted us to play at some fuckin’ party, or I think it was. I just seen the equipment and I was like, “I ain’t playin’ through that! No fuckin’ way!”

 

Didst thou ever have a rock star attitude?

No. The only thing that I can think of is that it – might have been a bad day or something like that for our whole band, because usually everybody in my whole fuckin’ band is really fuckin’ cool. If they weren’t, they wouldn’t be in the band. All the guys in my band always hang out and party with everybody. I don’t know. Sometimes shit don’t go right. Once you’re in a bad mood, you’re in a bad mood. There’s nothing you can do about it. I’m sorry. Not every day is a good day.

 

Maybe I shall arrange for the two of thee to have dinner at the expense of the Grimoire.

Alright. Cool! That part of the States, Utah, is fuckin’ desolate! I could never live there, man!

 

Thou art not a nature-lover?

I’m into nature. But I’m into lookin’ at good nature. I didn’t see anything I liked there.

 

Canst thou not delve into thy inner mysteries on those mountaintops?

Nope. All they’re good for is stashing fuckin’ bodies.

 

Mortal, that is the only controversy, beside the fellow with the unusual penis size who is a member of thy other band.

Wait ’til you hear that fuckin’ tape, man! You’ll freak, dude! It is as brutal as fuckin’ shit! It is heavy. I think it’s a release for September.

 

No other controversy, bad boy?

We got problems, it’s even bad down here, man… people fuckin’ carvin’ into our warehouse walls, “Die Nazi!’ You’ve heard that song, ‘They Breed,’ right?

 

Perhaps.

The last line of the song says, “Always wanting, always taking what was never yours. Someday you will feet the hate, you fuckin’ niggers!”

 

(laughter) It surprises me that thou are labelled a Nazi.

A lot of people panicked. They sent discs back to Pavement with a swastika in the circle slashed. There’s an ad on the Internet that says we’re Nazis. It’s a fuckin’ joke. I mean, I don’t think we can be Nazis. I’ve got a Polak, a Jew… we’re pretty multi- racial. But just to clear that up, we’re not racist.

 

So, why the word “Nigger?’

Well, the song is about scumbags. I call everybody nigger. You know what I mean? When my friends call me, they’re like, “Hey nigger!’ The word’s funny.

 

So when thy mommy wakes thee up in the morning, dost thou say, “Hello nigger?-“

No. I don’t live with my mom.

 

That is not what I heard, nigger.

It’s just a fuckin’ word. I don’t get offended when people call me “cracker.” Niggers call each other niggers. I’ve had black people come up to me on tour and say that’s the best fuckin’ song on the album! The word “nigger,’ when you look in the dictionary, it doesn’t say “a black person.”

 

Dost thou not feel that it could be upsetting for a Caucasian to use that word?

Not really. It’s only a fuckin’ word. Ya’ gotta be able to get over something like that. It’s not that fuckin’ bad. I could sit there and call my guitar player ‘fuckin’ Jew’ all day long. He’ll fuckin’ laugh at me and start calling me names. It doesn’t affect me. I know black people that I hang out with… I call them “nigger.” They know I’m only being sarcastic. Some people freak out on it. Other people couldn’t give a rat’s ass about it.

 

I will bet that it is the white race that has freaked about it.

That’s mostly who’s been freakin’ out!

 

Why? How can someone be offended for another race? Is not false righteousness the highest evil?

Maybe they wanna be black. I don’t know. It’s weird for people to fuckin’ say that. We did this album in a pretty black part of town. When we did it, man, we could look out the window and see crack dealers. We’re like, “‘Open the door for a minute.’ We opened the door and ‘just cranked it up! It Was fuckin nuts!

 

Phil Faciana
Phil Faciana

The Corona LAntern – Consuming the Tmepest

This album dwells in the mid-paced tempo or slightly below.  The vocals are more on the raspy side, carrying much of the weight of the songs because the riffs serve more as accompaniments, or it could be that there is an illusion that there is no sense of movement,  The band might intentionally have created a sense oi being mired in place, awaiting the end while giving voice to dying thoughts.    There is occasional dissonance, so I favor this explanation.  

There are occasional departures from this flavor, but in the entire dull spectrum I find it hard to sink into any of the songs.  Perhaps the album should be heard in a certain mood – there have been songs that did nothing to me in one frame of mind but the secrets were revealed when I heard the music at the right time.  I have yet to find this moment of resonance with this album, but you might fare better than I.

 

CONTACT: thecoronalantern@gmail.com

The Corona Lantern
The Corona Lantern

Immortal Suffering – Asylum (Ossuary Industries)

This brutal album features chugging riffs that I love because they give a feeling of hellish progress, the perfect music for marching into battle.  There are other styles here too, but I cite this because IMMORTAL SUFFERING are masters of this style.  

“Asylum” bears a production value that is true to the style of death metal.  It’s especially favorable after there us a rest in percussion and a drum hit cracks in like a sudden bolt of lightning.   It’s absolutely sinister.  

This album should be an important part of your death metal diet.  The band has been around since the early days, carving their place.  Give this album a try if you have not discovered the band yet.  

immortalsuffering
immortalsuffering

Cannibal Corpse

Interview with George Fisher conducted by Bill Zebub for issue #25

 

It’s a pleasure to see you, George.

Likewise.

 

Which shampoo do you use?

Which shampoo… shit! I don’t the exact make of it because my wife bought it. It’s some fuckin’ salon kind of bullshit. She does fuckin’ nails and facials and all that stuff, and she works in a salon where they do hair and shit. But it ain’t that Biolage. It’s pretty good. It smells good.

 

A lot of people want to emulate you, and I think a good start is a hair product.

I used to use some stuff that Alex uses, but I don’t remember what it was called. I used to use Biolage. How’s that? Use Biolage, and be brutal.

 

Do you blow-dry, or do you let it dry naturally?

Just let it dry.

 

Is that important?

No, because I ain’t sitting under a fuckin’ hair dryer for 20 minutes. I just rather blow-dry my ass hairs.

 

Have you ever cheated on your wife?

No. Honestly, no.

 

Are you sure?

Yes, 100%

 

You are the stud muffin of death metal.

I am? But I don’t get any.

 

Has your wife ever cheated on you?

Not to my knowledge? She better not, or I’ll fuck her with a knife! (this was spoken jokingly).

 

What would be better, if the guy she cheated on you was a friend, or a stranger?

Maybe a friend, because then I’d know at least probably what he has or what he doesn’t have.

 

Would that make you violent?

It depends. I don’t know what it depends on, but it would depend. I don’t know what to tell ya. If come home and see her shlorking down some big black dick, you know what I mean, I’m going to be pretty pissed off. But I don’t have any guns, so I’ll just have to hack someone with a big sword.

 

Do you have a sword?

Six of them.

 

Really?

Yes, I am true evil.

 

Does that compensate for something else?

No. (laughs) Actually I have seven swords.   If you wanna know then. A short sword and six long swords.  (pause) Average male American giant nine-incher.

 

Do women force themselves on you even though they know that you are married?

I wish! No, no they don’t force themselves on me. Come one! Look at me! I’m buff!

 

That must be why they call you “Buff George”.

Unless it was some fuckin’ big Bertha going (in a deep voice), “Come on! I want some now, Grinder!” I would be in trouble if that was the case.

 

Are you embarrassed to be on tour with such soft bands as The Haunted and Dimmu Borgir?

They’re not soft. That’s fuckin’ mean.

 

You’re so diplomatic! Come on!

No! I’m not!

 

You like the swirling keyboards, then?

Yeah, I listen to Emperor a lot. They got keyboards. There’s nothing wrong with that.

 

You knew I was coming!

No! You don’t like The Haunted? In all honesty, I just heard the new Dimmu Borgir last night. Jack bought it.

 

Was it in a gay bar?

Look, let me just give you one word of advice. Don’t fuck with the oyster. That would be fucking with the oyster if you would even insinuate that the oyster visited a gay bar. That could be grounds for instant death. If Jack, indeed, is the Oyster, or the Oyster is jack, he has powers beyond Satan, beyond god, beyond fuckin’ Bill Zebub too.

 

Speaking of god, have you ever heard that Jesus was black?

I’m sure I have. But who cares?

 

Was that why you were mad, thinking that a black man could be humping your wife when you’re on tour?

No, I was just saying that. It has nothing to do with fuckin’ black, white… if she’s shlorking down a dick, I’m pissed off, unless it’s mine, of course.

 

Have you noticed that black people usually distort a language? They just totally bastardize it, no matter what language it is, like French and Creole.

Oh, like death metal ebonics?

 

Ebonics in English, yes, that’s an example. Without sounding negative about it, let’s call it Black English. Can we agree on that?

Um. I don’t know. What was the question?

 

Where I’m going with this is, I think I can prove that Jesus was black, based on black behavior toward language.

You can?

 

Jesus was asked how to pray. Do you remember what he said? He said, get down with me brother… he said, “Our father who are in heaven.” That’s very improper English, and only a black person would talk like that.

Wasn’t it art?

 

Well, art is Olde English for” are”.

I don’t know Olde English. I barely know English English.

 

But wouldn’t you say that’s good evidence for Jesus being black?

I guess, that’s ok, if you’re doing an investigation. If I was a juror, I would take that into consideration.

 

Now that you are relaxed, do you think that it’s possible for you to sing “Mary had A Little Lamb”?

No. Why did I know that this was gonna come up? This is going to become this continuing saga. You’re always like, please! And I’m just not gonna do it.

 

I’m not going to argue with you about it. I’m just going to ask.

Maybe after.

 

The reason I ask is, you’re like that cartoon frog… he only sings to his owner.

(singing) Hello my baby, hello my darlin’.

 

The first time you sang, my tape ran out. The second time, my battery died, and you sang it afterwards all night. But you’re determined not to do it on tape.

You just have to give me the top hat and throw me on the street.

 

I know that as soon as I leave the bus, you’re going to be singing.

I just saw the cartoon before we went on tour. I was like, I’d fucking kill this fuckin’ frog! Just kill it! You ain’t gonna make no fuckin’ money off of it! It’s a little punk!

 

Do you ever get asked to play requests when you perform?

People yell out songs.

 

Do people ever yell out, “Mary Had A Little Lamb?”

No, not yet. But I’ve talked to a few people around this area. They asked me about it. What’s with this Mary Had A Little Lamb?

 

Will you sing it tonight, when you perform?

No, most definitely not. The other guys don’t know it.

 

Well, just say it’s time for a vocal solo. Have you ever met up with Warrel Dane after he read all the bad stuff you said about him?

I didn’t say that much… I didn’t say… what did I say bad about him?

 

That you don’t want to sing like him.

Well that’s not bad. I can’t sing like him.

 

Alright, you’re backing down now.

No I’m not! No! You tell me exactly what I said.

 

I don’t remember what you said. I don’t want to get in the middle of your war with Nevermore.

I’m not in a war with Nevermore! I didn’t say anything bad about Warrel Dane!

 

Then why did you steal his guitar player?

He was already fuckin’ out of Nevermore! He had already done tours with Monstrosity, so there! (pause) We can take whoever we want.

 

Last time we talked, we were cut off as we discussed your parents escaping the concentration camp.

I’m not German. I’m fuckin’ Filipino. (pause) They were trying to escape, but, you know… it happens.

 

Do you work out?

(laughs) Can’t you tell? I work out 12-ounce curls every night.

 

After you got married, you let your body go?

I had already been letting it go anyway. Getting married didn’t change anything. Actually, just before I came on tour, I’ve been kicking in an exercise bike. No lie!

 

Do you wear spandex when you do that?

No… naked! And I put on King Diamond’s Them and just fuckin’ (makes guitar sounds)

 

Monstrosity doesn’t seem to be doing too well after you left. Do you pay them any sort of alimony?

No. I just saw them yesterday. They pulled up. Before they even got there, some kids were askin’ me that there was a big rumor that I was singin’ a song with ’em. And Lee was like, “Yeah, we’re gonna ask you to sing a song!” I didn’t even know they were playin’ and I was on the bus, and I come out and they’re playin’ Angel of Death, so I missed ’em. No, I’m not paying them alimony, and last night I missed them, and that sucked.

 

Have you ever asked Dimmu Borgir or The Haunted for any vocal tips. You try to vary your vocals, and I was wondering if you ever decided to incorporate unmanly high-pitched screaming, maybe they could give you some tips.

(George attempts to sing gay, and succeeds)

 

Is your latest album your best-selling one?

No.

 

Is that going to make Metal Blade kick you off?

I hope not. No way! It’s doin’ alright, I guess. It’s just not the best-selling one. Maybe we wimped out or something.

 

Did someone tap you on the shoulder to tell you that that option maybe isn’t looking so good?

Maybe I need to be doing more (makes a high pitched gay sound). I think The Bleeding sold the most. Obviously the Ace Ventura movie had a lot to do with that.

 

Black metal bands have admitted to me that black metal is dead in Europe. Was there ever a danger that Cannibal Corpse would incorporate gay black metal elements?

No. We’re a death metal band. You know? I like a lot of black metal bands. I like Marduk, Dark Funeral… stuff like that. But we’re not gonna do anything like that. We’re death metal. Pat listens to a little bit. Maybe jack. But nobody else listens to it really that much. I’m the black metal guy in the band.

 

Do you remember the first Cannibal Corpse record you sang on? Did you get your hands on the underground tape of songs that Chris Barnes sang on?

I had heard it. There’s a tape that has more songs on it than what’s going around. Some people haven’t heard Defiled By Vermin, and that’s actually on one of the tapes.

 

Would anybody sue me if I put that out on CD?

I don’t care. You know the reason it came out? You know who let it get out?

 

Chris Barnes.

Thank you. This isn’t a rip on him. But that’s how it got out. If you put it on CD, I wouldn’t care. I know people in Europe have already seen copies of it pressed on CD.

 

The reason I asked is because, the guy who used to run the Canadian magazine, The Sepulchral Voice, uh, someone gave him a tape to make into a CD before the album came out, but unfortunately his house burned down, and he never shared that tape with me, and I hate him.

Oh, you want to hear it?

 

Can I play it on my radio show?

We don’t care. We know there’s copies of it out already.

 

So why don’t you hook me up with an immaculate copy?

I don’t have one.

 

I think you know some people in the band who might have one.

You know them too.

 

Yeah, but they don’t like me the way you do. You’ve got that way of talking people into things. I don’t have that. I don’t have what you have. So just look into that. Let it simmer. You’ve got my address and everything.

Just give me a little on the side. Oh man, Metal Bade is kicking us off tomorrow, or whenever this comes out.

 

That’s ok. You need to be on a metal label anyway.

Hey! Come on! Metal Blade is total metal.

 

How gay is that guy, EJ?

EJ’s alright.

 

Faggy?

No!

 

Do you talk about his love of Motley Crue?

He loves Motley Crue? My wife loves Motley Crue.

 

Yeah, but your wife is a woman.

Thank you. (pause) He looks like Buddy Holly. You find that funny? It’s nothing bad.

 

So he looks the way he talks.

He looks sort of like Buddy Holly. Look, I don’t want to sit here and rip on him.

 

You can’t shut up about him. I just asked a question.

No! You’re just trying to distort everything.

 

Don’t be paranoid.

I’m not paranoid! What’s he gonna do? Beat me up?

 

Why are you so defensive? Are you saying he’s a gay wimp?

Listen, when I said that, I had assumed that you had met him. He’s going to be pissed at me when he reads this.

 

Who cares? What’s he going to do, have a hissy fit?

I know, I know.

 

You made him break a nail.

I thought that you had met him before.

 

No, I don’t hang out in gay bars.

Oh man!

 

Where does he hang out? Obviously not metal shows because he’d get queerbashed.

I don’t know. I’ve only met him a few times.

 

So he doesn’t go where rough men hang out?

(laughs)

 

What is he, a scout leader? Is that how he gets action?

Oh man!

 

Do you act catty when you’re in the same room with an attractive man?

What do you mean? Gay? No.

 

No. Catty.

I don’t know these kind of words. You’re too technical for me, man. Just tell me piss, shit, and fart.

 

Do you get jealous and all of a sudden have to flex your arms, as if to say that you are more handsome?

No, because I am.

 

You’re confident?

Yeah. I’m goddamn confident.

 

Have you ever come close to cheating on your wife?

Never. There have been girls, where I’m like, she’s fuckin’ hot! But nothing like when I was attempting to kiss or holding hands or sticking cock in, or anything like that. Not even close.

 

Did you ever tell your wife, “I wasn’t kissing her, she was kissing me!”

No.

 

Did she ever say that to you?

What, that she wasn’t kissing her? I wish! But not him!

 

What are three things that will never appear on a Cannibal Corpse album.

Bill Zebub, poofy hair, and stick twirls. Of course, you couldn’t tell if that was on there. Picture-wise, poofy hair. Thanks-list-wise, Bill Zebub. That fuckin’ super lame cheap beat. Ever hear that?

 

What is that called? Thrash?

Just a cheap beat. (bass/snare) At practice, you should see Paul do it. He does it super animated. You won’t ever hear the lame dorky cheap beat.

 

For legal reasons, you could not advertise at the Limelight because you are playing at the Birch Hill tonight. I heard that after you play the rest of the shows on this tour, you’re coming back to the area to play the Limelight, on a Monday night. Have you ever played there? It used to be a church, and they converted it to a club.

I’m almost certain we had.

 

That means that you brought death metal back to New York.

What’s the big deal of that?

 

It used to be shut down. From what I heard, the attitude towards drugs was that they could not be stopped, so in order to prevent it, certain dealers were there who acted like caring bartenders.. like, if you had enough, they wouldn’t sell you any more. And they sold you good stuff, not adulterated stuff that could hurt you. (note-  this is what I heard from a former employee. It is not presented here as fact). Supposedly they wore special necklaces that indicated they should not be busted, but other dealers were fair game for the police. There was really open drug use, and for some strange reason, the place was shut down.

Is that true, that they couldn’t advertise?

 

I was told that the Limelight show couldn’t be advertised because people wouldn’t go to the Birch Hill… they would wait for you to come back to the legendary Limelight.

Really? Well as far as I know, it’s on our web site.

 

I’m just glad. You’re the first death metal band to go through those doors since the big shutdown. And who better to open the doors of the Limelight? It was shut down by a Nazi, and your parents escaped the Nazi’s. I think it’s just beautiful the way you will overthrow the fourth reich of New York. What are some of your hobbies?

Playing video games, and fishing.

 

So you know about Metal Dave? He has a fishing column in the Grimoire.

You know who else is a big-time fishing person? Chris Bailey from Infernal Majesty.

 

Get out of town!

Yeah man! (starts reading the column) “I love my goldfish named “Leaky” It will have a birthday soon. If I sing Happy Birthday to it, will it hear me?” What’s that got to do with fishing?

 

So you’re a fisherman. You don’t keep fish. You’re not an aquarist.

Hey, I eat them motherfuckers.

 

So if you keep them in a tank, it’s only until they die in your frying pan.

I do have one of those fuckin’ beta fish. It’s fuckin’ cruel. Look, they have these little… it’s like a vase… and they got all this rocky shit… and then a plant would be in it. The roots grow, and then the fish will eat off the roots. They call them fighting fish. If you put two males together, they’ll go at it. You can get bigger cases for ’em. I got a small one. It was given to my wife. I was thinkin’, this is fuckin’ cruel. I haven’t got him a new tank yet, obviously, because I’m on tour. But that’s a different story besides fishing. When I’m fishing, I catch fish, and I eat them motherfuckers.

 

Isn’t it a little strange to keep fish in a vase? You can’t see them.

(Exasperated) OK. All right. Hardy har.

 

I’m trying to teach you to become a little more aware of what you’re communicating when you speak.

Yeah, because I’m talking like an idiot.

 

I’m trying to clear all the rumors for you, George. This is how rumors get started… saying things like, keeping fish in a vase, with plants. Here’s some roses and a goldfish. Here’s a flower, honey. Oh, I’ll put it in a vase with the fighting fish. We have a couple of questions from a girl who lives in Rhode island. Her name is Tammy. Has a man you never met before suddenly given you flowers? Oh no… that was my question. But go ‘head.

What?

 

Has a man you never met before suddenly given you flowers?

No, or I’d fuckin’ put him in a stunner.

 

Have you been hit on by a man?

Um… no, I don’t think so.

 

Tammy would like to know how long is your thingy?

Um, rolled up or…

 

I’m just asking the questions. I’m not interpreting them.

About as big as a baseball bat.

 

How many times a day do you jerk off?

Depends on how far into the tour we are. Two to three, let’s say.

 

Is a tour bus sort of like prison, as far as jerking off is concerned? Like, when you first go into prison, you don’t know if you should, and then, depending on what your cell mate is doing, his jerk off behavior… like, do you wait for other people in the band to start rolling first? Is this a bus of denial, where you just keep doing it and nobody seems to react to everyone else doing it?

I don’t know. I just bought a Hustler, so…

 

So what do you do? Do you say, “Hey guys! It’s a nice day! Why don’t you go for a walk?”

I think, pretty much, everybody just keeps that to their bunk. Stay in your bunk and wack, if you want.

 

What if you’re used to moaning in private. You can’t do that on the tour bus.

You just got to do the old… (clamps hand over mouth)

 

Is there anything you’d like to clear up from past interviews?

Don’t jerk off in public. Wait! Anything I want to clear up from past interviews?

 

ADDENDUM

(I met up with Cannibal Corpse again after I had done the Nevermore interview, and I told Pat about what Warrel said, and he responded thusly)

(Pat) I got kicked out of Nevermore because I wasn’t queer.

George Corpsegrinder Fisher
George Corpsegrinder Fisher