interview with King Fowley conducted by the Neckless Troll for issue #9 of “The Grimoire of Exalted Deeds: magazine,
(Neckless Troll) Who do you think would win in a fight, Gordon Conrad or Cindy Brady?
I’ll go with Gordon.
(Neckless Troll) What about Gordon Conrad and Punky Brewster?
I’ll go with Punky. She’s got some big chest.
(Neckless Troll) Yeah, she’s hot now.
She’s got some big guns comin’ out now.
(Neckless Troll) I heard you were a vegetarian.
Huh? Totally untrue!
(Neckless Troll) Yeah, I found that hard to believe because you don’t get a body like yours stealing grapes. (editor’s note – Rob stole that insult from me)
I fuckin’ hate vegetarians. It’s cool not to eat meat if you hate the taste. But not to eat meat because you don’t want to hurt animals is fuckin’ ridiculous. We should hunt vegetarians.
Exactly. The whole world has always hunted the land to eat. Why, all of a sudden, is it a problem?
Is it true that when you were a younger kid, you had a love for ice cream sandwiches? There’s a rumor that, one day, an ice cream truck came rolling by, and you were completely hypnotized by the jingle of the truck, and you stampeded over a small boy and broke his legs to get to the truck.
Well, yeah. Definitely true. That’s where I got all my humor… from the Good Humor man. It wasn’t really ice cream sandwiches. It was more one of those rainbow push-up pops.
I heard that you punched a girl in the face because she took the last of the ice cream sandwiches.
No. I wish it were true, though. It was always those snow cones. But I stopped eating those fuckin’ things when I got stung by a fuckin’ bee one time. The fuckin’ thing came at me because of the shit… you know, the syrup is always all over your fuckin’ hands.
Do you still go into a feeding frenzy when you hear the ice cream truck coming? It’s just uncontrollable, huh? You just push everyone out of the fuckin’ way!
You know, it’s weird that you said that because it’s kinda true. I play basketball down here at the courts, and the fuckin’ good humor man rolls up… I’m like, “Outta my fuckin’ way!!! Take the ball! Shove it up your ass! I’m gonna get me some ice cream!”
Do you have a preferred membership card?
I wish! I didn’t know they offered them. I don’t think I have enough credit to get one. So I’ll probably take one from somebody else.
( Editor’s note: The Neckless Troll was the fattest person in metal at the time of this interview, so it was off to see these questions coming from him) You seem to like foods that are high in fat. Aren’t you worried about clogging up your arteries? Dude, I can hear your cholesterol level rising.
Actually, to tell you the truth, I’m in pretty good goddamn shape for my age. I’m 29. But I’m a sports freak. I play basketball like 20 hours a week.
Are you part black?
No, no black. Actually, I’m the white-boy who can jump.
Do you live in a predominantly “black” neighborhood?
On no. All white. That’s why my records are still here.
Deceased seems to be a pretty big band, no pun intended. Do you get a lot of chicks?
I can’t answer that, man.
(The Pot Calling the Kettle “fat”) I’m sure a lot of women go for that “Fruitpie the Magician” look.
Actually, yeah. I could if I wanted to. But I don’t. Well, I have a girlfriend, so… none of that for me. But actually, yeah. You’d be surprised what a personality can do for a man. It ain’t the looks. We all know that I’m a fat ugly jerk. But that’s all right.
Is “King Fowley” your real name?
Did your parents name you that?
Yeah. My dad’s name was that.
Did they drink a lot of whiskey?
Actually, no one drinks in my family.
Crack, smack, or anything?
Why do you dislike Immolation?
I don’t dislike Immolation. I just get a bad vibe from them. They just don’t seem friendly.
Did they steal your ice cream sandwiches, or something?
No. they never did that. I get along with Ross just fine. And the new drummer seems pretty cool. The other guys just never talk. They’ve always been kinda like distant and kinda like uncool with us for some reason. I’ve never known why.
I remember I met you one time at the “Lion’s Den” You were highly praising Raven from ‘86. Why? the band is gay. They were even gay in their day. I don’t understand.
Fuckin’ Raven rules! They definitely went through a gay period. I’ll give ‘em that.
Remember that album, The Pack Is Back?
That’s a gay album. That’s about as gay as it gets.
I’m surprised Relapse didn’t sign them.
That’s not very nice to say. Wiped Out makes Macabre sound like fuckin’ dorks.
Do you have to be from Virginia to like that kind of music? Is there a lot of incest going on in Virginia?
I hope so.
How old were you when you kissed your cousin?
I don’t have any cousins.
I’m sure Virginia’s a nice place. I’m sure you live in a beautiful trailer park.
Actually, I don’t think there’s any trailer parks in Virginia. Maryland is where all the trailer park white trash is.
If you run into a room, wearing all purple, would someone shout, “Hey Kool Aid!”?
I hope so. Maybe they’ll stop calling me the undertaker from W.W.F.
Do you like the bands on Relapse?
No. Not at all.
Isn’t Relapse pretty politically correct?
They could be all they want. But Deceased is definitely not! We don’t stand for that shit at all!
Well, that’s the last question, unless you have something you want to add.
Yeah. Let’s do an interview sometime.
(Editor’s Postscript: The Neckless Troll was chosen to conduct the interview because he knew about the band, and Bill Zebub did not. Looking back, it might have been a mistake. The Neckless Troll had dripped out of school at the age of 15 in favor of working in a supermarket and hadn’t developed intellectually since that time. He’d occasionally make a funny statement or ask a funny question, but not enough to justify him being assigned to interview a band.
Bill Zebub met King Fowley at a horror convention after this issue was published. It was a fun time, and King Fowley proved to be an ultra cool character).