interview with King Fowley conducted by the Neckless Troll for issue #9 of “The Grimoire of Exalted Deeds: magazine,
(Neckless Troll) Who do you think would win in a fight, Gordon Conrad or Cindy Brady?
I’ll go with Gordon.
(Neckless Troll) What about Gordon Conrad and Punky Brewster?
I’ll go with Punky. She’s got some big chest.
(Neckless Troll) Yeah, she’s hot now.
She’s got some big guns comin’ out now.
(Neckless Troll) I heard you were a vegetarian.
Huh? Totally untrue!
Do you still go into a feeding frenzy when you hear the ice cream truck coming? It’s just uncontrollable, huh? You just push everyone out of the fuckin’ way!
You know, it’s weird that you said that because it’s kinda true. I play basketball down here at the courts, and the fuckin’ good humor man rolls up… I’m like, “Outta my fuckin’ way!!! Take the ball! Shove it up your ass! I’m gonna get me some ice cream!”
Do you have a preferred membership card?
I wish! I didn’t know they offered them. I don’t think I have enough credit to get one. So I’ll probably take one from somebody else.
( Editor’s note: The Neckless Troll was the fattest person in metal at the time of this interview, so it was off to see these questions coming from him) You seem to like foods that are high in fat. Aren’t you worried about clogging up your arteries? Dude, I can hear your cholesterol level rising.
Actually, to tell you the truth, I’m in pretty good goddamn shape for my age. I’m 29. But I’m a sports freak. I play basketball like 20 hours a week.
Are you part black?
No, no black. Actually, I’m the white-boy who can jump.
Do you live in a predominantly “black” neighborhood?
On no. All white. That’s why my records are still here.
Is “King Fowley” your real name?
Did your parents name you that?
Yeah. My dad’s name was that.
Did they drink a lot of whiskey?
Actually, no one drinks in my family.
Crack, smack, or anything?
If you run into a room, wearing all purple, would someone shout, “Hey Kool Aid!”?
I hope so. Maybe they’ll stop calling me the undertaker from W.W.F.
Do you like the bands on Relapse?
No. Not at all.
Isn’t Relapse pretty politically correct?
They could be all they want. But Deceased is definitely not! We don’t stand for that shit at all!
Well, that’s the last question, unless you have something you want to add.
Yeah. Let’s do an interview sometime.
(Editor’s Postscript: The Neckless Troll was chosen to conduct the interview because he knew about the band, and Bill Zebub did not. Looking back, it might have been a mistake. The Neckless Troll had dripped out of school at the age of 15 in favor of working in a supermarket and hadn’t developed intellectually since that time. He’d occasionally make a funny statement or ask a funny question, but not enough to justify him being assigned to interview a band.
Bill Zebub met King Fowley at a horror convention after this issue was published. It was a fun time, and King Fowley proved to be an ultra cool character).