When I walked into the Birch Hill, a music venue in New Jersey, two of the girls who worked there told me that Dave (Oderus) asked them if Bill Zebub ever went there, and when they told him yes, he instructed them to bring me backstage if they saw me that night (GWAR was playing).
Dave/Oderus wanted to reprimand me about the magazine, but he had realized that his humor was the same as mine – it was just that I had taken a different approach. It’s easy to take something out of context, or to think that something is the enemy when you are fighting that particular type of enemy (and are on the lookout against that enemy), but I provide enough clues in my magazines, radio shows, and movies, what my intentions are. I make mistakes, often, but I am not a professional – I have no crew and no advisors. I often tell people that if I had a big budget, the biggest improvement wouldn’t be massive explosions and big special effects; it would be the hiring of experts who would let me know that my ideas don’t work (and they would show me how to make them work). I usually have to wait after I have made something for me to realize “Oh, that was a failure.” So in that sense, I am an artist, because I am the only one who decides all things. It’s not collaborative.
Dave gave me a warm welcome, and we were friends ever since. I did not ask him to be in my movies until after I had felt that I had built up my name to the point when the inclusion of a celebrity wouldn’t affect my baseline of sales. What I mean is, Peter Steele helped me in the early days when I had no name in the movie industry. I vowed to make my own waves, just as I had done with this magazine (and my radio shows). When I finally invited Dave to be in my movie JESUS: THE TOTAL DOUCHEBAG, I was of my self-sufficient status. Dave died a month after we filmed.
This interview was conducted back stage at the Birch Hill, and the things you will read might seem harsh, but it was three people hanging out, knowing that we were kindred spirits, and we trusted our fans, or our enemies, because we had established what our humor was, and what it wasn’t. Newcomers might become angry, but if they are smart, they will figure things out.
Incidentally, Peter Steele was the first one to say that when the norm was to be left, his humor was then to be right. You can hear and see him say this in one of my interviews with him.
I wonder if Pete or Dave would have said and done about the censorship, anti-intellectualism, propaganda, and blind conformity of this era. In many ways, I envy them that they died before they tasted the poison, but I am sad that these great iconoclasts are not here. The elves are leaving Middle Earth.
What will become of you when all are gone?
This interview with Oderus and Ballsack appeared in issue #28
Oderus, I’m going to give you the floor to talk about things that you’d like to take off your chest that can’t be printed in magazines like Rock hard in Germany
(Oderus) Europe can suck my dick because they don’t like our new album, they don’t like our old albums, and they don’t understand that we don’t like them either. They don’t want us over there. Well fine, we don’t want to come over there anymore and drink your beer and fuck your women, you cheese-eating, chocolate-chewing, closet-fascist fucks! If you don’t want to like our album, fine! But if you wanna like our album and not bring is over, that’s fine! But if you wanna think it’s fine to be a Nazi, that’s cool! But if you wanna not have us over there to eat your cheese, you can fuck off! But send more cheese.
(Ballsack) American cheese sucks!
(Oderus)American cheese blows, and it sucks that we’re stuck over here in America now, eating American cheese all the fucking time! Also, I don’t like the new Christine Aquilara look at all. I liked it more when she looked like she had A.I.D.S. Now she tried to put on a few pounds, but obviously they did it with surgery and liposuction or reverse-liposuction – blippoblow-tion. It’s not working, girl!
Am I to understand that GWAR loves Metal Blade now?
(Oderus) Isn’t Metal Blade that label that won’t advertise in your magazine? Well, we’re stuck there, aren’t we? And we have been, pretty much. Oh look! (Beefcake walks in). It’s Beefcake the Mighty! Absolutely different that the last beefcake the mighty that was on tour with us. We can’t keep musicians in this band.
(Ballsack) He’s got some blippoblow-tions going too.
Is Beefcake sort of like a poltergeist who inhabits different bodies?
(Oderus) Whoever the fuck can get into costume every night is basically what we’re talking about. We’re not really from outer space.
But more words on metal Blade. I heard that…
(Oderus) This is horrible – the band that is opening up for us.
Is that to be printed, or not?
(Oderus) Oh I don’t care. We won’t specifically say which band it is that sucks, but god! It’s like Sick of it All with keyboards. When GWAR does keyboards it’s not all stupid. We don’t have a keyboard player on stage with us. It’s all prerecorded. And they don’t either. That’s even worse!
But are there specific things about Metal Blade that have to be said that other magazines won’t print?
(Oderus) Are you deliberately fishing for Metal Blade dirt with me? Is that something that you are trying to do? Are you trying to get me in trouble with my label because they hate you? Is that what you’re trying to do? I’m not going to slag Metal Blade at a professional level. I will, however, on a personal one. Brian Slagel freaked me the fuck out last time I saw him, and I’ll tell you why. He walks in, and he’s like, “Hey Brockie, what’sup?” All of his hair’s gone, plus he has no eyebrows. Meanwhile, Mike Faley’s house was destroyed in an earthquake, then his wife divorced him. He used to drive around in a Firebird, now he’s got an old beat-up Toyota. But Brian Slagel’s got a brand new Corvette! Meanwhile I don’t even have a car. I don’t really need one, but I was fucking a girl on the hood of his car, and scratched it all up with my key ring. He wasn’t very happy about that. But that just came off of the royalties of our new album, which we never got anyway. We got charged for our royalties by them. It’s like we sold all these records and we made all this money, but instead of getting the money, we got a bill for the money they owed us.
That’s sort of reversed, in some way.
(Oderus) Reverse economic Antarctic racism, man. It’s like a double-reverse racism.
Slymenstra is with GWAR on this tour. Is it because people demanded her the way they demand go-go dancers?
(Oderus) No. Europe didn’t want us, and no one else in the world wanted us to come and play, we were forced into the very pathetic prospect – we couldn’t get on any festival, either – we were forced to go on tour in the United States just to pay bills. So were like, “What can we do? Slymenstra, save us!” So I had to agree to her coming out and castrating me every night on stage. A little excess baggage gone for a while. (makes sniffing motions) God, I smell! I smell like sleep!
Have you seen the movie “Monsters Inc.”
(Oderus) No. It’s animated. I’m not interested in that fake shit.
I heard that Hunter is gone from GWAR.
(Oderus) Hunter? Who’s that? Oh, Techno Destructo? Yeah, he had his final paranoid fit of delusion and he imploded on stage. His role in GWAR was limited. I mean, how many times can you go out there and eat the gray matter out of my head, especially when I don’t really have a lot of that up there to begin with. No Hunter, no Danielle, but then Hunter, then Danielle, then not.
Have you heard the band “George is Dead”?
No. Are they funny?
They’re supposed to be funny, but I don’t think that Danielle found them funny. He cuts his forehead like a pro wrestler, and he bled all over her amplifier, and she said that she caught Hepatitis C once and doesn’t want to catch it again.
(Oderus) Well, I think that once you catch it you’re got it forever.
(Ballsack) She also had a small case of the A.I.D.S.
(Oderus) Yeah, a little case of the A.I.D.S. Danielle was in here earlier – it was really funny – Slymentra was in here trying to figure out the GWAR anagram – she said, “Gay angry women against GWAR – that spells out GWAR.” No! It’s G-W-A-R!!! Gay women against rape spells GWAR.
Is anyone in GWAR a negro?
(Oderus) Mike Tyson is with us again just because the costume is really good. We thought we’d get another tour out of it.
But as far as the alien race of GWAR…
(Oderus) You know the government wants us to hire a negro. We just can’t do it. We don’t want to do it. It’s not that we don’t like negroes, but we know that if we don’t hire negroes and we continually quote Hitler, we’ll make people in Europe angry.
Why are people in Europe upset about Nazi-type lyrics when they were the ones who were Nazis? We’re just the ones who love the Nazis. They are the ones who are the Nazis.
(Oderus) I know! It’s like, you guys ARE the Nazis. How can you be upset about them?
We didn’t go around making concentration camps. They did.
(Oderus) We’re not the ones who built the concentration camps. We’re the ones who saved them. We saved their way of life. If it wasn’t for the Americans who saved Europe…
Are there any notable victims other than Mike Tyson and Goetz from Rock Hard?
(Oderus) No. We like to beat up Moslem people as well. They seem to be pretty popular as people to be hated right now. In fact, there is new legislation to make the new World Trade Center into the new World Death Center, and it’s going to be this big giant missile pointed at the sky, and if anyone fucks with us again it’s gonna blast off and destroy Mecca.
Mecca is sort if mecha-nical.
(Oderus) It’s like a Moslem MacDonald’s – like MeccDonald’s.
So if Techno Destructo were a Moslem he would put the Mecca in Mecca-nical.
(Oderus) Oh no! Bill, I’ve been doing this so long. I’m so confused. I’m so bitter. I’m so angry that my career hasn’t been more successful. I’m so sad that I don’t get to go back to Europe and fuck all those cheap whores in those crappy hotel rooms in Frankfurt and shoot up in the alley. It’s really a sad, sad thing. Oh, also I’m sad that I’m on Metal Blade still.
What do you think of the Dave Brockie band?
(Oderus) Fuckin’ great! It rules! That fucker is the hope of modern music. Actually, that project has been really cool and successful. It’s on Metal Blade, though, which is the problem. You listened to the record. You tell me. It’s awesome.
The interview is more about you and what you have to say.
(Oderus) Right, well you asked me, fucker! You asked me to say something and I threw it back at you. So there. Yes, it’s fun. It’s enabled us to get more mileage out of our flagging careers and people seem to enjoy it. The Philadelphia Eagles like it. We got called by the Philadelphia Eagles and they play the song “Masturbate” in the locker room all the time. I smell. I’m sorry I don’t have anything to wear for this interview, Bill. I wasn’t all psyched up and ready to go. But I’m ready to go now, man!
I’d like your opinions on some world affairs, since I don’t know anything about politics, and you seem to be politically-engaged.
(Oderus) Well, politicially-incorrect, at least.
What are your views on the situation with Iraq?
(Oderus) I think it’s funny. It’s like, years of strangling them with our economic policies just aren’t enough. We need to go over there and start killing them with conventional weapons. And I think that we can guarantee some pretty exciting television from it.
(Ballsack) The new cameras that the armies been working on…
(Oderus) Baby-Burning Cam!
What about the disease that you supposedly spawned?
(Oderus) I’m a little disappointed in A.I.D.S. It’s kind of slowed down. It seems like only black people are getting it now. That wasn’t the idea. I wanted everyone to die. If only black people are killed I guess we’ll have to deal with that. I’ll have to figure out some sort of white dick-cancer. The homosexuals will inherit the earth. That’s GWAR’s scripture.
What about the gay muppet on Sesame Street?
(Oderus) There should be more! They should have sex and teach children how a blowjob from a priest is the warmest wettest washcloth ever.
(Ballsack) It’s how god kisses people.
(Oderus) Ballsack doesn’t say much, but when he does, it’s usually funnier than what I say?
Is there anything in American politics that catches your fancy these days?
(Oderus) Not really. That’s pretty horrible, isn’t it? I was a little disappointed the anthrax thing didn’t go any further. I liked Gore with the beard. I think he had a chance then. But then he shaved. Ted Kennedy is still fat as fuck and he’s still alive. If he’s not gonna drive off a bridge, one is going to collapse underneath his weight. Hilary runs a whorehouse in upstate New York.
Is Osama going to be on stage tonight?
(Oderus) No. He’s buried in the rubble of Tora Bora, unfortunately.
(Ballsack) The republicans swept the NBA finals.
(Oderus) No, that was the election.
(Ballsack) Well they swept something.
(Oderus) It was the World Series, dumb-ass.
Are you talking about basketball?
(Oderus) Do you know what I don’t like about basketball? It seems like a lot of black people play that. I think it’s discriminating that more white people don’t play basketball.
(Ballsack) Where are the great Asian basketball players?
(Oderus) It’s very racist that short Asian people don’t play basketball.
(Ballsack) I think they should force them to play!
Yeah, like they were forced to build our railway system.
(Ballsack) We can round them all up and put them into basketball camps, with barbed wire.
(Oderus) Little yellow fuckers!
Shouldn’t they be called Orientals?
(Oderus) Why did Hitler and the Asians get along? They were one different sides of the world and they didn’t have to see each other so much? I don’t think Hitler would have liked all the little people all that much.
I heard that Hitler thought that true Aryans were the Mongolians.
(Ballsack) You really dropped a bomb on us there! We have to re-think our racism now.
Are there any human authors whom you think are worthy of praise.
(Oderus) No, not really. All the human authors who you think are worthy of praise are actually inhuman monsters, like H.P Lovecraft, Michael Jackson, Bill Zebub – uh, who else?
Are you actually writing a book?
(Oderus) Yeah, but no one cares.
Is it fiction or fact?
(Oderus) It’s factual fiction. Rollins didn’t care, and after that, my bubble was bust.
What is the soft side of Oderus like?
(Oderus) Do I have a soft side? It’s the stinky smelly smells-like-sleep-smell. It’s that rolled-up-in-a-bunk-for-twenty-hours, farting repeatedly – the blanket smells like breathing – and you’re just rolling around in your smell. That stuff will melt armor after a while. My whole flesh is just so saturated with the smell of my own ass. I’m a softee in general, until I put this shit on (points to the Oderus rubber).
Does GWAR make any kind of costumes for Spencer Gifts?
(Oderus)No, but we’re gonna do the new Skipknot outfits. Those fuckin’ Spencers – they really have their own miniature GWAR… we didn’t get a penny for that!
But they just have portions of latex, like the shoulders and the head.
(Oderus) Yeah, these people show up at our shows. That’s one more sap. This one guy shows up at a (?) show in Milwaukee dressed up like Oderus Urungus – pretty nice job, actually – but he showed up with the costume on a good four hours before the doors were open and waited around another four hours after they were opened – wore the goddamn thing for about ten hours straight – I felt complimented but I really felt embarrassed for him at the same time, and then ultimately embarrassed for myself.
Is foam rubber preferable to latex?
(Oderus) No. Foam rubber falls apart. You gotta have latex, and only latex. We inject foam into these things, but foam rubber will fall apart. You only use that for Hollywood productions that have to work once or twice. This shit has to work every single night on stage, and even then, it doesn’t.
There was a band that seemed to use GWAR stuff on stage that was on Metal Blade as well. (Haunted Garage)
(Oderus) They were doing GWAR stuff? Who cares? We act like people who invented this shit. But if it wasn’t for KISS or Alice Cooper we wouldn’t know what the fuck to do. I think bands like Slipknot and things like that is a logical progression, but instead of a logical progression forwards it’s a logical step backwards into something that’s really bad. Like, GWAR – we got it really good – we’re ready for the next DECO or something else that’s even better than us, and then we got Maralyn Manson – that was horrible! And then we got all this new metal and whiny fat-faced overly-manicured facial hair bands that suck that have aggression with no meaning. Words with no meaning. Truth with no lies! Lots more money than we do! That’s why I hate them!
Looking back, on the road behind so-to-speak, at which point…
(Oderus) Did I lose control of my career? I would have to say, as soon as I joined the band. I never had any control of it. Always told to “be here, be there, sound check then, beer here, beer (he asked me) Do you need another one? (beer)
All right. You talked me into it. You know they don’t serve beer in this club.
(Oderus) How the hell are you supposed to have a GWAR show? I hope the kids are in the parking lot, shooting up heroin. I
Is it true that Europe’s mad at you because of your heroin use?
(Oderus) I don’t use heroin. Oh it would be fun. You should try it. (pauses) What else can we say that’s funny? We can make fun of this band.
(Ballsack) We’ve done that already.
Are there any new schemes for this tour?
(Oderus) Basically, Slymenstra is pissed off at me because all I do is talk shit about her. I didn’t invite her on the last tour. I didn’t put her on the new album. I act like a jerk all the time. She chops my dick off. I beg her to get it back. I cheese it back and I blow cum on her, and a big monster comes out and beats me with a club. Then another big monster comes out and eats that big monster. Then I urinate on everyone and we stop playing, but I keep urinating. Then Slymenstra comes out and cuts my dick off, and another monster comes out and sucks it. Then I get fucked with my own dick, in the ass. I beg for it. And this is all while dancing and singing. (listens to the opening band some more) Wow, he said “Let me see your hands.”
(Ballsack) We don’t like bands that tell the crowd what to do.
(Oderus) If I’m in the audience and the guy says, “Let me see your hands” I’ll show him my feet, or my feet, or I’ll just leave. If I even think a band is going to say anything, I won’t even go to the show. I don’t like it when bands say stuff. And I don’t like it when they play music. Like, who are you to play music for me? Fuck that! I would rather stand in a parking lot! I hate these singers who make words with their mouths. It’s so limiting.
(Ballsack) Yeah, but it’s better than the ones who just sort of growl.
(Oderus) I like that – when you try to form a turd with your throat. Yeah, like that’s creative. Let me just go on right now about how creative those bands are that just go (growls) – cookie monster bands.
Cookie Monster is not a very scary monster, is he?
(Oderus) You’re not from hell. You don’t worship Satan. When you ride the bus, you don’t look like that. I do. I sleep in this shit, man! I mean, if they would just admit what a fuckin’ joke they were, then I would be able to laugh at them more freely. But if you go there and start laughing, they don’t like that.
Is Frankenberry a gay monster?
(Oderus) He’s pink, isn’t he? He’s Frankenstein, so he’s part gay. Parts of him that were used to make him are gay. I think Count Chocula, who could easily be Count Cockula, easily could be gay. He could suck blood out of your penis.
I’m detecting a homosexual theme in the Kellogs cereal line. Chocula and Hershey Highway…
(Oderus) Your finger is on the pulse of the nation’s penis.
A.I.D.S. is attributed to you. You made A.I.D.S supposedly.
(Oderus) I take credit for everything, Bill. I really haven’t done anything.
Is there a new disease on the horizon?
(Oderus) East Nile virus. That shit is sick. It’s like, you wake up and you look in the mirror and you’re Rosie O’Donald (spelling?). Game over.
That is a fate worse than death.
(To Ballsack) Can you pay some attention to this interview, please?
(Ballsack) I’m sorry. I’m just paying attention to Suzie (looking at centerfold of Grimoire #27).
Do you want this interview to be lackluster and not funny at all?
(Ballsack) It’s already been all that!
Well turn it around, Ballsack!
(Ballsack) Why don’t you bring any of these Grimoire Girls to our show? You’re not allowed to any more of our shows unless you start bringing them!
Well, you get to see her later if you have a DVD player on your bus.
(Oderus) How much more of this inane banter do we have to endure?
Just a couple of minutes. I guess this is my last question. What was your favorite mass human suffering?
(Oderus) The Trade Center. That was hilarious!
Did you believe the conspiracy theories that said that America blew up the Trade Center – that it was imploded?
(Oderus) When the Japanese construction firm that made the Trade Center first built it, they were like (imitates Japanese accent) “We love America. If you ever want to knock down Trade Center, you fly plane into it. Whole thing fall down.” Whoa! What a great idea! So when they got to the point where they were just too fuel-inefficient to run anymore – and you know how much it costs to knock one of those things over – they took out a big insurance policy and then hit the big “plane” button and everything fell down. And of course, none of the Jews went to work that day.
So there were no Jewish casualties on 9/11?
(Oderus) Yeah! (we all laugh)
(Ballsack) Do the research! It’s true.
(Oderus) I know there weren’t any Japanese people in that building either.
(Ballsack) Definitely not any Japanese because we would have heard about that.
(Oderus) I’ve got to say just one more thing about this band that opened up for us – the singer comes out there and he says, “We’ve gotta stick together.” Man! What are we doing here? How can we come up with that kind of lyrical genius?
I remember watching the Dave Brockie Experience, and there was ridicule of a band called Creed. I never heard of Creed.
There’s no metal on the radio, so why bother?
(Oderus introduces me to Gizmack who just walked in) This is the infamous Bill Zebub.
So that’s it? No gripes? I thought you were full of gripes.
(Oderus) I thought I griped quite a lot. I made fun of Europeans, Jews, Japanese, Moslems, Americans – I ripped on Slipknot, the opening band – I made fun of Ballsack, I made fun of Slymenstra, I ridiculed myself – I admitted my career was a failure – I made fun of Metal Blade
(Ballsack, in a German accent) What about ze Germans?
(Oderus) Yeah, I ragged all over them! How much more abuse can I give you? Then I’m gonna go out there and do the show in a little while, and that’s nothing but hatred. I’m just too good-natured. Is that it?
Yeah, you’re definitely a different kind of Oderus.
(Oderus) Oh shit! I feel like I let you down somehow, Bill.
No, you haven’t let me down. You said plenty.
(Oderus) Just take the interview and re-arrange the words and have me say anything.
Who’s the brains behind all the GWAR videos, like Skullheadface?
(Oderus) Some of them were a real group effort. Some of them, one person did. I’m responsible for the lousiest ones.
So not only do you sculpt your costumes, but you also dabble in animation and computer effects.
(Oderus) Yeah. I don’t really know what I’m doing, though.
What did you use? Adobe After Effects?
(Oderus) Yeah, AfterEffects. On the new Immortal Corruptor video they used AfterEffects. They actually got a nice film look to the digital video that we used. I don’t know shit about the technical stuff, though. I just try to make up stupid ideas.
Would you ever do a non-GWAR video?
(Oderus) Sure. This next year is going to be a lot of D.B.X. stuff. Yeah, we have tons of ideas for stuff besides GWAR. But we just never get to do them because GWAR takes up so much of our time, and also because we’re pretty much lazy and drunk all the time.
I would think that you’d be most suited to the slasher sort of stuff.
(Oderus) No, no, no, no, yes. Sure! It could be anything. I think it would be more like skit humor, like Monty Pythion kind of shit with my music in the background. Yeah, there’d be a good amount of blood and poo and vomit. I don’t know if so much slashing would be going on – maybe cheese grating.
When is the next GWAR record? That was just to throw in some cliché question.
(Oderus) Could be any time within the next twenty years.
Will there be any of that death metal that you were raving about before?
(Oderus) No. I think that the next GWAR album will be exactly like the last one we did, except we’ll change the lyrics and the music around.
I guess this is toodles.
(Oderus) Well thanks, Bill, for keeping up your slovenly work and your obnoxiously good habits of annoying people that I hate.
How come negroes’ teeth are so white?
(Oderus) It’s contrast, like when the moon is closer to the horizon it looks bigger.
(Ballsack) Are you saying that when my dick is closer to the moon it will appear bigger?
(Oderus) If you moon my dick it will be bigger.