Blood Duster

This interview with Jason was in the Grimoire of Exalted Deeds issue #7

(In a fake Australian accent). What is Australian for beer?
Uh, what?

We have Foster’s commercials here.
Ugh! We don’t drink Foster’s. It’s just awful.

Dost thou have Fred Flintstone there?

Dost thou get offended when thou art told Yabadabbadoo?
No, not really.

Someone told me that “yob” was a bad thing over there. Hast thy mommy ever attended thy performance?
No. She lives in the country.

How dost thou feel about Australians being the descendants of the scum of England?
True. We are. We’re all criminals. All of us,

I expected a different reaction from thee.
No. You can tell. We’ve got faulty stock to breed from. We’re all a bit fucked in the head.

How wouldst thou feel about someone saying that Australia has the most gay English accent?
Fuckin’ ENGLISH people have the gay accent! Ours is tough.

They do not pronounce the “r” sound, like thee.
What do you mean that we don’t pronounce “r” (I laugh because he said “ah” instead of “r”). Oh yeah. I suppose we don’t, do we? I never thought of it that way.

In thy cartoons, dost the doctor say, “Open thy mouth and say ah?”

How does it feel to be a Jew trapped in a christian’s body?
It’s good.

Does religion play an oppressive part in Australia?
No, not really. Us being from convict stock, we’re all anti-christian.

No missionaries were sent to subvert thee?
Oh yeah, they did, but we put them in a boiling pot and ate them.

Are the Aborigine still looked down upon?
They’re pretty much still looked down upon. There’s this big land rights stuff going on right now where they can say “This land is ours” and they can have it. So I guess that’s a step toward equality.

How do cats upset the environment over there?
They kill all the native birds and all that sort of stuff.

What is thy favorite way to hurt someone?
Poke fun at them until they cry.

What is thy greatest act of tenderness?
When I kick my boyfriend in the nuts.

Dost thou consider Australia to be a tourist attraction?

No. I wouldn’t fuckin’ visit.

Leave a Reply