Dark Funeral

This interview with Lord Ahriman was conducted bu Bill Zebub for issue #23 of The Grimoire of Exalted Deeds magazine, while Magnus was still the vocalist.

I met thy singer when he visited the States. Did he accidentally swallow the magic seeds from Jack and the beanstalk? His head almost reaches the ceiling.
Yeah, he’s a huge tall madman like the rest of us! We have grown up on Swedish beer and snus… Swedish tobacco. Therefore we are as tall as we are. You’d better watch your ass dude! We’re coming to get you…

Thy singer once sang for Hypocrisy. That means that he had a death metal voice. What happened to him? Was there a change in his sexual preference to make him sing in gay black metal vocals, or was his throat not strong enough anymore?
Once upon a time he, unfortunately, he met you in a dream and got really frightened by your homosexual instincts. After that, his voice changed drastically. And when I heard about what happened to him I took the opportunity to ask him if he wanted to sing in Dark Funeral. He accepted the invitation and have ever since been doing the vocals and bass for us.

I was wondering if Dark Funeral will follow the example of other black metal bands that are now changing to death metal.
Absolutely not! We will continue in the same vein and built our own success.

Is it true that thou art touring with Witchery? I heard that both bands will play nothing but cover songs.
It’s kind of funny you mention this. It’s not the first time I hear about this rumor. Well, not that we will only play cover tunes, but that we have tour plans together with Witchery. I wonder where it comes from. At this point of time we have no plans to tour with them, but one can never tell what the future holds…

Thou recorded thy interpretation of a King Diamond song. I think it’s great that thou hast chosen to have the falsetto parts sung by an actual woman. Was that an artistic decision, or was it because no man in the band can sing falsetto?
Yeah, it was a pure artistic decision. Since the lyric include a few different characters and are based on a true story, we decided to make it like a theatre thing. You know? So the lines with female vocals are the words said by the supposed witch, Jeanne Dibasson. The black metal vocals and the deep dark vocals is sung as different moods for the head investigator of the christian burning court, Nicholas de la Reymie.

Was that women an ugly beast? She sounds like a real bitch. I would hate to hear her nag me.
Oh boy, if you ever get the chance to meet her I’m sure your small, almost invisible dick would finally grow and get a normal size. Whether that’s good for you or not is another question. We actually told her to sing like she was being hurled into everlasting torment in the abyss of fire. Therefore she might sounds like a bitch in your ears. She acted the role for the supposed witch anyway..

Thou are quite the King Diamond fan. What are some goodies that are in thy Mercyful Fate collection that would make me jealous?
It’s true that I’m quite a King Diamond fan, but unfortunately I don’t have much goodies to impress you with. I have all the studio albums, a couple of 12” vinyl’s, a couple of picture LP’s, a few signed and unsigned posters, and that’s pretty much it. I’m would guess your collection would impress me more then mine impress you.

Americans can’t stand the thought of reading. Is Swedish culture different? I want to move to a nation that embraces language instead of bastardizing it with nigger talk.
Well, in this matter Sweden is like any other country. We use slang over here as well, maybe not as much as in the States, but it’s still a pretty common thing. Our country is much older then U.S. Therefore we might treat our language a bit different, with more honor, but we still use slang.

Do Swedish niggers destroy thy language, or is it true that all the niggers in Sweden speak English?
Some speak English, some perfect Swedish, and some speak ashmed, like we use to say. It’s the worse dialect of Swedish one can ever imagine!!!

Has the N.A.A.C.P. helped thy band because thou art black metal?
What’s the N.A.A.C.P.?

It’s an organization that makes Hollywood do stupid things like casting niggers in the role of Santa Claus. Didst thou ever practice guitar immediately after masturbating?
No, but I use to practice guitar before I’m masturbating. It’s like a reward I give to myself when I’ve been a good boy, practicing guitar.

Is thy masturbation an elaborate project, requiring lengthy preparation?
No, by my age. I’m quite skilled, so I get it done pretty fast. How about you? Oh sorry, might be a dumb question to ask a impotent fag like you!

Which, if any, is thy favorite Grimoire Girl?
Billzebubba! Can´t you show us your fat American gay ass in the next issue? Would be great as a front cover pic!!!!

I am not an American, sweety. In America, statistics show that fewer and fewer men are entering priesthood. Is christianity in Sweden also on the decline?
Yeah it’s pretty much the same over here. Also one important fact is that the Swedish state church was recently departed from the government’s reign. So nowadays it’s considered just as any other free religious organization. The past few years the church has lost many of their followers as well. I guess people finally start to figure out what a big hoax the christian movement really is. Meanwhile, the priests are complaining that people are loosing their faith. Ha, I would say that finally people start to believe in themself instead of submitting themself. Although the christian movement have still too many followers, but I see a great future for the Satanic movement.

There will always be very stupid people comprising the masses. What dost thou think would replace religion among the human cattle that make a misery of our existence?
To me, the left hand path is the one and only way to walk. I’m a Satanist and I’m convinced that my, the Satanic way, is what make you a superior individual.

If thou wert a cow, would thy favorite band be Moo-cyful Fate?
Since you’re a gay, I understand your favorite mag must be The Gaymoire Of Fagmelted Seeds.

On a scale from 1-10, how absolutely homosexual is Mayhem?
What is Mayhem? Is what Mayhem? How is Mayhem, by the way? Why Mayhem? Is Mayhem a gay porno mag? Why? .Why? I don’t understand all of this, uh?

Dude, leave the jokes up to me, and you just concentrate on being who you are. Thou art employed at No Fashion Records. Is that why thou art signed to that label?
No. We signed to the label before I was offered this job. The thing was, they needed someone with good experience and connection to the underground metal scene, and since we were signed to the label, had good relationship, they knew I was deeply involved in the undergrounds movement so they offered me a job.

Dost thou give Dark Funeral any special promotion because of thy exalted position?
Not really, but since we are the biggest band on the label we get some kind of priority I guess…

Our biggest disagreement is that I claim to be thy master, and thou proclaim masterhood over me. Art thou content for this to be an eternal argument, or wilt thou one day make our antipathy deadly?
I am the ineffable king of darkness and you will never be able to rule over me. Just get that into your gray cheesy cells man! I will continue to treat you as my slave as long as I live. Like it or not, but you are under my eternal command!

I would like thee and thy singer to sing a song for my next CD compilation. Couldst thou change the lyrics of Madonna’s “Like a Virgin” to be about me, and have it delivered by the end of the month?
It’s indeed a great offer, but unfortunately we are too busy with our own important activities right now. Maybe one day we’ll get some time over we’ll do this cover song for and about you.

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