Category Archives: Black Metal

Black Metal is chiefly characterized by vocals that sound like Edith Bunker from “All in the Family” although some bands have decided to actually have masculine vocals, if only briefly. Black Metal riffs feature more dissoant chords and are more simple, or basic, and can sometimes even be described as “thrashy.” The drums are also usually more basic, and the same simple beat can last for long duration without a fill.

TRiumphator

This interview with Tena was conducted by metal monster for issue #19

Hello
Yes?

Is this the fat guy?
Yeah, of course.

You’re a big fat slob, and I think it’s great that there are still bands like Triumphator.
Excellent

Didn’t you go by the name Deathfucker?
Yeah.

Now you go by the girlish Tena?
Exactly

You do realize that Tena is a girl’s name?
No!

Do you consider yourself the Dom Deluise of black metal?
What?!

Do you consider yourself the Dom Deluise of black metal?
I don’t know who he is.

He is a famous fat American comedic actor.
Well, I don’t know who he is.

You bear an uncanny likeness to him.
OK.

According to christian law there is to be nothing in excess, gluttony is a sin. So I guess you are being true “evil” black metal by being a total fat ass.
Tena: yeah sure, but how do you stay slim in a wheelchair?

Is it hard to find a bullet belt in a 47-inch waist size?
What?

Is it hard to find a bullet belt for a 47-inch waist?
No, we have to buy two.

Seeing you in your corpse paint reminds me of a little chubby kid who faked an illness to stay home from school and amused himself by playing with mommies make up kit while she was out buying comic books and ice cream for her spoiled little Twinkie thief. Is the visual aspect of your band important to you?
Of course it is important. Why shouldn’t we use corpse paint?

A lot of the older bands have stop using it. They feel it has been done to death and they don’t use it anymore.
But not using corpse paint is dumb also.

I can see you are not addicted to Dexatrim.
I am addicted to Percocet.

I heard that you used to play guitar but as you gained more and more weight your fingers became too pudgy to accurately hit the guitar strings so you were forced to switch to bass because you needed an instrument with a wider fret board to accommodate your fat fingers. Is that true?
A least I don’t jerk off to pictures of Fenriz.

Do you have any comments on Fenriz?
I hate people who jerk off to pictures of him.

Have you ever…
I hate you.

I hate you too.
Yeah?

You have big floppy man tits.
Of course

Were you fat as a child?
I am not fat

Your not!?
No. I am big boned

Do you date fat chicks?
No.

Is the girl in your pictures your girlfriend?
Mmm hmmm

Is she blind?
What?

Don’t you think kool aid stains on the sides of your mouth render the visual effects of corpse paint silly?
What is this kool aid?

Did you know that Seth Putnam was a Jew?
Yeah. I guess he was. So what?

Does the black metal scene discriminate against the obese?
Against me?

I understand how hard it is being morbidly fat in the extreme music scene. The editor of the Grimoire is a big fat ass. He gained a lot of weight in the last year.
(laughs) I guess Bill Zebub is big boned also.

Emperor

This interview with Samoth appeared in issue #12

Thy band refers to itself as intelligent black metal. I hope that it is not too cliche for me to ask thee to explain this term.
It is an attack on people, black metal or not, who either look upon black metal as something pathetic, or black metal people who often tend to make the genre look pathetic. We want to distance ourselves from the pseudo-evil, non-musical, and non-artistic side of black metal. We demand a certain standard and insight.

The Laveyans say that Satan has been the best friend the christians ever had because he has kept them in business. Cannot the church burnings also be the best advertisement that the christians ever had?
Yes! It can! It’s obvious that christians feel they have to keep strong together after such tragic events.. Anyway, the church burning was, in my point of view, more of a statement rather than a real attempt to destroy christianity. I mean, it takes more than burning a few churches to get rid of the whole belief system.

In the past, black metal bands were ridiculing commercial death metal, but now, I hear black metal bands are cannibalizing their scene, directing criticism upon their own kind. What is thy assessment of the scene that thou hast helped to create? Dost thou think that a wrong message was sent by the forefathers when they insulted commercial death metal without making the distinction that true death metal was in no way life metal?
I think people got bored with the death metal trend, and that led to black metal getting back again with full extremity. A lot of those death metal bands got away from the real death metal concept, and certain people in the black metal scene made it an image to mock such bands, and by doing so, also making black metal more extreme. Anyway, black metal has now gotten just as popular as death metal, and has kind of topped itself with a lot of moronic bands offering nothing but bad music quality and, in many ways, an infantile attitude. I think that’s why a lot of people are getting influenced by death metal again. I think metalheads rather should stay together rather than spending unnecessary energy on putting sticks in each other’s wheels.

The extreme pride in Norse heritage inspired similar loyalties across continents. In America, a land without culture, confused people became attracted to Odinism even though they have no Scandinavian blood. Dost thou see this as weakness?
It should be natural for Scandinavian people to honor their past history, because it’s our heritage, but I feel it’s rather ridiculous when bands, let’s say, from Italy, write lyrics in ancient Norse, especially when they have such a rich cultural history themselves. Well, I guess some American people can actually link their blood to the Scandinavian heritage, as their past family might have emigrated from the north… anyway, we see a lot of stupid people claiming to be this or that, and it makes no sense.

It was rumored that Emperor could not play the Metalfest because a certain felonious church-burner was not granted a visa. I know that the reaction to thee at the Metalfest would be one of worship.
I am still not granted any visa, simply because I did not apply for one. Nothing has been straightened out, actually. We’re taking the risk of being refused to get in. The people who booked us are aware of that. Worst case scenario is that Emperor will not play because some fucker at the airport causes trouble. Yeah, it seems everybody is waiting for Emperor to arrive in the States. We feel, of course, a little pressure, because people have such great expectation. When people have great expectations, it’s easy to be disappointed. It is impossible to deliver the same atmosphere as on the CD in a live situation. We also hope for a good audience who shows that they like the music. Emperor are not in favor of the I’m-too-evil-to-headbang attitude.

Obviously, thy albums are produced with particular preferences. I am wondering why the guitar is so low in the mix, and why the instruments seem too tightly compressed. There is a feeling that there is no space between notes.
Are you referring to the Anthems album? I do not agree with you. The guitars are not that low in the mix. I do not think the Anthems production is perfect… neither are Nightside. You learn as you live. Next time we’ll definitely try to get a clearer sound with more fine balance between all instruments.

Is it true that spandex is worn on stage?
No. That was one of Kerrang’s attempts to mock us after our live appearance in London. Ihsahn had black tights on. They might have been cheesy-looking, but it was not pink spandex, as the fucker wrote.

Ancient

This interview with Aphazel appeared in issue #10. Raychelle Tiege, who was a publicist at several labels, told me that when she went to Norway, she rang the doorbell at Aphazel’s house, and he answered the door. She was shocked that he had short hair. When he realized who she was, he closed the door, put on a wig, and then answered the door again. You can ask her about those details.

Hast thou been called a Cradle of Filth rip-off?
Yeah. Mostly in Europe.

The table on thy album cover might have the same symbolism for over-indulgence as used by Cradle of Filth.
We really didn’t have Cradle of Filth in mind when we took the photo. When I look at it now, it looks kind of similar.

The vocals of the female also mirror those of Cradle of Filth.
That, I can’t really comment on too much. I, myself, am not really a big fan of Cradle of Filth.

Thou art the one who has short hair and wore a wig out of shame.
I don’t care if people… if that’s the worst thing that they can say about the band, then that’s cool.

There was a singer, Kim, on thy last album.
Yeah. We kicked her out of the band.

Someone alleges that wherever she sleeps, she leaves with more that she had.
I am not surprised to hear that. She’s really… what’s the word… conceited. She stole money from Metal Blade, and she stole money from us. I’ve heard that she’s stealing from everybody. I lent her money for a keyboard. She didn’t pay back the whole amount.

I heard that she was thrown out because she had an affair with Hellhammer from Mayhem while she was dating John McEntee from Incantation.
It was way before she even started to go over to Norway, I think.

Did she show any member of Ancient a bit of loving?
No.

She didn’t get the job that way?
No. I met her at a festival in Tennessee.

Wert thou wearing a wig at the time?
No.

There is, on the back of thy CD booklet something that looks suspiciously like a King Diamond symbol.
Yeah. That’s exactly the same one that King Diamond uses.

Dost thou make snowmen?
No.

Does Kalaphus write songs about snowfall in the Amazon rain forest?
Not that I’m aware of.

When Euronymous was killed, what was Ancient doing at the time?
We were getting ready to release the first album.

Wouldst thou agree that there are a lot of bands riding that trend?
Oh yeah. There’s more and more black metal bands all the time because they see that as an easy way to get recognition.

If thou were Superman, would originality be thy kryptonite?
What’s kryptonite?

Thou never heard of Superman?
Yeah, but we want to do something original, and I think we pretty much have done it on the album in a lot of ways.

Mortiis

This interview with Mortiis was in issue #9

I would like to address the rumor that thou art living in Sweden to run away from the imprisoned members of Emperor.
Which is crap. I moved to Sweden in January ‘94 because I had a girlfriend in Sweden, and the police was getting on my nerves. The school was going to was fucking me over at the time. My parents went hysterical because of the murder, and I felt like Norway’s just a stupid fuckin’ place to live.

Didn’t thou testify in court against one of those people?
No.

Is it true that black metal is in no way more popular in Sweden and Norway then death metal?
That’s a matter of trends. I think, for a period of time, black metal was really hyped. Certain bands are extremely popular. You’ve got Emperor. Burzum is still very popular. I don’t know if it’s more popular than death metal because I don’t know what you define death metal as. If you define Entombed as death metal, then the answer is no. They obviously do sell a lot more, and so does Carcass. So does Morbid Angel.

Thou apparently called Moonspell niggers.
Did I?

Yes. Canst thou explain this?
They’re from Portugal. I think once… this is, like, three years ago, I was in a very destructive mood. It was in like a Twilight Zone. I didn’t even know what I was doing or whatever, and I saw this interview in a Hungarian magazine which I do not recall the name of – that doesn’t even matter. They interviewed somebody from Moonspell, and this is like three or four weeks after Euronymous is dead and Grishnak was in jail, and he was starting to open his mouth and just slagging these people off. I said, “OK, You could have done this, like, a year and a half ago, when these people had a chance to defend themselves” and felt like, “What a fuckin’ coward!” and I just wrote him this letter. I’m not sure if I called him a nigger, but if I did, that was just to fuck him off, you know, to piss him off. I’m not a racist. Really. I just wanted to give these people a chance.

Is there a problem with black people in Sweden – something about the unemployment system there? There is a feeling from Swedish patriots that black people are abusing the unemployment program.
Well, I don’t really know. I know that Sweden has a strange moral when it comes to, shall we say, colored people. They seem to get a lot more advantages than the normal unemployed Swedish person, which I think is fucked up, because, I mean, this is Sweden, and they should prioritize their own people. I don’t mind them letting black people or foreigners coming in here. I don’t mind, as long as they don’t do any harm, but I think it’s kind of weird. They get a lot of advantages. They get money much easier. They get more money. They get things easily. A normal Swedish man has to fight a lot to get something from the welfare system. I know that. I’ve been trying.

Wert thou on a label called H.R. Puff & Stuff Records?
Ah, no. That doesn’t sound very familiar.

That was a joke. There was a television show that had a character called Witchy Poo.
(Laughs) Well, I am a stupid man. I don’t know anything about that.

That was a cultural question. I doubt that thou has ever seen the show over there.
(laughs) No. I don’t think so. (laughs) Witchy Poo.

Thy appearance is very bizarre.
Yes.

How didst thou conceive it? Was it at the same time that thou decided to compose the sort of music thou plays today?
Yeah. It came kind of naturally. We were doing some photo sessions, and I had been thinking about doing something special. I just wanted something extra. It kind of helps me write. My spirit looks like something in the Mortiis vein.

Dost thou get offended when people say thou looks like a fairie?
Ah (laughs), that is nothing new to me. I’ve heard… you name it, you’ve got it.

But thou looks like a fairie in the true sense of the word. Instead of a gay man, thou appearth to be a woodland spirit.
Yeah, well, that’s a compliment to me. I’m into that kind of stuff.

In Emperor, how much of an influence didst thou have in the songwriting?
(Sighs) That was so-so. I gave them some ideas, and if something sucked, I told them. We kind of did the songwriting together. They made a riff, and we arranged when we rehearsed. The main thing I did in Emperor was I did the lyrics. I did most of the interviews. I was kind of like a spokesman. I dare say that I was. That’s basically it.

Was there anything about Faust that made thee think that he was unstable?
I don’t think he was unstable in any way. I just think he was extreme. I don’t know if he still is. I haven’t had any contact with him for quite some time. He did extreme things. I don’t care.

Wouldst thou say that the evil personality attributed to the members of Emperor was created by the record label, or did the people act in ways that can be called evil?
We did have periods when we were like (sighs) how should I say? We were dark-minded, and I think the record label noticed this and I suppose they acted on the freshly born black metal explosion back then, in ‘92. They probably did some propaganda which was overblown. Like, for example, they said when the mini LP came out, that it was the most evil record in the world That’s just bullshit. There’s nothing eve remotely that should be called evil.

I had the feeling that the personality of the band was just a media creation. At the time, the publicist at Century Media said that there was no possibility of a phone interview, so questions had to be faxed. When I sent her my joke questions, she said that there was no way that she was going to fax them, because the members of Emperor would kill her.
(Laughs) That was Raychele.

I printed the questions anyway.
Hilarious.

I was disgusted with the lies of black metal.
They have also. From the impression that I got, Faust has become easier to deal with. I don’t know when you did this interview. They might have been angered if this was three years ago. Even I would have been. I don’t really like to speak on their behalf, which I hope you can respect. I don’t think they would kill her. (laughs)

Of course I wanted to get the band mad. That’s what I am known for.
We have copies here. I recognized the name as I was calling you.

In one of thy pictures, it looks like thou art wearing a long black nightgown.
That’s your imagination, isn’t it? It goes down to the knee. It’s not a nightgown, which I can guarantee. It looks a lot longer than it really is. I can kind of agree that it might look like a nightgown. I don’t really care. I mean, I know what it really is. Why should I be angered?

Dost thou wear inverted crosses?
I never did. I never do.

So thou art not an upside-down-cross dresser?
(laughs) No!

Didst thou pose naked for a poster?
Yes, but it didn’t show any genital organs or anything like that. It’s a poster for the Vond LP. It’s me and my former girlfriend in a bathroom with a lot of blood, knives, hammers – it’s a torture kind of crazy scene. I’m holding a knife to her head. It’s mostly for shock effect.

Dost thou think that the Gothic crowd embraces thee more than the metal crowd?
I don’t know. In America, it seems a lot more Goth people like my music than metal people.
How dost thou feel about the trendy people in other countries playing the Scandinavian rhythms?
I hate that! I was there, creating this black metal explosion thing. We didn’t even call our music black metal when we started. Just make a note of that.

There are bands in corpse paint, with members who have short hair.
That looks stupid. I hate these people. What they do is disgusting.

Mortuary Drape – Mourn Path (Shivadarshana)

If an imbecile sat by the window of a cellar where a pathetic band were practicing and overheard the occasional “No, let’s not use this riff. It’s too weak, gay, and corny, even for our puny homosexual rock group” and decided that those riffs were available for anyone to use, this album would be the result. The music is a true test of how untalented a band can be and still get an album contract if they call themselves black metal If I see the band live, I will throw rotten fruit at them.

Enslaved

Interview with Ivar, appeared in issue #22

I first heard thy band on a horrible split album with Emperor. Art thou still friends with them, or hast thou become disgusted with their homosexual tendencies?
Yes, that split really sucks! It still angers my primitive Viking brain how it turned out! We specifically asked that it should be released as a banana-split, paying homage to the great tradition of fancy and imaginative desserts in the Norse Viking culture, not as a goddamn split-Cd with those over-sexed she-males who ironically called themselves Emperor. I think it should be more like Empress of Emotionally Fragile Pussy-Music. I have tried to tell them this, but neither threats of homosexual orgies seems to help convincing them. I even brought Samoth and Trym some exclusive fruits wearing my finest lingerie, but they wouldn’t budge. They even had the guts to suggest that we should change our name. They thought Submissive Sluts to the Sexy Emperors would fit us better than simply Enslaved. I will have my revenge! Some time I will pull Samoth by his hair and testicles and tell him that he has become an unattractive old fart in the passing of time. Now if that isn’t blood-vengeance, then I don’t know what is! And I think it is time to tell Ihsahn he is really the brown lizard, not the black wizard. But it will break his heart to hear this from us…

Is Bard thy Faust-er Father?
He might be. My family relations are somewhat alternative… my claimed father being a transsexual Polish miner, and my alleged mother is a priest in the 14th Church of Regarding Jesus Christ As the First True Agitator for Urine and Mint Sex. You can imagine how Christmas was like in our home. My mother and her friends pissing all over the place, while my father and his friends were digging holes through our floors on acid, trying to find gold and Wunderbaum-trees in the ground beneath us. I, of course, soon began my escape from reality by making Viking Metal. It all started out with me blowing up different electronic devices my father had stolen from the mining company’s recreational room, and I realized how the different devices sounded when they were blown up. I was especially intrigued by the effect from blowing up guitars, pedals, amplifiers and similar devices. Some day I got the insane idea of trying to do other things with these electronic devices. I got the idea from a hobby-column in a magazine for suicidal gay miners and men working in hotels, and I discovered playing. So I guess we could sum it up by saying that Bard Faust has had a great impact on my upbringing, yes.

I have not heard thy band since throwing that split into the garbage. I have been told that Enslaved have become one of the best Viking Metal bands around. But I have a feeling that if this were true, nonetheless thy forthcoming album will be somewhat gay and commercial, disappointing even thy loyal followers. If I am wrong about this, feel free to correct me. But otherwise thou must praise me as the Oracle of metal.
I guess I would have to praise you for eternity. The new stuff is a collection of commercial and cunningly calculated crap that is meant only as a means to give us money for buying sex from performers of true metal. There’s some pretty nice working girls in that Swedish outfit HammerFall. I think they would like being depraved and tied up by some strong Viking cavemen! The true metal scene is really a fine selection of hot girls, with their tasty clothes, sexy make up, and wet look in their eyes. On this new album we do our best to copy their success, and we have removed all signs of originality, honesty, and heterosexuality from our music. It sucks, but it will make us rich.

Wert thou not signed to an extremely homosexual French label? I am curious how Enslaved came to Necropolis, especially since some of Paul’s beloved Scandinavians have turned against him.
Homosexual is just the beginning of it. Osmose is still our label, though, despite their extreme and outrageous degree of homosexuality. The deal is that we have Necropolis releasing it under license in the U.S. Obviously Osmose Productions in the U.S. didn’t work out at all, and we had some sexual differences. Now we have two homosexual labels, and the possibility for an music industrial threesome is finally possible! I don’t know what happened with Paul and his Scandinavian friends, but Paul has a reputations for sleeping in more than one bed. He’s a kinky Englishman, he is.

Is it true that Paul and thee kissed, just to see what it was like?
Yes and no. We wanted to, but Grutle caught us just as we wanted to. But since Paul had promised Grutle his virginity flower, it ended up in a sad fight, and I think, jealousy that Grutle experienced after this, has really been a challenge in our cooperation with Necropolis. But someday maybe all three of us can go out and have some sexy drinks together.

I think it is funny that a black metal band is called “Enslaved” since black people were slaves. But then, blacks are making slaves of world governments by making it impossible to say anything negative about the nigger subculture. Is that what black metal is doing too?
That is very possible, but at the same time maybe not the case. I think rap sucks and that it is killing what common sense is left in young people. Singing about their bullshit cash-flow, stupid girlfriends, and shooting at their friends doesn’t really impress me. Neither does the culture of white trash. I think Britney Spears, Ronan Keeting and the rest of the bimbos, idiots, whores, and degenerates of modern culture should be expelled and put on an island. They should all be given weapons, and hopefully the problem would solve itself through a series of groovy rap shoot-outs.

Are there any acts of violence that have made Enslaved famous in the black metal scene? Surely there must be at least an unwelcome pinch in thy history…
There has been some punched noses and kicked some skull, but no time spent in jail or being convicted of anything. Violence not called for could send us to jail, and the band doesn’t need that. And yes, once we forced Udo Dirkschneider into sex. We said, “Squeal like a pig, Udo-baby!” And he really did! He sang “Balls to the Wall” all night. I think he liked it, because last week we received some used, brown/ yellow underwear from his label. It was these he weared for the entire recording of his debut album!

Different countries have different sports. England has Rigby, India has Cricket… and so on. King Diamond was a soccer player. That shows that it is not too rare for famous musicians to be athletes. I heard that in thy land there is a sport of “Pocket Pool” and that thou art a champion. Didst thou find it exciting not only to play “home” games because of the obvious advantage, but also to play the “away” games?
Of course the “away” games are more exiting, and more challenging. But the most exciting was always the team-games, where teams would consist of two and two player on the same “field”. A very inspiring team effort. But unfortunately my career ended abruptly, or was it while listening to Abruptum… I really can’t remember, as my opponent once used a very forbidden and dangerous tool of sabotage. My opponent was into the unbelievably homosexual culture of Goth, so long sharp nails found their way through the fabrics and seriously injured my “sports equipment.”

More than a few black metal bands have recently adopted death metal vocals. Why is this happening?
I think it is because of radiation from an inviable planet near us. Or, it could be because black metal has gone somewhat soft over the years and sometimes commercial, and true fans of extremity, including musicians, are seeking alternative expressions of hatred, brutality, and extremity. But that sounds very unlikely. The first theory is probably closer to the truth.

Has anything ever happened that almost ended thy band?
After “Blodhemn” was released and after a tour in the U.S. in March 1999, there were such strong signs of fatigue and loss of inspiration that I seriously considered packing in and staying out of music for some years. But luckily the other and very gay/ girlish members of my band convinced me that I should rather take a homosexual break for some months and then give it a new try. I did so, and voila!.. French homosexual expression meaning “right on, motherfucker” and sometime “I wear women’s underwear”… inspiration came back. It wasn’t really close to an absolute end, but that’s about as close as we have ever gotten.

George from Cannibal Corpse has a very thick neck. What does that say about him?
He’s probably a girl trapped in a man’s body, and he likes funk from the ‘70s. He could be into beach volleyball for people with an East European accent, or he could be headbanging all the time, since they are constantly playing live.

Is Cannibal Corpse a “life metal” band according to thee, or didst thou never subscribe to that marketing strategy?
No, we rather call it “Groovy Sex Metal”. It is really good, and no, the “life / death/ black” categories never really made it into our vocabulary. Too bad really… maybe we could be rich now instead of being poor miners like my hallucinating father, if we would have adapted this great tool of musical distinction.

Would it not be wise to wear peanut butter instead of corpsepaint?
We art not black metal, since we rather believe in the mythology of our good-looking ancestors rather than a horny goat with gender identity problems. But I will give you this: if we were black metal, we would definitely be wearing peanut butter and matching underwear! When you told me this great and useful information, after all, you really seem to be the Metal Oracle.

Dark Funeral

This interview with Lord Ahriman was conducted bu Bill Zebub for issue #23 of The Grimoire of Exalted Deeds magazine, while Magnus was still the vocalist.

I met thy singer when he visited the States. Did he accidentally swallow the magic seeds from Jack and the beanstalk? His head almost reaches the ceiling.
Yeah, he’s a huge tall madman like the rest of us! We have grown up on Swedish beer and snus… Swedish tobacco. Therefore we are as tall as we are. You’d better watch your ass dude! We’re coming to get you…

Thy singer once sang for Hypocrisy. That means that he had a death metal voice. What happened to him? Was there a change in his sexual preference to make him sing in gay black metal vocals, or was his throat not strong enough anymore?
Once upon a time he, unfortunately, he met you in a dream and got really frightened by your homosexual instincts. After that, his voice changed drastically. And when I heard about what happened to him I took the opportunity to ask him if he wanted to sing in Dark Funeral. He accepted the invitation and have ever since been doing the vocals and bass for us.

I was wondering if Dark Funeral will follow the example of other black metal bands that are now changing to death metal.
Absolutely not! We will continue in the same vein and built our own success.

Is it true that thou art touring with Witchery? I heard that both bands will play nothing but cover songs.
It’s kind of funny you mention this. It’s not the first time I hear about this rumor. Well, not that we will only play cover tunes, but that we have tour plans together with Witchery. I wonder where it comes from. At this point of time we have no plans to tour with them, but one can never tell what the future holds…

Thou recorded thy interpretation of a King Diamond song. I think it’s great that thou hast chosen to have the falsetto parts sung by an actual woman. Was that an artistic decision, or was it because no man in the band can sing falsetto?
Yeah, it was a pure artistic decision. Since the lyric include a few different characters and are based on a true story, we decided to make it like a theatre thing. You know? So the lines with female vocals are the words said by the supposed witch, Jeanne Dibasson. The black metal vocals and the deep dark vocals is sung as different moods for the head investigator of the christian burning court, Nicholas de la Reymie.

Was that women an ugly beast? She sounds like a real bitch. I would hate to hear her nag me.
Oh boy, if you ever get the chance to meet her I’m sure your small, almost invisible dick would finally grow and get a normal size. Whether that’s good for you or not is another question. We actually told her to sing like she was being hurled into everlasting torment in the abyss of fire. Therefore she might sounds like a bitch in your ears. She acted the role for the supposed witch anyway..

Thou are quite the King Diamond fan. What are some goodies that are in thy Mercyful Fate collection that would make me jealous?
It’s true that I’m quite a King Diamond fan, but unfortunately I don’t have much goodies to impress you with. I have all the studio albums, a couple of 12” vinyl’s, a couple of picture LP’s, a few signed and unsigned posters, and that’s pretty much it. I’m would guess your collection would impress me more then mine impress you.

Americans can’t stand the thought of reading. Is Swedish culture different? I want to move to a nation that embraces language instead of bastardizing it with nigger talk.
Well, in this matter Sweden is like any other country. We use slang over here as well, maybe not as much as in the States, but it’s still a pretty common thing. Our country is much older then U.S. Therefore we might treat our language a bit different, with more honor, but we still use slang.

Do Swedish niggers destroy thy language, or is it true that all the niggers in Sweden speak English?
Some speak English, some perfect Swedish, and some speak ashmed, like we use to say. It’s the worse dialect of Swedish one can ever imagine!!!

Has the N.A.A.C.P. helped thy band because thou art black metal?
What’s the N.A.A.C.P.?

It’s an organization that makes Hollywood do stupid things like casting niggers in the role of Santa Claus. Didst thou ever practice guitar immediately after masturbating?
No, but I use to practice guitar before I’m masturbating. It’s like a reward I give to myself when I’ve been a good boy, practicing guitar.

Is thy masturbation an elaborate project, requiring lengthy preparation?
No, by my age. I’m quite skilled, so I get it done pretty fast. How about you? Oh sorry, might be a dumb question to ask a impotent fag like you!

Which, if any, is thy favorite Grimoire Girl?
Billzebubba! Can´t you show us your fat American gay ass in the next issue? Would be great as a front cover pic!!!!

I am not an American, sweety. In America, statistics show that fewer and fewer men are entering priesthood. Is christianity in Sweden also on the decline?
Yeah it’s pretty much the same over here. Also one important fact is that the Swedish state church was recently departed from the government’s reign. So nowadays it’s considered just as any other free religious organization. The past few years the church has lost many of their followers as well. I guess people finally start to figure out what a big hoax the christian movement really is. Meanwhile, the priests are complaining that people are loosing their faith. Ha, I would say that finally people start to believe in themself instead of submitting themself. Although the christian movement have still too many followers, but I see a great future for the Satanic movement.

There will always be very stupid people comprising the masses. What dost thou think would replace religion among the human cattle that make a misery of our existence?
To me, the left hand path is the one and only way to walk. I’m a Satanist and I’m convinced that my, the Satanic way, is what make you a superior individual.

If thou wert a cow, would thy favorite band be Moo-cyful Fate?
Since you’re a gay, I understand your favorite mag must be The Gaymoire Of Fagmelted Seeds.

On a scale from 1-10, how absolutely homosexual is Mayhem?
What is Mayhem? Is what Mayhem? How is Mayhem, by the way? Why Mayhem? Is Mayhem a gay porno mag? Why? .Why? I don’t understand all of this, uh?

Dude, leave the jokes up to me, and you just concentrate on being who you are. Thou art employed at No Fashion Records. Is that why thou art signed to that label?
No. We signed to the label before I was offered this job. The thing was, they needed someone with good experience and connection to the underground metal scene, and since we were signed to the label, had good relationship, they knew I was deeply involved in the undergrounds movement so they offered me a job.

Dost thou give Dark Funeral any special promotion because of thy exalted position?
Not really, but since we are the biggest band on the label we get some kind of priority I guess…

Our biggest disagreement is that I claim to be thy master, and thou proclaim masterhood over me. Art thou content for this to be an eternal argument, or wilt thou one day make our antipathy deadly?
I am the ineffable king of darkness and you will never be able to rule over me. Just get that into your gray cheesy cells man! I will continue to treat you as my slave as long as I live. Like it or not, but you are under my eternal command!

I would like thee and thy singer to sing a song for my next CD compilation. Couldst thou change the lyrics of Madonna’s “Like a Virgin” to be about me, and have it delivered by the end of the month?
It’s indeed a great offer, but unfortunately we are too busy with our own important activities right now. Maybe one day we’ll get some time over we’ll do this cover song for and about you.

Cosmic Putrefaction – The Horizons Towards Which Splendour Withers

This is an enjoyable venture into atmosphere. The songs are like soundtracks to strangeness instead of being songs per se. Yes, they are songs, but the structure and timing produce a mood, often unsettling, like being affected by a horror movie.

Yes, there is brutality, a distinctly heavy guitar sound, and death metal sort of rasping vocals, but the effect is more than just heaviness.

I’ve heard the album many times, and each new listening session produced more discovery, so if you want to invest in an album that will unfold in this manner, I recommend it.

The Horizons Towards Which Splendour Withers