Interview with Phil Fasciana conducted by Bill Zebub for Issue #16 of the Grimoire of Exalted Deeds magazine.
Before you read this interview, you must understand that this was conducted during a time when metal people were metal. The fagginess of the younger metalheads who were brainwashed in school has completely stripped them of anything even remotely resembling the metal attitude, so these gaylords are triggered by words, reacting in fear and faggy outrage.
Intelligent and well-socialized people focus on the real context of the conversation.
In case you are a fake metalhead, be warned that the following interview was made in the real metal attitude. It’s a conversation between two metal personalities who were having a lot of fun. please don’t let your brainwashing misinterpret this conversation. And if you’re faggy, please don’t ever listen to metal. Don’t bastardize this last bastion of truth.
I hope thy sense of humor is with thee today.
You know Tim from Revenant?
He lives down here now… and he told me to say, “What’s up?” to ya.’ He’s in my other band called Hateplow. You gotta wait til you hear this shit, dude. Pavement just signed us too.
Ask him to show thee my movie. He is in it. He told me about how much friendlier the women are in Florida, toward long-hairs anyway.
He’s having a good time.
The girls here call him “Tiny rim.’ But we shall not delve further.
When thy former vocalist was expelled was it done in a cruel way? I heard that thou art friends again.
Oh yeah. We’re friends and shit. At first it was a little fuckin’ screwy. But, I mean, we had to do it then. The kid was a fuckin’ mess. He wasn’t into it. His voice was fuckin’ shot. It woulda sucked ’cause I didn’t want to put out another album that sounded like Stillborn. Man! Was his voice shot! He had his mind on other things, and it wasn’t music.
In regard to the techno re-mixes, did anyone ever ask thee, “What kind of fag art thou?’
No. Not really, man. All I’ve been hearing is good things about it. People usually just hate my band anyway. They’re like, “Well, that I can handle. But the vocals on the other shit is just too much! I can’t take it!’ There’s a couple of my friends that laughed at first. That kind of music is popular. I had nothing to do with it. The guy that re-mixed them just did it on his own. We had no say in anything. We just said, “Sure man. Re-mix it. Then let us hear. If it sounds gay, then fuck it.” We thought it was pretty cool, man. If people don’t like it, fuck ’em!
Dost thou listen to Stryper?
Yeah, right! Do you?
I do not. But Dan Swano is convinced that everyone In death metal should just be brave and admit to listening t Stryper.
I can be honest with you. I don’t have any of their albums. (laughs) Wait… Do you want to hear the truth?
I’ll be honest. I did see them live once. I swear to God, dude. When I was fuckin very young, man, and I still lived in Buffalo, man, I ended up going. They were playing with Loudness or something. And I went with my two friends, and dude, to make matters worse, I’m sitting by the back bar just drinking a fuckin’ Coke, man, and fuckin’ they’re whippin’ Bibles out into the audience, and sure as shit, I stick my hand up and caught one!
I swear, dude! It was one of those little Bibles, you know, the size of your hand. My one friend, he’s all into them and shit, I gave It to him. He’s like, ‘It’s a sign!’ (laughs) I was like, “It’s all right, dude. I gonna go to hell anyway.
I cannot believe that Dan Swano was correct.
(laughs) He was right! None of my friends were really into them or anything. I did see ‘em live. I can’t even believe it. Now that you said that, I remembered it.
Dost thou have a story to tell about Jay and a fat girl?
Jay and a fat girl?
I heard that thou art fond of talking about lay’s fat girl stories.
The thing is, I can’t say anything like that because. . . there’s been a lot of fat girls. But I just don’t want this to get back to… he’s pretty serious with some girl right now.
Is she tremendous?
Tremendous? Well, it’s his girlfriend, and I don’t think I should be saying anything about anything right now like that. Believe me, me and you in person. . . we can talk. I can tell you some shit, man, that you will never believe. I can even show you pictures of things. I just can’t be doin’ that right now.
Dost thou consider fat girls to be one of the plagues of being a musician?
No, man. A fat girl is just more of woman to love. But I don’t really prefer fat girls.
Hast thou ever told any of the member of the band, “This is my new Girlfriend. She’s a little big. ‘
Of course, man. It depends on how much we’ve been partying. There’s always been lot of fat chicks known to be on the bus, or wherever we’re at.
Dost thou consider thy nose structure to contribute to unusual booger sizes?
Yeah. Probably. . . those little ether boogers. You can ask Tim about that.
Let us address thy love of golf.
Oh yeah! I just fuckin’ went yesterday and I went this mornin.’ But, yeah man. I’m a golf freak, dude.
I have heard that many business deals are made on the golf course. Is that where thou negotiated thy contract with Pavement Records?
I wish. No. Not those kinda deals. I have some other wheeling and dealing going on on the golf course. But not record contracts.
Dost thou elicit strange looks? Thou art hardly the sort of golfer I would see on the cover of Golf Digest.
I don’t know, man. I got a lot of shady-lookin’ friends that go with me. So, I probably look kinda a little more respectable than them. I mean, ya’ gotta wear the golf shirt – the collared shirt. It covers up a lotta my tattoos. I’m just so used to golfin’ all the time that I don’t think anything like that. I mean, I hope I do freak people out. I like when people get a fuckin’ shocker.
How didst thou become a golfer?
I used to live almost on a golf course when I lived in New York. I really don’t even know how it all happened.
Dost thou hire a caddy?
No. No. No. No. Nope. No caddy. I go golfln.’ It’s just me and my buddies. Smoke some joints, get into the cart. There’s a million courses here, dude. Everybody golfs, man.
Art thou part of a country club?
Yeah. I am.
Dost thou have a friend named “Muffy?’
No, no Muffy.
I would expect that a man in a band has plenty of muffies at his disposal.
Were any of thy peers struck by lightning?
Nope. I hit a fuckin’ dude in the head, though, with a ball. I hit a few people, actually. I’m deadly, especially after a few beers. I took out a whole guy once. I thought I killed him.
Didst thou laugh when it happened?
Oh dude, I was dyin’ laughing.
How old was he?
Oh he was old, dude. He was half-dead anyways when I hit him, and I nailed him, He was driving in a cart and I still hit him. We heard it go peh-ping!
Didst thou ever suffer the cruelty of a golfball?
I got pegged right in the chest, man. It didn’t feel too good. It was a lady that did it too. She was teeing off, and she fuckin’ shanked it!
Did any band ever really piss thee off
I’ve read some interviews where bands are talkin’ shit about us. Everybody will talk shit. But they’ll never say it to your face. They live on the other side of the world. Gorefest was talking shit about us. This was when their first album was out. They were braggin’ about how brutal they were, and they’re sayin’ that we’re a thrash band and this and that… there’s no brutality about us and this and that. Listen to them now. They’re fuckin rock ‘n roll!
Hast thou ever pissed a band off?
I might’ve. I don’t know.
Thou art not aware of any current hostility?
Why? Are you?
Dost thou remember having a band invite thee into Utah, where thou hast blown them off after having arrived?
This is thy life. . . for the grand prize, what is the name of the band?
I can’t remember the name of the band. I know what it was. They wanted us to play at some fuckin’ party, or I think it was. I just seen the equipment and I was like, “I ain’t playin’ through that! No fuckin’ way!”
Didst thou ever have a rock star attitude?
No. The only thing that I can think of is that it – might have been a bad day or something like that for our whole band, because usually everybody in my whole fuckin’ band is really fuckin’ cool. If they weren’t, they wouldn’t be in the band. All the guys in my band always hang out and party with everybody. I don’t know. Sometimes shit don’t go right. Once you’re in a bad mood, you’re in a bad mood. There’s nothing you can do about it. I’m sorry. Not every day is a good day.
Maybe I shall arrange for the two of thee to have dinner at the expense of the Grimoire.
Alright. Cool! That part of the States, Utah, is fuckin’ desolate! I could never live there, man!
Thou art not a nature-lover?
I’m into nature. But I’m into lookin’ at good nature. I didn’t see anything I liked there.
Canst thou not delve into thy inner mysteries on those mountaintops?
Nope. All they’re good for is stashing fuckin’ bodies.
Mortal, that is the only controversy, beside the fellow with the unusual penis size who is a member of thy other band.
Wait ’til you hear that fuckin’ tape, man! You’ll freak, dude! It is as brutal as fuckin’ shit! It is heavy. I think it’s a release for September.
No other controversy, bad boy?
We got problems, it’s even bad down here, man… people fuckin’ carvin’ into our warehouse walls, “Die Nazi!’ You’ve heard that song, ‘They Breed,’ right?
The last line of the song says, “Always wanting, always taking what was never yours. Someday you will feet the hate, you fuckin’ niggers!”
(laughter) It surprises me that thou are labelled a Nazi.
A lot of people panicked. They sent discs back to Pavement with a swastika in the circle slashed. There’s an ad on the Internet that says we’re Nazis. It’s a fuckin’ joke. I mean, I don’t think we can be Nazis. I’ve got a Polak, a Jew… we’re pretty multi- racial. But just to clear that up, we’re not racist.
So, why the word “Nigger?’
Well, the song is about scumbags. I call everybody nigger. You know what I mean? When my friends call me, they’re like, “Hey nigger!’ The word’s funny.
So when thy mommy wakes thee up in the morning, dost thou say, “Hello nigger?-“
No. I don’t live with my mom.
That is not what I heard, nigger.
It’s just a fuckin’ word. I don’t get offended when people call me “cracker.” Niggers call each other niggers. I’ve had black people come up to me on tour and say that’s the best fuckin’ song on the album! The word “nigger,’ when you look in the dictionary, it doesn’t say “a black person.”
Dost thou not feel that it could be upsetting for a Caucasian to use that word?
Not really. It’s only a fuckin’ word. Ya’ gotta be able to get over something like that. It’s not that fuckin’ bad. I could sit there and call my guitar player ‘fuckin’ Jew’ all day long. He’ll fuckin’ laugh at me and start calling me names. It doesn’t affect me. I know black people that I hang out with… I call them “nigger.” They know I’m only being sarcastic. Some people freak out on it. Other people couldn’t give a rat’s ass about it.
I will bet that it is the white race that has freaked about it.
That’s mostly who’s been freakin’ out!
Why? How can someone be offended for another race? Is not false righteousness the highest evil?
Maybe they wanna be black. I don’t know. It’s weird for people to fuckin’ say that. We did this album in a pretty black part of town. When we did it, man, we could look out the window and see crack dealers. We’re like, “‘Open the door for a minute.’ We opened the door and ‘just cranked it up! It Was fuckin nuts!