Jailhouse Wardress

There is another version of the cover art that has a swastika in the upper right corner. I find it silly that such censorship exists, especially because this is a nazisploition movie. Imagine if there was something called KKKsploitation, and how it would not be allowed for the villains to wear their robes.

I wanted to buy an Ilsa shirt but I didn’t want the hassle of wearing art that had a swastika because I get into enough ridiculous situations wearing other kinds of shirts. Well, I do regret not buying a shirt because I could wear it at horror conventions. People would either understand, or they could be told about the Ilsa movies.

Not having a swastika in a nazisploitation movie is like making a rape/revenge movie without any rape scenes.

I suppose this censorship occurred before all of the hatred of Israel became mainstream after the attack by Hammas. If you have sex with a terrorist, then you are a hammas-sexual.

Nazisploitation movies do not glorify the Nazis. The simple formula in many such movies is a lot of sexual torture and degradation, and then the tables are turned and the movies end in comeuppance.

Getting back to the mainstream hatred of Jews, I am in shock that such a thing is happening. The stories of concentration camps were told so that the world doesn’t forget, presumably so that it could never happen again, but something changed in current society that seemingly rewards condemnation of a minority. But I should not be surprised. You see, I laugh when I hear “You should know history because if you don’t, it will repeat.” (Or any variation of that cliche). That’s like a Hallmark card. The words seem nice until you think about them. Human history always repeats. It will stop repeating only if we change as lifeforms. No matter what kind of facade we don, we are all the same and will repeat bad behavior of the past.

Let me write this review as if the recent events had not happened. I would have led with a brief description of what nazisploitation is in case a reader might not know that there is such a subcategory of movies.

The rape and sexual torture aspect of nazisploitation seems tame compared to what was done to people in Israel. If you heard the stories, then you will think that what happens in nazisploitation is tame by comparison. A part of me wonders if those recent events could become a new subcategory of movie. There is footage of those acts, so maybe…

I am referring to the brutal rapes and sexual torture against people in Israel that for some reason isn’t causing any alarm. What happened to the assholes in the “pound me too” movement? (#metoo).

Getting back to the movie; it strays a bit from the basic formula. We still see sex, but the plot is very different from the usual fare. I don’t like to spoil surprises. The story should unfold as you watch a movie. My job is to reveal other things.

I had not heard of this title before, so it was a nice surprise.

The situation of the women is not like in the more harsh offerings in this category of film, but I am in love with a few of the characters. One woman has perfect breasts, so perfect that I doubted my eyes. No, they are not implants. I despise implants, both in movies and in real life. The breasts of the actress are so astounding that I almost want to see if she is still alive and then beg her to marry me, even if she is elderly, and even if she is married already. In fact, you should get this movie just to see her breasts. If I saw a hint of them before purchasing the movie, and the price was $100, I would pay it.

The production value is not as slick as other such films, but this adds a certain charm. The aforementioned breasts were so awe-inspiring that I wouldn’t doubt that most of the budget was given to the actress out of reverence. Of course, I am joking, but the movie could have been ninety minutes of her standing topless on a garbage can in a parking lot, and I would have considered the movie to be a masterpiece.

Nazisploitation is exploitation. No, that is not a bad word. Exploitation movies show women as you would want to see them, well, in fantasy. Your daydreams probably don’t involve seeing an attractive woman and asking her to explain bookkeeping to you.

Perhaps exploitation is frowned upon, but usually only if the whiner has an audience, or if the person complaining is repressed and therefore suffering a pathological condition. It is he who is sick, not you. How could anyone not want to see breasts or shapely legs, or me in a bathing suit?

The higher forms of cinema tend to repeat cliche and to exalt humans to a status they do not deserve. Exploitation films are fun and bear no pretense. I love high-brow cinema and cannot get enough of the Czech surrealists, but I also love exploitation, and nazisploitation is often kinky. it’s like going to a carnival instead of going to a ballet. Two different pleasures, each stimulating something.

If you are an aficionado of nazisploitation, then you will undoubtedly consider “Jailhouse Wardress” to be mild and perhaps straying too far from the rules of purists, but there is no way that you will leave unsatisfied.

If you are not acquainted with the genre, you might not like the style of certain scenes because you might have been trained to expect different kind of camera work and faster pacing, and you might be shocked by seeing pubic hair.

Take a chance. See how a movie was made during a period with different mores and how they affected the boundaries and sensibilities of movies.

Think of the rapes of women in Israel and Ukraine and consider yourself fortunate that such conditions have not reached your lands, yet…

I am angry about the censorship of movies and I question the outrage that people feel about rapes in works of fiction. Where the fuck is the outrage of the rapes that are happening in real life? Yeah, go fuckin get a movie pulled from a store. A movie. You’re mad about a movie.

This review was brought to you by an intoxicated man who was eventually calmed by the perfect breasts that are in Jailhouse Wardress.

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